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101 Rules of Being a Metalstormer



101 Rules of Being a Metalstormer

Posted by: Dangerboner
Date: 05.01.2007

9.5 | 148 votes
1. Don't follow the rules of posting.
2. Say an album is perfect and that there is no room for improvement, but rate it an 8.
3. Or say an album is decent and point out its faults, but rate it a 10.
4. Use big words as often as possible to make yourself sound smart, but spell them wrong and be sure to use them incorrectly.
5. Always make sure to over represent the genre you love the most, but secretly like Unearth.
6. Post the same thing in multiple threads.
7. When you buy an album, be sure to not only post in the "last album you've acquired" thread, but also make a post in the "last album you've listen to" thread and the appropriate band's thread.
8. Oh, and you must include a picture of it.
9. Or else no one will believe you.
10. You can never post the same thing too many times.
11. Be more brutal than a grandma doing porno.
12. In various threads such as the "Serious Discussion" thread, make your posts as long as possible.
13. The ideal length should be about the size of a short novel.
14. Only smart people make long posts.
15. When proving a point, always be sure to overemphasize certain words by making the letters all capitalized.
16. To enhance your credibility, make your text large and bold. People will really believe you then.
17. You aren't tr00 unless you hate Trivium.
18. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
19. You aren't tr00 unless Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are your favorite bands.
20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.
21. Proofreading is untr00.
22. Be sure to overuse words such as tr00, necro, kvlt, etc.
23. Always make sure to have a picture in your signature that's too big at least once.
24. Name as many bands as possible, even when it's unnecessary.
25. The more bands you know, the cooler you are.
26. Never like a band's newest album.
27. Their old stuff is always better.
28. Be more brutal than a semen-filled Jell-O bowl?.with delicious strawberries mixed in.
29. If you are a guest reviewer, only review your favorite album and make sure to give it a higher rating than it deserves.
30. Also, only rate albums that you like, and give them a 10.
31. When voting in a poll in a thread, vote for something even though you haven't heard most of the bands/albums in the poll.
32. And be sure to admit it.
33. Proper punctuation is definitely not tr00.
34. Actually, the more illegible, the better.
35. Be as random as possible in the shout box.
36. Always include some sort of saying or poetry in your profile or signature that doesn't make any sense.
37. As long as it's abstract, you're automatically an open-minded person.
38. Use one of the banger smilies as often as possible.
39. Tell people you've been listening to metal for many years, but you're only 15 years old.
40. Act like you're a veteran of Metal Storm when you actually have only been on for less than a year.
41. Be sure to take a picture of yourself while wearing the most br00taL or tr00 band t-shirt you have.
42. So that means hide your Trivium shirt in your closet.
43. Be a hypocrite.
44. Make sure you tell people that Metal Storm is the best forum out there and that it's the only forum you post in.
45. But you actually post in Metal-Archives all the time.
46. Make sure to have a picture of a band member, logo, or album of an underground band in your signature or avatar to make you look super cool.
47. But never listen to them.
48. Remember, nothing should make sense in the shout box.
49. Unless it's a happy birthday shout.
50. After you give a happy birthday shout, remember to also post in the happy birthday thread. Remember, repetitiveness is key.
51. You must use a smiley in the happy birthday thread.
52. Be more brutal than farting in a hot tub.
53. Think that metal is the only suitable style of music.
54. But secretly listen to Elton John.
55. That's right, you know you like him.
56. If you're drunk, make sure that Metal Storm is the first place you go.
57. Spamming is only an excuse if you're drunk.
58. But it's still not really an excuse.
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.
61. Then please don't post at all.
62. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
63. All Children of Bodom albums deserve a 10.
64. Except for the newest.
65. Every Iron Maiden album deserves a 10.
66. Except for the ones without Bruce Dickenson
67. And their newest.
68. Be more br00taL than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.
69. Post in threads you know very little about.
70. But hide your lack of knowledge by using big words.
71. And of course, spell the super big word wrong.
72. So now you really look smart.
73. Post "RIP" every time you mention Chuck Schuldiner's name.
74. Instead of waiting for the page to load your post, hit the "post reply" button 27 times so that you flood the page with the same posts.
75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!
77. Be sure to never read anyone else's posts and post the same thing that everyone else has done already.
78. When making fun of someone, open their profile and look at their favorite bands list.
79. You'll always find good material there.
80. If not, then just insult their age.
81. Be sure to name your screen name after your favorite band, followed by "666."
82. If you're a female metalstormer, be sure to have the word "angel" in your screen name somewhere.
83. Be more brutal than a fat dude doing jumping jacks while wearing nothing but a thong.
84. Be sure to stereotype every genre you dislike.
85. But be mad when people stereotype genres you like.
86. Dislike n00bs. They spam 
87. But be sure to welcome them in the appropriate thread in order to boost your post count.
88. Don't bother to read the FAQ's.
89. Instead, make sure to create a thread about a question that's already been answered.
90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore.
91. You are far too metal to be listening to that stuff.
92. Be sure to complain that the Metal-Archives server is down.
93. And while you're in a bitchy mood, why not complain about the MS server being slow?
94. Post that a certain band is the greatest band everrrrrrrrrrr even though 2364626 people already have done so.
95. Add a band that you just heard to your favorite bands list, even though you barely know their music.
96. Don't let the fact that MS is a metal forum fool you. Take special time to mention how bad your life is in the other threads. As fellow metal-heads, we all care about your problems.
97. Argue with Hemlock in the Christianity thread.
98. Secretly be Christian.
99. Be more brutal than someone with cerebral palsy trying to tie their own shoe.
100. Waste countless time earning community points, even though they are completely useless.
101. If you are a traitor and actually thinking about leaving MS, be sure to make a thread about it. You really need the attention and we all enjoy reading them.




