Tracks

01. Zero
02. A Slumbering Portrait
03. The Euphoric Sense
04. Her And The Element
05. Daydream
06. Anemone
07. You, A Phantom Still
08. Gently Bleeding
09. Abiding Space
10. Patterns Of Oblivion
11. One Endless Childish Day



01. Zero

All appeared new, and strange at the first;
inexpressibly rare, delightful and beautiful.
I felt like one coming out of an upper room
to fret no more and walk abroad confirmed.
The houses shone in silence and the child in me
stepped in so deep in this unshaded place;
a fine kingdom that meant to be home.
All things were spotless, pure and alive,
free and immortal,
so I didn't want to know
what I was going to be.

All time was eternity.


02. A Slumbering Portrait

A world neverending
renounce of time at all
see children tumbling in the rain
green fabulous minds
dancing within their young lifes' walls

Look into these eyes and see
the balance of a child
dreams keep on falling and I know
there's no cause for concern
but a fathomless world outside

All time was eternity
what sacred instinct did inspire
my soul in childhood with a hope so strong?
what secret force moved my desire
to expect my joys beyond the seas so young?
(in my beginning is my end)


03. The Euphoric Sense

(Those pure and virgin apprehensions I had
from the beginning, and that warmth I felt when
I was young were the best unto this day
I knew that there is much more to...)

these days will be forever mine

...find
(... so I celebrate again...)

Now I am standing here among your faces
a new constellation
enfold me, share my confidence
awake now, you should be there at every turn
all prevalent images confirm the spirit
to search for an answer
am I worthy of recalling my deepest well
from where all waters torn off?

I'll break free
confusion will be the audience of my existence
the euphoric sense of the flying
defines me and my inner dance

(...to seem the stranger falls my lot)
yet all your glowing eyes reflecting slumber
they long for a distance
have I seen them on the edge of dreams
or been there
I don't know whatever that means

I'll break free
confusion will be the audience of my existence
the euphoric sense of the flying
defines me and my inner dance

I see a broken (clown) man
a paralysed shape without form
the past lapping him
like a cloak of
pain

The more he vanished into the dark
the deeper I felt a serious loss in my heart
but I guess it must be the flag of my disposition
not to linger
but to follow the crowd

I'll break free
confusion will be the audience of my existence
the euphoric sense of the flying
blindfolded and turning into swans

(I didn't know that they were born or should die, but
I know that it is easy to forget what I came for
among so many who have always lived here...)


04. Her And The Element

...her voice...
but it was more than that
theatrical distances
bronze shadows heaped on high horizons
velvet atmospheres

shine - ardent beauty
your drowned face
always staring
towards the sun
flush - arcane fire
in her mind
a desire
for kindness

so it is me who walks with you
in the maze of enclasping flow
heat and sound
your life is spiraling down
showing me the mirrors of your own
you're the one...
I'm blinded by the light
...harking at the clament dirge of winds
and the waves have now a redder tone
I loose myself
and converge
her and the element

words so untainted
your mellow voice
sending me into raptures
drown - once again
take my hand
leave nothing
undone

so it is me who walks with you
in the maze of enclasping flow
heat and sound
your life is spiraling down
showing me the mirrors of your own
you're the one...
I'm blinded by the light
...harking at the clament dirge of winds
and the waves clash into cliffs

now forming sculptures of
decay

it's her and me in the element
it's me and her in the element

...her voice...
but it was more than that
theatrical distances
bronze shadows heaped on high horizons
velvet atmospheres

they come
the early morning hours
lay down with me and let it end


05. Daydream

f a l l a s l e e p:
night resonance recedes
(I regret that I have not really
understood any thing, not a single
object and that no man ever can,
the fascinating waltz of nature here
in sight of the sea taking advantage
of me to dart upon me and sting me,
because I've dared to open my mouth
to sing at all)
I nearly die of all the beauty

s l e e p : a f a l l
fragments tearing asunder,
elements of my mind
echoes lost in purple smoke
like visions in eclipse
elements tearing asunder,
fragments of my mind
visions lost in purple smoke
like echoes in eclipse

