Tracks

01. Childhood In Minor
02. Beautiful Emptiness
03. Between Love And Fire
04. Sins Of Idealism
05. Eccentric
06. Digital Deceit
07. Through Square Eyes
08. Blind Pain
09. Two Sides
10. Victim Of Choices
11. Reflections
12. Life's Vortex



01. Childhood In Minor

Music by S. Gommans
Instrumental


02. Beautiful Emptiness

Music by S. Gommans/ L. v. Gils/ F. Jansen/ L.v. Gerven/ A. Borgman/ B. Maas
Lyrics by F. Jansen
Child:
You're the worst of all
with all your accusations and compunction
I can't suffer this duress from someone
so deprayed and selfish
You embody all that I've been through
Without you I am sure I will be loved

My existence conforms to your distress
Your ambition, the cause of mine
A disruption, I'm nothing, even less
Misfortunes never come singly, and I was there to stay

You don't allow me a single place,
nor any love into your lives
An unperceived, annoying presence you'd rather ignore
But in my life you know you'll leave a beautiful emptiness

Where you used to be
Impotent screams
will turn into the love of silence
My liberation, then silence,
will be perfect and pure
It's all in my dreams;
I'll remove you
and all our mutual disgust

In my dreams,
I solve the problem by removing it
My wish is to see you grovel
like you once forced me to!

There's no other way, here's my course of life
A path without the sickening trace of you
I need the beauty of a cleared, pure world
This eternal interruption of your rash life can save me!

You don't allow me a single place,
nor any love into your lives
An unperceived, annoying presence you'd rather ignore
But in my life you know you'll leave a beautiful emptiness

It's sad to feel you don't believe in love
It's sad that you're so cold,
and I'll be the same if you keep on poisoning my life
Drowning in self-sacrificing visions
When you're gone, then we will all be released

It's sad; my life has been like hell so far
It's sad that you're the cause
And I'll be cured in this beautiful, empty world
Floating, floating away with your perilous visions and hate
When you're gone, silence will fill up the emptiness
When you're gone, we all will be released

In my dreams I shall rinse my body and soul
My wish; the accomplishment lies here before me in my hands

I will be released from your accusing eyes
and torrents of verbal abuse
You'll know the causes are your own mistakes
while life flows out of you
and exempts me forever!


03. Between Love And Fire

Music by S. Gommans/ L. v. Gils/ F. Jansen/ L.v. Gerven/ A. Borgman/ B. Maas
Lyrics by F. Jansen
(Mother) Here I am, the future is mine
(Father) And mine as well,
we'll stand at the top of a prosperous society
(Mother) Our dreams can become reality
(Both) I am in charge of life's great circle
I control my path of wealth

(Parents) Ambitions high, burning
The flames burn deep down in our souls
To be known for efficiency and passion

(Mother) Seperate goals but fire shared
(Father) We both need our professions
Do what you want but I'll never give up mine
(Mother) Oh I can think,
I can work, I don't need your support
Our love is pale, but it's not in my way
to share our lives, our fire
(Father) I shall become a man of distinction
We can share our lives, our fire

(Parents) Ambitions high, burning
The flames burn deep down in our souls
To be known for efficiency and passion

Ambitions, dreams, they're burning
The flames burn deeper towards our goals, our needs

(Parents) Suddenly, we have been careless
A new life, a new dimension
It disturbs our solid future. It puts out the fire we both need
It's a choice between the passion, or the love that can be saved now
See the child here as a saviour.
Choose for love and let this life begin

(Father) We have been careless but you have provoked it
Your weak search for more love between us, a blind emotion
Should I believe that this new life can save us,
a saviour, a prodigy, so choose for love and let this life begin

Spoken interlude:
(Father) Look, we have to consider this carefully, right?
We never really thought about having a baby.
(Mother) I know we never thought about it before, but I think we have
to find a way to keep this baby. There's more to life than just having a
succesful career!
(Father) No! That career is what we've worked for! I haven't got the time
to raise a brat!
(Mother) But... this baby could bring us together again. And we'll still have
time left to do the things we've always wanted.
(Father) You think so? If we wanna keep it, would you be able to take care
of it and keep your job?
(Mother) Well, I think we'll both need to compromise. But if we work together...
I mean, we're still young, we can manage it!
(Father) Don't pressure me!