Comments page 7 / 10

Comments: 272   [ 2 ignored ]   Visited by: 2173 users
04.07.2010 - 22:54
Daggon
Underpaid M.D.
Written by Uirapuru on 04.07.2010 at 20:19

I didn't read it through again...

But there should be a rule like this:

***''Always start a topic about a band saying ''can't believe there isn't a topic about this band!'' ''


Even if it is the less known band in the whole world
----
"Les vers savent qu'ils n'ont pas d'ailes, c'est pour cela qu'ils se cachent sous terre"
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05.07.2010 - 06:03
Uirapuru
Liver Failure
Written by Daggon on 04.07.2010 at 22:54

Written by Uirapuru on 04.07.2010 at 20:19

I didn't read it through again...

But there should be a rule like this:

***''Always start a topic about a band saying ''can't believe there isn't a topic about this band!'' ''


Even if it is the less known band in the whole world


Exactly XD

But I can't blame anyone, since I do that too...
----

----
member of the true crusade against old school heavy metal, early 80s thrash, NWOBHM, traditional doom, first and second wave black metal, old school death metal, US power metal, 70s prog rock and atmospheric doomsludgestoner. o/
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21.08.2010 - 17:10
Wishmaster
Account deleted
I like this list. Most of it is so true. lmao
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02.09.2010 - 00:45
mismoree
I started laughing my ass off at #2, didn't stop until 101.
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07.09.2010 - 22:44
SODOM666
^^^^^Lol 81.....
----
Wendy's frostys are "black metal."
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23.09.2010 - 04:00
thatmetalhead666
Account deleted
Haha this is funny.
no.11... that just supplied me with really, really bad thoughts about my grandma...
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24.09.2010 - 22:38
Ellrohir
Heaven Knight
"secretly be a christian"...i am not, damn
----
My rest seems now calm and deep
Finally I got my dead man sleep


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10.10.2010 - 20:41
advent
Written by I_Die_Often on 26.02.2010 at 03:53

Add to the list
You MUST put Lord Of The Rings as favorite book and/or movie

This is so true
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15.10.2010 - 17:39
Behdaad
DEAD
Haha! that was cool!

Quote:
17. You aren't tr00 unless you hate Trivium.


Haha!
102. Remember these sentences and repeat them in all of your post: "Trivium sucks!" / "Trivium is the worst band I've ever heard" / "Fu*k Trivium!" But always listen to their music!
103. You must give a" 1 " to all of their albums! But keep listening to them!
104. Always say you hate Trivium but attend their concerts and buy their T-shirts, but never wear them , because you hate them!
----
As tyranny becomes normality;
We hang at the end of the rope.
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11.12.2010 - 17:48
Battlelord
I was about to make the longest post in MS to prove your point and see how smart I am, but then again I am tr00 so I don't have to
----
I see the fear you have inside, you can run but never hide
I will hunt you down and tear you limb from limb
Nothing shall remain, not your memory, your name
It will be as though you never, ever lived
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20.12.2010 - 20:02
JD
Account deleted
Written by Boxcar Willy on 22.01.2010 at 18:34

Written by Guest on 29.06.2009 at 01:17

90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore. hahah that's right....

bite me

Why.
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20.12.2010 - 21:05
Boxcar Willy
yr a kook
Written by Guest on 20.12.2010 at 20:02

Written by Boxcar Willy on 22.01.2010 at 18:34

Written by Guest on 29.06.2009 at 01:17

90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore. hahah that's right....

bite me

Why.

because i like SOME metalcore i hate the pansy stuff like A7x And bfmv
but i love Shadows fall and unearth!
----
14:22 - Marcel Hubregtse
I do your mum

DESTROY DRUM TRIGGERS
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21.12.2010 - 16:28
JD
Account deleted
Written by Boxcar Willy on 20.12.2010 at 21:05

Written by Guest on 20.12.2010 at 20:02

Written by Boxcar Willy on 22.01.2010 at 18:34

Written by Guest on 29.06.2009 at 01:17

90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore. hahah that's right....

bite me

Why.

because i like SOME metalcore i hate the pansy stuff like A7x And bfmv
but i love Shadows fall and unearth!

