Blog: Your Own Festival That Blows Hellfest Out Of The Water


Written by: Thryce
Published: 18.06.2010


Right this very instant Hellfest Open Air is taking place.


If you don't know what Hellfest is, congratulations, you are either enjoying your first day on Metal Storm territory, or you are the proud owner of a hot tub time machine (in either case, welcome).


For months we have bombarded you with Hellfest news and announcements, preview articles, give-away contests and more news and announcements. But now that the time has finally come, well, we're not there. And if you're reading this, it obviously means you didn't make it as well. Yeey us for not being there!



The look that says: "100% not attending... and biting the bullet."



The Staff Towers are pretty much abandoned now. Nobody is working at their desks. Marcel's drunken ramblings don't echo from our chill-out room annex bar. Our supersized fridge is completely empty as the bastards took all the food and beer with them "for the road" - fuck! - and the Canadian elites aren't awake yet so I can't order them to fetch me some new booze.

All sober and no Hellfest makes Thryce a cranky boy.


Can you imagine? Around this time, half of the board is there, enjoying the shit out of the festival with its many great bands, watching a good show in the summer sun, having a blast with the many other Metal Stormers, drinking overpriced dishwater (or whatever the heck the French serve as beer)... And we have nothing. Absolutely nothing.


Well, I'm not taking it any longer! I'm here to make a statement... I'm here to start an anti-Hellfest revolution...

Well, that and I'm freaking bored.


So let's have a little fun on our own, shall we. To hell with Hellfest and everyone attending Hellfest, let's organize one kickass festival that is way better and more awesome than silly Hellfest. One that will put Hellfest with their pants down. If everyone makes a list, we'll get there.


Here are the rules of our little game:

  • You can only participate if you didn't go to Hellfest Open Air 2010.
  • You can only pick five bands, and line them up according to the following set-up:

    opening act - warm-up - direct support - headliner - after-party.

  • You have one wildcard to summon a deactivated band to do a one-time reunion gig.
  • You have one wildcard to summon one musician from the death.


In short: just come up with the best line-up since the dawn of fucking time, and select your five all-time/current favorite bands that'll play just for you and your enormous wallet.

I'll go first.



[Insert kickass band] in the middle of their set on [insert awesome name] Fest.



OPENING ACT - WARNING The festival takes off with an exclusive one-time reunion show of Warning, the epic doom metal outfit that broke up somewhere last year. Those hauntingly beautiful soul-crushing songs will be a guaranteed hit, sending chills down many spines.

WARM-UP - HEAVEN SHALL BURN These days there are only a handful of worthwhile metalcore bands that truly deserve your attention, Heaven Shall Burn being one of them. With their death metal instigated metalcore this band will stir up the crowd like a human blender. The perfect warm-up of any festival.

DIRECT SUPPORT ACT - MORBID ANGEL Brilliant live band. No further introduction needed. If you don't see why I lined-up Morbid Angel, stay the fuck off my festival lawn.

HEADLINER - EXODUS (1985-1993 era) Let me tell you a well-kept secret. The best thrash band at the end of the nineties wasn't Metallica, it wasn't even Megadeth (puh-lease!), it was fucking Exodus. For the occasion, the band will be hosting an old school thrash night and only play material coming off their five first records. Why? Because it's my goddamn festival, and I feel like it, that's why.

AFTER PARTY - THE ANGELIC PROCESS After this evening of relentless violence it's time to take a breather and close the festival in an ethereal and mesmerizing atmosphere. Since the late K. Angylus rejoined the land of the living for a few hours, The Angelic Process can end the festival in mysteriously stunning style.


Your turn.



 


Comments page 4 / 4

Comments: 104   Visited by: 423 users
04.07.2010 - 03:44
Marcel Hubregtse
Grumpy Old Fuck
Nixe pic LOL well someone probably has some pics of him backstage at hellfest last year fooling around totally drunk with hoest. My gos that was almost emberassing hahahahahaha
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Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal

Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight
Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.)
05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996

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04.07.2010 - 12:08
skrätte
I Hate You
OPENING ACT - Textures
WARM-UP - Hacride
SUPPORT - Riverside
HEADLINE - Opeth
AFTER PARTY - Kyuss
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04.07.2010 - 16:25
MétalNoir
Fils du Lys
Written by Zombie on 03.07.2010 at 01:46

Written by MétalNoir on 02.07.2010 at 17:54


SUPPORT - MIDDLE EAST - MELECHESH
How can you go through a pagan festival without a sumerian band like Melechesh? The eastern beats will drive us all crazy before the headline kicks in!



you DO know that Melechesh is from the Netherlands, right ? only their frontman spent his youth in israel i guess.


