Fuck The Public Transport
| Written by: | destroyah |
| Published: | 29.04.2008 |
I hate public transport. Period. Why-o-why am I bothering myself with writing about it instead of enjoying my weekend? Well, because tomorrow I have to take a 50-minute trolley trip to my grandpa's to fix his internet connection problem. Here's how I see this working out - I get there, hit the 'refresh' key and say "well there's your problem." Then of course I have to take an equally tedious trip back home and all that on a bloody sunday - time well spent!
Now if you have never seen a trolleybus - it's basically this bus with horns on top, and as horns usually indicate a devious essence (except with cows), then surely enough the trolley is not a "swell ride" - it's loud, bumpy and smells of excrement and cheap perfume. Should any regular 50 year old plus public transport user read this entry by a freak chance, here's a few tips - if you're taking the bus to work, lay off the goddamn aftershave and for the love of god, NO COMMUTING AFTER VISITING THE FUCKING FISHMARKET!!! Seriously, I once had the horror of traveling in the same trolley with a fisherman and woman dipped in cologne, both pressed hard against me, as the damn trolley was full. Being under crossfire from rotting salmon and 99-cent "perfume" is not my idea of fun. I'm normally not suicidal but damn it, on that particular morning I really wanted to kill myself and everyone around me.
So, how to make the experience, uh - less horrifying? It usually helps if there's a babe in a miniskirt around for me to stare at. Yes, it's cold right now but there is a surprisingly large number of hot chicks out there who aren't afraid of their ovaries freezing over in the -15 C weather, thus keeping the northern viking-men very, very happy. I could also try and engage in a philosophical monologue but I always end up playing human Q-bert in my head or leaning towards severe misanthropia when inside a bus. Smoking pot would surely make the journey more tolerable but of course marijuana is illegal in the Great State of Estonia. That's right - grass is considered "dangerous", whereas the ultra-smelly and probably highly contagious trolleys are not. How messed up is that?!
Luckily enough, that's where rock music comes in. Thus I'm going to list a few songs that might hold back my excessive projectile vomiting while riding in a trolley.
1. Nashville Pussy - Go Motherfucker, Go - admittedly not the best choice since the damned trolley only does about 40 km/h. But it's high octane and therefore rather sedating.
2. Down - Trolley Bus is a Dying Whore - Yes, I know, I changed the title a bit. But the song sounds really heavy and mean and I don't have anything against New Orleans. I do, however, utterly despise trolleys.
3. Turbonegro - Mobile Home - this is a perfect song for long-range public transport raids since the desperation inside the vehicle makes you feel like you're gonna be stuck there forever.
4. Fu Manchu - King of the Road - the main line, "King of the road says you move too slow!" works for fast rides as well as pussy public transports. That's right, "p" is for "pedal to the metal", you wanker...
5. Iggy Pop & The Stooges - My Idea of Fun - This is one of the best apathetic random killer songs ever made and it suits the anguish of a long trolley ride dead on. Sometimes I forget that I have my headphones and I actually sing the chorus along - "My idea of fun is killing everyone...". It cleares the bus rather quickly, I must add...
6. Jimi Hendrix - Crosstown Traffic - I honestly think that when Jimi wrote this song, he had trolleybuses in his drug-riddled mind. He foresaw the Apocalyptic Wagons from Hell, I'm sure.
7. Slayer - Eyes of the Insane - I actually never really got into that song. That is until I listened to it in a trolleybus - suddenly the message became painfully clear. Honestly, it's like Baghdad in there - anyone might be packin' a bomb (or a fishnet) but you can't take 'em out cause of the dumb-ass rules of engagement.
8. Skid Row - Get the Fuck Out - sends a clear message to some particular co-commuters... That means everybody.
I actually wrote this entry a few months ago but forgot to post it due to a sudden violent attack of blood-bursting-from-my-nosies. So I'm posting it now since I sense a disturbance in the Force - I fear I must undertake the journey again in the following days. There have been other signs - I saw a trolleybus in my dreams last night and yesterday a White Unicorn descended from the Heavens and told me to "take a bus, you mother fucker!" Therefore, I need your help to figure out more songs that would help me endure the trip. Consider this the "Commuters Anonymous" topic.
Also, a preemptive strike against car owners - you don't know what it's like, so pipe down!
