101 Rules For Going To A Metal Concert

Posted by: Dangerboner
Date: 24.02.2010

 
9.2 | 53 votes
1. Wear the band's shirt that you are there to see, even though it's already obvious
2. Go to the merch stand, stare forever while holding back the line, then leave without buying anything
3. When a musician gives you the microphone to scream a lyric, just yell random nonsense because you don't know the lyrics
4. Be too drunk to remember lyrics… or the show afterwards
5. Sing along loudly during ballads
6. Always mosh! This is non-negotiable
7. Lose your wallet
8. Get drunk
9. Yell a song that you want to hear, even though the band already played it
10. Bring your girlfriend to the show so she can hold your coat while you mosh
11. Swing your long, sexy metal hair even if it hits other people in their faces, but make sure not to wash it before hand
12. Don't headbang unless you have long hair
13. Don't bother to wear earplugs
14. Make out with your girlfriend in front of everyone
15. Since you are a pathetic, desperate metal head, violate any female that crowd-surfs. It's not sexual assault if no one sees it!
16. Be more brutal in the pit than a poodle with a sex change
17. If you're a really tall metal head, stand in the front. The only thing that matters is that YOU get the best view
18. Take pictures of the band playing with your shitty cell phone and then post them on your MySpace
19. Record 30 seconds of a song with your phone, then post it on YouTube
20. Talk on your cell phone while a band is playing, plug one hear with your finger, and try to shout over the music
21. But then later, lose your cell phone
22. Take your shirt off to look tough in the mosh pit
23. Guys don't care if they rub against sweaty, shirtless men, as long as they're METAL HEADS
24. During a fast and epic guitar solos, raise your hand and move your fingers really fast
25. During a really brutal or epic part of a song, hold up one open, clenched palm up in the air
26. Be more brutal in the pit than a zombie three-some
27. Fart next to a smelly, fat metal head and blame it on him
28. If you're too much of a pussy to mosh, then act tough by standing at the edge of the pit and push random moshers
29. Skip like a little school girl in the circle pit
30. Throw up your booze in the mosh pit - making the ground slippery only makes the show more brutal
31. Spend more money on alcohol than merch
32. Don't show up for the opening bands - the only bands that deserve your attention are the headliners
33. You must see Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom live every time they come to your city!
34. You cannot get the full concert experience with ear plugs - save them for the opening metalcore band
35. Don't bother with deodorant - you're going to mosh too hard for it to stay on anyways
36. Push as forward as you can during the headlining band to get as close as possible
37. Close male-to-male touching isn't gay at a metal concert
38. Girls shouldn't mosh unless they're lesbian
39. Be more brutal in the pit than 2 Girls 1 Snowcone Machine
40. A concert is always more important than your job
41. Be more brutal than your penile implant melting in the hot sun
42. If you're a girl, wear the slutiest outfit possible to the show
43. When crowd surfing, don't bother controlling your feet
44. People in the crowd don't mind getting kicked in the face
45. If you're huge and fat, don't be afraid to stage dive
46. The short, nerdy, folk metal fan will surely catch your fat ass
47. Be more brutal in the pit than The Jonas Brothers attempting gutturals
48. Anytime the vocalist announces the name of the next song, scream in excitement, even though you aren't familiar with it
49. Wear as much metal jewelry as possible
50. Metal spikes, studs, bracelets, etc. are acceptable even if they can cause serious injury and deadly impalement
51. Beat up the kid in the crowd who is wearing the As I Lay Dying shirt
52. Act tough while standing by yourself, while wearing your Trivium shirt and expensive Hot Topic pants
53. Try to sneak in the bar even if you're underage
54. Mosh for a band that isn't even fast!
55. You're too drunk anyways to be embarrassed
56. Say that your favorite band put on the best show ever, but don't go and see them again
57. Throw up the horns in between every song
58. Metal concerts are the only concerts worth attending
59. If you see someone standing around, throw them into the pit
60. Dress as metal as possible for the concert - remember, accessorizing is key
61. If you don't mosh, then you are gay
62. Tell your mom that you're going to a Green Day concert, even though you are actually seeing Cannibal Corpse
63. Force your girlfriend to go to your metal concert, but when she asks you to go to a Chevelle concert with her, make up an excuse not to go
64. Keyboard solos are even more epic live
65. Smoke in between and during each band
66. Mosh for a few seconds, then stop because you are too tired to continue
67. Then smoke again
68. Don't be afraid to mosh or crowd surf while wearing combat boots
69. It is ok to kick even if you're wearing combat boots, unless you're hardcore dancing, then gtfo
70. Laugh at the random metalcore band that was added to the lineup at the last minute
71. And do not mosh for them
72. If you're a black metal fan at a death metal show, complain about the bands not being atmospheric enough
73. If you're a death metal fan at a black metal show, complain about the bands not being brutal enough
74. Don't buy a band's album at their merch table - just download it when you get home
75. Get a picture of yourself with a band member, but you have to pose while showing the horns with a brutal facial expression
76. You aren't a real fan unless you see your favorite band during their third re-reunion tour
77. Get drunk so you can't feel pain in the pit
78. Always flex during brutal parts of a song
79. Before the show, make friends with the biggest dudes you can find. Think of it as mosher's insurance
80. Don't be afraid to tie your shoe in the middle of a mosh pit
81. Destroy all hardcore dancers
82. Focus on the little 14 year olds in the pit to make you look tougher
83. Mosh with a boner so people fear you more
84. The harder you mosh, the greater chance that you will get laid, even though you didn't take a shower
85. If you're short, just use your elbows for leverage
86. Be more brutal in the pit than attending church naked
87. Perform a series of neck stretches before the show to ensure neck longevity
88. A concert that has seating is gay and therefore not metal
89. Drunkenly babble to everyone near you, thinking that they're interested in your opinions
90. Mosh so hard in the beginning and middle of the concert that you are too tired to move during the headlining band
91. Have your mom drop you off at the show
92. Even though she said she'd only drop you off if you take your little sister to the upcoming Jonas Brothers concert
93. Lose your shoe in the pit at least once during every band
94. Miss the band's first song because you were outside smoking
95. Moshing counts as exercise
96. Be more brutal than the decapitated prostitute decaying in your trunk
97. Go to a show looking to get laid, even though there are only four women in the entire venue, and three of them look like trolls
98. Stick around after the show forever, hoping to meet a band member
99. Offer a musician some free weed just to be able to hang out with them
100. Write about your newest concert experience in the appropriate Metal Storm thread
101. Always help someone up in the pit if they fall down




