Rating:
2.9
Angelic Power Force Redemption - Everyday Is A Bad Hair Day For Satan Because We're Here!
10 March 2011


Disc I
01. Genesis
02. Begats
03. There Is No Fear In Love But Perfect Love Drives Out Fear Because Fear Has To Do With Punishment
04. Away In A Manger We Kicked The Devil's Butt
Disc II
#


Here are we again. I had to do this in response to the useless, inobjective review our resident panderer gave this band, Angelic Power Force Redemption, which is another example in the long line of crappy bands that get a ridiculous amount of praise from the diaper-wearing idiot reviewers of this hypocrite site who think they're all so goddamn Gallant in giving out huge scores to rubbish modern bands.

They think they're so grim, just because they sing about Hare Krishnas. Like anyone will ever go as far as Vemon did in the 80's lyrically with their serious and thought provoking music? Doubtful, and I haven't seen anyone do it yet. Truly avant-garde means pushing the boundaries of old-school bands that don't ever change their sound. Modern bands don't seem to be able to understand this simple concept. The only redeeming quality of this band is that I get to bash it in this review.

And why do they need 700 hundred members to make this music? I remember back in the day when it only took three and a half members to be in a band: one to do the growling, one to do the singing, two to play guitars, one to drum and another to wander around the stage painting corpse paint on all the hot over 40-something women whilst playing the cowbell. That was true metal, not this drivel. It's nothing more than a carbon copy of Deathspell Omega or Sonic Syndicate + (insert any band using guitars or drums or humans): droning guitars that drone on dronelessly. Drone: it's what all the teenagers want these days with their tank tops and their Playstation 360's and their MiniDisc players.

This CD was a monotonous journey into boredom which would eventually spawn menstrual cramps. The only thing I can fathom about the complete blind-devotion of the fans is that they don't know any better, or because they haven't listened to me. Angelic Power Force Redemption left this listener wanting a hell of a lot less musically and lot more of the exact same thing that the bands I really like did years ago. Giving this offering anything over a 3 is being egregious.

I actually really enjoy bands like Blut Aus Nord, Kittie, Merzbow, Wintersun and A Dream of Poe because they all know how to make music without being pretentious. Not this band with their poly-bi-carbonate rhythms, triplet subdivisions that contrast with duple subdivisions and progressing anti-choruses. Not to mention the chord harmonics that clash with quasi glissandos! I mean come on guys, what on Earth were you thinking?!

I don't hate Angelic Power Force Redemption, I only hate young people and people that don't share my opinions, I just think their music is severely lacking on just about every front. At least it's not The Black Eyed Peas and the guitars are distorted. Of course, you obviously won't listen to one fucking word I wrote, which is typical. All you fanboys and girls are quite clearly enslaved to this kind of music.

Performance: 3
Songwriting: 2
Originality: 2
Production: 3


 


written by !J.O.O.E.! | 01.04.2011

Staff review by
Dane Train

Rating:
10
Put away any thoughts you had about Christian Metal and get ready to have the Hell beaten out of you...literally!

Hailing from the Megachurch, Tribuo Nos Vestri Viaticus, comes Angelic Power Force Redemption. A 247 member (a use the term member and not person as you will see later why) financially backed by their congregation of 140,000 who play some of the most amazing music ever recorded. Not wanting ignore or ostracize any genre of Metal, APFR play what could be best described as Epic Progressive Symphonic Thrash. A feat I can assure is not easy to accomplish.

Read more ››
published 01.04.2011 | Comments (38)



Comments

‹‹ Back to the Funny stuff
Comments: 22  
Users visited: 341  
Search this topic:  


BloodTears - 01.04.2011 at 22:44  
Why only 3 for production?

I thought Genesis was a very polished rendition of the start of the world.
!J.O.O.E.! - 01.04.2011 at 22:51  
Written by BloodTears on 01.04.2011 at 22:44

Why only 3 for production?

I thought Genesis was a very polished rendition of the start of the world.

Much like the beginnings of the world it was very noisy and messy with lots of crap going on.
Array - 01.04.2011 at 23:37  
A review from the paradise.
!J.O.O.E.! - 01.04.2011 at 23:41  
Written by Array on 01.04.2011 at 23:37

A review from the paradise.

