Written by:	Herzebeth
Published:	13.01.2009

So anyway, many of you would have noticed that I've been busy enough to stop writing my usual "edgy" reviews about how many metal outfits out there are trying to be so much brutal that end up sounding like a granny fart without the funny "married with children" layout..

Sure, many of you haven't even noticed that, for at least 5 months, I've been on "neutral"...hell...many of you don't even know who the fuck I am and that right there could be the first line to say "everything in life seriously sucks ass"...

So anyway, if you're curious (I know at least some of you are because I just keep receiving e-mails, pm's and messenger lines asking for the new "crowpath" review, I've received tons of e-mails asking "dude like...do you know anything about Torsofuck?" and my answers is always "yes" lol. So anyway, As I've been working for the NFL, life is actually blocked for me, since the season started I've been almost 24/7 inside the games and news and shit...but it's ok...uhm...where was I? Oh yeah, while I was working some bitch from human resources said that she needed to pay me for my work..."hell yeaaah" I said, and I went out to buy cool new CD's for me...STILL...don't you think WORKS SUCKS ASS???? I mean, you work all week, they give you money to have fun...then you can't have fun because you're still working....like..w00t?

---so yes---Turns out 2008 was a lousy and stinky year for metal.....so I ended up buying a basket of porn instead...it was nice, it had asian chicks and lesbian action inside a chocolate pool...and shemales..eeeeww!

Finally I gave music another chance, and while I didn't find many good metal albums, I surely found sweet interesting stuff for yer ears,

-the best albums of 2008 IMHO (in no order)-

Spiritualized - Songs In A&E
A theatrical album filled with textures and heavenly harmonies, quite gay if you're into goregrind but man...those arrangements made me cum.

Sigur Rós - something something endalaus
yes the name of the album is icelandic hocus pocus, and to be honest, I'm a huge fan of the band and still I can honestly say that this is their worst album since Von...that tells a lot about the music that came out this year for real.

Aimee Mann - Fucking Smilers
Damn good album, finally this bitch grew a pair and stopped doing nonesensical music with experimental shit, this is the Aimee Mann I know, structured and focused...all depressive and ugly as a foot.

God Is An Astronaut - God Is An Astronaut
Post-Rock has always been a brilliant genre, and GIAA might be one of the few bands that still have balls to do groundbreaking music, this album is fucking good.

The Mars Volta - The Bedlam In Goliath
Finally a follow-up for the great Frances The Mute, good band, good music and a creepy concept...

The Kooks - Konk
Probably the gayest band I've ever liked in my entire life, but turns out the do know how to use their instruments, when I thought they were programmed only to use the vasoline bottle the surprised me with nice hooks and a funky attitude, good for them.

Portishead - Third
Well, what's not to like...a hot bitch singing with a high-pitched voice...I'd buy that shit any day.

John Zorn - The Dreamers
Bleeding Gums Murphy was never this dirty...oh yeah!

and the only album I truly enjoyed and cherished from the metal world this year...

Decrepit Birth - Diminished between worlds
Damn, now when I want brutal stuff I want it to sound like this motherfuckers, all with homeless type beards and the worst taste in clothing makes this album a keeper. Really impressive indeed.


So anyway, I know Cynic threw a new album, Vader too, Opeth, Bloodbath, Hail of bullets and many more...to be honest they all sucked in my head, it's the same thing all over again, why can't we go back to the times where Metal was a punch to the face? why does Hail of Bullets (supposedly the breakthrough of the year) has to open their album with keyboards? dude that's not Death Metal....that's crap juice, not only does it stink it also makes you wanna vomit your lungs out.

And that's why everything sucks ass, I'm a huge metal-head and I almost fucking mention Goldfrapp in this list, come on...GOLDFRAPP...the electro blonde bitch with great rack and no voice.....TELL ME:::WHO covered my beloved metal world with Opeth??? which one of you lame freaks said keyboards were Death Metal? COME ON!!! IN WHICH AWFUL UNIVERSE DO WE ACCEPT GOJIRA AS A GROUNDBREAKING METAL ACT????

Is a matter of aesthetics, generations go by and they now say that Carcass is a legend.....I miss my present, the now past that hunts me down with images of old dudes who looked at me with my At War tee, tapped my back and said "dude, someday you'll be like me, people will listen to music that you just don't get...believe me I know" I just didn't know this was going to happen so quick.

At least I got the chance to hear stuff like Pulp, Sonic Youth, Editors and many other things that kept me interested while browsing the web for more porn...(btw: if you know any good pornsites like tube8, redtube or youporn, write it here ASAP DUUUUDEEES!!!)