Metal Storm Valentine's Day Special

Written by: Thryce
Published: 14.02.2010
Believe it or not, but we at the Metal Storm Towers do have a heart. Not a particularly romantic one, but still we more or less respect traditions - even the shitty commercial ones. Since we also tend to have a biting sense of humor, here's our little Valentine's Day Special... with a twist - or what did you expect.

To all the suckers loverboys 'n girls out there - seriously, what the hell are you doing online anyway, shouldn't you be experimenting with that kinky chocolate fountain you just bought for thy beloved one? - here are five love serenades, carefully chosen to match as background music for that romantic dinner later tonight - you're going to thank me for this. To all the rest, enjoy these songs with a bottle of love poison next to you - William Lawson is the only true prince on the white horse. Remember, Valentine's Day is just another free reason to get drunk out of your skull. So let's do this in style.

Welcome to the Metal Storm Love Countdown Top 5!

Ow yeah, did I forget to mention this list isn't as corny as it sounds?

Exodus - No Love | [Video]
Let's set the tone right here; "tonight there'll be no love", and no amount of Hallmark Valentine's Day cards will change that. We all know thrash is as romantic as a fried bologna sandwich is healthy, but at least this particular love song isn't a recipe for disappointment.

Ghost Brigade - My Heart Is A Tomb | [Video]
No Valentine's Day list without a dark romantic-like tune for those poor lost souls who feel they cannot be loved... or something equally melodramatic. No need to become all emo about this. This is just a day like any other. No need to tell us how to feel. So no need for a My Dying Bride whining fest in this list - it was close to impossible to pick only one appropriate song out of their whining fest collection anyway. But just in case, keep those handkerchiefs ready.

Lifelover - I Love (To Hurt) You | [Video]
As an old saying I just made up goes, after the handkerchiefs come the handcuffs. By long-running tradition, Valentine's Day is THE day to spice things up a little. The best thing is, your partner can't refuse, because Cupido said so, it's in the bible you know.

Pig Destroyer - Trojan Whore | [Video]
Meet Pig Destroyer's homage to one of the most compelling love stories in Greek mythology... well that, and we needed a slow dance in the list too. There's no such thing as February 14th without the special Pig Destroyer chemistry - wink wink.

Cannibal Corpse - Fucked With A Knife | [Video]
Nothing says "I love you" as much as getting fucked with a knife, am I right? I know this sounds a little crazy, but I strongly believe fucking your sweetheart with some kitchen utensils is a great way to improve your sex life. Sure, it's more like the Happy Tree Friends kind of romantic; entirely random, totally uncalled for and just for the sake of being brutal. But hey, it's Valentine's Day, go crazy.

Feel free to add your own all-time anti-love metal song. So that by next year we have a killer mixed tape, and a guaranteed ticket for a night of rip-roaring bed gymnastics. Giggity.



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Warman - 14.02.2010 at 15:54  
"I Love (To Hurt) You" surely sets the mood of the day.
DoomGuard - 14.02.2010 at 16:18  
Aborted - Nailed Through Her Cunt

Nothing says 'I'm gonna give you a good pounding' like this Aborted song. Because not only are you going to pound her, but your saying that your gonna nail her through her cunt. Any girl that loves rough sex will definitely be roused by this extreme song. (Note don't use on girls that don't listen to metal, might scare them away....)
Bad English - 14.02.2010 at 16:54  
Queensryche - I dont velivbe in love''

I don't believe in love
I never have, I never will
I don't believe in love
I'll just pretend she never was real
I don't believe in love I need to forget her face, I see it still
I don't believe in love
It's never worth the pain that you feel


Atrocity - ''Love Is Dead''
Ragana - 14.02.2010 at 17:10  
I think Atrocity already ruins everything what's good by having a song about love, so there's even no need for an anti-love song... The question is, which of both is worse?

Believe it or not, but we at the Metal Storm Towers do have a heart.

This also was funny, yeah.
Ellrohir - 14.02.2010 at 18:38  
I didnt even noticed it is some Valentine's Day outside...
Fat & Sassy! - 14.02.2010 at 18:43  
Whhhhhyyyyyy have none of you gotten me some Valentine's Day (dark) chocolates to NOMNOM ALL OVER?! D:<

Chainer - 14.02.2010 at 18:52  
This is why i love MS "Remember, Valentine's Day is just another free reason to get drunk out of your skull." Classic. So if anyone wants to come to OHIO and get drunk with me, you are more than welcome
Vitriolic Hate - 14.02.2010 at 19:38  
It's easy, The Haunted-Hate Song!!
seafood - 14.02.2010 at 19:46  
"Honey you're a Nazi" (Freak Kitchen) is also a good addition for your romantic dinner playlist.

Oh, and I nearly forgot the mighty Manowar with Pleasure Slave:

"Woman be my slave,
that's your reason to live,
woman be my slave,
the best gift that I can give."

Sentenced Odiin - 14.02.2010 at 20:02  
Sentenced - You Are The One / Sun Won't Shine...(L)(L)
Copernicus - 14.02.2010 at 20:14  
Definitely should add Marduk "Bleached bones" on this list
Promonex - 14.02.2010 at 21:23  
Written by seafood on 14.02.2010 at 19:46

"Honey you're a Nazi" (Freak Kitchen) is also a good addition for your romantic dinner playlist.