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Warman - 16.08.2010 at 19:03  
I seriously hate the ones who film the concerts with their mobile phone or digital camera. Your Youtube videos will suck major ass, you're in the way and NO ONE CARES about your videos! We do believe you if you say you where there, we don't need proof.
Captain Obvious - 30.10.2010 at 03:00  
I'm so gonna do rule 99 when I see skeletonwitch next month
Muse of Light - 26.12.2010 at 22:37  
Oh my god, so incredibly appropriate...although it doesn't really seem geared to include metal girls. :p
Muse of Light - 26.12.2010 at 22:37  
Written by Warman on 16.08.2010 at 19:03

I seriously hate the ones who film the concerts with their mobile phone or digital camera. Your Youtube videos will suck major ass, you're in the way and NO ONE CARES about your videos! We do believe you if you say you where there, we don't need proof.


This!
R.S - 29.12.2010 at 22:39  
10. Bring your girlfriend to the show so she can hold your coat while you mosh

^
if you haven't any girl friend you can't go to metal concert...
so go and find a girl friend... =))

^
girls cant' go to our favorite band concert because they must go to their boy friend's favorite concert =))
Cappa666 - 07.01.2011 at 14:40  
Written by Warman on 16.08.2010 at 19:03

I seriously hate the ones who film the concerts with their mobile phone or digital camera. Your Youtube videos will suck major ass, you're in the way and NO ONE CARES about your videos! We do believe you if you say you where there, we don't need proof.

fucking, very true
Beer Fairy - 02.02.2011 at 21:51  
Ahahahaha!!! 9!!
...
I laughed a lot
Luneth - 06.02.2011 at 01:34  
'61. If you don't mosh, then you are gay'

And a coward.
arwestromen - 08.02.2011 at 16:52  
#17 is totally me
Void Eater - 12.02.2011 at 23:35  
I'm guilty of being the tall dude who stands at the front of the stage, and then bangs his head so much that anybody who approaches me will get whacked. I also take photos of the band with my shitty cellphone camera. Furthermore, my mom drives me to concerts, and my father picks me up. Kvlt as fuck
arwestromen - 20.02.2011 at 17:57  
Question:
at my last maiden show i went to i was at the front as usual and I saw something that really amused me
alot of short skinny girls (160cm/50kg 5´24/110 lbs)trying to get infront of everybody....now anyone who have been to a maiden show (or any show) knows that it will get very....."packed" when the band start playing that people in my size 193cm/83kg 6´3/182.6 lbs have trouble standing straight and sometimes difficulties to breathe...

So my question is how does these tiny things survive?
Vivi' - 27.02.2011 at 19:31  
Written by arwestromen on 20.02.2011 at 17:57

Question:
at my last maiden show i went to i was at the front as usual and I saw something that really amused me
alot of short skinny girls (160cm/50kg 5´24/110 lbs)trying to get infront of everybody....now anyone who have been to a maiden show (or any show) knows that it will get very....."packed" when the band start playing that people in my size 193cm/83kg 6´3/182.6 lbs have trouble standing straight and sometimes difficulties to breathe...

So my question is how does these tiny things survive?

