LOL! Some really great ones here xD

101. Make sure you're dumb and loser enough to write 101 rules for Death Metal, in other cases, be dumb and loser enough to read 101 stupid phrases about Death Metal. <--- uber

21. Always end the name of your band with the postfix "Ation" (Suffocation, Immolation, Incantation, Tribulation, etc.)
22. If you can't think of any name with "Ation" replace it with "Ment" (Enthrallment, Dismemberment, Abolishment, Cadaverment, etc.)
23. Ok, let's say you still can't think of any name?there's still "Ence" for you (Abhorrence, Vehemence, Benevolence, Decadence, etc.)
24. Chances are you'll end up naming your band Disgorge anyway? <--- Disgorge times 1000 = win

LOL man, the Herzzman brought laughter once again:

35. Hate Melodeath by any means
36. Melodeath is totally gay
37. You have "Heartwork" in you CD collection
38. "Heartwork" was the first Melodeath album ever released
39. Therefore you're gay
40. Then you seriously hate Swedish Death Metal?
41. Swedish Metal is totally gay
42. You have the entire Unleashed collection
43. Unleashed is a Swedish Death Band
44. Therefore you're gay

HAHAHAHAHAHA I'm still thinking it through lol

13. Always look at the camera, but your face must be pointing upwards or downwards

^I didn't laugh with that one at first, then I went to metal archives and 8 out of 10 Death metal bands have a picture just like that

and I'm still cracking myself with this one:
57. You were never a kid
58. You were born an adult


Though the award goes to:

101. Make sure you're dumb and loser enough to write 101 rules for Death Metal, in other cases, be dumb and loser enough to read 101 stupid phrases about Death Metal. pwned haha

TORSOMOSH!!!

lol I was on the floor at my work laughing for like an hour after reading that

you're right dude, Swedish metal is pretty gay...but Unleashed is pretty cool

Did you write this yourself, Herz? If you did, I must say that you did a fantastic job! Here were some of my favorite rules:

These first ones I think have a lot of truth to them:
10. If you have an Arch Enemy record always say the following: "They suck, but Angela Gossow is sooo hot"
20. Hide your Cannibal Corpse albums from your mom
21. Always end the name of your band with the postfix "Ation" (Suffocation, Immolation, Incantation, Tribulation, etc.)
22. If you can't think of any name with "Ation" replace it with "Ment" (Enthrallment, Dismemberment, Abolishment, Cadaverment, etc.)
23. Ok, let's say you still can't think of any name?there's still "Ence" for you (Abhorrence, Vehemence, Benevolence, Decadence, etc.)
24. Chances are you'll end up naming your band Disgorge anyway?
85. You don't use a Bass for layers or synchronization, you use it to make your music illegible and Gore
92. Blast Beats are our friends
93. Remember to play as fast as Diarrhea
94. Hate trees, trolls, wolves, and non-Br00tall things, they're gay
95. Love guts, blood, cannibals, murder, and GROWL things, they're still gay but GROWL
96. Be Gore enough to scare kids and moms
97. Keep your Gore level down for your friends, you're still a social being

Oh, I loved these:
34. Don't you ever?EVER?listen to Melodeath
35. Hate Melodeath by any means
36. Melodeath is totally gay
37. You have "Heartwork" in you CD collection
38. "Heartwork" was the first Melodeath album ever released
39. Therefore you're gay
40. Then you seriously hate Swedish Death Metal?
41. Swedish Metal is totally gay
42. You have the entire Unleashed collection
43. Unleashed is a Swedish Death Band
44. Therefore you're gay
45. You still hate bands like Dark Tranquility and In Flames
46. That doesn't mean you're not gay
78. Hate Black Metal
79. You only use Black Metal words (like "Necro") to name your band
80. You only like Philip Anselmo for being a member of "Necrophagia"
81. You maybe still respect Thrash Metal bands like Pantera and Metallica
82. Pantera used to be Glam Metal and Metallica released a Nu-Metal album
83. Therefore you're gay
84. There's no way possible for you to escape gayness

My personal thoughts for a few of them:
59. Have no sense of humor
-Aww, does this mean I can no longer visit Uncyclopedia?
62. Be fat
63. Try to be extremely fat
-I'm working on it.
98. Download tons of porn
-Does hentai count?

And my most favorite rule of all:
101. Make sure you're dumb and loser enough to write 101 rules for Death Metal, in other cases, be dumb and loser enough to read 101 stupid phrases about Death Metal.

8. Always claim to be Old School, even if you don't know who Xecutioner were
24. Chances are you'll end up naming your band Disgorge anyway?
30. People say you are(were) a member of Brujeria
73. If you don't have naked chicks available, use anything that looks like pulp for your album cover
75. Name your songs after diseases that don't even exist
78. Hate Black Metal
85. You don't use a Bass for layers or synchronization, you use it to make your music illegible and Gore
94. Hate trees, trolls, wolves, and non-Br00tall things, they're gay
95. Love guts, blood, cannibals, murder, and GROWL things, they're still gay but GROWL

Classic shit, nice one Herz

@pyroleprechaun: yeah, I saw a guy trying to TORSOmosh..it wasn't so pleasant to the eye lol.

