101 Rules of Thrash Metal
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101 Rules of Thrash Metal
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8.3 | 52 votes |
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1. Be violent. 2. Be aggressive. 3. Show hate. 4. If you can't show hate, show some anger. 5. But not St. Anger. 6. You are forbidden to show emotions. 7. Well, you can show anger. 8. But not St. Anger. 9. Never, ever, under any circumstances smile. Smiling is gay. 10. Thus, Anthrax is the gayest band ever. 11. Sing about killing, raping, torturing and destroying people. 12. Have no courage for even killing an ant. 13. Old-School thrash is the only thrash. 14. Comeback albums are not. 15. Don't be James Hetfield. 16. Don't be Dave Mustaine. 17. DON'T listen to punk, punk is gay. 18. Secretly, listen to the Misfits. 19. Hate new bands, old-school thrash is the only thrash. 20. Hate crossovers, old-school thrash is the only thrash. 21. If you run out of ideas, remember: life sucks, goverment sucks, you reject this fucking place, you despise this fucking race. 22. No matter if you are 15, say that you remember seeing those news about the death of Cliff Burton. 23. Say that you cried. 24. Aha! 25. 80's were the best time for thrash, try to be born in the 60's-70's to release your best album during that period. 26. Release your best album in 1986. 27. If you can't, you can do it in 1987. 28. After the 90's forget about thrash, 90's are so... unthrash!. 29. You have two options: 30. a) Split your band up. 31. b) Make some trash metal: 32. You can go heavy: anth... mega... 33. Or tribal: sepul... 34. Maybe industrial: krea... 35. Also country: met... 36. Even punky: sod... 37. If you split your band up in early 90's you've got permission to reform in early 2000's, and release one or two albums, then split again. 38. If you didn't break up, pretend to release a comeback album, after a decade of shit. 39. Kindly refer to rule #14, and madly to rule #5. 40. Own hundreds of old-school demos and albums. 41. Own Master Of Puppets. 42. Actually, listen only to this album. 43. Well, and maybe Reign in Blood. 44. Keep complaining about Metallica selling out. 45. Keep complaining about Megadeth selling out. 46. Keep complaining about [random bandname here] selling out. 47. Ballads are gay. 48. Naming a song "The Ballad" is even more GAY. 49. Keep this in mind, you were not a child. 50. And when you were, your childhood was full of sorrow. 51. But at least you didn't got molested, leave that for Nu Metal suckers. 52. Remember about your mother and father - and the undying spite you feel for them. 53. Acoustic guitars are limited to showing proeficiency, or intros/outros/interludes. 54. Release an album consisting of punk covers, this is not optional. 55. Remember, for riffs, you only have two strings, the 6th and 5th. 56. For solos you only have one, the 1st, maybe the 2nd. 57. You are forbidden to growl, unless you are from Germany. 58. Or from Brazil. 59. You are not Kreator, nor Sodom nor Destruction, and you never will be. 60. Try to be them. 61. Don't be death metal, death is dumb. 62. Don't be black metal, black is dumb. 63. Music theory? gimmie a break!! 64. Don't be progressive, progressive is dumb. 65. Hate any subgenre influenced by thrash, read rule #13. 66. Feel the fire of thrash burning your soul. 67. Not your body!!!!, read rule #15. 68. Look at you, your feelings turn stronger than hate!!!. 69. Sing a lot against religion, about killing Jesus and so on. 70. Claim to be roman catholic even if you do so. 71. Or claim to be atheist, and remember, Satan is funny, nazis were funny, serial killers are funny, shame on you Kerry King! 72. Only one member is allowed to sing. 73. Well, other members can scream at choruses. 74. Allowed words are: Die! Kill! Hell! Hey! 75. Don't have friends, friendship is gay. 76. Don't have girlfriends, that's gay. 77. What?! 78. Death metal's hostillity towards gayness is borrowed from thrash metal's. (read Death Metal rules, of course don't follow them). 79. When naming your favorite bands, always name Metallica first. 80. Forget about those bands which have the sound you have searched for years. 81. If you are from Brazil, name your band after a coffin related thing: Sepultura, Sarcófago, and so on. 82. San Francisco shores used to be good for writing thrash in the 80's. 83. Power-Thrash: what?! Aggressive dragons? 84. Death-Thrash: read rule 61. 85. Black-Thrash: haven't you read rule 62 yet? Also, black is so... unthrash 86. Progressive-Thrash: read rule 64 87. Post-Thrash: post-thrash is forbidden, read rule #13. 88. Secretly listen to Pantera. 89. I mean, secretly listen to their first albums. 90. Gotcha! You are gay! 91. No matter if it's legal now, sue Napster!!! 92. Asking for melodic thrash bands its the gayest thing that someone could ever do. 93. ---"Seriously, can you recommend me a melodic thrash band?"--- 94. Death, Death Angel, Dark Angel, Morbid Angel, Morbid Saint - THESE BANDS ARE NOT THE SAME!!! 95. Five more to go! 96. Write rules for thrash metal, its a chick magnet. 97. Reading rules for thrash metal its also a chick magnet 98. Kill Bob Rock! 99. Ask Rick Rubin to do that. 100. Be enemy of your fellow thrashers. 101. Done! |
Comments page 2 / 3
| selken Irreligious Posts: 949 From: El Salvador  |
Written by +{Jonas}+ on 23.01.2008 at 18:30 Read rules from being a metalstormer 18 and 62. 
