Rating:
4.8
Unholy Sermon - The Sacrificial Rite
February 2011


01. The Virgin Sacrifice (Intro)
02. Demonic Call To Play
03. The Priests From Babylon
04. Crucifix In Fire
05. Bleed For The Gods Of War
06. Hamartia
07. Personifying Procrastination


Encountering some trouble writing this review—there are only so many ways to say that an album sucks--I turned to the kind persons at Dyson for help. They assisted me with the composition of the following:

I know that giving young bands shit can be a shitty thing to do. Especially when they're from a country with a metal scene the size of Sri Lanka's. But sometimes one encounters an amateur album so insultingly bland that he can't resist the urge. This is one of those cases. Unholy Sermon's The Sacrificial Rite is utterly flavorless.

The production, for starters, is dull. And not in the trve, cold sort of way either. Just dull. The vocalist's voice sounds stretched and strained. It lacks power. The keyboard intros and fills are uninteresting. The drumming is mid-paced and remains so throughout. And so forth. It's bland, lifeless mush. There's nothing extreme or risky about it. And it sucks. Almost as hard as a Dyson DC25 Multi Floor.

The album cover looks like a composite image of every other satanic melodic black metal album. Graveyard, check. Boobs, check. Pentagrams, check. Seen it all before. Which is a good indicator for the music underneath. You've probably heard it all before. A story as old as post-2nd wave melodic black metal: Amateur band copies their predecessors, adding splashes of melody randomly, thinking that, if they sound awful, they must be krieg. Which sucks. Just like the ultra-lightweight Dyson DC26.

It has to be noted, however, that there are a few solid riffs and solos on this. And that's normally enough for me. But their scarcity is annoying. The guitarist has some skill, but he seems to hesitate too much. He yields to the average performances from his band mates and lets them dominate the songs. Add to that the fact that he's all over the genre spectrum during this. When a thrash groove is developing, he kills it with some melodeath. When black metal is tremoloing its way into a fury, he backs down and plays more melodeath. Fluctuation can be good, don't get me wrong, but he doesn't have a good feel for it. Not yet at least. And that sucks. Almost as hard as a Dyson DC35 (who ever said vacuums need cords?).

In sum, Vacuum Cleaners are way more exciting than this album. Especially the Bagless ones. So, I'd advise you to not waste your time with it.


 



Written on 26.05.2011 by
wormdrink414
Wormdrink's real name is George and he's an American.
More reviews by wormdrink414 ››



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Doc Godin - 26.05.2011 at 08:47  
So which vacuum would you recommend?
wormdrink414 - 26.05.2011 at 08:53  
Written by Doc Godin on 26.05.2011 at 08:47

So which vacuum would you recommend?


That's a tough one. I guess I'd go with a Bissell. Just to be punk rock. Dyson aint punk rock.
Xnoybis - 26.05.2011 at 08:54  
Yeah, i refer to our current household one as THE NOISEMAKER ... so i'm looking for quiet, yet still with some suck power.

thanks in advance.

nice work.
wormdrink414 - 26.05.2011 at 09:13  
Written by Xnoybis on 26.05.2011 at 08:54

Yeah, i refer to our current household one as THE NOISEMAKER ... so i'm looking for quiet, yet still with some suck power.

thanks in advance.

nice work.


Go with the DC23 for quietness.
Fat & Sassy! - 26.05.2011 at 09:36  
"WELL IT CERTAINLY DOES SUCK."
Darkside Momo - 26.05.2011 at 12:27  
Nice review and comments, lol'ing all over the place
Milena - 26.05.2011 at 14:07  
Written by Darkside Momo on 26.05.2011 at 12:27

