Goodbye, Fairwell and Amen!

Written by: Dane Train
Published: 01.04.2012
My Fellow Metal Stormers,

For almost the past decade Metal Storm has been my on-line home.

My community of like minded folks.

My refuge from the mundane.

My Metal Site.

It was a place where I was comfortable discussing which Dream Theater live acoustic cover album from 1997 was the best or why, in my opinion, Slayer only actually made one album and kept putting different titles on it. This was a place where despite our differences in political, social, religious, spiritual, and other such topics were celebrated, not discouraged. It was wonderful that this was a site where folks found it interesting that I fronted a Psychedelic Stoner Doom Metal band who played ancient Church hymns and chants.

But alas, the resent "decision" to make Metal Storm "funny" has gone too far for me. The old timers will remember when Disco Storm first happened, and it was brilliant. Every year, the folks who run this joint strive hard to make April the first a day of silliness and gags, reminding us all that we can't ever take Metal too seriously. I personally thought that last year's stunt was the best yet. I was all excited for this year's April's fool until I saw it...

Metal Storm has crossed the line! I can tolerated a lot of the ridiculousness that permeates this place, but when we begin adding in pornography that is too much. I understand that Metal music has a long standing history with sexual escapades and I am fine with that as long as I am only hearing about it. When I log on to check info on The Sword signing to a new label I have no desire to see a photo of underage midget's anally fisting in a Dora The Explorer shaped kiddy pool of peanut butter and canned tuna fish!

WHAT IS WRONG HERE! I know exactly what is wrong! Metal Storm is being run by a bunch of Godless heathens who are all going to burn in HELL! The constant abuse I have taken here on this site for my faith I thought made me a better personal than all of you. Well I was right. You are all sick, sad, pathetic and inane human beings. Folks like Marcel are a waste of a birth!

I pray that all of you will face the wrath of God soon. I will rejoice the day you all are stricken with boils and flesh rotten. I will dance with joy when your lives fall apart and all you know nothing but misery and disparage for this rude and disgusting behavior you've shown here today!

What is the worst part is that you think this is funny. Shame! Shame! SHAME! SHAME ON YOU ALL!!!

It goes with out saying, but for those of you who are too dumb to rationalize this, I am leaving! You're nothing but a bunch of shallow, retarded, liberal DEMOCRATES! I don't need you any more! Go! Listen to your satanic music. Play your evil Dungeons & Dragons! Fornicated and die from AIDS!

Look at your porn but just know that when you know the LORD you have no need for masturbation. When the Christian majority takes over this country, there will be no satanic churches, no more free distribution of pornography, no more talk of rights for homosexuals. After the Christian majority takes control, pluralism will be seen as immoral and evil and the state will not permit anybody the right to practice evil.

I am not ready to give this great nation over to one-world government extremists...radical, disease-carrying homosexuals...or anti-family lesbian feminists...or hate-mongering atheists who despise our religious beliefs...or the ACLU who would deny us our free speech rights...or anti-American U.N. Globalists!

If personal safety means discrimination, then I'm all for it!

With Love,
Dane


 



Written on 01.04.2012 by
Dane Train
Dane hails from Asheville, NC which is Beer City, USA. When he is not drinking various craft and micro brews, Dane fronts the Stoner Doom Metal band, The Quick. He also has a massive collection of Hellboy comic books.
More articles by Dane Train ››




Comments

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3rdWorld - 01.04.2012 at 16:46  
Y U so much discrepancy among the fellow staff members..
Bad English - 01.04.2012 at 16:51  
O yeah remaind sme how Marcel left MS .....
Boxcar Willy - 01.04.2012 at 17:04  
Who the fuck's Dane Train



Bad English - 01.04.2012 at 17:07  
Written by Boxcar Willy on 01.04.2012 at 17:04

Who the fuck's Dane Train






http://www.danetrain.co.uk/
Boxcar Willy - 01.04.2012 at 17:21  
Written by Bad English on 01.04.2012 at 17:07

Written by Boxcar Willy on 01.04.2012 at 17:04

Who the fuck's Dane Train






http://www.danetrain.co.uk/

I was joking K7


:/
Bad English - 01.04.2012 at 17:25  
Me to
J. N. - 01.04.2012 at 17:55  
Not sure if serious or fooling...
Rulatore - 01.04.2012 at 18:22  
Written by J. N. on 01.04.2012 at 17:55

Not sure if serious or fooling...

same here
Alex Fenger - 01.04.2012 at 18:46  
I didn't realize Metal Storm had anyone like this on here. In my opinion, good riddance mister Dane.
Lit. - 01.04.2012 at 19:44  
Looks like the Dane Train...
*Sunglasses*
...ran off the track.
YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
Slayer666 - 01.04.2012 at 19:48  
Quote:

Play your evil Dungeons & Dragons! Fornicate and die from AIDS!


