Blog: Your Own Festival That Blows Hellfest Out Of The Water
Right this very instant Hellfest Open Air is taking place.
If you don't know what Hellfest is, congratulations, you are either enjoying your first day on Metal Storm territory, or you are the proud owner of a hot tub time machine (in either case, welcome).
For months we have bombarded you with Hellfest news and announcements, preview articles, give-away contests and more news and announcements. But now that the time has finally come, well, we're not there. And if you're reading this, it obviously means you didn't make it as well. Yeey us for not being there!
The look that says: "100% not attending... and biting the bullet."
The Staff Towers are pretty much abandoned now. Nobody is working at their desks. Marcel's drunken ramblings don't echo from our chill-out room annex bar. Our supersized fridge is completely empty as the bastards took all the food and beer with them "for the road" - fuck! - and the Canadian elites aren't awake yet so I can't order them to fetch me some new booze.
All sober and no Hellfest makes Thryce a cranky boy.
Can you imagine? Around this time, half of the board is there, enjoying the shit out of the festival with its many great bands, watching a good show in the summer sun, having a blast with the many other Metal Stormers, drinking overpriced dishwater (or whatever the heck the French serve as beer)... And we have nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Well, I'm not taking it any longer! I'm here to make a statement... I'm here to start an anti-Hellfest revolution...
Well, that and I'm freaking bored.
So let's have a little fun on our own, shall we. To hell with Hellfest and everyone attending Hellfest, let's organize one kickass festival that is way better and more awesome than silly Hellfest. One that will put Hellfest with their pants down. If everyone makes a list, we'll get there.
Here are the rules of our little game:
- You can only participate if you didn't go to Hellfest Open Air 2010.
- You can only pick five bands, and line them up according to the following set-up:
opening act - warm-up - direct support - headliner - after-party.
- You have one wildcard to summon a deactivated band to do a one-time reunion gig.
- You have one wildcard to summon one musician from the death.
In short: just come up with the best line-up since the dawn of fucking time, and select your five all-time/current favorite bands that'll play just for you and your enormous wallet.
I'll go first.
[Insert kickass band] in the middle of their set on [insert awesome name] Fest.
OPENING ACT - WARNING The festival takes off with an exclusive one-time reunion show of Warning, the epic doom metal outfit that broke up somewhere last year. Those hauntingly beautiful soul-crushing songs will be a guaranteed hit, sending chills down many spines.
WARM-UP - HEAVEN SHALL BURN These days there are only a handful of worthwhile metalcore bands that truly deserve your attention, Heaven Shall Burn being one of them. With their death metal instigated metalcore this band will stir up the crowd like a human blender. The perfect warm-up of any festival.
DIRECT SUPPORT ACT - MORBID ANGEL Brilliant live band. No further introduction needed. If you don't see why I lined-up Morbid Angel, stay the fuck off my festival lawn.
HEADLINER - EXODUS (1985-1993 era) Let me tell you a well-kept secret. The best thrash band at the end of the nineties wasn't Metallica, it wasn't even Megadeth (puh-lease!), it was fucking Exodus. For the occasion, the band will be hosting an old school thrash night and only play material coming off their five first records. Why? Because it's my goddamn festival, and I feel like it, that's why.
AFTER PARTY - THE ANGELIC PROCESS After this evening of relentless violence it's time to take a breather and close the festival in an ethereal and mesmerizing atmosphere. Since the late K. Angylus rejoined the land of the living for a few hours, The Angelic Process can end the festival in mysteriously stunning style.
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