101 Rules For Going To A Metal Concert


101 Rules For Going To A Metal Concert

Posted by: Dangerboner
Date: 24.02.2010

 
9.2 | 54 votes
1. Wear the band's shirt that you are there to see, even though it's already obvious
2. Go to the merch stand, stare forever while holding back the line, then leave without buying anything
3. When a musician gives you the microphone to scream a lyric, just yell random nonsense because you don't know the lyrics
4. Be too drunk to remember lyrics… or the show afterwards
5. Sing along loudly during ballads
6. Always mosh! This is non-negotiable
7. Lose your wallet
8. Get drunk
9. Yell a song that you want to hear, even though the band already played it
10. Bring your girlfriend to the show so she can hold your coat while you mosh
11. Swing your long, sexy metal hair even if it hits other people in their faces, but make sure not to wash it before hand
12. Don't headbang unless you have long hair
13. Don't bother to wear earplugs
14. Make out with your girlfriend in front of everyone
15. Since you are a pathetic, desperate metal head, violate any female that crowd-surfs. It's not sexual assault if no one sees it!
16. Be more brutal in the pit than a poodle with a sex change
17. If you're a really tall metal head, stand in the front. The only thing that matters is that YOU get the best view
18. Take pictures of the band playing with your shitty cell phone and then post them on your MySpace
19. Record 30 seconds of a song with your phone, then post it on YouTube
20. Talk on your cell phone while a band is playing, plug one hear with your finger, and try to shout over the music
21. But then later, lose your cell phone
22. Take your shirt off to look tough in the mosh pit
23. Guys don't care if they rub against sweaty, shirtless men, as long as they're METAL HEADS
24. During a fast and epic guitar solos, raise your hand and move your fingers really fast
25. During a really brutal or epic part of a song, hold up one open, clenched palm up in the air
26. Be more brutal in the pit than a zombie three-some
27. Fart next to a smelly, fat metal head and blame it on him
28. If you're too much of a pussy to mosh, then act tough by standing at the edge of the pit and push random moshers
29. Skip like a little school girl in the circle pit
30. Throw up your booze in the mosh pit - making the ground slippery only makes the show more brutal
31. Spend more money on alcohol than merch
32. Don't show up for the opening bands - the only bands that deserve your attention are the headliners
33. You must see Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom live every time they come to your city!
34. You cannot get the full concert experience with ear plugs - save them for the opening metalcore band
35. Don't bother with deodorant - you're going to mosh too hard for it to stay on anyways
36. Push as forward as you can during the headlining band to get as close as possible
37. Close male-to-male touching isn't gay at a metal concert
38. Girls shouldn't mosh unless they're lesbian
39. Be more brutal in the pit than 2 Girls 1 Snowcone Machine
40. A concert is always more important than your job
41. Be more brutal than your penile implant melting in the hot sun
42. If you're a girl, wear the slutiest outfit possible to the show
43. When crowd surfing, don't bother controlling your feet
44. People in the crowd don't mind getting kicked in the face
45. If you're huge and fat, don't be afraid to stage dive
46. The short, nerdy, folk metal fan will surely catch your fat ass
47. Be more brutal in the pit than The Jonas Brothers attempting gutturals
48. Anytime the vocalist announces the name of the next song, scream in excitement, even though you aren't familiar with it
49. Wear as much metal jewelry as possible
50. Metal spikes, studs, bracelets, etc. are acceptable even if they can cause serious injury and deadly impalement
51. Beat up the kid in the crowd who is wearing the As I Lay Dying shirt
52. Act tough while standing by yourself, while wearing your Trivium shirt and expensive Hot Topic pants
53. Try to sneak in the bar even if you're underage
54. Mosh for a band that isn't even fast!
55. You're too drunk anyways to be embarrassed
56. Say that your favorite band put on the best show ever, but don't go and see them again
57. Throw up the horns in between every song
58. Metal concerts are the only concerts worth attending
59. If you see someone standing around, throw them into the pit
60. Dress as metal as possible for the concert - remember, accessorizing is key
61. If you don't mosh, then you are gay
62. Tell your mom that you're going to a Green Day concert, even though you are actually seeing Cannibal Corpse
63. Force your girlfriend to go to your metal concert, but when she asks you to go to a Chevelle concert with her, make up an excuse not to go
64. Keyboard solos are even more epic live
65. Smoke in between and during each band
66. Mosh for a few seconds, then stop because you are too tired to continue
67. Then smoke again
68. Don't be afraid to mosh or crowd surf while wearing combat boots
69. It is ok to kick even if you're wearing combat boots, unless you're hardcore dancing, then gtfo
70. Laugh at the random metalcore band that was added to the lineup at the last minute
71. And do not mosh for them
72. If you're a black metal fan at a death metal show, complain about the bands not being atmospheric enough
73. If you're a death metal fan at a black metal show, complain about the bands not being brutal enough
74. Don't buy a band's album at their merch table - just download it when you get home
75. Get a picture of yourself with a band member, but you have to pose while showing the horns with a brutal facial expression
76. You aren't a real fan unless you see your favorite band during their third re-reunion tour
77. Get drunk so you can't feel pain in the pit
78. Always flex during brutal parts of a song
79. Before the show, make friends with the biggest dudes you can find. Think of it as mosher's insurance
80. Don't be afraid to tie your shoe in the middle of a mosh pit
81. Destroy all hardcore dancers
82. Focus on the little 14 year olds in the pit to make you look tougher
83. Mosh with a boner so people fear you more
84. The harder you mosh, the greater chance that you will get laid, even though you didn't take a shower
85. If you're short, just use your elbows for leverage
86. Be more brutal in the pit than attending church naked
87. Perform a series of neck stretches before the show to ensure neck longevity
88. A concert that has seating is gay and therefore not metal
89. Drunkenly babble to everyone near you, thinking that they're interested in your opinions
90. Mosh so hard in the beginning and middle of the concert that you are too tired to move during the headlining band
91. Have your mom drop you off at the show
92. Even though she said she'd only drop you off if you take your little sister to the upcoming Jonas Brothers concert
93. Lose your shoe in the pit at least once during every band
94. Miss the band's first song because you were outside smoking
95. Moshing counts as exercise
96. Be more brutal than the decapitated prostitute decaying in your trunk
97. Go to a show looking to get laid, even though there are only four women in the entire venue, and three of them look like trolls
98. Stick around after the show forever, hoping to meet a band member
99. Offer a musician some free weed just to be able to hang out with them
100. Write about your newest concert experience in the appropriate Metal Storm thread
101. Always help someone up in the pit if they fall down