Nice review and comments, lol'ing all over the place

+1
Edmund Fogg - 26.05.2011 at 14:46  
Ah Dyson, where are you not these days? You even act as muse for metal reviews. Really original review. Nice work
Ozman - 26.05.2011 at 15:28  
Mmm totally disagree.
I find this an immensely promising album.
their new track Sanatana Dharma which will be released soon as single has a lot of Sri Lankan influences in it.
Ozman - 26.05.2011 at 15:53  
Oh btw, nicely and well-written review.
bluegreengod - 26.05.2011 at 20:19  
I listened to some of this and did not like it at all with the production being the biggest problem. To say that it sucks and to the point of vacuum references seems a stretch, though... try turning on the radio anywhere in america and you'll hear stuff truly deserving of dyson talk.
Tranquillizer - 26.05.2011 at 21:14  
By merely looking at their band name/album title/tracklist I get the feeling that this is some Z-grade band, trying to the most kvlt band in the whole vnholy grim vniverse ov death . I would like to be proven wrong, but doubt I will .
Thryce - 26.05.2011 at 22:24  
Quote:
there are only so many ways to say that an album sucks

Challenge accepted!

This album sucks harder than a toothless hooker.
This album sucks harder than a vampire from Twilight.
This album sucks harder than Twilight.
This album sucks harder than an anorexic on a milkshake straw.
This album sucks harder than a black hole at a Smurf convention.
This album sucks harder than Gaahl in his as-yet-unreleased sex tape (oh, it's coming).
This album sucks harder than K7 at a spelling bee.

The point is: good review!
wormdrink414 - 26.05.2011 at 22:31  
Written by Ozman on 26.05.2011 at 15:28

Mmm totally disagree.
I find this an immensely promising album.

I pretty much thought the same when I first put it on (the first 3-4 minutes are decent), but around the third or fourth listen I couldn't take any more of it. It could definitely have benefited from a little more polish. Not necessarily post-production glitter or anything, but some riff work, some re-thinking of the vocal parts, etc. But, then again, this is strictly eye-m-oh.

Written by Thryce on 26.05.2011 at 22:24

This album sucks harder than a black hole at a Smurf convention.


Too soon, dude.
Ozman - 26.05.2011 at 23:30  
IZ think I listened to thid salbum about 20 time now and tbh it keeps on growing.

Clearly this is a case of love it or hate it.

Btw check out the review on lordsofmetal on June 2 for a totally different perspective on this ;X
Pyramid God - 27.05.2011 at 00:11  
The vocals are distractingly poor.
Lokaeda - 27.05.2011 at 04:14  
Written by Doc Godin on 26.05.2011 at 08:47

So which vacuum would you recommend?



I saw (in Germany) one called Dirt Devil. I was amazed by the epicness.
Fat & Sassy! - 27.05.2011 at 06:12  
Written by Thryce on 26.05.2011 at 22:24

This album sucks harder than K7 at a spelling bee.


Impossible.
TheLongPig - 27.05.2011 at 19:19  
Ok to put it in a nutshell, this review seems pretty unprofessional not to mention poorly researched as well. One look at the genre which the band claims they are will tell you that they do indeed switch around and mingle in death, black, melodic and thrash metal. Also to say it sucks as hard as a vacuum cleaner is not only overly dramatic, but also extremely immature and unprofessional. If you didn't like it fine, that's one thing. But it's something else for most of the 'substance' in this supposed 'critique' of a bands work contained your little quips about vacuum cleaners. There was little- or more like no constructive criticism at all. It was like a 12 year old grasping at the few 'witty' lines he could think of in order to make this 'entertaining'. Bottom line I liked it. I guess like one of the afore mentioned comments said it must be a love it or hate it thing. Despite that the music is no way as shitty as you made it out to be.
Fat & Sassy! - 27.05.2011 at 23:05  
Written by TheLongPig on 27.05.2011 at 19:19

There was little- or more like no constructive criticism at all. It was like a 12 year old grasping at the few 'witty' lines he could think of in order to make this 'entertaining'.


I take it you didn't read the review? TIME TO PRACTICALLY REPOST THIS WHOLE REVIEW.

"The production, for starters, is dull. And not in the trve, cold sort of way either. Just dull. The vocalist's voice sounds stretched and strained. It lacks power. The keyboard intros and fills are uninteresting. The drumming is mid-paced and remains so throughout. And so forth. It's bland, lifeless mush."

