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Metallica - Lulu [Collaboration] review



Reviewer:
2.0

1097 users:
2.08
Band: Metallica
Album: Lulu [Collaboration]
Release date: October 2011


Disc I
01. Brandenburg Gate
02. The View
03. Pumping Blood
04. Mistress Dread
05. Iced Honey
06. Cheat On Me

Disc II
01. Frustration
02. Little Dog
03. Dragon
04. Junior Dad

Some people righteously claim that this is not a real Metallica release and thus it can't be viewed as such. I agree. Metallica decided to co-operate with Lou Reed in his interpretation of Alban Berg's opera based on Frank Wedekind's plays "Erdgeist" and "Die Büchse der Pandora". The history behind that opera is as complicated and dramatic as one can imagine, assuming what a dark story it tells.

But it all bears no significance at all. An ordinary listener will not give a damn about the literary predecessor that became grounds for this album. All an ordinary listener cares about is the music. And this is what is the biggest failure here. A gargantuan failure of biblical proportions. A debacle of misbegotten notions. A hapless heap of humungous refuse. Even the Apocalypse of John doesn't depict an event as catastrophic as this brainfart committed by a bunch of pretentious musicians and their misguided greed for mainstream recognition.

There isn't much to say about the music here. Metallica plods along with some recycled riffs (or lack thereof, see "Junior Dad"), boring drumming and generic singing, all that hidden ten fathoms under Lou Reed's mumbling. The mumbling that is so incredibly annoying, that I feel like shooting myself so that I can never hear it again.

Creating a piece of art isn't a conscious process. You sit down, write music, jam with your fellow bandmates, then record your endeavors, and if the general public, the history and fate decide that your work was brilliant, that it's a paragon of genius for generations to come, it will be so. But you can't calculate it. To me this is what Metallica and Lou Reed did. Tried to do. Failed miserably. Nuked all that remained of any shred of respect any fan could have for them. Genius arises by the way, not by calculation. How the fuck would they know that anyway.

Forgive lack of down-to-earth dissertation of the music. Forgive the dissonant style of this review. Only two things can make me write such a rant. Either utter genius or utter shitfest at the bottom of the cesspool of miscarried intentions. It shouldn't be hard to figure out which was the case this time.


Rating breakdown
Performance: 3
Songwriting: 2
Originality: 5
Production: 5





Written on 04.11.2011 by Writes overly honest and totally subjective reviews when fancy strikes him. Which is not often. Which is probably good, all things considered.

Guest review by
AndMetalForAll
Rating:
4.3
Lulu brings back Metallica in a collaboration album with Lou Reed. A German visionary named Frank Wedekind wrote a collection of plays about a woman called Lulu who was both a muse and a mystery, the first form of woman. Most of the songs have death, sexuality, love and spite themes. Although it's not a Metallica album, the expectation was off the charts but the result is terrible.

Read more ››
published 14.11.2011 | Comments (18)

Guest review by
ScreamingSteelUS
Rating:
7.4
The worst thing you can possibly do is treat this like a Metallica album. It is not. Lulu is a Lou Reed album that just so happens to feature the guys from Metallica as his backing band. Of course, Metallica still had to go and put their name on it, which recklessly raised people's expectations, and the heavy criticism weighed at this album is largely true no matter how you spin it. Nonetheless, while this was a disappointment, it is not totally devoid of merit, and more of an interesting experiment than a Son-of-St. Anger-sized failure.

Read more ››
published 17.08.2013 | Comments (13)


Comments

Comments: 163   Visited by: 1524 users
04.11.2011 - 18:28
Rating: 2
qlacs
"The Quaker"
Ah, I wish if they would've delete the entire process for this album and release the so-called "Presidio" album... This indeed is a terrible shitstorm.
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04.11.2011 - 18:40
BloodTears
ANA-thema
I like the use of the word "brainfart". Thank you.
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29

Like you could kiss my ass.