(sleep took me by the brow and laid me
back. then, down in a flood of remembrance
I remembered her sea-reflecting eyes,
the eyes-reflecting sea and all the
resounding things in between.
I tryed to listen in awe but...
for a moment, like a wavering spark,
BLOOD
her face laid there before my breast,
pale love lost in the winds of september
guarded by glittering tears and lips apart
with dumb cries...
TEARS
a supreme moment, like an indolent sigh,
a memorized experience of tomorrow?
or just a dark figment of my imagination?
I'm unsure.
..sane, but in a way dimorphously risking
absurdity I looked into the mirrors, again
and again, caught as in a nightmare,
or did they look on me?
I don't know but that's rather ominous,
something happened...
in her looking-glass my lips part as though
I wanted to speak
a strange labyrinth, ways on all sides,
but how shall I turn?
seasons changed with my confidence...
...a fine wind blew the new direction of time
time, that is watching from the shadows
SHADOWS
I wonder who I am.
I don't know and swoon away with consternation
clatter in my ears and a face in my mind
that puts a blame on me
I don't understand, loosing myself again
nevertheless I can't let this fall into oblivion...
a deep breath and that vast hunger for
everything beyond us
help me to follow you, a phantom still
I walk on, as if out of my own young life,
as if escaping into another dream,
another life, another me
I seem to drift away like the waters
and I don't know what I am going to be)

do what we will
our hasty minutes fly
and while we sleep
what do we else but die
all these joys
how short their day
they creep on towards us
but fly away

I wake to what is real and not a dream
I dream of what is real and
wake to what's no dream
I wake to what is dream and
what's not real
I dream of what is real and
wake to what is dream


06. Anemone

here I lay in the calm of night
surrounded by an infernal light
the eternal white
can't remember my yesterday
if I knew when I've gone astray
anemone
listen to the ecstatic sound
surrounded by what I finally found
your eternal ground FEAR
pristine hope and its fragrant bloom
try to show me a way out of gloom

take this time
enter the unknown
fly

so tell me why could I cry
when a clown puts on his very funny show?
dreams by pantomime
a silent magic
tell me how could I smile
when there's emptiness behind his mask?
clappers in my head
consume my heart away

(in my arms I hold the flower of the ages)
here you lay in the arms of mine, and smile
and at last I know my love for you won't hide
no one marks the tender place we're
coming from
though there is nothing else that I would like
to show them

take this time
to enter the unknown
fly

tell me why could I cry
when a clown puts on his very funny show?
silent pantomime
the make-up saddens
tell me how could I smile
when there's emptiness behind my mask?
engulfed by all behind my mask

Am I lying to myself
about being different from you? no

(they're flying
...my years, days, hours, minutes, seconds
but I can't stop this envious time)


07. You, A Phantom Still

will you ever see this blood
of children sticking in your mud?
observing their world going insane
once lost but they'll be strong
again
take the letters down
from your old bookshelf
lurking photographs
all the desperate notes
peel your own image from the mirror
sit down by my side
tell me what I've done
try to change your mind
once you've been my one
see with what simplicity we could love
wallow in memories
we stood by a pond that winter day
and a few leaves lay on the sod
they had fallen from an ash
there was no sound, just you
just you and me talking
and then four words
played between us, still whispering
let us be one
were I alone,
the world itself would be a desert to me
thorns devour
and beasts annoy
and my guilt terrify me
the earth a wilderness
and me in solitude

her:
you are alone

but most upon melancholy
because void of you
will you ever see this blood
of children sticking in your mud?
observing the dark league of the sun
once loved but now you're gone away

life and love must be more than this

we stood by a pond that winter day
and a few leaves lay on the sod
they had fallen from an ash
there was no sound, just you
just you and me dreaming
and then four words
played between us, whispering
let us be one
I don't know how the things
could end the way they did

her:
I am alone,
and now the world itself is a desert to me
thorns devour
and beasts annoy
and your guilt is justified
I'm a human wilderness in solitude
a subject unto storms
because void of you
help me

(...and I step into my heart and meet
the demon singing small
who would like to shout and whistle
in the streets and squelch the passers
flat against the wall...
'cause I'm balancing above an ocean
of expectations, fears and human stiffness
you don't feel the yearning of speech,
those patterns of my dreams,
the unseen genius of the wood or
the urgency of courageous reason
Will you ever feel?
Will I ever break the spell?
Am I alone?
I don't know... ...to seem the stranger
falls my lot, escapist of your day,
shadow of the saddest truth:
your life is an almighty lie!

love, a subject of
the mere diurnal grind
lying upon the ground
feeding upon roots
love, a subject of
our deepest fear
all things desolate
like a tragic mask)


08. Gently Bleeding

(Sleep took me...