"It has to be noted, however, that there are a few solid riffs and solos on this. And that's normally enough for me. But their scarcity is annoying. The guitarist has some skill, but he seems to hesitate too much. He yields to the average performances from his band mates and lets them dominate the songs. Add to that the fact that he's all over the genre spectrum during this. When a thrash groove is developing, he kills it with some melodeath. When black metal is tremoloing its way into a fury, he backs down and plays more melodeath. Fluctuation can be good, don't get me wrong, but he doesn't have a good feel for it."

From what I've heard of their songs on MySpace, it is described almost perfectly.

Written by TheLongPig on 27.05.2011 at 19:19

Bottom line I liked it.


And god help the person who doesn't.
!J.O.O.E.! - 27.05.2011 at 23:27  
I haven't listened to this album but I'm not entirely unsympathetic to TheLongPigs comments. I did kinda go away from this review thinking more about vacuum cleaners than whatever album this was again. I'm all for amusing reviews but when a record becomes a showcase for a one-lined joke stretched ad infinitum one kinda wonders where the focus was originally. That being said it's clear people were entertained by this and I'm certainly someone who believes it's vital for a review to be entertaining, I''m just not one where critiquing takes a back seat. I'm gonna put this review down to fine-tuning as it's a little on the soggy side for my tastes but I appreciate where it was intended to go. Needless to say I won't be checking this out.
Fat & Sassy! - 27.05.2011 at 23:33  
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 27.05.2011 at 23:27

I''m just not one where critiquing takes a back seat. I'm gonna put this review down to fine-tuning as it's a little on the soggy side for my tastes but I appreciate where it was intended to go.


Personally, I did not walk away from it feeling like one aspect of the review dominated more than the other. I didn't think that the critique took a back seat, more like it was driving and the humor was rockin' in the passenger seat, entertaining not only the driver, but *all* the people in the car LIKE THE GOOD FRIEND HE IS.
!J.O.O.E.! - 27.05.2011 at 23:39  
Written by Fat & Sassy! on 27.05.2011 at 23:33


Personally, I did not walk away from it feeling like one aspect of the review dominated more than the other. I didn't think that the critique took a back seat, more like it was driving and the humor was rockin' in the passenger seat, entertaining not only the driver, but *all* the people in the car LIKE THE GOOD FRIEND HE IS.

Yeah but if I tied a piece of string to my wang and spun it around you'd probably think that was hilarious! I don't know what point I'm trying to make there.
Fat & Sassy! - 27.05.2011 at 23:43  
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 27.05.2011 at 23:39

Yeah but if I tied a piece of string to my wang and spun it around you'd probably think that was hilarious! I don't know what point I'm trying to make there.


That... you want me to want you? D:
!J.O.O.E.! - 27.05.2011 at 23:45  
Written by Fat & Sassy! on 27.05.2011 at 23:43

Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 27.05.2011 at 23:39

Yeah but if I tied a piece of string to my wang and spun it around you'd probably think that was hilarious! I don't know what point I'm trying to make there.


That... you want me to want you? D:

That's why I'm putting a fish hook on the end of the string. Your Fat/Sassyness will be mine any way I can get it.
Fat & Sassy! - 27.05.2011 at 23:49  
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 27.05.2011 at 23:45

That's why I'm putting a fish hook on the end of the string. Your Fat/Sassyness will be mine any way I can get it.


You sure do know how to flatter a girl, dude. =3
Troy Killjoy - 28.05.2011 at 00:39  
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 27.05.2011 at 23:27

I haven't listened to this album but I'm not entirely unsympathetic to TheLongPigs comments. I did kinda go away from this review thinking more about vacuum cleaners than whatever album this was again. I'm all for amusing reviews but when a record becomes a showcase for a one-lined joke stretched ad infinitum one kinda wonders where the focus was originally. That being said it's clear people were entertained by this and I'm certainly someone who believes it's vital for a review to be entertaining, I''m just not one where critiquing takes a back seat. I'm gonna put this review down to fine-tuning as it's a little on the soggy side for my tastes but I appreciate where it was intended to go. Needless to say I won't be checking this out.