I never considered them to be a dutch band since they originated from Israel, some of their members are Israeli and their music is deeply oriental. Calling them dutch is like calling Tvangeste canadian...
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Notre destinée n'est pas encore tracée....
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06.07.2010 - 01:18
Galar
Wicked Mung
Maryland Deatfest. Seein it with my own eyes.
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YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID, SUCK A DICK
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06.07.2010 - 17:39
Enemy of Reality
Opening act: Symphony X (Allen + Romeo + Pinnella + LePond + Rullo)
Warm-up: Nevermore (Dane + Loomis + Sheppard + Williams + Tim Calvert)
Direct Support: Iced Earth (Schaffer + Barlow + Richard Christy + Steve DiGiorgio + Ralph Santolla + special guest: Tim Owens)
Headliner: Iron Maiden (Dickinson + Harris + Murray + Smith + Gers + McBrian + special guests: Blaze Bayley and Paul Di'Anno)
After Party: Candlemass (Leif Edling + Lars Johansson + Mats Björkman + Jan Lindh + Messiah Marcolin + special guests: Rob Lowe + Johan Langquist + My Dying Bride to play "Under the Oak" and "Black Voyage")

or:

Opening act: Immortal (Abbath + Demonaz + Horgh)
Warm-up: Darkthrone (NC + Fenriz + Czral)
Direct Support: Burzum (Varg Vikernes + (Old Funeral members: Padden + Jørn + Tore Bratseth)
Headliner: Mayhem (Dead + Euronymous + Necrobutcher + Hellhammer + special guests: Maniac + Blasphemer + Varg Vikernes + Attila Csihar)
After Party: Emperor (Ihshan + Samoth + Faust)
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07.07.2010 - 04:47
omjaimes
omjaimes
Opening Act: Be'lakor
Warm-up: Katatonia
Direct Support: Charon
Headliner: Opeth
After Party: Longing For Dawn
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07.07.2010 - 04:53
omjaimes
omjaimes
Ouuuu yeah after party Yearning or Colosseum
Written by Ag Fox on 20.06.2010 at 02:59

Damn... five bands only >:

Opening: Shade Empire
Only playing material from the first two albums. This is some Symphonic / Industrial Black Metal aka synth fest >:D

Warm-Up: Heaven Shall Burn
Blazing death infused metalcore. Preferably songs from the latest album Invictus and Deaf To Our Prayers

Direct Support: Nightwish
I like Nightwish with Anette please. The most mainstream thing here

Headliner: Arcturus
Need Garm & Vortex here

Afterparty: Yearning
Summons Juhani from his grave for some amazing Atmospheric Doom >:
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07.07.2010 - 06:33
Sulac
Opening act: Cryonic Temple
-A sixty minute set by this fairly unknown but very good power metal band would be a great way to kick DungeonMaster Fest 2010 into gear.
Warm-up: Sabaton
-A 120-minute militaristic party by these power metal gods would be an amazing way to REALLY get the Fest started, especially with insane pyrotechnics and Purple Heart as a soft and delicate closer for their act.
Direct Support: Symphony X
-Any quiet tones set by the only moderately heavy Purple Heart would be instantly wiped away as Symphony X launches into the 20-minute plus epic The Odyssey right after the bat, kicking off their 120-minute set and dropping jaws with wonder.
Headliner: Demons & Wizards
- This amazing combo of Iced Earth's Jon and Blind Guardian's Hansi would headiline DungeonMaster Fest 2010, playing both of their full albums and slightly modified versions of their two root band's most popular songs in an epic 200-minute set.
After Party: Trans-Siberian Orchestra
- I've seen these guys twice, and both times I've been left with a simply amazing feeling of having witnessed one of the earth's grandest shows. Playing the concept album of Beethoven's Last Night out in full, including story interludes, would be a great way to wind-down after the awesome encore of Demon's And Wizards (Fiddler On The Green, of course).
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07.07.2010 - 09:55
Sulac
I can't limit myself to just one festival. A second awesome festival I'd love to see:


