Hello. Welcome. Please post a rational response, or I'll report you. Thanks.

Yesterday I started my new job, in a local supermarket. I work with people, with food, with supermarket stuff. When I had my first introducing talk with the owner of the store, he told me they had a few rules, to which I had to adjust. I had to get rid of my earring (only when working there) and I had to get rid of my facial hair. So that means shave my moustache, and my sidebeards. Now, I really wanted to work there, I need my money, so that wasn't to much of a deal. Then I thought this would be an interesting idea to base a thread upon.

So the question is: How far will you, when someone asks to change?

I know a lot of metalheads are proud of who they are, and claim to change for noone, but I want them to think about this. Not even a little? Not for your family, your closest ones?

I hope this topic will have some good responses, or I'll lock it in no-time.

Physical appearances shouldn't even come close to the importance of your family. Personally I would rather have no beard or earrings that be living on the street. I think myself very lucky. I don't need a certain appearance to prove to people I am who I say I am. I know a lot of people feel they do and I can't understand that. That's what makes stereotyping so hilarious!

i don't think its possible to describe apart from saying it depends how reasonable the change expected of you is and how much the change (in this case, removing an earring) means to you in comparison to what you gain if you adjust (a job).

being expected to take out an earring for work is reasonable.

anyone who takes a "i don't change for anyone or anything" attitude is usually part of some scene were pretending that you're rebellious is considered cool by your peers (e.g. metal, punk, townies/chavs) and are actually just changing to what is considered acceptable by their peers.

I also say: it depends on who asks this change. I had to cut my hair in school, but I found it outrages to even ask such a thing. But before that, I cut my hair, cuz my dad had a problem with it, so I think that from my point of view, family is more important then some fat, ignorant school principle.

Three good responses, starting good.

Anyway:

@thefadedline**: I agree with you, my 'own look' is preferred, but when it is not possible, it is not a problem.

@Tommy Tee: True. So many genres are filled with those stereotypes. You probably can't stop it.

@Damnated: If you would like to answer me, why did he have a problem with it? Not that you should all your family stuff with me, just interest.

Written by Lucas on 25.07.2006 at 21:26


@Damnated: If you would like to answer me, why did he have a problem with it? Not that you should all your family stuff with me, just interest.

He didn't had any particular reason, but I think that he was gelous , he's pretty much bald, you know, and I think that was his problem; I was younger back then, and they treated me like a child

*Jealous.

Ah, I see. Well, what do you do against your parents. Or what do you do against school systems, except change schools? I personally think no schools should have any clothing-restrictions.

Now that's the sacrifice you got to give if you want the job near the people. Lose the hair and bling bling
or take a job from somewhere in industrial circle

Well my opinion is that you can change your habbits, you can change your looks, but never the personality. I remember back then when I was a teen I was.... awful. My mom was like WRAAA every day and I was like... ''d00h, make me!''. Butr that changes as you grow older... And as all those tenage complexes pass you by and you know thyself, you accept yourself for who you are. I know I have. And probably if you aksed me a year back I'd say I'm not ready to change anything on me, but now I learned to make compromises. But only to a certain limit, which for myself only I know where it is. And only for people who are really close to me and who care about me. But I'll always be who I am and what I am (yea, am a monster ) and I won't change myself for any cost. If someone can't except me for who I am, that's her/his problem and she/he has nothing to do with my life and me, because my qualities and my temper is what makes me who I am. From the beginning to the end. From that you'll always know who cares about you and who not, because a person who cares will never demand you to change in any way.

I'm gonna start a new job soon, i'll have to wear a shirt and tie and tie back my hair but I'm fine with that ..I don't really need a job at the moment so I wouldn't take a job if it meant that I would have to cut my hair
....if I did need a job then obviously that would be different

I will never adjust to anyone and nobody should in order to achieve success...you should just be yourself and good things will happen

That was what I wanted to hear. Now we can argue.

So, Kap, in my case I wont get the job. Now, I'm only 15 so it is not a really big problem, but what if I'd refuse to change, also in the future. I like to work with people, not like a teacher or something like that, but just to have some regular contact with them. Should I refuse a job then, simply because I'm refusing to take of my earring? What would I win with it?

@Nervel: It's something small like an earring? Damn dude, then just take it off :

I know, I did. That's exactly what I'm trying to get to know from you. What will you do, and what not?

I myself can do a lot of stuff, I have no problems taking off my earring or whatever.

It was you who made such an 'radical' statement. So I was asking you, where can you adjust and where not?

Well, when started to work, i think it could be a good choice to shave and clean up my face, but in the school i was in an interesting crusade, because the authority want me to shave and cut my hair ( yeah, here in mexico the teachers are very closed mind, only if you are studyn' in a high price school, you can dress and be whatever you want), so i didn't cut my hair and my shave, but my dad caommand me to do it, so i was lookin' like a fuckin' soldier. Now, my situation has changed in many ways, i like my beard and my mustache, but i got no job, so i think i'm gonna cut my hair and my facial hair again, i don't want to, but as a topic says : money sucks!

hmm...well i'm a med-student so my classmates and me have been asked to change alot of things and i think they are reasonable...i've heard many say a doctor beggins to succed if he looks like one...you trust more in the physician, first impresions are very important in medicine...i don't care to make all this kinds of adjustments because i'm happy with what i'm doing, and i am never going to change despite them...i still love metal and like dressing in black although i have to wear white clothes every day for example ...