My thoughts exactly.

Also, I believe this is the first time we've seen completely eye-to-eye.
!J.O.O.E.! - 28.05.2011 at 00:48  
Written by Troy Killjoy on 28.05.2011 at 00:39

My thoughts exactly.

Also, I believe this is the first time we've seen completely eye-to-eye.

I think that may be the case I'm not really sure what to do now... I'm scared Troy. Do I hug you or kiss you or what?
Troy Killjoy - 28.05.2011 at 00:54  
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 28.05.2011 at 00:48

I think that may be the case I'm not really sure what to do now... I'm scared Troy. Do I hug you or kiss you or what?

I believe wang-spinning is in order, although this review thread has already spiraled off-topic enough without me.
unholysermon - 01.06.2011 at 00:08  
This Same album was Rated 83/100 By Lords Of Metal http://www.lordsofmetal.nl/showreview.php?id=19136&lang=en

and A+ by the sunday leader magazine so i would suggest you guys to give our music a listen and then judge us \m/ and thanks George (wormdrink414) for the Review
wormdrink414 - 01.06.2011 at 01:58  
Written by Ozman on 26.05.2011 at 23:30

Btw check out the review on lordsofmetal on June 2 for a totally different perspective on this ;X


Who is this guy? What makes him think he's allowed to disagree with me?...

Nah, but you have made me consider re-visiting the album. Well, at least, for a second you did. My stubbornness won't allow it.

@Unholy Sermon: Quit being a good sport! Makes me feel like an asshole.
Doc Godin - 01.06.2011 at 02:17  
Written by unholysermon on 01.06.2011 at 00:08

This Same album was Rated 83/100 By Lords Of Metal http://www.lordsofmetal.nl/showreview.php?id=19136&lang=en

and A+ by the sunday leader magazine so i would suggest you guys to give our music a listen and then judge us \m/ and thanks George (wormdrink414) for the Review

Yeah, if I were you I'd be happy. I know most of the reviews where I bomb an album tend to see more hits than my luke-warm/positive reviews. So better promotion I guess?
unholysermon - 01.06.2011 at 02:36  
Written by Doc Godin on 01.06.2011 at 02:17

Written by unholysermon on 01.06.2011 at 00:08

This Same album was Rated 83/100 By Lords Of Metal http://www.lordsofmetal.nl/showreview.php?id=19136&lang=en

and A+ by the sunday leader magazine so i would suggest you guys to give our music a listen and then judge us \m/ and thanks George (wormdrink414) for the Review

Yeah, if I were you I'd be happy. I know most of the reviews where I bomb an album tend to see more hits than my luke-warm/positive reviews. So better promotion I guess?


haha true...im sure most people would want to check out how "vaccum" sounds like ... and yes i have seen an increase in our myspace hits and video views after this review..its either u like it or u hate it....so i would suggest the readers to check out our myspace and have their own views rather than not checking it out at all ... sometimes good things could come out of bad and i am indeed happy that this negative feedback on our album has led to some sort of promotion and awareness and i think george did a good job with it and spoke his mind about the album
Troy Killjoy - 01.06.2011 at 03:21  
Written by unholysermon on 01.06.2011 at 02:36

...

I'll probably check this out just because you're being so damn nice about this.
wormdrink414 - 01.06.2011 at 03:26  
Written by unholysermon on 01.06.2011 at 02:36

haha true...im sure most people would want to check out how "vaccum" sounds like ... and yes i have seen an increase in our myspace hits and video views after this review..its either u like it or u hate it....so i would suggest the readers to check out our myspace and have their own views rather than not checking it out at all ... sometimes good things could come out of bad and i am indeed happy that this negative feedback on our album has led to some sort of promotion and awareness and i think george did a good job with it and spoke his mind about the album


I'm glad if this is really helping you out. I have to think that, with the amount of variation in this album, you guys will benefit from better production equipment and all that jazz. That and clearly a number of people like this, so I'm happy to, uh, help.