@Insineratehymn : of course I wrote every single phrase there man thanks for calling it a fantastic job.. and fucking thanks for the uncyclopedia lol...I didn't know about it until now..GROOOOOOOOWL

@Syk: remember man...it's not Classic Shit...it's OLD SCHOOL shit...


cheers for the comments dudes... GROOOOOOOOOWL

7. Hate subgenres, there's nothing more than "Old School Death Metal" period
8. Always claim to be Old School, even if you don't know who Xecutioner were
9. You hate the fact that people say "Death" created the genre

So true, so true, though I do know who Xecutioner were

25. Fart a lot
26. Burp a lot
27. Don't have a girlfriend

Once again so true in my case, though 27 might be temporarily.

All I can say is:
hahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFL

This is the best rules so far

50. Mosh till your arms fall out from your body
51. Mosh until your legs break in half
52. TorsoMOSH!!!

Mwuahahahaahahahah!!!!

Yeh that ruled, haha, it so fun u bring up with mexican metal stuff. Like being a member of Brujeria el Hongo, el honguito (or Hongo Jr.[Nick Baker]), el hongote, Mongo, monguito, el podrido (Adrian Erlandsson) ,etc, etc, etc.

I was thinking in naming my band Disgorge... oh wait
anyway, we were going to use "...ment"

4. Don't you ever write satanic lyrics unless you are Glen Benton
5. Be Glen Benton

No ofense but, Benton sucks, he didnt want to play here cuz of some fucking rumor that said that stuff happends to the american dudes who play Mexico. I mean, with that known, I can almost say Glen Benton is a POSER!
Yeh, I m so necro that i fear some mexican dude rape me, i mean, wtf?

Awesome!

84. There's no way possible for you to escape gayness

Amen.

53. Erik Rutan mastered your record

you should have added : and Peter Tägtgren produced it



78. Hate Black Metal

so true with most DM fans




39. Therefore you're gay
41. Swedish Metal is totally gay
44. Therefore you're gay
46. That doesn't mean you're not gay
83. Therefore you're gay
84. There's no way possible for you to escape gayness
94. Hate trees, trolls, wolves, and non-Br00tall things, they're gay

that was so gay... made me feel insecure

what if I read it twice? does it go into gayness, dumbness?
whatever, I read it twice(yeah baby) because it was so damn good and funny
that i did it; absolutely awesome

this one for me:
101. Make sure you're dumb and loser enough to write 101 rules for Death Metal, in other cases, be dumb and loser enough to read 101 stupid phrases about Death Metal

this even made me laugh a lot; this is absolutely a great job

I agree, these are the best rules SO FAR

86. You can poo in public places

Im way ahead of you on that one ... HAHA Joking

21. Always end the name of your band with the postfix "Ation" (Suffocation, Immolation, Incantation, Tribulation, etc.)
22. If you can't think of any name with "Ation" replace it with "Ment" (Enthrallment, Dismemberment, Abolishment, Cadaverment, etc.)

Hey!! But don't you name your band 'Decantation', 'Sedimentation' or 'reception' and also don't name your band 'cement' or 'establishment'.

34. Don't you ever?EVER?listen to Melodeath
35. Hate Melodeath by any means
36. Melodeath is totally gay
37. You have "Heartwork" in you CD collection
38. "Heartwork" was the first Melodeath album ever released
39. Therefore you're gay
40. Then you seriously hate Swedish Death Metal?
41. Swedish Metal is totally gay
42. You have the entire Unleashed collection
43. Unleashed is a Swedish Death Band
44. Therefore you're gay
45. You still hate bands like Dark Tranquility and In Flames
46. That doesn't mean you're not gay

I love this "logical arguments"... ha, ha, ha... (I felt down from chair)

33. End a phrase with GROOOOOOOWL <-- I will...

Haha, quite funny.

Exellent job man.

Good shit,alot of those are accurate,I just looked at some pics in my albums of death metal groups,all of them either are trying to look evil or look away from the camera.Also alot of death metalheads and groups hate black metal and melodic death,but not I

Lol My fav!

68. Those naked chicks are obviously cadavers
69. Sodomize the cadavers found in your artwork
70. Dismember the cadavers in your artwork that you already sodomized
71. Have sex with the remaining parts

78. Hate Black Metal

NO! I don't agree with that!

But other than that one point it was a good as list!

Written by Xtreme Jax on 19.11.2006 at 11:54

86. You can poo in public places

Im way ahead of you on that one ... HAHA Joking

way ahead every1 to, but im not kidding hah ha

Written by ..ExoTeaR.. on 30.12.2006 at 08:24

Written by Xtreme Jax on 19.11.2006 at 11:54

86. You can poo in public places

Im way ahead of you on that one ... HAHA Joking

way ahead every1 to, but im not kidding hah ha

Bwahaha!! Ok, I'd only let you get away with that if you at the time were a young child otherwise dude a pit wrong... or you just follow these rules to the XTREME!

im definatly a follower of the Xtreme, BUT, i have a confession............. i bought anthems of rebellion by Arch Enemy the other day when i stopped at our regular stop place called eden on the way home our camping trip at a place called Mystery Bay, bit sad but it was that or soulfly or nightwish they are the only metal bands they had in the whole shop........... but what can u expect in a waxy fucked up surfer town least the shop owner new his shit when came to War and helvete eera black metal history

I only read this today and my fave is:

86. You can poo in public places

Tops the whole list, for sure!

Nice work, got me laugh.

35-44 gzzz rules

97. Keep your Gore level down for your friends, you're still a social being


Bahahahaha. good one.