HAHAHAHAHHA HO HO HOHOHOHOHOO HEHEHHEHEHEHHEE!

(takes a deep breath)

(resumes rolling around the floor, laughing hysterically until my eyes water and my gut aches)

HEHHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHOOOHOHOOO!

So April 2nd is upon us and our annual April Fool's joke is over and done with. Kind of.

Now that much fretting has been done, threats hurled, legal battles (how Gorgoroth of Fire of us) challenged, contract killers allegedly hired and bribed, we'll help sort out what's true and what isn't from the smoking carnage of the day's fun fun fun.

Metalstorm.ee is now Metalstorm.net: This is completely true. It clearly says so right at the end of our web address in your browser. With the .net domain we hope to be viewed as more of the international website that Metal Storm is, rather than a localised Estonian site to those in the industry unfamiliar with our happy home.

Also of note, the technical issues will be dealt with. Ivor is hard at work on terminating said bugs. With extreme prejudice. Unexpected shit is cropping up, so it's a matter of uncovering it then dealing with it. If you experience any bugs, let the man know. It's a lot of work, but that's why he makes the big bucks. And by big bucks, I mean nothing but your undying gratitude for his efforts.

We sold out: Not true. The notion that anyone could believe that is laughable - whether the date is April 1st or August 49th? thanks to downloading, etc, there is no money in metal. Certainly not enough for Lucas to score some coke to snort off a stripper's backside, let alone buy a fleet of BMW's for staff members.

Mr. T is still a B.A. - Big Asshole: This is entirely true. Thryce is still a big asshole.

Ivor pulled the plug : This is also true. But not because he hadn't received payment. He just did it to fuck with you and make this whole ruse more believable. With that action, he might have passed me to be Vice-Asshole, the second in command to take the asshole reins should something happen to Thryce.

Tokio Hotel Review: is a joke. The fact it came from the guy who brought you a review referring to Britney Spears as the kvltest of the black metal kvlt in a prior year should have tripped some "bullshit!" alerts. Even if you missed out on the Spears joke, just the fact that Bas scored an album with a number higher than the value of Pi should have been a dead giveaway.

Pat Boone Review: that one is not a joke. I own the album, have for over a decade, and like it. I had actually written it a couple days ago, but as our plans started to crystallize, the notion of delaying posting as it might seem to be in-line with our new attitude made me opt to do just that.

Marcel Leaving Metalstorm: This is true. He's leaving us for a couple hours while sleeping off his latest drunk, but should be back tomorrow.


We will be charging for memberships: This is entirely not true. Or "tr00", for that matter.

Jup, Momo, and Doc hired a legal team: This is true, but not to prosecute a lawsuit against the MS Staff, but rather for defense following their alleged involvement in a ring that was illegally trafficking potatoes across international borders.

Dethklok not getting turned "on" as a featured band: Not just no, but hell no.

A hitman was hired to "neutralize" pro$$$ $taff members: True. Hopefully he got the "ABORT! ABORT!" text in time. On that note, we still haven't heard from Ivan in a while and are getting worried. Of course, he might just be off raising his metal cows rather than lying dead and bleeding in a gutter somewhere with a sack full of silver dollars in his mouth and a battle axe sticking out of his back. If you see him, please let us know!

Thanks all for your participation - I'm not sure which was funnier, reading staff/eliters calling each other all sorts of names, or folks who seemed to buy the whole charade.

Now back to your regularly scheduled Metal programming.