Opeth - Blackwater Park review



Reviewer:
2.0

2864 users:
9.16
Band: Opeth
Album: Blackwater Park
Release date: March 2001


01. The Leper Affinity
02. Bleak
03. Harvest
04. The Drapery Falls
05. Dirge For November
06. The Funeral Portrait
07. Patterns In The Ivy
08. Blackwater Park
09. The Leper Affinity [live] [Legacy Edition bonus]

[Limited Edition bonus CD]
01. Still Day Beneath The Sun
02. Patterns In The Ivy II

[Legacy Edition bonus DVD]
+ 5.0 Audio Mix Of The Original Album
+ The Making Of Blackwater Park


This charade has gone on long enough. It's time someone gave this crappy album an honest assessment.

First off, let's talk vocals. Michael Akerton is supposedly some amazing singer (I've seen soooo many reviews praising his singing) but it's like all this guy can do are these really ugly Cookie Monster growls. It's totally nasty and you can't even tell what he's saying (although the lyrics are all dumb satanic garbage anyway, so whatever). Then when he does sing for real, it's like, all not impressive and whiny. I mean, I bet I could do a better job. Try harder, Mike.

Also, what the heck is going on with those riffs? They're all random shredding and just playing notes that don't make sense. No big, catchy power chords, no cool fast riffs that old-school heavy metal bands like Metallica and Avenged Sevenfold play. They also have weird time signatures (that's how many notes per octave the guitar plays), which messes up the whole rhythm and makes the songs hard to dance to. I'm a blue belt in karate and I like to show off my moves in the pit (all the babes in my class dig it), but I can't do that if Mikhail Akunin can't even play his guitar right. Go listen to Guns N' Roses and learn how a REAL musician writes riffs.

What even IS "Blackwater Park" anyway? Like, wow, so deep. You use words like "affinity" and "drapery," so it must be intelligent. I'm in awe of how meaningful this album is, with all these instrumental jam sessions and super long songs. It's like these guys think they're jazz musicians or something. Go get a job, hippie. I don't care who you are - seven minutes is *way* too long for a song. And the song "Blackwater Park" is a whole freaking 12 minutes!!!! If Mikasa Ackermann is really this awesome genius songwriter, how come he can't figure out how to get to the freaking point already?

Just because you have tracks with extended lengths that incorporate multiple styles and push the boundaries of musical convention through virtuosic performances, unorthodox structures, and genre-spanning techniques doesn't mean you're progressive. Try listening to Periphery sometime, guys.

Oh, and by the way, this Steven Wilson guy who produced this album - also a total hack. That guy doesn't know the first thing about album production. It's super muddy, there's no bass, and the high end is all blown out. Stick to writing sad songs about birds.

*Disclaimer: This review was part of the 2018 April Fools Collection. It is actually a review of Death's Sound Of Perseverance. *


Rating breakdown
Performance: 2
Songwriting: 2
Originality: 2
Production: 2


 



Written on 01.04.2018 by I'm the reviewer, and that means my opinion is correct.

Guest review by
Rupophobic
Rating:
10
Passion. That's what Blackwater Park is all about. Pure, unadulterated passion. Forget that Opeth display musical ability and know-how that is rivaled by few. Forget that the ending to The Leper Affinity goes from what can only be described as one of the greatest jam sessions ever, to a beautiful, yet melancholic pianistic epilogue. Forget that Harvest is one of the greatest acoustic songs ever written. Forget that Blackwater Park contains the perfect metal riff. Forget that Mikael Akerfeld quite possibly has the best voice in all of music. Forget that every moment of this album will make you stand in awe of what you're hearing. Why should you forget all that? Because none of it matters.

Read more ››
published 18.09.2003 | Comments (160)

Guest review by
Storchillarn
Rating:
9.9
There are few bands that dare to continuously expand their musical sphere with each release, expecting their fans to accept the changes - even fewer succeed. Mikael Åkerfeldt, song writer and front man of Opeth, has pushed Opeth to do so since the band's inception and perhaps it's this constant change, not giving the audience a chance to adjust to one particular niche, which keeps them from ending up like so many metal bands before them: repetitive and uninspired. 2001 was the year Opeth opened the floodgates of creativity and released what many believe to be their magnum opus, an album so hyped you might doubt its brilliance. I'm here to tell you not to doubt. This is Blackwater Park.

Read more ››
published 19.06.2010 | Comments (15)


Comments

Comments: 30   [ 1 ignored ]   Visited by: 624 users
01.04.2018 - 00:14
Jack_Torrance
Nice Fools Day Prank.
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01.04.2018 - 00:27
nikarg
Old Nick
"What even IS "Blackwater Park" anyway? Like, wow, so deep. You use words like "affinity" and "drapery," so it must be intelligent. I'm in awe of how meaningful this album is, with all these instrumental jam sessions and super long songs. It's like these guys think they're jazz musicians or something. Go get a job, hippie. I don't care who you are - seven minutes is *way* too long for a song. And the song "Blackwater Park" is a whole freaking 12 minutes!!!! If Mikasa Ackermann is really this awesome genius songwriter, how come he can't figure out how to get to the freaking point already?"