(Contemplative) See a birth, a saviour, a curse
See these lives, they see this as a choice between their life together,
between love and fire

(Father) With this child we must make choices, it can save us if we want
We have a life together, no choice between love and fire

(Mother) Feel it, this life in me, moving
With this child we must make choices, it can save us if we want
Oh, I fear it, the path we take
Is this a choice anyway, between love and fire?

(Parents) Ambitions high, burning
The flames burn deep down in our souls
To be known for efficiency and passion

Ambitions, dreams, they're burning
The flames burn deeper towards our goals, our needs


04. Sins Of Idealism

Music by S. Gommans/ L. v. Gils/ F. Jansen/ L.v. Gerven/ A. Borgman/ B. Maas
Lyrics by F. Jansen
(Child) Hello father, hello mother;
there is so much I don't get
Please don't be mad at me; I will try harder,
I'll really do the best I can
(Mother) That's not enough
You're the cause of my domestic captivity

(Child) And I will close my eyes and fantasize
of a world that's not so cold
(Mother) That's how it will be
Suffer the causes of my personal misery
I've sacrificed my beauty,
my freedom, my dreams,
the independent me

(Child) Hello father, hello mother;
Don't blame me for things I didn't do
Yes, I will go now and I'll be silent;
please stop your screaming, and love me
(Mother) That's all you can see
Speak of love while you've ruined
what's meant to be

(Child) And then I'll close my eyes
to fantasize of a world
Where I can be free
And free to be

(Contemplative) Sinner or righteous,
the line is so thin
Can you condemn it
Can you be the one to judge it all
Or accuse yourself if the sentence is your life?

(Child) Hello father, hello mother;
forgive me for standing in your way
I just wanted someone who'd hold me and listen,
are these illusions, are they
(Mother) Only fantasies?
Imagine how my life could have been
I would still have my beauty,
my freedom, my dreams,
the independent me

(Contemplative) Our course in life is a path we must take alone
No one can choose what to do,
only you, so the sins we commit are the struggles within
There is no judge to decide what is right, what is wrong

Tell me, can you live in freedom
knowing that your choice hurt someone

(Father) Once we had a life and now we have you
The saviour of love is a catastrophe
I'll leave you both if I must give up my dreams
My chances aren't here with you
I won't be chained because of this

The sins of all, the sinner in me
I follow my dreams, you call it blasphemy
If my ideals are sins
To me they are the strength within
Then I shall stay a sinner
(Child) I can be free
And free to be

(Contemplative) Sinner or righteous,
the line is so thin
Can you condemn it
Can you be the one to judge it all
Or accuse yourself if the sentence is your life?


05. Eccentric

Music by S. Gommans/ L. v. Gils/ F. Jansen/ L.v. Gerven/ A. Borgman/ B. Maas
Lyrics by F. Jansen
What do they see when they look at me?
Who are they to judge me
If they never spoke with me
Never looked without laughing
Never tried to see, see me

I can't believe that it is only me
The person to hate
The only left out
I can't believe how they can be so mean
If they could feel the brutal stings of their words
And the bitter cold when they laugh
Once more I'm running

Running away, I must hide
Can't take anymore
A fight to free me from an endless struggle with life
Running, tell me how far should I go
If they're all the same

This fight
I'm fighting my way through

I don't really want to be like them
The way they behave
The way that they live
I don't really need someone
No people like that
Someone in a world with wars and respite
A world without the feeling
I must be