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Comments: 45
Visited by: 151 users
| jupitreas hi-fi / lo-life Posts: 6659 From: Poland  |
Hahahah Nothing like a good rant. I actually disagree with you totally though. I always enjoy travelling and since I never bothered getting a driving license (or a car) I always use public transport. Being in transit is a state that I find extremely calming and since public transportation doesnt require much mental attention from the traveller (sitting/standing and looking out for pickpockets) it gives me ample time to deliberate about whatever is happening in my life at the moment or to simply enjoy music in a way that is quite unique. I find that the small amount of attention that I am forced to donate to the actual act of travelling is just the right amount to leave me to listen to music closely for prolonged amounts of time without getting bored. I therefore truly love travelling via public transport. Naturally, I mainly have experience with fairly clean and modern public transport facilities, perhaps that troley you are referring to is just pure shit and doesnt allow for a proper appreciation of the momentary life of the road.
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| destroyah supercharger Posts: 12195 From: Estonia  |
Written by jupitreas on 29.04.2008 at 17:12 Well, most of our buses, trolleys etc are rather modern. HOWEVER, there are plenty of these old turds left as well. Plus on that particular route, the view is not very scenic either, I'm afraid... inter-city/countryside routes are a whole different ball game. P.S. Usually they're rather full as well, so that doesn't help.
---- About me: "The best out of all the people ever" - Washington Post "We abandoned Christ for Destroyah's love!" - The Watchtower "Simply amazing!" - Rolling Stone
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| Baz Anderson Posts: 13237 From: UK  |
Hahahaha, what a great blog. But yeh, I also enjoy the odd public transport I use.. busses or trains.. I dread to think what they like over in Estonia.. hahaha
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| destroyah supercharger Posts: 12195 From: Estonia |
Written by Baz Anderson on 29.04.2008 at 18:31 Good example: http://www.tttk.ee/public/files/solaris_12.gif Rolling Pooper: http://www.tttk.ee/index.php?page=93& I think the old ones are getting more and more rare but i ALWAYS end up stumbling on the crappy ones.
---- About me: "The best out of all the people ever" - Washington Post "We abandoned Christ for Destroyah's love!" - The Watchtower "Simply amazing!" - Rolling Stone
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| Sunioj Posts: 3894 From: Finland  |
I can relate, I've been taking public transport my whole life and while it has its downsides, it sure as hell beats paying shitloads of money just to get a license, and then once you do have one, paying even more for insurance, gas etc. The classic way of traveling here is by bus, I have to take the 'religious' bus to work where the women are separated from the men. What I do for kicks is let my hair down and sit facing opposite the direction of the bus so that from behind, no religious woman can tell if I'm a guy or not, so they sit down next to me, look at my facial hair, act surprised and sit somewhere else in panic. But nothing beats the old high school days, where I would have to jump over boarder fences and catch the next ghetto-ass-midget mini van bus to get to work filled with people sneaking in to the israeli side to work/study.
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Posts: 40071 From: The Netherlands  |
I total;ly relate with this rant. Cause although I use fairly modern public transport on a daily basis I hate it. It is NOT relaxing.
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996 
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| GT Coffee!! Posts: 5101 From: Denmark  |
Now this was a fun read. I actually LOL'ed a few times, making my girlfriend go: "What!? what are you laughing at?" But on the subject: I'm with jupitreas here. Normally I like taking the bus for the exact same reasons he gave up above, but - there's always a but - some days it just doesn't work. That's the days where you are a little late and a little grumpy and the bus happens to be late, totally packed and driven by some fat cow with a fetish for hitting the brakes for no apparent reason. And if you're really lucky there's a shit load of noisy smelly kids there as well. Luckily I don't have to take the bus very often since I have my bike and it's therefore not very often I'm that unlucky. The only music that would suit the situation and comes to mind right now is Arch Enemy - We Will Rise
----  Dreams are made so we don't get bored when we sleep
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| Deadsoulman Posts: 8004 From: France  |
Public transports make me want to go on a killing-everyone-around-me session. And since I don't have a car, it happens every day. They won't be surprised if one day I let go and start decapitating people around me with a little spoon. Transports are rather clean and new here, but they're always packed with smelly people - the smelliest of whom always end pressed up against me, this is a rule. Also, it's like all the crazy people of the city have secret plans to make my life miserable by talking to me about their psychological and physical issues (like pedophilia, the will to kill Jews, the envy to watch gay porn with me and a dozen rugby players or the need to fart loudly in order to not burst into flames - all these really happened to me). So, yes, I'm definitely with destroyah on this one.