At any rate, I'm surprised by how coolly you're taking this. This is how I picture you look (even though I've probably seen your picture). Cheers and best wishes and all that.
!J.O.O.E.! - 01.06.2011 at 03:31  
Written by wormdrink414 on 01.06.2011 at 03:26


I'm glad if this is really helping you out. I have to think that, with the amount of variation in this album, you guys will benefit from better production equipment and all that jazz. That and clearly a number of people like this, so I'm happy to, uh, help.

At any rate, I'm surprised by how coolly you're taking this. This is how I picture you look (even though I've probably seen your picture). Cheers and best wishes and all that.

Sorry, but I can't help but picture you like this right now
wormdrink414 - 01.06.2011 at 03:44  
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 01.06.2011 at 03:31

Sorry, but I can't help but picture you like this right now


That's about right. This is a better depiction though.

On a separate note, I need to stop doing this. I just learned how and I'm afraid I might have a problem.
!J.O.O.E.! - 01.06.2011 at 03:54  
Written by wormdrink414 on 01.06.2011 at 03:44

Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 01.06.2011 at 03:31

Sorry, but I can't help but picture you like this right now


That's about right. This is a better depiction though.

On a separate note, I need to stop doing this. I just learned how and I'm afraid I might have a problem.

I actually forget the code every time and have to log into my Last.fm account and look under the BBC... whatsit... code thing.
Ozman - 01.06.2011 at 12:10  
Written by wormdrink414 on 01.06.2011 at 01:58

Written by Ozman on 26.05.2011 at 23:30

Btw check out the review on lordsofmetal on June 2 for a totally different perspective on this ;X


Who is this guy? What makes him think he's allowed to disagree with me?...

Nah, but you have made me consider re-visiting the album. Well, at least, for a second you did. My stubbornness won't allow it.

@Unholy Sermon: Quit being a good sport! Makes me feel like an asshole.



Who do you think it is?
wormdrink414 - 01.06.2011 at 12:19  
Written by Ozman on 01.06.2011 at 12:10

Who do you think it is?


Dunno. Just some bastard probably.

(there I go again with the link embedding... )
Ozman - 01.06.2011 at 12:29  
Written by wormdrink414 on 01.06.2011 at 12:19

Written by Ozman on 01.06.2011 at 12:10

Who do you think it is?


Dunno. Just some bastard probably.

(there I go again with the link embedding... )


Jesus, that guy IS ugly and looks drunk
Doc Godin - 01.06.2011 at 12:46  
Written by unholysermon on 01.06.2011 at 02:36

Written by Doc Godin on 01.06.2011 at 02:17

Written by unholysermon on 01.06.2011 at 00:08

This Same album was Rated 83/100 By Lords Of Metal http://www.lordsofmetal.nl/showreview.php?id=19136&lang=en

and A+ by the sunday leader magazine so i would suggest you guys to give our music a listen and then judge us \m/ and thanks George (wormdrink414) for the Review

Yeah, if I were you I'd be happy. I know most of the reviews where I bomb an album tend to see more hits than my luke-warm/positive reviews. So better promotion I guess?


haha true...im sure most people would want to check out how "vaccum" sounds like ... and yes i have seen an increase in our myspace hits and video views after this review..its either u like it or u hate it....so i would suggest the readers to check out our myspace and have their own views rather than not checking it out at all ... sometimes good things could come out of bad and i am indeed happy that this negative feedback on our album has led to some sort of promotion and awareness and i think george did a good job with it and spoke his mind about the album

As they say - any publicity is good publicity. If your music evoked such strong opinions one way or another, it means you're at least creating something that makes an impact. Which is better than creating something forgettable in my opinion.
Maxx666 - 03.06.2011 at 10:38  
Worst album i have ever heard.... i regret the very fact that i even heard it.. even 4.5 rating is wayy too high for this piece of worthless crap

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