People keep sending me these weird PM's asking me what album I want to be buried with just in case I should die later tonight in mysterious circumstances (the fuck is going on guys?).

Well, lo and behold, one of my favorite all time classics right here. My "Holy Jesus on Ice Skates" meter just keeps going off the charts every time I play this ridiculously awesome record... to use an understatement.

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: Darkside Momo, !J.O.O.E.!, Fat & Sassy!, Doc G., Deadsoulman, White Winter Sun, Daniell, Nefarious, Marcel Hubregtse, wormdrink414, Ag Fox

Let's nip this in the bud: this ain't no Jester Race. But ain't no A Sense of Purpose either.

Take a few deep breaths, maybe think of a nice time you spent with girl/boy/horsefriend and gently let all your preconceptions slide off you, much in the same way those lovely girls who you watch mud wrestle slide all over each other on those lonely Friday nights... I'm sure I had a point, something about the new Morbid Angel? I can't really remember. Oh yeah, the new In Flames. It's really very not bad, plenty of thick leading harmonies harking back as far as Reroute To Remain do a plenty fine job of rekindling a little bit of the love you felt for these guys.

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: KwonVerge, Daniell, X-Ray Rod

At first sight, or, to be precise, at first listen, Samael made their new album using the same template as usual. But this time the result is exceptionally good. It takes enormous skill to compose twelve songs of similar structure and make them all sound different and unique. And incredibly catchy too, if that is possible with harsh vocals and customarily hateful anti christian lyrics. Those Swiss heretics are as hell-bent on hating religion as usual, but the whole background to their hate, all those marching rhythms, intricate and inspired keyboard passages and abrasive rasps mix together to form some of the nicest surprises of this year so far. Their best since Passage.

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: Ag Fox, KwonVerge

Shit got crazy, and I got scared.

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: Introspekrieg, Darkside Momo, Doc G., Ag Fox, Nefarious, BloodTears, X-Ray Rod, KwonVerge, Promonex

If you're fed up with nay-sayers bitching about djent being a non-genre, just make them listen to this superb EP. All the requirements are here, along with truly stellar songwriting, soaring vocals and a maverick ear for non-banal pop melodies.

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: Thryce, Ag Fox, BloodTears, Deadsoulman

Bombing your ears with a tasty mix of mathcore/djent/deathcore, Veil Of Maya were one of the hottest bands last year, disrupting souls all across the scene with the lethal electroshock weapon called [id]. All genre debates aside, let's just call this "facemeltingly good" and leave it at that.

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: jupitreas

So you thought you'd heard the pinnacle of experimental metal? Think again buster, Morbid Angel are here to please their fanbase with everything they could have ever wanted: rip-roaring hardcore snarls, air-punching electro-beatz, brutal, technical Rammstein-worship and truly forward-thinking lyrical content such as the never before contemplated "KILL A COP COP, KILL A COP, KILL-A-KILL-A-COP!" all of which will have you grabbing your glowsticks, squeezing into your favourite UV neon-latex vest and before you know it you'll be throwing shapes down your local Goth-pit, big-fish, little-fish, cardboard box style. Yeah, Morbid Angel know what they're doing and are making metal sexier than ever before.

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: X-Ray Rod, Deadsoulman, KwonVerge, Ag Fox, Fat & Sassy!, Daniell, White Winter Sun

Perhaps the only thing more depressing than this album is that it's the last album Colosseum are going to release, due to the only other other thing perhaps more depressing than this album: Juhani Palomäki's tragic death.

And in case you were wondering - yes, Parasomnia is the epitome of bittersweet.

/wrist

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: KwonVerge, BitterCOld, X-Ray Rod, !J.O.O.E.!, Ag Fox, Marcel Hubregtse, Daniell, White Winter Sun, Nefarious

Raw? Check.
Ugly? Check.
Crack-brained? Check.
Grim? Check.
Aggressive? Check.

No, it's not your great aunt Geraldine we're talking about here. It's TOAD. They make some horrifically grimy extreme music. There's really no logical reason to not be listening to this right now.

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: X-Ray Rod, Ag Fox, Marcel Hubregtse, wormdrink414

http://www.spinefarm.fi/images/bands/Shining_500px.jpg

I'm sorry, that's not enough for you? Because I didn't really think I needed another reason. It's Shining, it's Kvarforth, it's fucked up and you're fucked up whether or not you like it so join the party and get fucked. Fuck.

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: KwonVerge, White Winter Sun, X-Ray Rod

Starting with where their most recent left off, the Sheep-stealers from Enslaved make a 90 degree turn and cut through prog country before ending up in Viking land. Not Amon Amarth viking land, but as close an approximation to Ye Olde Viking Music as one might expect.

Best of all, it's apparently free thanks to, uh, a car company which spits out cars which look like bricks. Pretty cool stuff... the music. And maybe the car company... when they come out with the V-Box, complete with horns, shield hubcaps, and axe-rack on the back, i'll be interested.

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: Fat & Sassy!, !J.O.O.E.!, Introspekrieg, Darkside Momo, Marcel Hubregtse, White Winter Sun, Deadsoulman, BloodTears, Daniell, wormdrink414, X-Ray Rod

I don't really understand why some people are disappointed with this release. Sure, it's a little less aggressive than their previous albums, but I think this (with the help of a stronger focus of symphonic elements in the song writing) gives their music a more whimsical movie/classic RPG soundtrack feel. I mean, if "End Of An Empire" doesn't make you wanna fight (and die) for the glory of your homeland and ancestors, then you may as well drop your mighty battleaxe and banish yourself from the Kingdom of Metal. So sit back, relax, and let Turisas take you on little imaginary adventures with each epic track on Stand Up and Fight!

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: Susan, KwonVerge, GT

Hate Eternal are back with another monumentally brutal slab of death metal. Phoenix Amongst The Ashes is as crushing as death metal can get. If you wish to remove your face; this album will probably do the trick.

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: Troy Killjoy, Thryce, White Winter Sun, wormdrink414

Say goodbye to the overproduced and plastic shit that is sold to you as "Death Metal" and get a taste of what the genre really is about. Trasformation is the debut by this young and promising Israeli band and you could swear it was released back in the old days. It's almost ironic how refreshing this sounds today.

With a doomy vibe to make everything more intense, this album will surely be a favorite for the lovers of Death Metal... The Real Way.

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: Marcel Hubregtse, Nefarious, !J.O.O.E.!

Ok ignore that last classification, that was just a bit of self-indulgence. Then again who knows, it might catch on. This is something that positively vomits underground mass appeal; the kind of thing if more people were aware of they'd be frantically sprinting to the nearest tattooist to get the cover art etched into their forehead. Planet-sized dirges (appropriately enough) that melt into epic cleans and deep ambient nuancing over a monolithic 75 minute journey of dripping atmosphere, texture and melody with the odd Jesu and Cult of Luna inflection.

Quite possibly the only album you'll need this year? Oh yeah, they're French too. Quelle surprise.

Staff pick by:
Endorsed by: Deadsoulman, Ag Fox, BloodTears, Troy Killjoy, BitterCOld, Introspekrieg, X-Ray Rod