WodenFest

Opening Act: Einherjer
-45 minute set to get things started loud and heavy (by my standards, anyways) with a band who I've only heard a little of but become thunderstruck by.
Warm-Up: Falconer
-A 90 minute set of material from Falconer, Chapters From A Vale Forlorn. and Among Beggars And Thieves should inject some energy into the crowd, those of whom haven't been deafened by Einherjer.
Direct Support: Ensiferum
-A 120-minute set, where they play the entirety of Victory Songs (my favorite album by them) before diverging into their other stuff. Who wouldn't love to see this amazing extreme folk metal band?
Headliner: Amon Amarth
- A monstruous 180-minute set. 3 hours with this band to rule all bands? It makes me cry with joy to think about it.
After Party: Turisas
- A 60-minute set by Turisas. What better to close the festival then a rousing, extended version of Rasputin with massive audience participation? And all the members of the previous bands onstage for the chorus?
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08.07.2010 - 20:22
Cyroth
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 26.06.2010 at 17:56

Written by corrupt on 26.06.2010 at 11:01

I'm surprised how many of you suggest bands they can see live any day anyway. Here's your chance to decide upon a lineup that kills everything that's ever been there and yet people come up with such rare gems as Arch Enemy, Children Of Bodom, Iron Maiden, Nightwish and Ensiferum.



I was thinking the exact same thing.


Am,first see from which county I am and after that you can say what you said.COB,Ensiferum,Arch Enemy never came to Romania...never ever ...so your argument is invalid
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09.07.2010 - 02:29
Susan
Smeghead
Ooh fun! Ok without question the band I would bring back from the dead is After Forever. It's just that I NEVER got to see them live and was about to see them so many times. I always told myself, "I'll see them next time." Blar.

Opener: VOLBEAT. God damn, Volbeat. Can I just say I imagine one hell of a live show from these guys. If their energy is HALF as high as on their records then I'm not sure I'd have the stamina left for 4 more bands.

Warm up: MIZRAAB. Now that Faraz has left Pakistan I can imagine him being able to really put on some amazing shows with the new band members. Somewhat calmer than Volbeat, so it'd be a physical break while still being very mentally stimulating. They'd open with Muntazir and end with Kitni Saadian (and a giant fucking sing-a-long!).

Direct support: AFTER FOREVER. Oh here we go! Geez, I can't pick a tour I'd prefer so let's just say a greatest hits tour. With special guest appearance by Doro for "Who I Am."

Headliner: TURISAS. Is there any other option here? Turisas is the greatest live band I've ever seen and lays waste to all other live bands in ways that are difficult to describe.

After party: Now I can't figure out if an after party following a Turisas show would necessitate a really chill band to calm us down, such as the Gathering w/ Anneke, or an upbeat viking band such as Eluveitie since we'd still be so pumped from seeing Turisas. Hmm.. and the winner is MECHANICAL POET circa Creepy Tales for Freaky Children tour.


So hard to pick just 5! If I could bring a second band back from the dead it would probably be Stride, or maybe Twilightning! Damn, and if there was an alternating second stage I'd like to see Myrath, Dark Moor, Wuthering Heights, Pure Reason Revolution, and Dream Evil in that running order.
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"A life all mine
Is what I choose
At the end of my days"
--The Gathering "A Life All Mine" from Souvenirs
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17.07.2010 - 11:27
skrätte
I Hate You
Written by corrupt on 26.06.2010 at 11:01

I'm surprised how many of you suggest bands they can see live any day anyway. Here's your chance to decide upon a lineup that kills everything that's ever been there and yet people come up with such rare gems as Arch Enemy, Children Of Bodom, Iron Maiden, Nightwish and Ensiferum.

Come on people, you can resurrect the dead and reunite bands here.


What you are completely failing to acknowledge, here, is that this is not about just seeing any one band, it's about seeing your dream line-up. I'm sure that a lot of the people who chose Opeth have seen Opeth live.. but they've not had the festival experience to see Opeth along with the other bands they've chosen.

A good festival is like a good band... in where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
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19.08.2011 - 21:27
Milena
Learning To "X"
Reading this thread makes me sad.
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"There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors."
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16.08.2012 - 02:25
Oaken
Hipster
CASCADIAN FEST:
A metal fest that only includes Atmospheric Black Metal bands (Not necessarily cascadian though). The stage is situated in a forest somewhere in the cascadian mountain range. Shamans come to the fest and perform rituals to enhance the atmosphere.
Opener: Deafheaven
Warm Up: Fell Voices
Direct Support: Agalloch
Headliner: Wolves In The Throne Room
After Party: Ash Borer
Only included bands that actually play live. And Agalloch isn't really that black metal, but they definitely suit the fest.
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In that case, man is only air as well.
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