Comments page 4 / 4

Comments: 95   Visited by: 802 users
09.01.2015 - 19:49
Amy
Written by ArtKiz on 14.03.2011 at 09:12

I kinda agree with rule #58. Metal concerts are the only concerts worth attending


True! I die a little inside when people claim popstars have mosh pits...And those people do exist
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09.01.2015 - 20:10
Troy Killjoy
perfunctionist
Written by Amy on 09.01.2015 at 19:47
Yeah, but from my experience most men at concerts act as if they haven't seen a girl before.

Come see a gig up here in Toronto - a lot of times there are more women than men, or at least a healthy 50-50 ratio.
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Prettier than BloodTears.
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20.01.2015 - 20:37
Uldreth
Written by Amy on 09.01.2015 at 19:49

Written by ArtKiz on 14.03.2011 at 09:12

I kinda agree with rule #58. Metal concerts are the only concerts worth attending


True! I die a little inside when people claim popstars have mosh pits...And those people do exist

Depends on what you define as "pop", but popular but aggressive-sounding electronica concerts often have moshpits (Skrillex, f. ex.).
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22.01.2015 - 05:45
Amy
Written by Uldreth on 20.01.2015 at 20:37

Written by Amy on 09.01.2015 at 19:49

Written by ArtKiz on 14.03.2011 at 09:12

I kinda agree with rule #58. Metal concerts are the only concerts worth attending


True! I die a little inside when people claim popstars have mosh pits...And those people do exist

Depends on what you define as "pop", but popular but aggressive-sounding electronica concerts often have moshpits (Skrillex, f. ex.).


As in Katy Perry and the likes. I was not referring to EDM
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31.01.2015 - 05:20
Muse of Light
Written by Amy on 09.01.2015 at 19:47

Written by Muse of Light on 26.12.2010 at 22:37

Oh my god, so incredibly appropriate...although it doesn't really seem geared to include metal girls. :p


Yeah, but from my experience most men at concerts act as if they haven't seen a girl before.


Amen to that, ye gods.
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"My past holds only pain and loss. I will conquer it by creating the perfect future." - Ixidor, reality sculptor
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