Crowhurst - The Mountain Of The Cannibal Goddess review



Reviewer:
2.0

15 users:
2.33
Band: Crowhurst
Album: The Mountain Of The Cannibal Goddess
Release date: January 2016


01. The 50 Foot Cannibal Goddess
02. Flesh Eaters Of The SS


This is not music.

This literally does not belong to the genre of extant thing that we humans call "music." You think I'm kidding? You think this is a game? You think I'm only saying that because somebody, somehow, found a way to make an album of containing less musical merit than all the other awful, awful albums I've reviewed - Surachai, Six Feet Under, Liturgy (US-NY), Six Feet Under, Manowar, Six Feet Under - and I'm simply not sure how to process this stunning occurrence? No, friends, I say that because The Mountain Of The Cannibal Goddess literally does not constitute music in any format recognizable by humans.

People like to describe bands such as AC/DC or Motörhead with that same, tired punchline: "Oh, if you've heard one song then you've heard them all, ha ha, lol!" Shut up. To hear the very first second of The Mountain Of The Cannibal Goddess is to not only destroy your ears and your headphones in one fell swoop, but to hear the entire 19-minute running time of this EP at once. These two tracks are nothing but a consistent, unbroken, unsolicited shower of angry, crackly, abrasive noise. Not even the good kind of harsh noise, either. I listen to Boris and Merzbow, I have willingly sat through Whitehouse on repeated occasions, and I bought a Nurse With Wound album once. I've spent more money on Stalaggh, Gulaggh, and Anal Cunt than any human reasonably should. Just today I got another Melt-Banana live album in the mail. Jute Gyte, Abruptum, Aderlating, whatever. Bring it.

What I mean to hammer into your head by pointlessly explaining my pedigree is that I can take the noise. I can take nothingness and monotony and painful amplifier discharge. But THIS? This is less than nothing. The Mountain Of The Cannibal Goddess has no change in structure, no attempts at evolution, not even any substantive difference between the two tracks. There do not need to be two separate tracks on this EP. They are both exactly the same.

Well… I suppose that's not entirely true.

Around minute seven of "Flesh Eaters Of The SS," the noise monster changes to a slightly higher pitch and a distinct whirring noise cuts in for about a minute before vanishing again, leaving the steady monotone of rattling feedback untouched for the remainder of the EP. If the preceding sentence seems like the dumbest thing you've ever read in an album review, you and I are in agreement, friend.

I almost had a complete existential crisis while I was listening to this EP. If a recorded work contains nothing but blasting feedback, how do you rate it on a scale intended for music? This isn't even drone or ambient or noise music at this point. This EP isn't music and clearly was never even intended to be - and hey, sometimes I think I could use a wall of flat, endless, harsh noise to calm my nerves, so I'm not about to say that this kind of aural project is completely devoid of conceivable applications.

What I am saying is that this isn't music at all in any way, shape, or form. This EP does not need to exist and I cannot justify assigning artistic value to it.


Rating breakdown
Performance: 2
Songwriting: 2
Originality: 2
Production: 2


 



Written on 29.06.2016 by I'm the reviewer, and that means my opinion is correct.


Comments page 2 / 2

Comments: 38   Visited by: 261 users
07.07.2016 - 09:59
Daniell
_爱情_
Written by jaygambit on 06.07.2016 at 22:56

stuff

Kudos to you for a civilized reaction to criticism. It's good to see that you also make actual music as opposed to this, whatever it is.
Let me venture a guess - did you ask Metalstom to review this EP? Because if you did, I find it confusing. You could have asked for a review of some of your other stuff that is actually metal, something that would suit this website's profile. Why didn't you do that?
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07.07.2016 - 19:51
ScreamingSteelUS
Editor-in-Chief
Written by Daniell on 07.07.2016 at 09:59

Written by jaygambit on 06.07.2016 at 22:56

stuff

Kudos to you for a civilized reaction to criticism. It's good to see that you also make actual music as opposed to this, whatever it is.
Let me venture a guess - did you ask Metalstom to review this EP? Because if you did, I find it confusing. You could have asked for a review of some of your other stuff that is actually metal, something that would suit this website's profile. Why didn't you do that?

He did not request a review; I made the choice myself. As I mentioned earlier, I am in the process of reviewing Isolator, which is in a similar vein to this EP but much more suited to my tastes, and the self-titled album, which is a recognizably black metal album and much more likely to find favor with the users of this site.
----
Row, row, fight the power
Djently down the stream

I'm the Agent of Steel.
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07.07.2016 - 21:29
Daniell
_爱情_
Written by ScreamingSteelUS on 07.07.2016 at 19:51

He did not request a review; I made the choice myself. As I mentioned earlier, I am in the process of reviewing Isolator, which is in a similar vein to this EP but much more suited to my tastes, and the self-titled album, which is a recognizably black metal album and much more likely to find favor with the users of this site.

Thanks for clarifying
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13.07.2016 - 02:47
Malignar
Written by NOVELLETTO on 02.07.2016 at 21:47

This is Harsh Noise Wall from the highest quality.
When Extreme Metal turned into a bunch of piercinged "beautiful" guys, Harsh keep you into the lowest circles of hell.
Insane music to segregate men from "metal" boys.



Damn...if you think that about extreme metal fans, what do you think about the pop music crowd? Someone sounds jealous...haha.

The reviewer likely made an error in reviewing this album. I propose that he covers all of our power, folk, and babymetal releases only. He typically loves everything not named Abbath. Did Abbath sneak into the production of this release somehow?!?
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15.07.2016 - 21:07
NOVELLETTO
Written by Daniell on 05.07.2016 at 10:19

Written by NOVELLETTO on 02.07.2016 at 21:47

This is Harsh Noise Wall from the highest quality.
When Extreme Metal turned into a bunch of piercinged "beautiful" guys, Harsh keep you into the lowest circles of hell.
Insane music to segregate men from "metal" boys.

Can you get even more stuck-up please? You don't sound ridiculous enough yet.

Poor Danny boy...a kid with a nice taste for music...everything that everyone said to him that is nice.
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15.07.2016 - 21:21
NOVELLETTO
Written by Malignar on 13.07.2016 at 02:47

Written by NOVELLETTO on 02.07.2016 at 21:47

This is Harsh Noise Wall from the highest quality.
When Extreme Metal turned into a bunch of piercinged "beautiful" guys, Harsh keep you into the lowest circles of hell.
Insane music to segregate men from "metal" boys.



Damn...if you think that about extreme metal fans, what do you think about the pop music crowd? Someone sounds jealous...haha.

The reviewer likely made an error in reviewing this album. I propose that he covers all of our power, folk, and babymetal releases only. He typically loves everything not named Abbath. Did Abbath sneak into the production of this release somehow?!?

Finally someone with a racional tought about this review.And no, i'm not jealous,just looks "normal" like Ted Bundy can be more frightening than any corpse paint dude,just it.
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17.07.2016 - 16:52
Alex F
Slick Dick Rick
I find that Crowhurst's music is half unenjoyable, and half intriguing if not great. Check out the S/T release or II if you want to see what Jay is capable of
----


get that bag
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17.07.2016 - 17:32
ScreamingSteelUS
Editor-in-Chief
Written by Alex F on 17.07.2016 at 16:52

I find that Crowhurst's music is half unenjoyable, and half intriguing if not great. Check out the S/T release or II if you want to see what Jay is capable of

I'm actually just about done reviewing the self-titled album. It's pretty great.
----
Row, row, fight the power
Djently down the stream

I'm the Agent of Steel.
Loading...

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