Awesome picture (read'em all), I giggled

Man, what a great idea! And the picture is awesome.

So, off the top of my head I'd add the reviews of Of Throes And Blight, Aealo, The Final Battle I, To Await / To Expect, and literally every review by Ilham.

My favourite of all time would be Kevin's for Blackwater Park. Mikasa Ackermann rules.

Nothing can ever beat this beauty - ponderer's review of Axioma Ethica Odini. It's a relic.

I don't know how did you miss this?

Written by Cynic Metalhead on 09.01.2020 at 12:33

Nothing can ever beat this beauty - ponderer's review of Axioma Ethica Odini. It's a relic.

I don't know how did you miss this?

#7

Written by nikarg on 09.01.2020 at 12:47

Written by Cynic Metalhead on 09.01.2020 at 12:33

Nothing can ever beat this beauty - ponderer's review of Axioma Ethica Odini. It's a relic.

I don't know how did you miss this?

#7

Yes, I know.

Why not #1?

Deadsoulman's review of Hypocrisy - The Arrival. Funny and unique I dare say.
http://www.metalstorm.net/pub/review.php?review_id=506

Written by Cynic Metalhead on 09.01.2020 at 13:08

Yes, I know.
Why not #1?

I suppose because he has them listed by date.
I do agree with you though on how hilarious this review is, as well as the comment thread.

Written by JoHn Doe on 09.01.2020 at 11:01

Awesome picture (read'em all), I giggled

Thanks!
But the sad truth is that some poor and talentless sucker with Microsoft Paint had to copy/paste it pixel by pixel just to waste a complete Sunday evening on something any random kid could have done better in less than five minutes.

Written by JoHn Doe on 09.01.2020 at 13:28

Deadsoulman's review of Hypocrisy - The Arrival. Funny and unique I dare say.
http://www.metalstorm.net/pub/review.php?review_id=506

Yeah, that one's simply brilliant.

"This message is flawless. I think it is now time to let the people know about ET intelligence.
People cannot headbang and make war at the same time... They bring us peace my friend..."

Thanks a lot, it has already been added.

Written by Cynic Metalhead on 09.01.2020 at 13:08

Why not #1?

What nikarg said.

Besides, ponderer's review is only involuntary comedy whereas this is pure and genuine art.
I've never purchased Worship Music but I would have paid to read the review. And I'm not even kidding.

I don't even know why I keep reviewing knowing I'll never be as funny as SSUS, Ilham or BCO

Written by RaduP on 09.01.2020 at 21:33

I don't even know why I keep reviewing knowing I'll never be as funny as SSUS, Ilham or BCO

I guess know it's because you love music and want to share your thoughts with kindred spirits and to support artists who deserve it. Now that's the finest goal a reviewer can achieve if you ask me.

You know, "funny" does not necessarily equal "good" - right?

Written by Starvynth on 09.01.2020 at 21:54


I guess know it's because you love music and want to share your thoughts with kindred spirits and to support artists who deserve it. Now that's the finest goal a reviewer can achieve if you ask me.

You know, "funny" does not necessarily equal "good" - right?

Indeed and thanks a lot.

I guess I want people to get more from reading my review than "album good".

Written by nikarg on 09.01.2020 at 11:31

So, off the top of my head I'd add the reviews of Of Throes And Blight, Aealo, The Final Battle I, To Await / To Expect, and literally every review by Ilham.

Great suggestions!
Thanks a lot, I will add all of them.

Thryce' review for Aealo is pure gold, I knew but had totally forgotten about that one.
Unfortunately, I've also forgotten that flattering photographs of Tankard's Gerre just don't exist...

Yeah, I agree.
A good review is like Steve Harris offering you a damp handshake and a signed copy of The Number Of The Beast 'cos you're Maiden's biggest fan.
But Ilham's reviews are like Lauren Harris offering you friendship with benefits because she's your biggest fan.

Written by Starvynth on 09.01.2020 at 21:24

Besides, ponderer's review is only involuntary comedy whereas this is pure and genuine art.
I've never purchased Worship Music but I would have paid to read the review. And I'm not even kidding.

I've purchased Worship Music but I would have paid more for the review.

On another note, thank you for including my Possessed review, but now that Crematory have a new song out, I just remembered that this is my best work.

I'm going to keep an eye on this list, because I really like this idea.

Looks like I've got some reading to do. I look forward to doing that and disagreeing with every single one of the reviewer's opinions and telling them why they are wrong (jk).

Written by nikarg on 10.01.2020 at 13:21

...Crematory have a new song out...

"If white socks with sandals could turn into music, it would sound like this."

Written by tominator on 10.01.2020 at 17:03

I'm going to keep an eye on this list, because I really like this idea.

Looks like I've got some reading to do. I look forward to doing that and disagreeing with every single one of the reviewer's opinions and telling them why they are wrong (jk).

Thanks! Your small project sounds like fun, just go ahead.
For starters, I'd suggest to begin your journey with an easy task.

Written by Starvynth on 19.01.2020 at 01:06

an easy task.

I should have known that this was going to happen...

I mean that album is clearly a masterpiece. Most people just can't comprehend the sheer genius of that record.

Written by tominator on 19.01.2020 at 03:34

I should have known that this was going to happen...

I can't believe you've actually done this.
Well done, but in order to prevent bloody riots, you are now officially released from any further obligations of this kind.

Written by Starvynth on 19.01.2020 at 04:07

you are now officially released from any further obligations of this kind.

Pfew... Glad to hear that. I honestly think I would lose my sanity if I had to do that on a regular basis.

I really hope that Deathday 666 album will get a reissue eventually. The original is so hard to come across.

Written by RaduP on 19.01.2020 at 21:23

I really hope that Deathday 666 album will get a reissue eventually. The original is so hard to come across.

Have you ever listened to it? Is it possible to stream it anywhere?

Written by nikarg on 19.01.2020 at 22:07

Have you ever listened to it? Is it possible to stream it anywhere?

I used to have a copy on my hard drive before it crashed. I cant seem to find a new one anymore. Bummer.

Written by Troy Killjoy on 16.03.2020 at 13:45

Attention grabber

So Troy, is there a chance to find Deathday 666 anywhere for streaming/downloading?

On another note, here's another one for your list, Starvynth. I want to try what that guy smoked before writing the review.

Actually Rupophobic's review of Blackwater Park was written in 2001. You'll find many more of his reviews on early MS archives.

Written by RaduP on 28.11.2020 at 19:33

Actually Rupophobic's review of Blackwater Park was written in 2001.

Fixed. Thanks!
But now there's a gap between 2001 and 2004 that demands to be filled...

Written by Starvynth on 28.11.2020 at 21:27

Written by RaduP on 28.11.2020 at 19:33

Actually Rupophobic's review of Blackwater Park was written in 2001.

Fixed. Thanks!
But now there's a gap between 2001 and 2004 that demands to be filled...

You might be able to find some on the archives, but only the Blackwater Park one was ported to this version of the website.

Jeff's review of Visions of Atlantis - Cast Away
http://www.metalstorm.net/pub/review.php?review_id=799

Written by JoHn Doe on 25.02.2021 at 00:24

Jeff's review of Visions of Atlantis - Cast Away
http://www.metalstorm.net/pub/review.php?review_id=799

Thanks for this and sorry for the late reply.

Yeah, I always thought that Jeff should be featured here. After all, he wrote 1,184 reviews for Metal Storm, that's an impressive record that has yet to be broken.
The only reason justifying his absence so far: 1,184 reviews. That's a hell of a lot of reading...

Another funny review
Six Magics - Behind The Sorrow
https://metalstorm.net/pub/review.php?review_id=7951