+1
Mr. Doctor - 01.04.2011 at 23:47  
Quote:
All you fanboys and girls are quite clearly enslaved to this kind of music.


I see what you did there... and I like it.


and Daaaaaaaaaaaaang... I know it's a joke but seeing Kittie and wintersun besides names as Blut Aus Nord and Merzbow is just plain fucking disturbing.
Void Eater - 02.04.2011 at 05:47  
Please, it's not that bad. Overrated sure, but it's hardly the pile of bear shit you make it out to be. I quite liked it, it's far more creative then you give it credit for. Perhaps the begining of post neo progressive blackened power thrash metal? Only time will tell.
Întunecatul - 02.04.2011 at 13:59  
You don't know shit man...I've been a fan of this band since the church days (they played in church not in a garage like all the wannabe cool kids).
The Shape 1973 - 03.04.2011 at 10:36  
Its like RavenKing wrote this review.
MechanisT - 03.04.2011 at 16:30  
Grrrrrrrrrr...now I'm really angry! Badmouthin' my favourite album, will ya? No tifftaffing way! Fall, villain! Be smithen by the Builder! BY THE BUILDER!!!
Slayer666 - 05.04.2011 at 15:37  
Written by The Shape 1973 on 03.04.2011 at 10:36

Its like RavenKing wrote this review.

Or ponderer...
See what I did there?
mz - 26.03.2013 at 23:14  
Haha got a link to this review from AOE review page. Excellent
Fritillaria - 24.09.2013 at 17:43  
I'm gonna watch them live
Jaeryd17‍ - 22.05.2014 at 04:48  
Passion. That's what this review is all about. Pure, unadulterated passion. Forget that !J.O.O.E.! displays a musical knowledge and know-how that is rivaled by few. Forget that he's one of the greatest reviewers to ever grace the forums of Metalstorm. Forget that he has a uniquely ingenious mind with an all-encompassing grasp of the English language. Forget that he uses this language as masterfully as a professional fencing duelist wields his blade. Forget that every single word he writes is like liquid gold oozing out of a honey-covered-warthog's anus. Forget that every single letter, space, and punctuation mark of this review will make you stand in awe of what you're reading like an epileptic retard drooling and twitching himself to death at the sight of Pokemon's banned Porygon episode. Why should you forget all that? Because none of it matters.

What matters is that !J.O.O.E.!'s review here connects with the reader on a level that no other reviewer has ever obtained. Just what that level is can't be defined. It can only be felt. And the only way to feel it is to read. And I do mean READ. You shouldn't do so much as twiddle your thumbs or blink during your reading of this, or any of his other reviews. You would only be hurting yourself. His only rivals in this department would be the immortal classical authors and poets, such as Charles Dickens, T.S. Elliot, Homer, and Shakespeare. But !J.O.O.E.! still beats them out; like a vicious meth-addled twenty-dollar hooker beats it out of a repressed middle-aged business man.

I can't tell you how difficult it is for me to even attempt to describe how eye-implodingly spectacular his writing is. By doing so, I'm implying that this review, and indeed all of !J.O.O.E.!'s works, can be somehow compared with any other review by any other reviewer (or any writing by any author, for that matter). That is simply not true. I have given masturbatingly gratuitous praise to reviewers that don't even register on the scale when compared to !J.O.O.E.!. The very fact that I'm pretending to have a smidgen of worthiness to even discuss !J.O.O.E.!'s reviews is an intolerable blasphemy. No amount of words in this, or any other language, can begin to describe the mosaic of emotion on this, or any of his reviews. Unless, of course, you're a God of gods like !J.O.O.E.! himself, in which case you could probably describe it perfectly because you're a fucking super-entity of near infinite proportions (he probably also has the most massive penis on the planet). !J.O.O.E.!'s creations transcend not only language, writing, and poetry, but art itself. I believe, with all my heart, that his words can even create life, as I've seen a lady spontaneously become pregnant at this mere sight of one of his reviews.