I hope you do know that playing D&D is almost a certain way of ensuring you don't fornicate. Like, ever.
Uldreth - 01.04.2012 at 20:01  
Meh. First half of it seems way too serious but then the conservative bigot fundamentalist type rant is comically out of place.

Not sure if srs either.
SymphonyImpaled - 01.04.2012 at 20:02  
Lol.
I'll refrain from ranting about how this is the most autistic and hypocritical piece of shit of a post I've seen from a metalhead, let alone this site, in the history of retarded fundamentalist christians, for that I'd refer you to the "personal text" on my MS profile.
If something offends you, look elsewhere. Christ... Metalcore, Hair Metal, 80's 'powerthrash', female fronted symphonic metal, emo ETC all offend me and you don't hear me bawling and ready for suicide over it. And based on your religious-high-horse attitude are you surprised people don't find christian stoner doom anything less than fuckin stupid?

Anyway I'll digress by saying you've failed yourself, failed your (already failed) religion, and failed this site with your oppressive world fearing, self righteous moral whinings.
SymphonyImpaled - 01.04.2012 at 20:03  
HAha i'm sure it's a joke. but if not, good riddance indeed, eh?
BlueMobius - 01.04.2012 at 20:05  
Written by SymphonyImpaled on 01.04.2012 at 20:02

Lol.
I'll refrain from ranting about how this is the most autistic and hypocritical piece of shit of a post I've seen from a metalhead, let alone this site, in the history of retarded fundamentalist christians, for that I'd refer you to the "personal text" on my MS profile.
If something offends you, look elsewhere. Christ... Metalcore, Hair Metal, 80's 'powerthrash', female fronted symphonic metal, emo ETC all offend me and you don't hear me bawling and ready for suicide over it. And based on your religious-high-horse attitude are you surprised people don't find christian stoner doom anything less than fuckin stupid?

Anyway I'll digress by saying you've failed yourself, failed your (already failed) religion, and failed this site with your oppressive world fearing, self righteous moral whinings.


Have you ever heard of April Fools?
SymphonyImpaled - 01.04.2012 at 20:08  
Written by BlueMobius on 01.04.2012 at 20:05

Written by SymphonyImpaled on 01.04.2012 at 20:02

Lol.
I'll refrain from ranting about how this is the most autistic and hypocritical piece of shit of a post I've seen from a metalhead, let alone this site, in the history of retarded fundamentalist christians, for that I'd refer you to the "personal text" on my MS profile.
If something offends you, look elsewhere. Christ... Metalcore, Hair Metal, 80's 'powerthrash', female fronted symphonic metal, emo ETC all offend me and you don't hear me bawling and ready for suicide over it. And based on your religious-high-horse attitude are you surprised people don't find christian stoner doom anything less than fuckin stupid?

Anyway I'll digress by saying you've failed yourself, failed your (already failed) religion, and failed this site with your oppressive world fearing, self righteous moral whinings.


Have you ever heard of April Fools?


Of course... but responding was half the fun lol.
PocketMetal - 01.04.2012 at 20:31  
"I pray that all of you will face the wrath of God soon"

when the world ends , is there some kind of masturbatory detector to save the innocent people ?
Spirit Molecule - 01.04.2012 at 22:09  
Awwww
Milena - 01.04.2012 at 22:14  
I used to like discussing DT with you too, but then you called me an anti-family lesbian feminist... good riddance I say.
tea[m]ster - 01.04.2012 at 22:17  
April fools?
InnerSelf - 01.04.2012 at 22:23  
All hail Rick Santorum
scapeplan - 01.04.2012 at 22:29  
Written by Lit. on 01.04.2012 at 19:44

Looks like the Dane Train...
*Sunglasses*
...ran off the track.
YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!


Sorry...I stepped on a nail.
Megadeth88 - 02.04.2012 at 03:12  
...someone obviously doesn't have a sense of humor.
Boxcar Willy - 02.04.2012 at 04:04  
Written by Megadeth88 on 02.04.2012 at 03:12

...someone obviously doesn't have a sense of humor.

And that person is you
Megadeth88 - 02.04.2012 at 04:31  
Written by Boxcar Willy on 02.04.2012 at 04:04

Written by Megadeth88 on 02.04.2012 at 03:12

...someone obviously doesn't have a sense of humor.

And that person is you

No way!
Nosurper - 02.04.2012 at 04:43  
BitterCOld - 02.04.2012 at 05:09  
Written by scapeplan on 01.04.2012 at 22:29

Written by Lit. on 01.04.2012 at 19:44

Looks like the Dane Train...
*Sunglasses*
...ran off the track.
YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!


