Band:	Triumvir Foul
Album:	Triumvir Foul
Style:	Death metal
Release date:	December 2015

01. Labyrinthine - The Blood Serpent Unwinds
02. Profanation (Of The Wicked)
03. Pathways To Decay
04. Hedonistic Prayer - The Abhorrent Depths Of Perversion
05. The Vomit Of The Three Serpents (Ušumgallu, Bašmu, Mušmaḫḫū)
06. Endless Spiritual Violence
07. Banished To Silence And Slavery
08. Carnal Spectre
09. Tower Of Bašmu - The Corruption Of Flesh And Spirit

I was listening to Triumvir Foul, this nightmareishly black, black death group from Portland, yesterday and I remembered how I learned about them. This is all true.

It was at a bar I think and I was with my large group of friends and they were all telling me how intelligent I am like usual. We were all drunk, but functional, having a good time and stuff. I think Chris was outside explaining how simulated sex works in movies to this girl I like; everyone else was inside, though. Then this walking interruption of a dude who was wearing a black vest with a bunch of unreadable patches on it juddered up to me and said I needed to google this Portland label "Vrasubatlat" to stay cool. My friends wouldn't love me so much if I didn't stay so cool. There are people who actually think that way. So I googled "Vrasubatlat" and tried to not wake up my girlfriend who was in bed next to me.

The guy had kind of horse-like hair all over and was wearing these little digital watch rings like the ones I got back in kindergarten at Izzy's. He said that if I don't listen to Triumvir Foul in particular, he'd play with my girlfriend's big jangly boobs and I'd hear his rings clink on them. That got me angry and I looked to the bartender to see if he was the type who'd get mad if there was a fight but I couldn't see him, just this blue and pink neon blur that looked like it had been rubbed onto the bottom shelf off someone's palm. I tried to look for the exact source of the light by leaning across the bar but I just saw a rug that the rest of the city was on. The guy told me that I lean unsafely, which isn't true since there was moon gravity, and reminded me that I'm wasting time and need to listen to Triumvir Foul. I hadn't heard of them before this. Then I remembered that my girlfriend was actually my sister.

I asked him what to expect from Triumvir Foul. He said verbatim: "Triumvir Foul will make you feel that. Foggy, chaotic, RAW, warm then cold then warm, stylish black death. The kind of stuff insanity spurts out from." Verbatim. Then he reminded me that I don't have a sister. I looked to the girl I'd been with and no one was there. My large group of friends had left too. So had the bar, we were in a forest at night by a waterfall. I turned to look back at the guy. He was still there drinking a Modelo on his stool like we were still in Portland. It looked like his teeth were a marching band and he was actually the Vsauce guy and he started kissing me on the lips. I told him I'm not into that and he turned back into the vest guy and said "Triumvir Foul is real. Triumvir Foul is this. This is Triumvir Foul. Triumvir Foul - Triumvir Foul. Triumvir Foul..." and so on until I woke up.

Weird thing is, I remembered Triumvir Foul and I had that dream like two years ago. This album just came out. This is all true. They're a very real band. They're also very good. Think a stripped-down, more brooding Pseudogod meets Teitanblood kinda.