His is truly, without a doubt, the very language of the soul.
deadone - 26.05.2014 at 05:13  
Written by Jaeryd17‍ on 22.05.2014 at 04:48

Passion. That's what this review is all about. Pure, unadulterated passion. Forget that !J.O.O.E.! displays a musical knowledge and know-how that is rivaled by few. Forget that he's one of the greatest reviewers to ever grace the forums of Metalstorm. Forget that he has a uniquely ingenious mind with an all-encompassing grasp of the English language. Forget that he uses this language as masterfully as a professional fencing duelist wields his blade. Forget that every single word he writes is like liquid gold oozing out of a honey-covered-warthog's anus. Forget that every single letter, space, and punctuation mark of this review will make you stand in awe of what you're reading like an epileptic retard drooling and twitching himself to death at the sight of Pokemon's banned Porygon episode. Why should you forget all that? Because none of it matters.

What matters is that !J.O.O.E.!'s review here connects with the reader on a level that no other reviewer has ever obtained. Just what that level is can't be defined. It can only be felt. And the only way to feel it is to read. And I do mean READ. You shouldn't do so much as twiddle your thumbs or blink during your reading of this, or any of his other reviews. You would only be hurting yourself. His only rivals in this department would be the immortal classical authors and poets, such as Charles Dickens, T.S. Elliot, Homer, and Shakespeare. But !J.O.O.E.! still beats them out; like a vicious meth-addled twenty-dollar hooker beats it out of a repressed middle-aged business man.

I can't tell you how difficult it is for me to even attempt to describe how eye-implodingly spectacular his writing is. By doing so, I'm implying that this review, and indeed all of !J.O.O.E.!'s works, can be somehow compared with any other review by any other reviewer (or any writing by any author, for that matter). That is simply not true. I have given masturbatingly gratuitous praise to reviewers that don't even register on the scale when compared to !J.O.O.E.!. The very fact that I'm pretending to have a smidgen of worthiness to even discuss !J.O.O.E.!'s reviews is an intolerable blasphemy. No amount of words in this, or any other language, can begin to describe the mosaic of emotion on this, or any of his reviews. Unless, of course, you're a God of gods like !J.O.O.E.! himself, in which case you could probably describe it perfectly because you're a fucking super-entity of near infinite proportions (he probably also has the most massive penis on the planet). !J.O.O.E.!'s creations transcend not only language, writing, and poetry, but art itself. I believe, with all my heart, that his words can even create life, as I've seen a lady spontaneously become pregnant at this mere sight of one of his reviews.

His is truly, without a doubt, the very language of the soul.




Hear, hear!


We need a blow job emoticon.
!J.O.O.E.! - 06.06.2014 at 19:43  
Written by Jaeryd17‍ on 22.05.2014 at 04:48

Passion. That's what this review is all about. Pure, unadulterated passion. Forget that !J.O.O.E.! displays a musical knowledge and know-how that is rivaled by few. Forget that he's one of the greatest reviewers to ever grace the forums of Metalstorm. Forget that he has a uniquely ingenious mind with an all-encompassing grasp of the English language. Forget that he uses this language as masterfully as a professional fencing duelist wields his blade. Forget that every single word he writes is like liquid gold oozing out of a honey-covered-warthog's anus. Forget that every single letter, space, and punctuation mark of this review will make you stand in awe of what you're reading like an epileptic retard drooling and twitching himself to death at the sight of Pokemon's banned Porygon episode. Why should you forget all that? Because none of it matters.

What matters is that !J.O.O.E.!'s review here connects with the reader on a level that no other reviewer has ever obtained. Just what that level is can't be defined. It can only be felt. And the only way to feel it is to read. And I do mean READ. You shouldn't do so much as twiddle your thumbs or blink during your reading of this, or any of his other reviews. You would only be hurting yourself. His only rivals in this department would be the immortal classical authors and poets, such as Charles Dickens, T.S. Elliot, Homer, and Shakespeare. But !J.O.O.E.! still beats them out; like a vicious meth-addled twenty-dollar hooker beats it out of a repressed middle-aged business man.