Sorry...I stepped on a nail.


brilliant. loved that episode. "We're going monster hunting..."
Et Ermit - 02.04.2012 at 05:22  
Ehhhh is really he? i guess i miss something...
M C Vice - 02.04.2012 at 06:20  
Now, is this a late April Fools joke, or is he another one who can't leave quietly or with dignity.
Probably a joke, but if he's not seen again by next week, then it's bye-bye.
Cynic Metalhead - 02.04.2012 at 10:49  
Quote:
Every year, the folks who run this joint strive hard to make April the first a day of silliness and gags, reminding us all that we can't ever take Metal too seriously. I personally thought that last year's stunt was the best yet.


I do agree with ya.
SymphonyImpaled - 02.04.2012 at 11:08  
I was around last year but must have missed the gag... What was it?
Darth Satanious - 02.04.2012 at 11:13  
I can't believe this day finally happend. Please tell that there is no such thing as Post-April F. Day and that this Helmlock/Dane Trane guy has finally done something good with his life and has made MS a better place.

Like always and like a lot of Christians (not all of them) he tries to act high and mighty, but if his god would exist, what wout It say about this so called Christian wishing his neighbore such things. The stench of hypocrisy is overwhelming, but at least now we have the promise of the departure of other unpleasant odors.

If his Heaven would exist, he would not enter, he would be denied access and would come to us here who, while listening to some good ol' Slayer would ask him gently:"Weren't you leaving?"

And you little Dane, I know that you will read this while logged out, pretendng inside your charade... reflect upon what I have said and put those neurons to come up with an excuse to infect this place again. I you are as predictable as I remember you will return with an apology.

Shit, it has been ages since the last time I infused thia place with my blaaphemous presence and shit I didn't get to see the AF page. Is there some place I could watch screencaps or something?

Also, did Marcel go? What happened? Is there an age limit in this website? lol
raul m - 02.04.2012 at 14:09  
After reading this I'm very tempted to defile your photos with pornography using MS paint.
DrunkenFuck - 02.04.2012 at 14:19  
Fucking christians Good riddance! Now go play on the highway you cunt.
Iron Nostarion - 02.04.2012 at 16:34  
Written by Lit. on 01.04.2012 at 19:44

Looks like the Dane Train...
*Sunglasses*
...ran off the track.
YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!


TOO MUCH FUCKING AWESOMENESS.

And yeah, not sure if this post is trolling or actual shit. xD
Jiri - 02.04.2012 at 18:09  
I never encountered any MS April Fool's shit. Whatevs...
Fredd - 02.04.2012 at 18:28  
Obviously he's trolling, the way his rant progresses.
K†ulu - 02.04.2012 at 21:09  
Well, the fact that Dane is trolling is actually obvious from the title...
Dangerboner - 02.04.2012 at 21:51  
Should've been him admitting that he's an Atheist instead LOL
The Shape 1973 - 02.04.2012 at 21:54  
I've got me a midget and some peanut butter, where can I get a Dora The Explorer shaped kiddy pool from. Ebay are sold out.
Bad English - 02.04.2012 at 22:22  
BTW why Jeff left MS?
PowerThrash - 03.04.2012 at 00:54  
People need to calm down and stop freaking out this is an obvious April fools troll, and if not then I will eat my shoe.
-DC-002- - 03.04.2012 at 03:44  
Interesting....
Igeldude - 03.04.2012 at 06:35  
Quote:
when you know the LORD you have no need for masturbation.


Why, is he going to do that for us?
AngelofDeth - 03.04.2012 at 08:37  
"Metal music has a long standing history with sexual escapades and I am fine with that as long as long as im only hearing about it."

so you rather hear about it than do it??

...your kinkyer than us all then
Troy Killjoy - 03.04.2012 at 22:42  
Written by Igeldude on 03.04.2012 at 06:35
Why, is he going to do that for us?

Awesome response.
Mattybu - 03.04.2012 at 23:38  
Lol, pretty funny if it's real and fairly well done if it's jokesies. The "no rights for homosexuals" would probably be what baited it out the most if it is a joke. Funny either way though
Mr. Doctor - 03.04.2012 at 23:38  
Quote:
Written by Igeldude on 03.04.2012 at 06:35

when you know the LORD you have no need for masturbation.


Why, is he going to do that for us?


The thread. You won it
RottingDeathHead - 04.04.2012 at 19:01  
It was funny
JohnDoe - 04.04.2012 at 19:33  
Too much hate and spite for someone who says he believes in God.

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