101 rules of Death metal
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101 rules of Death metal
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9.2 | 46 votes |
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1. Follow the rules of Death Metal 2. Death Metallers need to have really long hair (maybe down to their ankles) or no hair at all but a long beard 3. Always add a couple of blood stains in your band logo 4. Don't you ever write satanic lyrics unless you are Glen Benton 5. Be Glen Benton 6. Use the word "Skull" instead of "School" to be brutal 7. Hate subgenres, there's nothing more than "Old School Death Metal" period 8. Always claim to be Old School, even if you don't know who Xecutioner were 9. You hate the fact that people say "Death" created the genre 10. If you have an Arch Enemy record always say the following: "They suck, but Angela Gossow is sooo hot" 11. You already sold your "In Flames" albums along with everything that it's not "Old School" 12. Try to look really pissed in photos 13. Always look at the camera, but your face must be pointing upwards or downwards 14. Be GROOOOOOOWL 15. Use the word Growl a lot 16. Tell people you lived to see the "Tape Trading" days even when you're only 15 years old 17. Use a lot?and I mean a freaking lot of Breakdowns in your music 18. Always copy the riffs of someone else 19. Jump whenever you hear the main riff of "Hammer Smashed Face" 20. Hide your Cannibal Corpse albums from your mom 21. Always end the name of your band with the postfix "Ation" (Suffocation, Immolation, Incantation, Tribulation, etc.) 22. If you can't think of any name with "Ation" replace it with "Ment" (Enthrallment, Dismemberment, Abolishment, Cadaverment, etc.) 23. Ok, let's say you still can't think of any name?there's still "Ence" for you (Abhorrence, Vehemence, Benevolence, Decadence, etc.) 24. Chances are you'll end up naming your band Disgorge anyway? 25. Fart a lot 26. Burp a lot 27. Don't have a girlfriend 28. If you have a girlfriend Burp and Fart on her nose? 29. You were a member of Death 30. People say you are(were) a member of Brujeria 31. Make sure to bring your meathook for a sodomy night 32. Be extremely GROOOOOOWL 33. End a phrase with GROOOOOOOWL 34. Don't you ever?EVER?listen to Melodeath 35. Hate Melodeath by any means 36. Melodeath is totally gay 37. You have "Heartwork" in you CD collection 38. "Heartwork" was the first Melodeath album ever released 39. Therefore you're gay 40. Then you seriously hate Swedish Death Metal? 41. Swedish Metal is totally gay 42. You have the entire Unleashed collection 43. Unleashed is a Swedish Death Band 44. Therefore you're gay 45. You still hate bands like Dark Tranquility and In Flames 46. That doesn't mean you're not gay 47. You have the amazing capability of contradicting yourself 48. Always go to concerts and leave with blood in your face 49. The blood must be of someone else's nose 50. Mosh till your arms fall out from your body 51. Mosh until your legs break in half 52. TorsoMOSH!!! 53. Erik Rutan mastered your record 54. In Death Metal orgasms always come with pain instead of pleasure 55. Hate everything that is not Death Metal 56. Hate everything that is not GROWL 57. You were never a kid 58. You were born an adult 59. Have no sense of humor 60. Pee outside the can 61. Eat nothing but read meat and things that make your body fat 62. Be fat 63. Try to be extremely fat 64. If you're not fat you are Trey Azagthoth 65. Tell a cartoonist to draw your album cover 66. Tell him you want a lot of blood and sex in it 67. Always use a lot of naked chicks in your covers 68. Those naked chicks are obviously cadavers 69. Sodomize the cadavers found in your artwork 70. Dismember the cadavers in your artwork that you already sodomized 71. Have sex with the remaining parts 72. You have to be seriously sick in the head to be a Death Metaller 73. If you don't have naked chicks available, use anything that looks like pulp for your album cover 74. The good trick comes when you use pulpified fruits that look kind of Gore 75. Name your songs after diseases that don't even exist. 76. Try to use "Semen" a lot when writing lyrics 77. "Flesh", "Skin", "Bowels" and words that sound creepy are so Brutal 78. Hate Black Metal 79. You only use Black Metal words (like "Necro") to name your band 80. You only like Philip Anselmo for being a member of "Necrophagia" 81. You maybe still respect Thrash Metal bands like Pantera and Metallica 82. Pantera used to be Glam Metal and Metallica released a Nu-Metal album 83. Therefore you're gay 84. There's no way possible for you to escape gayness 85. You don't use a Bass for layers or synchronization, you use it to make your music illegible and Gore 86. You can poo in public places 87. Never say "poo" always go with "Feces" 88. Faeces are so Br00Tall 89. For you Carcass died after "Necroticism?" 90. Always use fake blood at a concert 91. It's not Brutal, it's Br00Tall 92. Blast Beats are our friends 93. Remember to play as fast as Diarrhea 94. Hate trees, trolls, wolves, and non-Br00tall things, they're gay 95. Love guts, blood, cannibals, murder, and GROWL things, they're still gay but GROWL 96. Be Gore enough to scare kids and moms 97. Keep your Gore level down for your friends, you're still a social being 98. Download tons of porn 99. Say Hostel and SAW III were mild movies even though you almost puked in the theatre 100. Don't talk?Growl 101. Make sure you're dumb and loser enough to write 101 rules for Death Metal, in other cases, be dumb and loser enough to read 101 stupid phrases about Death Metal. |
Comments page 2 / 4
| Maxhonda Account deleted |
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| +{Jonas}+ I R Serious Cat Posts: 4955 From: Colombia  |
This ones made me ROFL: 25. Fart a lot 26. Burp a lot 54. In Death Metal orgasms always come with pain instead of pleasure These ones... 67. Always use a lot of naked chicks in your covers 68. Those naked chicks are obviously cadavers 69. Sodomize the cadavers found in your artwork 70. Dismember the cadavers in your artwork that you already sodomized 71. Have sex with the remaining parts 72. You have to be seriously sick in the head to be a Death Metaller No shit, sherlock... 84. There's no way possible for you to escape gayness  96. Be Gore enough to scare kids and moms hahahahahahahaha!