I can't tell you how difficult it is for me to even attempt to describe how eye-implodingly spectacular his writing is. By doing so, I'm implying that this review, and indeed all of !J.O.O.E.!'s works, can be somehow compared with any other review by any other reviewer (or any writing by any author, for that matter). That is simply not true. I have given masturbatingly gratuitous praise to reviewers that don't even register on the scale when compared to !J.O.O.E.!. The very fact that I'm pretending to have a smidgen of worthiness to even discuss !J.O.O.E.!'s reviews is an intolerable blasphemy. No amount of words in this, or any other language, can begin to describe the mosaic of emotion on this, or any of his reviews. Unless, of course, you're a God of gods like !J.O.O.E.! himself, in which case you could probably describe it perfectly because you're a fucking super-entity of near infinite proportions (he probably also has the most massive penis on the planet). !J.O.O.E.!'s creations transcend not only language, writing, and poetry, but art itself. I believe, with all my heart, that his words can even create life, as I've seen a lady spontaneously become pregnant at this mere sight of one of his reviews.

His is truly, without a doubt, the very language of the soul.

Lol. Can't tell if you were taking the piss or not but I appreciate the effort anyway
Mr. Doctor - 06.06.2014 at 23:15  
Written by deadone on 26.05.2014 at 05:13

Hear, hear!

We need a blow job emoticon.


Not really. It's a by-now classic MS joke. He's just making a reference to this awful review which turned out to be a sort of meme for the website.
!J.O.O.E.! - 06.06.2014 at 23:49  
Written by Mr. Doctor on 06.06.2014 at 23:15


Not really. It's a by-now classic MS joke. He's just making a reference to this awful review which turned out to be a sort of meme for the website.

Actually it's a parody of this =P

http://metalstorm.net/pub/review.php?review_id=8685
Mr. Doctor - 07.06.2014 at 00:00  
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 06.06.2014 at 23:49

Written by Mr. Doctor on 06.06.2014 at 23:15


Not really. It's a by-now classic MS joke. He's just making a reference to this awful review which turned out to be a sort of meme for the website.

Actually it's a parody of this =P

http://metalstorm.net/pub/review.php?review_id=8685


Dude, I'm talking about the comment some dude just posted above us.
!J.O.O.E.! - 07.06.2014 at 00:01  
Written by Mr. Doctor on 07.06.2014 at 00:00


Dude, I'm talking about the comment some dude just posted above us.

I have an extremely short memory...

Although looking at it I don't think deadone got either of the original jokes. I think a double of this may be in order.

deadone - 07.06.2014 at 02:30  
Written by Mr. Doctor on 06.06.2014 at 23:15

Written by deadone on 26.05.2014 at 05:13

Hear, hear!

We need a blow job emoticon.


Not really. It's a by-now classic MS joke. He's just making a reference to this awful review which turned out to be a sort of meme for the website.



I know all about unadulterated passion. One of the first reviews I read on this site!


We still need a blow job emoticon.
Jaeryd17‍ - 08.06.2014 at 02:17  
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 06.06.2014 at 19:43

Lol. Can't tell if you were taking the piss or not but I appreciate the effort anyway

Just figured that one good turn deserved another. I found your review very amusing, so I answered your bit of satire with yet another bit of satire.

In other words, I thought it would be interesting to review your review that made fun of a review by writing a review that made fun of a review.

!J.O.O.E.! - 08.06.2014 at 17:25  
Written by Jaeryd17‍ on 08.06.2014 at 02:17

Just figured that one good turn deserved another. I found your review very amusing, so I answered your bit of satire with yet another bit of satire.

In other words, I thought it would be interesting to review your review that made fun of a review by writing a review that made fun of a review.


Awesome, I approve of the Inception-level this thread has reached

Advertise on Metal Storm


Login or register to post here.



Similar topics

Forum Topic Similarity Started
Funny stuff Angelic Power Force Redemption - Everyday Is A Bad Hair Day For Satan Because We're Here! 22 01.04.2011 by
Albums Angelic Power Force Redemption - Everyday Is A Bad Hair Day For Satan Because We're Here! 21 02.04.2011 by Vikcen
Albums Anathema - We're Here Because We're Here 4.5 28.03.2010 by lord artan
Reviews Anathema - We're Here Because We're Here 4.5 27.07.2010 by Collin
Albums Redemption - Snowfall On Judgment Day 3 07.02.2010 by Daggon



Hits total: 4146 | This month: 133