I'd take off all the metal artiliery just to get a job although I never had to when I was a busboy...or when I had my editing intern...never had to when I was a grocery clerk or when I worked for a coffee place for 7 months...man, nobody ever told me or suggested that I take off anything...

It depends on who ask me to change, and if is a direct request or something I just notice.

Maybe if I'm aplying for a job or something, some companies have inner politics and rules that one must respect. In my future job as journalist I know I'll have to remove my earings, at least at work, and maybe my goatee. But of course, many companies don't care about the look of their employees. Once again, depends on the inner politics and rules of the company, if I really want to work there I must respect those rules.

If someone asks me to change, depends. My family doesn't really care that much about my appearance. Mom sometimes says, "you should shave, you look like a maniac" (most times it's true), but is not a direct order, is only an advice. However sometimes I feel that someone wants me to change something, and I felt that a lot with my ex, for example she expected me to remove cursing and swearing, she never told me to do it, but I KNEW she wnated me too, I did my best and removed most of it, and it was good for my life in general, now I don't curse twice by phrase

The fact of changing stuff is that if is really necesary one must do it, maybe in a job like I said, and I'd do it only whe working, at home I'd wear earings again. Sometimes we even change for love! I can change many stuff, mostly about appearance and some thing if I see that they can be good thing to change, (I.E swearing and cursing). But somethings are not going to change, like listening to metal or headbanging wthout music orsaying stupid things and foolish jokes.

The only conclusion I can get to is that some things can change depending on who asks it and how convenient it can be for life in general, not only for the situation or person at the time you're asked to change.

Change is a must to get by in life.

Getting a job and advancing through said company, building a loving relationship, doing a favor to get one in return...everything in life is built on a series of compromises. You do not get anything in life for free. It is possible however, to show certain aspects of oneself within given confinements.

Allow me to explain. Myself, I love my facial hair. I also readily enjoy wearing black shirts with a logo on them. As I type this I am wearing an Iced Earth shirt. Now I never had "metal artillery" (I loved that expression, lol) but I do have a one of those looks not suitable for Wallstreet. For those curious, there a few pictures of me in my profile page here on Metal Storm.

However, last year, I agreed to take on a year long position as an intern for Michigan State Representative Rich Brown(http://110.housedems.com/). When you work for the State Legislature, all of the metal t-shirts, jeans, chains, two dozen piercings, those all go out the window. But shedding your outerwear and foregoing any drug use is not the same thing as giving up a part of who you are. Your personality, the little things that make you yourself, you get to keep all that. In my case, while I held that temporary position, I dressed entirely in black dress shirts. Some shirts had little flowery pattern, or wisps of navy blue running through them, but it was still very much an extension of myself. I did have to go through a few embarssing days in a blue shirt with flowers (http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h84/Nyctophobia1470/me2.jpg) but all in all, the trade was very much worth it.

Sure there will always be those who claim people who compromise are whores to a materialistic society or whatever, but we all get to laugh when they end up residing in some shit hole for the rest of their days. That, unfortunately, is life. With respect to that, I always boast about this when I can: Sure I had to wear that blue shirt with flowers a few times, but what will having a Representative's letter of recommendation do for me in my later years?

Habitual change is something some people cannot do unless there are strong enough "forces" at work. For instance, if your child has asthma, do you give up smoking? That is a descision that in order to follow through with probably takes a lot of willpower.

Well, in the case of getting a job I think you probably should obey their rules (as long as it's nothing too major or demanding). At my old high school jewellery all together was banned except for stud earrings but I wore my necklaces and small loop earrings (although occasionally my old form tutor would tell me to take them off. This was considered as part of a uniform. Understandable but I didn't like it, especially since at other schools kids were wearing Converse shoes.

When I saw this thread though I was expecting it to be about adjusting as in metally rather than physically and I didn't think it would be restricted to predominantly employment either so I don't really have much to say...except that sometimes rules such as tying back hair is done of health and safety reasons. Also understandable. Still, I believe when you can you should wear whatever you want as long as you feel comfortable. Why should you have to impress everyone else except yourself?

It depends on what they ask me to do. If they ask me to stop listening to metal and cut my hair i will send them all to hell. If it's something reasonable then i would not have a problem. I am who i am and no one can change that.

I do believe in changes, it's a intrinsec property of everything, and i ultimately know i'm going to change, whether i want it or not... the thing it's a matter of choices, everyone has the right to change, and everybody has the duty of change... so, it's better not to think to until what point would you change, but think in what are you going to do to live on with changes

Err, let's see here, I was told to tie my hair back at school,as they find it to be "too messy", I was happy to oblige:D... but if I were told to cut it, there would be hell to pay

I work at one of the top international fast-food chains. Yes, I work at McDonald's and because they have a reputation, I have to keep tattooes covered, and hair off the collar. For guys, they have to be clean-shaven. Everybody has to have no piercings in. I can understand because you are supplying food but tattooes? You think society would be used to them by now. ANyways, my point is...I will never adjust but tolerate. Hey, I need the money. However, if I was a guy with long hair and they wanted me to cut it off before I work, I"D SAY FUCK THAT!

Well i work in teh Metro, which is a governement company.
I can't wear earrings, and I'm supposed to shave everyday, and my face is supposed to be completely shved. lol
I shave twice a week. And I have a goatee. btu of course my contract is only for six months, so probably thats' why they don't say anything.