Well i also like some Metalcore\Deathcore\Hardcore i adore Unearth and i despise A7 and bfmv, but the rule 90 just made me laugh "make someone else bites you"
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26.12.2010 - 22:34
Muse of Light
*snickers*
----
"My past holds only pain and loss. I will conquer it by creating the perfect future." - Ixidor, reality sculptor
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23.01.2011 - 00:15
Vivi'
Hilarious!
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22.02.2011 - 08:01
wormdrink414
elite
Elton John is one of the pop greats.
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01.03.2011 - 12:14
Mad Mike
Rule #40.... oh no, they're onto me
----
Did you ever notice that the people who tell you to get a life are normally people who should be dead in the first place?
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07.03.2011 - 00:54
'Tsk!'
Account deleted
So,i'm not a metal storm!?

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19.03.2011 - 14:41
blackdoomy
Written by Guest on 07.03.2011 at 00:54

So,i'm not a metal storm!?



no one can be metal storm or they will kick him out!!
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05.05.2011 - 03:39
saw_you_drown
That was the most reading I have done since I read and re-read "War and Peace" for my pre-post-doctorate thesis/dissertation on Russian political deepness philosophology.

It is raining clouds of sorrow in my brutal soul
----
In the water I saw you drown...
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08.05.2011 - 00:18
Cuca Beludo
Account deleted
Hey, if i follow these rules, i will surely be banned!
But who's cares!
Anyway... i am drunk right now...
And i am thinking of push this button below 27 times...
Yeah! I am A METOWSTORMER! ENDI NÔ ONI CAM STOPI MI !
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08.05.2011 - 00:22
Cuca Beludo
Account deleted
And the rule # 104:

Say that Manowar is one of the worst band ever, but listen to his songs, buy the albuns and never put then into the favorite bands!
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31.05.2011 - 00:34
strade
And rule #105:
Vote down # 14 on the top 200 albums list so your favorite album can move up one spot. Remember, this list is completely accurate and so fucking important.

rule #106: being right is never important as long as the argument is eloquent enough.
----
My lo-fi synth project: http://luciddreamer.bandcamp.com
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04.08.2011 - 04:04
BeastOfMetal456
Account deleted
Written by Guest on 08.05.2011 at 00:18

Hey, if i follow these rules, i will surely be banned!
But who's cares!
Anyway... i am drunk right now...
And i am thinking of push this button below 27 times...
Yeah! I am A METOWSTORMER! ENDI NÔ ONI CAM STOPI MI !

I do lots of these rules actually.
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07.08.2011 - 07:01
Metal_4Ever
19. You aren't tr00 unless Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are your favorite bands.
this is for aaaaaaaall Iron Maiden and Children Of Boddom's fan
39. Tell people you've been listening to metal for many years, but you're only 15 years old.
Oh you don't believe me
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07.08.2011 - 11:11
Marcel Hubregtse
Grumpy Old Fuck
elite
Written by Metal_4Ever on 07.08.2011 at 07:01

39. Tell people you've been listening to metal for many years, but you're only 15 years old.
Oh you don't believe me


So, if I might ask, for how long have you been seriously listening to metal?
----
Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal

Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight
Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.)
05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996

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07.08.2011 - 13:10
X-Ray Rod
Skandino
staff
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 07.08.2011 at 11:11

Written by Metal_4Ever on 07.08.2011 at 07:01

39. Tell people you've been listening to metal for many years, but you're only 15 years old.
Oh you don't believe me

So, if I might ask, for how long have you been seriously listening to metal?


It could apply to me without any problems, even when I was his age
Started back when I was around 7 until 10, had one or two years of silence since my only source of metal was my stepbrother and I didn't live with him anymore. Started to listen to metal again at 12 because I saved a lot of money to buy some cds.
----
Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29
Like you could kiss my ass
Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Rod, let me love you.
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07.08.2011 - 13:24
Marcel Hubregtse
Grumpy Old Fuck
elite
Written by X-Ray Rod on 07.08.2011 at 13:10

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 07.08.2011 at 11:11

Written by Metal_4Ever on 07.08.2011 at 07:01

39. Tell people you've been listening to metal for many years, but you're only 15 years old.
Oh you don't believe me

So, if I might ask, for how long have you been seriously listening to metal?


It could apply to me without any problems, even when I was his age
Started back when I was around 7 until 10, had one or two years of silence since my only source of metal was my stepbrother and I didn't live with him anymore. Started to listen to metal again at 12 because I saved a lot of money to buy some cds.


I don't consider listening at the age of 7 as serious ;-)
----
Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal

Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight
Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.)
05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996

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07.08.2011 - 14:24
X-Ray Rod
Skandino
staff
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 07.08.2011 at 13:24

I don't consider listening at the age of 7 as serious ;-)


Oh c'mon. It can't be more difficult that just listening and enjoying the music.
The only difference now is that I tend to listen to my albums alone at night and search for some new stuff by myself.
----
Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29
Like you could kiss my ass
Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Rod, let me love you.
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07.08.2011 - 18:49
Metal_4Ever
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 07.08.2011 at 11:11

Written by Metal_4Ever on 07.08.2011 at 07:01

39. Tell people you've been listening to metal for many years, but you're only 15 years old.
Oh you don't believe me


So, if I might ask, for how long have you been seriously listening to metal?

Seriously, but I was just listening to 2 band Kamelot and Epica
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