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| Stalker Lone wanderer Posts: 2705 From: Serbia  |
Well, I must say that I understand what you are saying, totally. Although I mostly use bus to go to the school and again home from school, for those 4 years of using it I could write a book about my experiences. For instance, when some idiot put a PIG (yes you read it right, a damn pig) in the luggage part, so you imagine taht smell, if you want, or for instance, very common thing in those old buses, if it rains outside, it rains inside too. Just imagine two guys sitting in a bus under an umbrella. Yeah, thats fun... And few years ago, it was common that bus is late 20-40 minutes, no one even bothered to comment that, if it doesnt come at all, than it was "oh... damn..."  Town public transport is very well described in your 1st post, so I wont bother on repeating that. Trains are cheep as hell, but also slow, smelly, and dirty as you can imagine. We also have really cheap taxis over here (the ones called 'wild taxi' or if you will, ones without licence) but the thing is with them, when they go from town to town, they will never drive you alone, they will put at least 4 more ugly bastards besides you, so, Ill better hope for a free seat in a bus. And even if the bus is relatively free and new and all, one problem always remains, and that is - the music. And one particular kind of it, called "turbo folk" Well, if you didnt hear it, you cant imagine it, but it is a horror for every ears that have at least half of brain between them. Well, that how I started to listen Death Metal I needed something that will render impossible for that music to reach my ears...
---- 
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| Torelli Posts: 1280 From: Sweden  |
Come on, public transport isn't that annoying. Sure, it isn't funny with an 30 + year old train that is freezing in the winter and boiling in the summer and is on top of that over-crowded with annoying characters. But for the most time, public transport offers serenity and time for reflection.And you can also meet the most odd characters(wich i consider is a plus) and it is a you say, alot of pretty girls usally is on the train/bus/subway etc.  To all of you that complain about public transport, it could have been worse: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axwMxUBL_ws
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| Lucas Mr. Noise Posts: 13427 From: The Netherlands  |
Written by Deadsoulman on 30.04.2008 at 13:52 You gotta be kidding me.  I'm going to give my Hellfest ticket away, no way I'm going on French public transport.
---- SLUDGE. DOOM. DEATH. Wait, what?  "The reason I'm running for president is because I can't be Bruce Springsteen." - Barack Obama
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| Deadsoulman Posts: 8004 From: France |
Written by Lucas on 03.05.2008 at 16:16 As long as you're not with me, everything should be just fine  I have a long history of being a magnet to crazy people everywhere I go (ask Jeff, he knows all about my encounters with strange people)
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| destroyah supercharger Posts: 12195 From: Estonia |
Written by Deadsoulman on 03.05.2008 at 20:47 Same with me and AGAIN, especially while commuting. Once a guy started telling his life story - wife left him, he's fucked up, yadda-yadda. I don't mean to be insensitive (but then again I don't give a crap), but goddammit - no sharing while commuting!
---- About me: "The best out of all the people ever" - Washington Post "We abandoned Christ for Destroyah's love!" - The Watchtower "Simply amazing!" - Rolling Stone
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| Dangerboner Lactation Cnslt Posts: 7261 From: USA  |
Well, at least you can listen to music though. The public transportation here is too loud even to listen to headphones! But, I have a car so I should probably just stfu xD Maybe you should try smelling worse than the other people? BTW, nice song choices.
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| Jason W. Razorbliss Posts: 3523 From: USA  |
Written by Deadsoulman on 03.05.2008 at 20:47 I can't wait until I get my first taste of the train in France next month now! Where I live in the US I am essentially forced to use a car to go anywhere (no bus, etc within nearly 10 miles), but from the looks of it, I don't think I am missing out.... ! Of course I do love weird people... just not smelly ones....
---- "After silence that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." - Aldous Huxley
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| Fhuesc Posts: 1328 From: Mexico  |
I think that the problem with public transportation, is the lack of interest of the government to support it. Imagine if the budget that's destined to stupid things, went to public transportation. Anyway here in Mexico the public transport sucks to, but i'd never change the public transport for a car.
---- Hasta la victoria, siempre! Until victory, always!
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| Southern Wind Account deleted |
Southern Wind
Account deleted
Public transport also sucks here, and also consider that this is a 6 million people city, so it can become really chaotic at the rush hours. Anyway, the 3 average hours I spend daily on buses and subway are the only time I really use for listening to music so it doeasn't really bothers me 
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| VPeter Posts: 1450 From: The Netherlands  |
Count me in as well. especially the Dutch trains suck a lot.
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| Ivan Retired Admin Posts: 8850 From: Finland  |
Awesome blog entry! Since I live in the same city, I know exactly what you mean - although nowdays I don't use public transport unless I really have to, prefering to go by bike or simply walk if it's too cold. Precisely because of the reasons described. But if I do go by bus, I always have my headphones on - this makes sure that no one tries to tell me their life story, and I don't have to listen to all the stupid conversations people make while commuting
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| K✞ulu Seeker of Truth Posts: 2570 From: Czech Republic  |
I think there are probably very few countries in Europe which worse public transport than in Ukraine. It does suck, but the traffic jams actually dissuaded me from a idea of having a car at all. and then the gas prices... But just like Southern Wind and Ivan I listen to music all the time when using the public transport. Otherwise, I can just die of boredom.
