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The Joke Thread (the sequel)



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Original post

Posted by Introspekrieg, 26.07.2008 - 20:13
Freudian Slip
Two men are sitting next to each other on a train, both with black eyes. Naturally curious, the first man looks at the other and says,

"So, how'd you get the black eye?"

The other guy responds, "Well, it was a freudian slip."

"What's that?" the first asks

"It's when you mean to say one thing but say another that exposes what you thought." answers the second

Then the first guys waits a second and asks, "Oh. So what happened?"

"Well, i was buying my ticket for the train, and the woman at the desk had the biggest boobs i'd ever seen. So, when i meant to say 'two tickets to pittsburgh', i accidentally said 'two pickets to tittsburgh', hence the black eye."

And so the first guy responds. "You know, that's weird, something very similar happened to me. This morning, I was eating breakfast with my wife, and i meant to say "could you pass the jam", but i accidentally said, "you ruined my life you stupid whore."
16.10.2022 - 15:58
Metren
Dreadrealm
I'm creating a stage play about giants. My best friend helped make all the things on the set.

Massive props!
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My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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24.11.2022 - 20:55
Metren
Dreadrealm
People online are arguing over which of The Legend Of Zelda characters would be the most rude and where.

Link in the comments.
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My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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26.11.2022 - 15:15
JoHn Doe

“I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for those who like country music, denigrate means to ‘put down.'” – Bob Newhart
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I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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27.11.2022 - 11:09
Metren
Dreadrealm
My circle of friends was destroyed by a love triangle.

What a bunch of squares!
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My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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27.11.2022 - 19:14
Metren
Dreadrealm
If I was a character in A Quiet Place, I'd tell the monsters some jokes. I bet they'd be all ears.
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My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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14.03.2023 - 16:39
Metren
Dreadrealm
I've disrespected Dracula by forgetting his official title so many times I've lost count.

I was once arrested for pretending to be a mute. It was really confusing when they told me I have the right to remain silent.

I recently visited a small village named Owher. It's a nice place, but it is in the middle of nowhere.

My inability to focus has quadrupled over the last year. My ADHD is now AD4K.
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My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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31.05.2023 - 17:20
Metren
Dreadrealm
I was once on a date with this woman and she expressed her love for communism with a prop.

It was a huge red flag.
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My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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31.05.2023 - 18:57
nikarg

^ You crack me up, man, so witty
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31.05.2023 - 22:11
Azarath
Free as a.. Fish
Metren loves his prop jokes.

As do I, I must confess.
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31.05.2023 - 22:36
JoHn Doe

Written by Metren on 27.11.2022 at 11:09

My circle of friends was destroyed by a love triangle.

What a bunch of squares!



I've just noticed this one.
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I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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01.06.2023 - 08:40
MetalstormBANatm

Written by Metren on 31.05.2023 at 17:20

I was once on a date with this woman and she expressed her love for communism with a prop.

It was a huge red flag.

LOL, shes beloved in vietnam.
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16.07.2023 - 16:02
Metren
Dreadrealm
Wife: "Stop making Depeche Mode jokes and just be quiet for a bit!"
Me: "Ok, honey! Enjoy The Silence!"


Sir Alex Ferguson was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness. The doctor at the hospital said he has six months to live. However, doctors working for The English Premier League have given him eleven additional years.


As a schoolkid I would say literally anything to make my classmates laugh. It didn't work. Turns out "literally" and "anything" aren't funny words.


"We've found a cure for your impatience."
"Wow! I can't wait!"
"We know."
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My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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25.07.2023 - 20:27
Metren
Dreadrealm
"Damn, I love repetition!"

"You can say that again!"

"OMG! We're kindred spirits!"
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My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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25.07.2023 - 22:11
JoHn Doe

Written by Metren on 25.07.2023 at 20:27

"Damn, I love repetition!"

"You can say that again!"

"OMG! We're kindred spirits!"



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I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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25.08.2023 - 20:27
Metren
Dreadrealm
This conversation based on Baldur's Gate 3 actually happened today, between me and my friend. It's lame, but apparently it's #badjokeFriday, so...

Me: "I think Matthew Mercer captured the essence of Minsc well with his voice acting performance."
Friend: "I feel like I'm the only person on earth who hates Minsc. Dumb man with dumb hamster."
Me: "Everyone, Boo this opinion!"
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My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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02.09.2023 - 18:17
Metren
Dreadrealm
I wish to dye my hair raven-black, but fear I'll be ostrichized for being emu.
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My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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17.09.2023 - 12:38
Metren
Dreadrealm
Has anyone written a book on conflicts within the early Norwegian black metal scene?

Varg might want to take a stab at it.
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My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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17.09.2023 - 12:50
JoHn Doe

Read this joke yesterday, funny but also disturbing

"What's worse, being ignorant or being indifferent?"
"I don't know and I don't care!"
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I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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17.09.2023 - 14:18
Karlabos
Meat and Potatos
Written by JoHn Doe on 17.09.2023 at 12:50

Read this joke yesterday, funny but also disturbing

"What's worse, being ignorant or being indifferent?"
"I don't know and I don't care!"

Why disturbing?
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"Aah! The cat turned into a cat!"
- Reimu Hakurei
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17.09.2023 - 15:02
JoHn Doe

Written by Karlabos on 17.09.2023 at 14:18

Written by JoHn Doe on 17.09.2023 at 12:50

Read this joke yesterday, funny but also disturbing

"What's worse, being ignorant or being indifferent?"
"I don't know and I don't care!"

Why disturbing?


Because people who answer like this exist. Maybe "disturbing" is a harsh word, this joke is just a rather sad but true situation.
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I thought the two primary purposes for the internet were cat memes and overreactions.
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04.12.2023 - 10:31
Metren
Dreadrealm
What is Edna Mode's favorite movie?

Cape Fear

Badum Tshh!
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My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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14.01.2024 - 13:12
Metren
Dreadrealm
You know what's refreshing after spending long hours online on your PC?

F5
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My one-man project's Bandcamp with free downloads: https://dreadrealm.bandcamp.com/
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20.01.2024 - 14:42
Netzach
Planewalker
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One ought to be enough for them to realise you're being serious.
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