---- "Nobody wants to be the weird kid, you just end up being the weird kid. You don't know how you ended up getting there" - Rob Zombie http://jonas-bs.deviantart.com My dA, mainly photography, go check it out!
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| Immortal Plague Bloodshedder Posts: 1605 From: Canada  |
I liked how he kept on saying use growl say growl always use growl, and i never found it amusing till, i was done, and i started growling t my favorite song, and i realized some of this stuff is right 
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| Maar Account deleted |
Maar
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a lot of it is right... 96. Be Gore enough to scare kids and moms i love being gore... it cant stop amusing me, when i walk on a dark street in the evening and everyone who are walking towards me suddenly go to the side of the pavement so they'd get past me as far as possible 
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| Paganblood The Aryaputra Posts: 1194 From: Nepal  |
I'm not going to hate BM, I find BM and DM like brothers.
---- that which shines without names and forms...
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| Smerdiis Posts: 9  |
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| Eight Shapeshifter Posts: 2134 From: Estonia  |
Written by +{Jonas}+ on 03.02.2007 at 05:13 im not sick, well maybe not that much
---- Book: "I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God." Mal: "No, they don't. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged."
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| +{Jonas}+ I R Serious Cat Posts: 4955 From: Colombia |
Written by Eight on 05.03.2007 at 09:16 Not that much...
---- "Nobody wants to be the weird kid, you just end up being the weird kid. You don't know how you ended up getting there" - Rob Zombie http://jonas-bs.deviantart.com My dA, mainly photography, go check it out!
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| Madam Maiden 666 Account deleted |
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| +{Jonas}+ I R Serious Cat Posts: 4955 From: Colombia |
I'm still waiting fo the rules of gothic metal and folk metal and Avatgarde metal.
---- "Nobody wants to be the weird kid, you just end up being the weird kid. You don't know how you ended up getting there" - Rob Zombie http://jonas-bs.deviantart.com My dA, mainly photography, go check it out!
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| Mental_Orgasm Account deleted |
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| Danse Macabre Account deleted |
Danse Macabre
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25. Fart a lot 26. Burp a lot 27. Don't have a girlfriend 28. If you have a girlfriend Burp and Fart on her nose? SICK
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| Lathronniel Posts: 175  |
57. You were never a kid 58. You were born an adult 
---- I amar prestar aen, han mathon ne nen, han mathon ne chae a han noston ned 'wilith...
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| Lathronniel Posts: 175 |
and i forgot: 78. Hate Black Metal it's not true  
---- I amar prestar aen, han mathon ne nen, han mathon ne chae a han noston ned 'wilith...
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| orathac Account deleted |
orathac
Account deleted Written by Guest on 30.04.2007 at 20:50 poor girls well this is the best from the rules nice work
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| graywolf87 Account deleted |
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| Abattoir Posts: 3629 From: Slovenia  |
nice  ...great rules ...and poor girls, they sure don't deserve this (28. If you have a girlfriend Burp and Fart on her nose?)...
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| Woutjinho Account deleted |
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| Sonsofsabbath Posts: 103 From: Canada  |
Very good. Why is it called death metal? and who coined the term?
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| BurbotsRevenge Foetal Butchery Posts: 1602 From: Australia  |
96. Be Gore enough to scare kids and moms ROFL hilarious
---- Dark death metal from Sydney: https://www.facebook.com/GolgothanRemains
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| shasaam Account deleted |
shasaam
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mmm number twenty five: fart alot reminds me of theonly spastik children video on you tube where there was this song entirely about farts yeeesh. mm.. improvisation 
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| IllNiñoSweden Posts: 331 From: Sweden  |
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| Lone Reaper Posts: 25 From: Russia  |
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Posts: 18274 From: Sweden  |
84. There's no way possible for you to escape gayness ajajjajaja that's extreme man xD Good [old school] shit jajajajaj
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| GT Coffee!! Posts: 5101 From: Denmark  |
This is brilliant. Nice job Herz very old school and br00tal...especially the last one
----  Dreams are made so we don't get bored when we sleep
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| shredmaster666 Account deleted |
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| FOOCK Nam Posts: 3571 From: Vietnam  |
81. You maybe still respect Thrash Metal bands like Pantera and Metallica 82. Pantera used to be Glam Metal and Metallica released a Nu-Metal album 83. Therefore you're gay LOL
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| kw256 Posts: 8 From: Romania  |
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| 2bearocknnot2rol Posts: 43 From: USA  |
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| Caza-Kunt Account deleted |
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