Especially if you tend to mishear "soccer mom" for "sucker mom"
Mehdi Taba - 14.02.2010 at 21:38  
Love is perfect and if someone can't feel that ...
that must be like an animal .
Troy Killjoy - 14.02.2010 at 22:07  

Without emotion, your heartstrings break / Snapped and severed to the tune of a tragic, sad cliché

- Carcass - "No Love Lost" - Heartwork
Daggon - 14.02.2010 at 22:27  
I think this is my favorite one, courtesy of our friends of Testament:
Ivor - 14.02.2010 at 23:25  
Thanks for the entertainment.

Mr. Doctor - 14.02.2010 at 23:57  
Acid Bath - Jezebel

If I took this cigarette and put it out on you...
Would you love me?
silenius - 15.02.2010 at 11:23  
Isacaarum - pussy off road!
magatouve - 15.02.2010 at 12:03  
A very good choice would be Hypocrisy's romantic piece "Carved Up"

Tie her down to the bed
Pillow on her face
Take out the knife and start to

Desperate, she starts to wake up but
She can scream all she wants
It just makes me stronger

Psychopathic behavior
Shredded body lyin' around
Feel my cuts
A move in life
That I love

Lunatic nightmares
Becomes a reality
Feel the pain as I peel your skin


She's lying there
Split wide open
Taking her last breath on this earth
Ripping out the infant
What a fuckin' living

Smash it's head with a hammer
Now I'm fed
No one would know the crime I committed
Not even me.
Warman - 15.02.2010 at 13:19  
Or why not Lifelover - "En sång om dig" or "Förspel & intrång"? Shining - "Längtar bort från mitt hjärta"? Children of Bodom - "Bed of Razors" (for all emo couples out there)? Cradle of Filth - "Gilded Cunt"?

There's tons of beautiful songs out there.
Maxx666 - 15.02.2010 at 15:58  
This is why im in love with Metalstorm.
Ag Fox - 15.02.2010 at 16:31  
Lol... this is sick
Hamird - 15.02.2010 at 17:09  
For suckers lovers I think "Picnic of Love" by Anal Cunt is fairly enough to enjoy a very romantic day..

But I think Sex Addicted by Benighted also does as good as those 5 Metal Storm picks do..
Mother_North - 16.02.2010 at 00:41  
I think WASP - Animal (fuck like a beast) is also very very romantic
Shadowcross - 16.02.2010 at 06:12  
Great feature! Do another one next year!

Bathory's The Return (of Darkness and Evil) album

and maybe Devourment's track Choking On Bile
Bloodfrozen - 16.02.2010 at 20:34  
Johnny Truant - I Love You Even Though You're A Zombie Now

True love comes from within...
SatyriconChick - 16.02.2010 at 22:54  
Don't forget Grave's lovable little ditty called "In Love."

-- You lie so nice in front of me
As I brought you from your grave
You lost some skin and a lot of weight
But still you look sexy in your new shape

People blame me for being insane
But I am just in love
Why doesn't anybody understand
That sickness is my command...
marinBG - 18.02.2010 at 02:11  
Btw, I guess you guys might find that interesting and it's give you a refreshing option for all following St. Whatevers

In Bulgaria 14 February is a day for DRINKING!

It's connected to wine production, but all people care about here is getting hammered. The holiday is called Trifon Zarezan. You're all free to adopt it as you see fit. The only tradition is to get totally wasted preferably with red wine, but any other type of alchohol would be acceptable. Have fun and for once honour a tradition that's not exactly western, but fits the metal disposition to life much better (or at least I think so).

I personally haven't celebrated St. Valentine's Day for years, despite the fact that I haven't been single on the date for ages

Sorrow - 18.02.2010 at 12:19  
...and what about "Die Die Die my darling"... Danzig
necrovamp - 24.02.2010 at 01:08  
fista corpse - Zimmers hole oh and 1000 miles of cock by the same band, about a women that leaves her husband for 1000 miles of cock
Dangerboner - 16.03.2010 at 11:42  
Written by Bad English on 14.02.2010 at 16:54


What is a velivbe? Is that like an ostrich listening to metalcore on meth?
BitterCOld - 16.03.2010 at 18:17  
One thing I miss is Cold Ethyl and her skeleton kiss
We met last night making love under the refrigerator light
Ethyl Ethyl let me squeeze you in my arms
Ethyl Ethyl come and freeze me with your charms

One thing
No lie
Ethyl's frigid as an eskimo pie
She's cool in bed
Well she oughta be 'cuz Ethyl's dead

Ethyl Ethyl let me squeeze you in my arms
Ethyl Ethyl come and freeze me with your charms
Come on Cold Ethyl
Freeze me babe

One thing - it's true
Cold Ethyl I am stuck on you
And everything is my way
Ethyl don't have much to say

Ethyl Ethyl let me squeeze you in my arms
Ethyl Ethyl come and freeze me with your charms
Come here Cold Ethyl
What makes you so cold? Ooh so cold
pansmack - 08.10.2011 at 09:03  
Why doesn't Throwdown tour more. Then need to come to KC!!!
VKSolo - 05.04.2012 at 17:07  
No time for love...
VKSolo - 05.04.2012 at 17:09  

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