...I'm unsure, so unsure)

now september fattens on vines
and roses flaking from the wall
here I'm holding you for the last time
and I know
all phantoms keep on passing by
why could I not feel it coming
I hide my tears behind cold hands
pale love lost in the winds of torture
see this knife still bleeding while
her pulse declines

...and light since then is a keyhole
rusting gently bleeding
this life is creaking along
but still I am seeking

I cry in praise of the lonely act
of not feeling a strange tongue
forced into my mouth
do not come before me now
do not come, visionary face
I can feel your wild confronting stare
an equilibrium that puts a blame on me

guilt burns in me
fear growls at me
I am crumbling
away

a mighty nothing darkened
the unconscious years of suppression


09. Abiding Space

(it is not my memories which haunt me
it is not what I have written down
it is what I have forgotten, what I must forget,
what I must go on forgetting all my life)

there is eternity this night, an endless light
signs from above reminding me of home and love
I hide my face amid a crowd of velvet stars
see great rings all around my head
I'm looking back
created to pretend we never die

I feel like one coming out of an upper room
to fret no more and walk abroad so confirmed

there's time in hours, in days and years
driven by the spheres
the child, the place, their warm embrace
what abiding space?
created to pretend we never die

I feel like one coming out of an upper room
to fret no more and walk abroad so confirmed
the houses shine in silence
and the child in me steps in so deep
in this unshaded place
a soul on its lonely path


10. Patterns Of Oblivion

take me down to nowhere
how long did I crawl?
daydreams fade away now
patterns of my fall
let me understand it
oblivion was my state
dumb from human blindness
did I seal your fate?

there is someone waiting for you

my ancient pulse of talents
has shrunken hard and dry
and every spirit upon earth
seems fervourless as I
so far from all the living
but finally not alone
voices from the outside
pray for coming home

there is someone waiting for you

I'm not alone
but they don't know that

these bloody days broke my heart, my loving,
my youth, my hope ...all departed from life
now I must disguise my face with a mask
of pure seclusion
feel me, I'm old now
still searching for answers
hoping that you know
my eyes behind this mask
a child goes along with me until the end
I'm longing for the past

...
a new dimension?

these bloody days
searching for answers
feel me, I'm old now, feel me

there is someone waiting for you

(peering out of my deadlight
I'm looking for another
wandering voiceless among the voices
that throng my hiddenness
at all the tragic scene they stare
and have to turn away sometimes)


11. One Endless Childish Day

my last walk along the roadway
and the pavements grey
knowing I've been here times before
I feel it in my deepest core

now I know there's something wrong with me
but how should I try to flee
the fragile man, the broken
they all are me
an interplay of time

I dare not ask for bliss
I dare not beg a smile
I'd rather die for having this
and I might grow proud the while

these are my last words
a piece of broken glass
I am still bleeding
unchain myself at last

how senseless are my wishes, yet how great!
all my life shall be drowned
drowned in one endless childish day
can't you see there's no answer anymore
so let me decay

I dare not ask for bliss
I dare not beg a smile
I'd rather die for having this
and I might grow proud the while

these are my last words
a piece of broken glass
I am still bleeding
unchain my heart at last

how senseless are my wishes, yet how great!
all my life shall be drowned
drowned in one endless childish day
can't you see there's no answer anymore
so let me decay

I know there's something wrong with me
but how should I try to flee
the fragile clown, the children
they all are me
an interplay of light

through my glass window shines the evening sun
I don't leave in remorse - the good not done,
my love not given, time torn off unused
the courage was mine
you know for all your faults I'm passing out
to merge serenity on higher clouds
I hear the noise of waters far below
please let me go

my days run and I'm drifting away
rest far away from me on my last day

this kind of feelings I know

a new beginning?
I walk on, as if out of my own old life,
as if escaping again into a younger me,
the same me?
I'm unsure.
seasons change with my confidence...
and there are ways on all sides,
but how shall I turn?
will I be fallen for the same?
I'm so unsure.

and if I were to turn down to the past,
would I see her?
and if I were to turn down to the past,
would she know me?
and if I were to turn quickly enough,
would I save her?
and if I were to turn quickly enough,
would I exist again?

this time I know what I am going to be
a traveller, lost in a recurring spiral
of my own existence
(nothing more terrible, nothing more true)

my days run and
my mind blanks at the glare
my pulse as strong as wind
that curls the flood
strange how the rain falls
falls on my hands, my face, my neck
I see myself in mud,
a naked child
all appears new,
strange at the first but also free
point zero has already been
passed before to be
I hear lake water
lapping with low sounds by the shore
all night I hear them flowing
so I must go