Running
Running away, I must hide
Can't take anymore
A fight to free me from an endless struggle with life
Running, tell me how far should I go
If they're all the same

This fight
I'm fighting my way through


06. Digital Deceit

Music by L. v. Gils/ F. Jansen
Lyrics by F. Jansen
Come enter, here's my world
Closed off from pain and cold
Come enter, come inside
A secret place of light
'Cause in this world I'm rid of you, you can't get through

So here I am and I'm beautiful
and all my friends would say the same
So here I am; and you cannot deny that I am someone you'd embrace
I am the queen; I'm pure and loved by everyone

Come enter, here's my code
Through the world wide wire you'll know
The queen of her own world
My story; meet my life

So now you see, there is another me
Not someone insecure and strange
My father's will in here, it doesn't mean a thing
And I don't fear his violent rage

I am the queen; you know I'm loved by everyone

Come enter, here's my code
Through the world wide wire you'll know
The queen of her own world

Stop dreaming and wake up
Your silly world is not what's real
This world of fake friends
and computers, digital deceit

This cyber wall (this cyber wall)
is built to break out or hold
The choice is yours (the choice is yours),
will you dream or see what's real?

Oh...no, no more
Just let me be alone with myself
These conflicting thoughts increase my doubts

I am the queen, I must be loved
This so-called 'wall' is there to protect
a life controlled by keys, closed off from pain and cold

Digital deceit...
digital, digital, digital...


07. Through Square Eyes

Music by S. Gommans/ L. v. Gils/ F. Jansen/ L.v. Gerven/ A. Borgman/ B. Maas
Lyrics by F. Jansen
(Child) This is the world through square eyes,
I can see fiction like it's real
Window to an unknown paradise
A paradise where no one sees
I wish I saw it all,
A paradise where no one knows,
all these images for real, the reality

It's a seduction, like a dream
I can feel pain, I feel the blood
Out of your hands but in your minds
The fire of the burning fight
I wish I saw it all, I feel love as a disease,
all these images for real, in my fantasy

(Contemplative) Good or evil, right or wrong
Find yourself between the dying crowd, the blooded streets
How can't this affect a mind
How can't this affect a pure, young heart

(Child) In my own world it's getting worse
It's never good enough for them
Learn this, do that, do as we say
As if results are all there is
It doesn't affect me much, I cannot be more than I am,
the screen shows me enough, face reality

I can play I'm strong and tough
And let them feel who should be blamed
Fighting and killing for new lives
A way to learn how to survive
I can play on and on, it ends up just the same again
but my life is not a game, life should be a game

(Contemplative) Good or evil, right or wrong
Find yourself between the dying crowd, the blooded streets
How can't this affect a mind
How can't this affect a pure, young heart

(Child) Hope is fragile,
and all there is to make them see I'm not that bad
Hope is the last reason not to flee, not to run away
into the tempting square world of fantasy, free me
Oh, free me

Hate is an impulse
Your aversion, my reason

(Contemplative) Games, movies, things a child should not see
A flash; see, but you won't forget
A game; play, play and hear and see, again
It marks the heart and spills our youth

(Child) I'm in the world of square minds
The beauty of a clearer world
Fighting a game, its name is life
The game of life is hard to fight
I've shot my hate today, you'll know the causes when it's too late
its embodiment has paid, feel reality

The pictures say more than you see
Why should I see what you've told me
Nothing gets worse, it stays the same
The same is killing, anyway
I wish I saw it all, so could you please let me escape
all these images for real from reality

(Contemplative) Good or evil, right or wrong
Find yourself between the dying crowd, the blooded streets
How can't this affect a mind
How can't this affect a pure, young heart?