---- Savor what you feel and what you see Things that may not seem important now But may be tomorrow R.I.P. Chuck Schuldiner Satan was a Backstreet Boy
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| Fhuesc Posts: 1328 From: Mexico |
The benefits from the public transport, is that always something funny happens. Like a preacher from a crazy religion or a drunk homeless. It's always funny
---- Hasta la victoria, siempre! Until victory, always!
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| Doc G. Full Grown Hoser Posts: 9718 From: Canada  |
Good god, I know that one. I hate public transit, frequently the bus will completely drive right past me while im waiting at the stop. Of course we dont have a fish market here, i just encounter homeless people who are drunk off mouth wash hassling me about why I should cut my hair and stop being a "Thrasher". Then They usually ask me if I like Guns N Roses, or AC/DC, or Metallica, homeless people love those bands.
---- "I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck." - George Carlin
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| Bad English Tage Westerlund Posts: 60961 From: Sweden  |
Ok I was once in Tallinn ok by car and to port and to Helsinki, but I didnt saw busses from 50tie sins treets Damn I hate we had trains from 50/60 whit wooden benches and wholes in window, doors and you know how fucking anoying are if in winter there +10*C isnide only, and fucking gourement dont alove warm tarins inside because from taht lost fule driver pay from his own mone(and we're in EU) Ok soem trains are good but 3 vagons when tahy need be 6 , ther elike in India where animals go too, a lot of people no place where sit and be Busses ok mout of them are old and not good, but sorry if tahy go 20min leither, sometimes take short cut and dont stop in bussstations  also that stupid converstaions there what people do and fucking mobile pfone music, how i wish soem skinheads go to those busses also prises are huge and that there is no way out get home after 1900
---- Life is to short for LOVE, there is many great things to do online !!! Stormtroopers of Death - ''Speak English or Die''  apos;'[image] I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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| Ernis 狼獾 Posts: 6804 From: New Zealand  |
Ok a nice joke about public transport. A guy's riding the metro. An old lady with a bag enters the train and gives the guy a nudge. The guy removes his earplugs and the dialogue starts. "Young man, do you know that I am a 5th level disabled person." "5th? Of all the possible three levels?" The lady says with a slight anger in her voice: "All right, I've got the third level then!" "Third's the lowest level." "ALL RIGHT! I am 1st level invalid!" "Can't be. One's considered 1st level disabled if one has lost a body part or cannot use a part of a body or organs." The lady starts to scream: "YOUNG MAN, I WANT TO SIT DOWN!" "You want to take a seat? Why didn't you say it in the beginning?". The guy stands up. The elderly lady stood for some moments, probably didn't get what was going on. Then she sat down and had the expression as if she were thinking about the meaning of life.
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| destroyah supercharger Posts: 12195 From: Estonia |
Written by Ernis on 12.07.2008 at 19:51 That a true story? I wouldn't be surprised if it was. Some of the old geezers out there really feel like everybody's out to get them
---- About me: "The best out of all the people ever" - Washington Post "We abandoned Christ for Destroyah's love!" - The Watchtower "Simply amazing!" - Rolling Stone
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| Warman Erotic Stains Posts: 7695 From: Sweden  |
Public transports aren't that crowdy here, unless it's really late on a weekend or early during the work days.
---- 
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| Bad English Tage Westerlund Posts: 60961 From: Sweden |
Written by Warman on 16.07.2008 at 02:23 I know and its good quality but you shood try Latvain public transport spevcely in Latgale or 50km away from Riga and ..... not much quality whit Pakistan
---- Life is to short for LOVE, there is many great things to do online !!! Stormtroopers of Death - ''Speak English or Die'' apos;'[image] I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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| Ernis 狼獾 Posts: 6804 From: New Zealand |
I dislike sardine treatment but unfortunately underground trains at rush hour and most buses are extremely prone to it in Beijing...it'll be especially awful when you're in a hurry and when the oceans of cars are blocking the roads and junctions and not only will you be waiting a lifetime for the small bus to arrive, you'll spend an even longer lifetime squashed inside the mass.....otherwise I ain't complaining....our underground system works fine, is relatively cheap and shiny clean....the only minus is crowds at some lines and transfer concourses plus the fact it closes after 10 PM.....
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| Warman Erotic Stains Posts: 7695 From: Sweden |
I actually like taking the bus, subway or train. It's nice just sitting there, looking out the window, blasting Metal out of your headphones and have people looking horrified at you ("What's that satanic horrible music he's listening too? Poor guy, he was probably molested and sexually abused by his parents"). The best is when people actually change seats when I play my music really loud.
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