My Instagram
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04.11.2011 - 18:55
Arcticus

I think this actually sums it up quite well, whatever you may think of AllMusic - http://www.allmusic.com/album/lulu-r2311356/review - even if the rating is a bit high. Honestly, both artists involved should have left well enough alone.
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04.11.2011 - 19:01
oroboros

Written by BloodTears on 04.11.2011 at 18:40

I like the use of the word "brainfart". Thank you.

I second it.
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04.11.2011 - 19:12
Rating: 2
Valentin B
Iconoclast
Excellent review of an album that is probably as hard to review as it is to listen to it. I agree with you. The only real moment of musicality on this album is the first 3 minutes of Junior Dad, which sound exactly like the next 16 minutes of Junior Dad, which is to say this is an abomination of an "album" and a waste of valuable CD and Vynil storage.
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04.11.2011 - 19:17
Rating: 2
Daniell
_爱情_
Written by Valentin B on 04.11.2011 at 19:12

Excellent review of an album that is probably as hard to review as it is to listen to it.


I listened to this shitshower 5 times. Imagine the ordeal.
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04.11.2011 - 19:42
Rating: 8
Unhealer
Eclecticist
Hmmm, I read the usual shitstorm against Lulu you read everywhere hidden under review-fashioned words and sentences in my opinion.

I really dig this brainfart.
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04.11.2011 - 20:10
X-Ray Rod
Skandino
Written by Valentin B on 04.11.2011 at 19:12

Excellent review of an album that is probably as hard to review as it is to listen to it

I agree here, that's why I found the review good, I know I couldn't make a right review even if my life depended of it.

Written by Daniell on 04.11.2011 at 19:17

I listened to this shitshower 5 times. Imagine the ordeal.

Oh daaaaaaaaaang, that is bad.
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29
Like you could kiss my ass
Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Rod, let me love you.
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04.11.2011 - 20:17
Storchillarn

Great review. I'm not going to bother listening to the whole thing, that would just be wasting 87 minutes of my life. I'd rather endure 87 minutes of Chinese water torture from what I heard of "The View".
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04.11.2011 - 20:22
Rating: 2
quirin

A good old 2.0... My mind, precisely.
This is all just a fucking disgrace. Someone please, kill those guys before they mess up their legend again!
...and again
...and again
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04.11.2011 - 20:52
Lit.
Account deleted
Honestly, I'd give the originality a full 10...

...because no-one ever have or will be doing this again.
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04.11.2011 - 21:09
X-Ray Rod
Skandino
Written by Guest on 04.11.2011 at 20:52

Honestly, I'd give the originality a full 10...

...because no-one ever have or will be doing this again.


.... That's actually quite right man XD
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29
Like you could kiss my ass
Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Rod, let me love you.
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04.11.2011 - 21:10
Rating: 2
Daniell
_爱情_
Yeah, it makes perfect sense
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04.11.2011 - 21:24
John Shock

Love the review, hate the album! That's make sense to! ;-)
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04.11.2011 - 21:24
jupitreas
hi-fi / lo-life
I disagree. Art can very well be the result of calculation and there are plenty of examples to support this claim. Nine Inch Nails albums are just one obvious example.

I completely agree with your views of this album though. Its shit.
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04.11.2011 - 21:38
X-Ray Rod
Skandino
I also agree with what Jupitreas just wrote about calculation, nothing really wrong with that... You just have to do it right while these guys obviously didn't.
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29
Like you could kiss my ass
Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Rod, let me love you.
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04.11.2011 - 22:06
Berserk

Heh, If it was really that bad... I'm sorry you had to listen to it, research it, and write a review about it :O.

I've only listened to 4 of the songs and that's enough for me to stop...
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Fear the Old Blood
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05.11.2011 - 00:09
JohnDoe
Account deleted
Written by Daniell on 04.11.2011 at 19:17

Written by Valentin B on 04.11.2011 at 19:12

Excellent review of an album that is probably as hard to review as it is to listen to it.


I listened to this shitshower 5 times. Imagine the ordeal.