08. Blind Pain

Music by S. Gommans/ L. v. Gils/ F. Jansen/ L.v. Gerven/ A. Borgman/ B. Maas
Lyrics by F. Jansen
(Child) Everything keeps getting worse
The terror at home, the dread at school
I mustn't count on much support,
I'm still locked out; it's up to me,
how to face the teasing and the pain
Hate, one thing we have in common
Play your game

Beat me, hurt me
A physical release from mental pain
Don't make me explode in your way

(Contemplative) This is a chain of torture,
a line of pain, no other way to show how you feel
This is the rebel in her, the torment from him,
the absence of help, the mother's care

(Child) Rage, it burns all around us
Blind pain
So abuse is only weakness
It feels more like a cry of distress, an act of incapacity
Feel the threat
Feel the oppressed ambience of having no place to go,
no one who'll take care of my salvation

(Contemplative) This is a chain of torture,
a line of pain, no other way to show how you feel
This is the rebel in her, the torment from him,
the absence of help, the mother's care

(Child) Here comes the final episode
of terror and pain, abuse and hope
Here comes the fight between us all
A fight between a love long gone
I'm to blame, but it's their own blind pain

Spoken outro:
(Mother) Now look where you and your selfish ambitions have gotten us!
It's never been worse! You gotta work, work work, come back without
even noticing me or that ignorant kid of yours! You only think about
yourself.
(Father) I only think about myself, it's me again? You self-centered bitch!
You're the one complaining all the time, but when that kid freaks out, who's
supposed to take care of her, huh?! Besides, it's not my child! Wasn't it ours,
our little 'saviour' of a love we never had? A fucking...
(Mother) Yeah, there is no 'us' anymore, darling! Ever since she was born
and I was left at your apparment raising her, I think about all I ever dreamed
of because of 'our' decisions! We both should have made compromises,
but the only one who did was me!
(Father) Oh, there you go again! You feel awfully sorry for yourself; why
don't you take a look at my side of the story for once?
(Mother) Ah, yeah sure, 'your side'... well, excuse the fuck out of me for being
in your way! A child you never wanted, living in a smaller house than you've
ever dreamed of, and all the while I'm getting old and ugly, right?
You must really long for somebody young and fresh, or if this means already...
(Father) Enough!! Don't you dare accuse me of being unfaithful! That's
how you ruined my loyalty; I can't believe I once fell in love with a...
(Mother) Oh, neither can I, you bastard! Neither can I! And loyal? I dind't
know you're familiar with that word!
(Father) There's a lot you don't know, a lot you'll never understand!
We've lost contact, baby.
(Mother) Oh yeah, really? Well, that doesn't seem to bother you. Why don't
you just go on? Go, go! Drift off away on that little island of yours and don't
forget to drown on your way to a better life!!
(Father) Maybe I will, maybe I will! I'd rather drown than be locked up with
such a freaed up bith and a freaky daughter! I can't believe we're still
holding a conversation about something so stupid!!
(Mother) Fine, go! Just GO!! Drown! I hope it'll be slow and painful!
(Father) Shut your fucking mouth!
(Mother) Asshole... Asshole!


09. Two Sides

Music by S. Gommans/ L. v. Gils/ F. Jansen/ L.v. Gerven/ A. Borgman/ B. Maas
Lyrics by F. Jansen
(Child) Somehow everything's getting worse
My fight is just one of their struggles
And have I seen it all
Oh no, now their hate's reaching the top
And guess who's to blame, and guess who's responsible

(Parents and child) If pain is our line,
The one that connects us in life,should we hold on

(Child) I only feel their shame when I'm near
Life should be more than this, should be warmer than this
Cause there's more grief and pain, oh yes
There is more than what I caused,
And their eyes reflect things they'll never say out loud

(Parents and child) If pain is our line,
The one that connects us in life, should we hold on

Our dreams, ambitions and passion
Our plans for the future,our combined goals
A life with status, respect and adoration
our wishes and hope destroyed at once
Without those things to connect us,
a life together is even worse than alone
we all need two sides of the story

(Contemplative) Two sides, one can become a reflection
of the truth, a lie
You'll be judging soon
Two sides, they both have their emotions, opinions and thoughts
on who's to blame on reality, can you tell

