Think back to when you were 7 years old. You're cruising in a shopping cart under stark department store lighting, when you spot it, yes, that's right, that special G.I. Joe action figure you've seen in all the commercials. Yup, the one with all the best gadgets, coolest guns, and it even comes with that sweet-ass panzer tank-Harley Davidson crossbreed vehicle that shoots the mean looking missiles. Yes, that one. Your cheap-ass parents make you save up for weeks before you can covet this toy that's sure to complete your life. Going through the check-out is almost a religious experience. Then you get home, take it from the packaging, and holy mother of God this hunk of plastic sucks. It's flimsy, doesn't do all the crazy commando type shit that was promised, and the assembly instructions are written in some kind of extinct archaic language. The feeling of sitting through Lahmia's Into The Abyss is strikingly similar.
Review by Doc G. ››