You had a lot of courage ; I could not listen to it the second time, I listened to it first out of curiosity, second time i wanted to get analytic, I failed, I skimmed through it and pressed delete in less than a minute.
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05.11.2011 - 00:46
Milena
gloom cookie
Written by Storchillarn on 04.11.2011 at 20:17

Great review. I'm not going to bother listening to the whole thing, that would just be wasting 87 minutes of my life. I'd rather endure 87 minutes of Chinese water torture from what I heard of "The View".

You're not the only one. I don't want to waste the time of my precious youth which will never be given back to me. I do have morbid curiosity though. But I love my ears too much.
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7.0 means the album is good
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05.11.2011 - 04:00
M C Vice
ex-polydactyl
I guess Gallhammer don't look so bad now, hey?
How long 'till Cliff rises from his grave to stop his former bandmates?
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"Another day, another Doug."
"I'll fight you on one condition. That you lower your nipples."
" 'Tis a lie! Thy backside is whole and ungobbled, thou ungrateful whelp!"
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05.11.2011 - 04:02
Rating: 1
Troy Killjoy
perfunctionist
Scored it too high Daniell. Should've got Ivan to bend the rating rules on this one.
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"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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05.11.2011 - 04:03
Rating: 1
Troy Killjoy
perfunctionist
Written by M C Vice on 05.11.2011 at 04:00
How long 'till Cliff rises from his grave to stop his former bandmates?

Something tells me if he came back and heard this he'd just kill himself.
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"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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05.11.2011 - 05:50
Rating: 1
Mattybu

Written by jupitreas on 04.11.2011 at 21:24

I disagree. Art can very well be the result of calculation and there are plenty of examples to support this claim.


Yeah, even like painting art kind of art, there's a lot of different elements and principles you can apply fairly "soul-lessly" that you can't really argue will increase the artistic value of a piece.

Man this album is a load of garbage, like the pure resources of paper and plastic used to make CDs of this are straight waste.
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05.11.2011 - 08:45
Doc G.
Full Grown Hoser
You actually made it through an entire listen...Incredible.
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"I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck."
- George Carlin
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05.11.2011 - 09:15
Rating: 1
Mikyz

Written by Doc G. on 05.11.2011 at 08:45

You actually made it through an entire listen...Incredible.


I second that.

This album created a whole new level of shit. It goes beyond mere musical failure, it goes into the realm of mental and physical torture, if this isn't the music that pushes people into suicide then I don't know what is.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone.
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05.11.2011 - 09:30
K✞ulu
Seeker of Truth
Written by Daniell on 04.11.2011 at 19:17

Written by Valentin B on 04.11.2011 at 19:12

Excellent review of an album that is probably as hard to review as it is to listen to it.


I listened to this shitshower 5 times. Imagine the ordeal.

what about the obligatory 10 listens??? maybe you would like it in the end...
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Savor what you feel and what you see
Things that may not seem important now
But may be tomorrow

R.I.P. Chuck Schuldiner

Satan was a Backstreet Boy
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05.11.2011 - 09:35
Rating: 2
Daniell
_爱情_
After listen no 3 I knew it would be impossible to do 10. It'd take a superhero to endure that.
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05.11.2011 - 10:10
LeChron James
Helvetesfossen
An interpretation of an opera of a play??

OPERACEPTION.
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Kick Ass, Die Young

Less is More
Stay Pure
Stay Poor

Music was my life, music brought me to life and music is how I will be remembered long after I leave this life. When I die there will be a final waltz in my head that only I can hear.
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05.11.2011 - 10:13
Rating: 3
Cynic Metalhead
Paisa Vich Nasha


Woh bro! Indeed a great collection of superb "brainfart" facts out here. Phllacee fhsssst hhereee, braah!
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05.11.2011 - 11:45
Rating: 1
INÆRIS

I disagree with your first statement. This is indeed a real Metallica release, and it is what it is. If it was just one or two of Metallica's members and Lou Reed, then I would agree with you. Every band member was involved with this shitstorm of miscarried genius.
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Still Life, Still Death
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