(Parents and child) If pain is our line
The one that connects us in life, should we hold on
If pain is our line
The one that connects us in life, should we hold on


10. Victim Of Choices

Music by S. Gommans/ L. v. Gils/ F. Jansen/ L.v. Gerven/ A. Borgman/ B. Maas
Lyrics by F. Jansen
(Grandmother) See my life, the failure, you'll make the same mistakes
a child, marriage, your choices, they're all in your hands

(Father) Where were you when I needed you
Your interference is not welcome now

(Child) I can't believe these words
showing feelings that he never had, such a human behaviour
did she teach him these feelings of hate

(Grandmother) Stop! I want you to listen
There is so much at stake
the child, victim of choices
She could never make

(Father) I listened but you never spoke
this child is not yours

(Child) What are they talking about
Her voice full of compassion
She's warning of things from the past
a victim of choices

(Mother) Give her a chance to explain why she's here
(Father) She will interfere with all that we are
(Mother) Maybe her fear is a sign she's for real
(Father) Her fear is too late, she is to blame

(Child) Fighting and blaming, they don't know much more
It scares and excites me, the past repeats itself

(Grandmother) No! We're all victims

(Child) I try to feel and understand
That their distant past is like my life today
It's a circle, a curse
I am one of the victims
One of their, one of your victims


11. Reflections

Music by S. Gommans/ L. v. Gils/ F. Jansen/ L.v. Gerven/ A. Borgman/ B. Maas
Lyrics by F. Jansen
(Child) I'm in a spiral of thoughts,
The past, the pain, it all comes back
I see, but now I see more,
Even feel their side of this tale
I realise their faith,
No one's to blame, two sides

My life's a mirror that no one sees
If I could show them my own vision of this world
My life's a mirror I need them to see,
So they would open up to me and fill up my emptiness

I still really try to feel
A strange experience to enter the other side
I feel there's so much we never said
It's all misunderstood, the emotions that we had

My life's a mirror that no one sees,
If I could show them my own vision of this world
My life's a mirror I need them to see

[Voice in the back of her head]:
Maybe if you would have the guts to open up
Maybe the world would do the same
Maybe, maybe...

You can still be a part of this world,
Still be the queen of the ball
Not of your own empty paradise
Where no one sees the beauty inside

Face the world outside my safe shell
I must face reality for once
I've never felt the passion of a warm life
Games, TV, I know they're not real,
They're just a substitute

(Contemplative) This could mean the breaking point
In these three lives
The moment of insight
That could change their misfortune

Let this help be enough to make it
Let this be stronger than pain,
The ancient wall between love and the comprehension
That will lead to the inner forgiveness

A reflection outside the circle of your life is all you should seek


12. Life's Vortex

Music by S. Gommans/ L. v. Gils/ F. Jansen/ L.v. Gerven/ A. Borgman/ B. Maas
Lyrics by F. Jansen
(Child, a mother herself now) My mind is under an attack,
although no one sees
My past is pounding in the back of my memories
It's always there to poison my mind with all I do
Feelings I know so well seem to come back
as if nothing's ever changed

Fear was one of the reasons to crawl away into a world I lost
I know the rules, I play the game
but somehow it always stays the same
In spite of my will, in spite of my hope, in spite of it all

(Contemplative) So for those who believe in this life,
spin right on this circle must be round
Every turn has its vortex, you'll drown if nobody warns you
and shows you another circle of life

(Child, a mother herself now) Nothing will change,
nothing is done for the victim I am forced to remain
Cause these days make you feel, and you are on your own

(Contemplative) Study, work hard, marry,
reproduce and become the perfect model
Can you stand the test of time if life is a vicious circle
without the mirror of another path

(Contemplative) So for those who believe in this life
spin right on the circle must be round
Every turn has its vortex, you'll drown if nobody warns you
and shows you another circle of life