---- 
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| taha_69 Posts: 26 From: UK  |
4. If you can't show hate, show some anger. 5. But not St. Anger SO true!!:lol:
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HIMDarling
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| Evil Chip Posts: 505 From: Chile  |
4. If you can't show hate, show some anger. 5. But not St. Anger. Hahahaha.
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| Metal_Militia Posts: 330 From: USA  |
//HAHA...YES!//
---- "When night falls she cloaks the world in impenetrable darkness. A chill rises from the soil and contaminates the air suddenly... life has new meaning" 
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| ☭ Mr. S ☭ Owner of the DSA Posts: 76 From: Korea, North  |
25. 80's were the best time for thrash, try to be born in the 60's-70's to release your best album during that period. This one is great.
---- Seize the weed of production!
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| Doc G. Full Grown Hoser Posts: 9718 From: Canada  |
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 07.11.2007 at 17:16 Thats kind of what I was thinking, seeing as thrash gains blatant influence from punk. Also, you shouldve included something about being a drunk.
---- "I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck." - George Carlin
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| Psychita Posts: 12 From: USA |
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| K✞ulu Seeker of Truth Posts: 2570 From: Czech Republic  |
Great stuff, so ironic. Sarcastic crap.
---- Savor what you feel and what you see Things that may not seem important now But may be tomorrow R.I.P. Chuck Schuldiner Satan was a Backstreet Boy
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| Arcesse Eum Posts: 268 From: Canada  |
Why is all speed metal considered Thrash on MS, while Thrash is actually crossover like DRI?
---- As above, so below.
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Posts: 40071 From: The Netherlands  |
Written by Arcesse Eum on 24.06.2008 at 03:55 I don't see old Helloween considered thrash here, nor old Blind Guardian, nor Running Wild, nor old Primal Fear. As for DRI they were hardcore and then moved towards crossover, crossover actually being a mix of thrash and hardcore. Exodus, Anthrax, old Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth, Testament, Dark Angel, Death Angel, Sacred Reich, Flotsam & Jetsam, Overkill, Atrophy, Holy Terror, Sentinel Beast, Onslaught, Atrillery, Destruction, Sodom, Kreator etc. are thrash and have nothing to do with bands such as DRI or with any so-called speed metal bands. Oh yeah fyi, back in the early 80s the names speed metal and thrash metal were synonyms, only later did speed metal become synonymous for power metal.
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996 
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| Wintermute Posts: 34 From: Australia  |
Best read in a while
---- Life is a waste of time.... time is a waste of life.
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| selken Irreligious Posts: 949 From: El Salvador |
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 24.06.2008 at 14:22 yep, youre quite right, anyway, I see the term speed metal as fuzzy as dark metal or epic metal, for example I consider old blind guardian, old helloween and old X japan as power metal. Razor as thrash, running wild as Heavy and so on but this is not a place for being so serius xD
----
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| Nimlot A. Reader Posts: 469 From: Bulgaria  |
The best of these rules were these: 75. Don't have friends, friendship is gay. 76. Don't have girlfriends, that's gay. 77. What?!
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| worm_is_gloaming Posts: 150 From: USA  |
Dude you had me LOLing on the floor. wait that's gay. in other words, the best 101 rules-set of any metal genre on here. to anyone who expected greater depth to these 101 rules of thrash: dudes we're talkin' thrash here, not progressive intellectual contortions. and these rules are totally thrash!   
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| Ithyphallic Posts: 10 From: Israel |
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| Steadydrummer619 Posts: 38 From: USA  |
Anthrax is the gayest band ever ARE YOU FUCKIN HIGH?!?!?!?!?!?!
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| Biddle127 Posts: 18 From: UK  |
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| grey_gecko Posts: 30 From: Lebanon  |
XD good stuff man. i am not sure about wacken this year. they should have everything sorted out in two months, i mean the clock is ticking.
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| Wakanaboo Posts: 39 From: India  |
Written by Steadydrummer619 on 12.02.2009 at 02:52 that was the exact response he was waiting for 
---- _bleh!_
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| Arian Totalis The Philosopher Posts: 3351 From: USA  |
Written by Steadydrummer619 on 12.02.2009 at 02:52 If he was he would probably actually say that Anthrax is the Best band ever...because that's what people do when they're intoxiacated, make fabricated claims about the music they listen to. lol.
---- "For the Coward there is no Life For the hero there is No Death" -Kakita Toshimoko "The Philosopher, you know so much about nothing at all." _Chuck Schuldiner.
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| JD Account deleted |
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61. Don't be death metal, death is dumb. 62. Don't be black metal, black is dumb. 64. Don't be progressive, progressive is dumb. 
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| Shogun Posts: 43 From: USA  |
Some of them just made me go ehh. But mostly I enjoyed it. Nice.
---- U.S.A. for Satan!
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| Morteza K. Posts: 32 From: Iran  |
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