Hahhahaha, I am one of those girls and I always try to be in front of everybody. The good thing is that there is no mosh pit but it sure is dangerous.
wormdrink414 - 06.03.2011 at 02:44  
46. The short, nerdy, folk metal fan will surely catch your fat ass

There's always one.
_Andy_ - 13.03.2011 at 12:02  
83. Mosh with a boner so people fear you more
Total killer
ArtKiz - 14.03.2011 at 09:12  
I kinda agree with rule #58. Metal concerts are the only concerts worth attending
BrokenKnuckles - 14.03.2011 at 22:15  
Hahahahaa this is classic!
Horus - 16.03.2011 at 14:08  
101. Always help someone up in the pit if they fall down

no1 rule in my town
Tortured - 30.06.2011 at 11:18  
I Like the last one. We're all brothers. METAL RULES!
Megi - 17.07.2011 at 17:26  
This is just so, so, so true. Every single one.
ArtKiz - 24.09.2011 at 08:43  
#12 This sucks for me.
#51 That's what he gets for wearing that shirt.
#75 I've always wanted to do that
#83 ROFLMAO
Infernal Eternal - 01.01.2012 at 15:23  
METAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL:banger2:
Mattybu - 05.01.2012 at 21:45  
Pretty good, #15 is quite funny
Necrox - 15.01.2012 at 06:02  
Only make breaks from moshing 5 seconds long unless there's no song to mosh to
Grody2themax - 19.01.2012 at 03:17  
Is there nothing about no hardcore dancing in the pit?
Grody2themax - 19.01.2012 at 03:18  
Is there nothing about no hardcore dancing in the pit?
Void Eater - 19.01.2012 at 07:55  
I accidently did #9 at a Warbringer show a few months ago. They opened with Living Weapon, and about halfway through their set I called for... Living Weapon.
Boxcar Willy - 19.01.2012 at 17:36  
Written by Void Eater on 19.01.2012 at 07:55

I accidently did #9 at a Warbringer show a few months ago. They opened with Living Weapon, and about halfway through their set I called for... Living Weapon.

At the Devildriver show there was a kid who kept asking for I Could Care Less. like 5 or 6 times :/
Cynic Metalhead - 21.01.2012 at 09:34  
Totally agree with #61 but was really afraid in SOAD's concert where some bunch of Metalnerds were smashing their heads against each other and then falling down with blood all over their face like a dead dude killed in a motor accident. It was really terrible and I WAS FUCKING AWAY!!
Lethean - 05.02.2012 at 18:08  
Haha I am one of those tiny girls standing in the front lol
nightwica - 06.04.2012 at 21:03  
#77...
77. Get drunk so you can't feel pain in the pit

been there, done that XD
ThunderAxe1989 - 06.04.2012 at 22:44  
@ #97
Thrashette - 08.04.2012 at 05:24  
I also fall under the category of "short skinny girl".
My plan for the next metal concert is to attempt wearing enough spikes to deter huge sweaty guys from trying to get me in the pit... or from groping me
Boxcar Willy - 14.04.2012 at 02:23  
Written by Warman on 16.08.2010 at 19:03

I seriously hate the ones who film the concerts with their mobile phone or digital camera. Your Youtube videos will suck major ass, you're in the way and NO ONE CARES about your videos! We do believe you if you say you where there, we don't need proof.

Just hit their hand, and knock the phone on the floor.
exomorphyx89 - 19.05.2012 at 19:06  
#27... my conscience is pricking me!
Freaktard - 28.12.2013 at 08:33  
40. A concert is always more important than your job
<.<
>.>

no need to tell me twice.
Darth Revan - 02.01.2014 at 06:16  
Quote:

18. Take pictures of the band playing with your shitty cell phone and then post them on your MySpace


The fuck is a MySpace?
Troy Killjoy - 02.01.2014 at 07:02  
Written by Darth Revan on 02.01.2014 at 06:16
The fuck is a MySpace?

I could be wrong, but I believe MySpace is an old, old wooden ship used during the Civil War era.
deadone - 02.01.2014 at 16:47  
I assume you gents have never heard of Geocities then? Back when the internet was new and the porn was usually free and virus free as long as you could put up with a million pop-ups.

PS one key rule: go crowd surfing and lose your shoes. Happened to a friend of mine 3-4 times. He really needed to learn how to tie his shoelaces.
theterrorzone - 19.01.2014 at 19:18  
Written by Thrashette on 08.04.2012 at 05:24

I also fall under the category of "short skinny girl".
My plan for the next metal concert is to attempt wearing enough spikes to deter huge sweaty guys from trying to get me in the pit... or from groping me


I never go to a concert without enough spikes on my clothes.
Amatsu Mikaboshi - 31.07.2014 at 05:59  
#70 recently hit the jackpot for me when I went down London to see Possessed's first UK show in over 20 plus years. Picture this scene.

I was getting more and more interested to see Satan's Wrath's first ever show beforehand when I bought the ticket seven months ago (!) but I hadn't checked Grave Miasma beforehand (!, how confounded I was when I saw them live and then decided to check out all their stuff the next day ) quality death metal similar to Bolzer, only to find out that (despite Cattle Decapitation's nip in, nip out http://metalstorm.net/events/news_comments.php?news_id=23920 Satan's Wrath at the last minute got chipped out for some deathcore shite! I was yawning/ laughing/ yawning by that point with some girl in a Slayer tanktop who said she gets all "crazy" despite staying where I as at the barrier all the time AND preferring that first band to Grave Miasma.... pfft...

Yeah I really don't know how to properly tackle the URL Link thing

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