This paragraph. Thank you
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Follow me on Instagram

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01.04.2018 - 00:48
BlueBeary
Account deleted
2/10? Troll master... Nice one. You made me laugh...
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01.04.2018 - 00:50
BlueBeary
Account deleted
Ivan, admin! Give a cookie to this guy!
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01.04.2018 - 01:18
MyNameJeff
Lulu > Blackwater Park confirmed
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01.04.2018 - 01:22
anathema_1977
Perfect timing for Aprl Fool's Day. Caught you.
Pulling Metallica and GnR was a bit too obvious.
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01.04.2018 - 02:23
Rulatore
Nice one
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01.04.2018 - 02:42
hiram hiram
:D:D:D
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01.04.2018 - 02:43
Lanthros
Fuck. I sat straight the fuck up when i saw 2.0. Then i just HAD to read it. On a shitty day............ I cheered up a bit and laughed. Thankee.
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01.04.2018 - 04:02
bddidier
Too much coffee this morning? You know it will give you cancer, do you?
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01.04.2018 - 05:55
Malignar
Still Life is better. This is when Opeth started to suck....I agree. Perfect album, for this site, to review on 4/1.
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01.04.2018 - 07:33
Mehdi Taba
Mehdi Taba
Nice one, that was funny.
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01.04.2018 - 11:03
Rapid Fire
Possibly the best review I've ever read on this site
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Twelve voices were shouting in anger, and they were all alike. The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
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01.04.2018 - 11:23
tea[m]ster
Au Pays Natal
Hehe.....
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rekt
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01.04.2018 - 12:28
Panterica
"I'm a blue belt in karate and I like to show off my moves in the pit..."
I'd like to see that. I reckon it would be a delightful sight to behold.
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Li'ed - Prog-Metal from Jerusalem
https://www.facebook.com/LiedBandMusic
http://lied-band.bandcamp.com/
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01.04.2018 - 13:57
Fallen Ghost
Craft Beer Geek
Hahaha I love this, Mikasa Ackermann Hahahaha
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01.04.2018 - 14:55
BloodTears
ANA-thema
Are you really a blue belt in karate? ahah We need to train together

Also, this is preposterous. Everybody knows this album is perfection and still one of the best Opeth albums. You can't improve perfection, now can you?

Fight me on this
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29

Like you could kiss my ass.


My Instagram
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01.04.2018 - 15:11
BlankFile
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01.04.2018 - 15:53
ScreamingSteelUS
Editor-in-Chief
Written by BloodTears on 01.04.2018 at 14:55

Are you really a blue belt in karate? ahah We need to train together

Fight me on this

I'm not, but today, I can believe anything I want.

I'll still fight you, though.
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Row, row, fight the power
Djently down the stream

I'm the Agent of Steel.
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01.04.2018 - 16:13
Reaper_Redeamer
Hahahaha sweet day
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01.04.2018 - 16:18
Lanthros
Written by Malignar on 01.04.2018 at 05:55

Still Life is better. This is when Opeth started to suck....I agree. Perfect album, for this site, to review on 4/1.

I agree. Still Life was a masterpiece. Ive liked alot of what theyve released since, but NONE of it has come close to matching Still Life.
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02.04.2018 - 02:24
Jaeryd
Nihil's Maw
Written by Lanthros on 01.04.2018 at 16:18

Written by Malignar on 01.04.2018 at 05:55

Still Life is better. This is when Opeth started to suck....I agree. Perfect album, for this site, to review on 4/1.

I agree. Still Life was a masterpiece. Ive liked alot of what theyve released since, but NONE of it has come close to matching Still Life.

>Implying Opeth hasn't always sucked ass
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02.04.2018 - 14:05
Mc_Twist
I lost it at Mikasa Ackermann
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02.04.2018 - 14:15
shadow616
Hy hy... not funny
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www.soundbastards.pl
www.musicmetal.org
www.rycerze.wp.pl
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02.04.2018 - 22:07
Nick Carter
I am not the biggest Opeth fan but this one is great. Guns N Roses hahahahah
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#MetalIsForEveryone
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03.04.2018 - 22:34
hyper
10/10 for the horse crap you wrote
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04.04.2018 - 01:01
Psilopylot
Damn, I almost wrote an angry comment. Was oblivious to April's fools.
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18.04.2018 - 14:15
mertriver1
Masterpiece!!!
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19.04.2018 - 11:45
Daniell
_爱情_
Written by BloodTears on 01.04.2018 at 14:55

Everybody knows this album is perfection and still one of the best Opeth albums. You can't improve perfection, now can you?

"Still Life" is better.
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Now loving:
Tribulation - The Lament
Tribulation - Nightbound
Tribulation - Subterranea
Tribulation - The World
Tribulation - Here Be Dragons
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19.04.2018 - 12:25
BloodTears
ANA-thema
Written by Daniell on 19.04.2018 at 11:45

Written by BloodTears on 01.04.2018 at 14:55

Everybody knows this album is perfection and still one of the best Opeth albums. You can't improve perfection, now can you?

"Still Life" is better.


I said one of the best If we're really comparing, MAYH is still the best out of all for me. Still Life is up there too. It has some of the best Opeth songs ever and my personal favourite "Benighted".
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29

Like you could kiss my ass.


My Instagram
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