Shepherd - Stereolithic Riffalocalypse review




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Reviewer:
N/A

17 users:
7.35
Band: Shepherd
Album: Stereolithic Riffalocalypse
Release date: March 2015


01. Spite Pit
02. Turdspeak
03. Crook
04. Black Cock Of Armageddon
05. Stereolithic Riffalocalypse
06. Bog Slime
07. Wretch Salad
08. Stalebait
09. Undergod Dog [bonus]


- Hey sup, duuuude!
- Duuuuuuuuuude. You brought the snacks? I crave nachos real bad.
- Sorry, dude. It's 4 am. The store is closed. I found a cd in my room though.
- Like a nacho cd?
- No, dude. Let me just put it on.
- For fuck's sake, dude. All I asked you was to get some fucking nachos and you - *album starts* Hoooooooooly shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit duuuuuuuuuude.
- I know, right? Shit's smooth. Love that chunky bass.
- I'd eat that bass, dude. I feel all fuzzy. The pro...erm...yeah, the production, dude. It's all nice and shit.
- Nice and shit?
- Yeah, man. Nice and shit... Like, the riffs just BOOM on you. The drums are all pummeling and there's this perfect marriage of guitar and bass... You know, like the perfect marriage of weed and my non-existent nachos, you fuckwit.
- Hey man, you gotta let it go... Calm down.
- You just can't ask me to calm down when I'm - *Solo on title track*... Woah, you heard?
- Yeah, dude. That's some sick guitar going on, and listen... I think it's getting faster. Niiiiiiiiiice.
- It's awesome... after a couple of slow to mid-paced tracks I was just starting to think about faster stuff and BOOM, they did it. We had like...Like... A telephallic connection, dude.
- Telewha? Telephallic? The fuck you mean, dude?
- You know... Like when you want it and they just give it to you.
- You... You are freaking me out, dude. But it's cool, man. I respect you.
- Hey man I just said that it was a telepha...Oh wait. Telepathic. Shit. Sorry, must have been the big ass amplifier on the cover that confused me.
- Sure, sure... I bet it was the title of the fourth track, eh?
- Fuck you, dude. Also, that song is KILLER. Those last two minutes are amazing with their trippy interlude and catchy-as-rabies riffs at the end.
- Well anyway, you commented on the artwork… It kind of made me think of 2001.
- Great year, shame I don't remember most of it.
- No, I meant the movie. I betcha this shit would work with some space visuals. Listen to that soloing. Psychedelic stuff!
- Hahahaha yeah, hey is that the last track already? Man, time flies fast with this album. Massive song, dude. That profession...
- You mean progression.
- That's what I said, man. They really went all in with that song. You know what I like? They are having fun, dude. That's like... The best shit with bands like this one. To have fun.
- That was deep, dude...
- Thanks, man. Listen... I forgive you about the nachos. You just can't stay mad with this album. Relaxing stoner metal.
- And just the right amount of sludge to keep us awake and hungry for more.
- Yeaaaaaaaaah, dude.


 



Written on 28.01.2015 by An extremely lazy reviewer but he's so cute you'd forgive him for it.


Comments

Comments: 20   Visited by: 221 users
28.01.2015 - 19:54
Spirit Molecule
spirit molecule
Hahaha that's definitely the strangest review I've read. But it's a pretty cool idea!
----
If you never wake up from a dream does it become reality?

Last fm
Don't click here
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28.01.2015 - 22:43
Apothecary
PsyCHEdelic
I really enjoy and respect your style of matching your review to the aesthetic created by an album. I saw it with the Seirom review, and I'm seeing it again here, and it really makes me wish you'd review more often, ya lazy Mr. Scotch!
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Go tell that long tongue liar, go tell the midnight rider
Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter
You tell em that God's gonna cut em down
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28.01.2015 - 22:50
Susan
Smeghead
I am so in love with this review I may marry it.

Bonus points for that fact that I also have a pretty great idea of what to expect from the music!!
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"A life all mine
Is what I choose
At the end of my days"
--The Gathering "A Life All Mine" from Souvenirs
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28.01.2015 - 22:52
Zap
Phlegmish
^Yeah, I'm with those guys, man... This review's like, really good. Dude.
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And the tears that we will weep today
Will all be washed away
By the tears that we will weep again tomorrow
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28.01.2015 - 23:00
Ilham
Giant robot
Yeah I'll guess I have to repost here since I got censored. This review is so good it gave me a serious case of the munchies. *Hermes voice*
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28.01.2015 - 23:01
Mr. Doctor
Skandino
Awwwww you guys! Thanks a bunch. But don't let my review take the spotlight. This album is dope!



PS: Bonus points if you read it with the voice of this fantastic fellow.
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29
Like you could kiss my ass
Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Rod, let me love you.
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28.01.2015 - 23:06
flightoficarus
Stamp Tramp
Very original review. I apoprove.
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Daily underground metal recommendations at Metal Trenches.
Listen to the Trench Talk podcast.
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28.01.2015 - 23:21
Bad English
Tage Westerlund
When I read it I thought it was one of B n B who wrote it or Mrt van Dreaseon or what was that teacher name
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Life is to short for LOVE, there is many great things to do online !!!

Stormtroopers of Death - ''Speak English or Die''

I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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28.01.2015 - 23:26
Windrider
Raureif
If there will be a Best Review category in the next MS Awards, this will definitely take the cake!
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28.01.2015 - 23:49
Skoda
This is one of the most humorously written reviews I have ever laid eyes on.
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Sleeping on his laurels.
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29.01.2015 - 07:14
Totenlieder
Fuck yeah,
I'm gonna smoke and jam this shit yo.
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Blut & Krieg
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29.01.2015 - 15:41
Spirit Molecule
spirit molecule
Written by Totenlieder on 29.01.2015 at 07:14

Fuck yeah,
I'm gonna smoke and jam this shit yo.


Don't forget the nachos.
----
If you never wake up from a dream does it become reality?

Last fm
Don't click here
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29.01.2015 - 21:43
InnerSelf
proofread free
Bahahaha, great review Rod
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He who is not bold enough
to be stared at from across the abyss
is not bold enough
to stare into it himself.
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30.01.2015 - 00:17
BitterCOld
waltrsobchakheit
Lols. i read the review as a cross between Beavis & Butthead and this commercial classic:

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get the fuck off my lawn.

2019 Keepers Spotify Playlist
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01.02.2015 - 08:12
Spirit Molecule
spirit molecule
Album stream is up if you guys are interested

Bandcamp
----
If you never wake up from a dream does it become reality?

Last fm
Don't click here
Loading...
02.02.2015 - 21:49
InnerSelf
proofread free
I freaking love this album btw! It's everything you'd want from a Stoner Doom album.
----
He who is not bold enough
to be stared at from across the abyss
is not bold enough
to stare into it himself.
Loading...
10.02.2015 - 09:11
Fat & Sassy!
*crawls out of the MS woodwork*

Sweet review, bruh. *brofist* :3

*senses danger and crawls back in*
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You do you, brozzio.
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12.02.2015 - 02:28
BitterCOld
waltrsobchakheit
Really dig this release. some great riffing, crunchy tunes.
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get the fuck off my lawn.

2019 Keepers Spotify Playlist
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24.02.2015 - 07:18
Crème fraiche
Great review! Im loving the new stoner albums coming out the last couple years.
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16.03.2020 - 23:03
nikarg
Mod
I came here because of Che's comment on this review. This is so good Doc, I'm going to listen to the album right now.
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