I'm Sorry: Why I Was Wrong to Love Babymetal
I'm Sorry: Why I Was Wrong to Love Babymetal
A blog by
ScreamingSteelUS April 01, 2018
Ah, what a fool I was? Over these long and hideous two years, I've received comment after comment pleading with me to see reason or, more frequently, informing me that my credibility as a reviewer has been lost to the void eternally and irrevocably. Even now, fat, balding Exodus fans and teenage keyboard kvltists bravely refuse to let such a challenge go unanswered, making perfectly clear exactly which bands they prefer and why my taste is inferior. Some readers out there - and I don't use the term "heroes" often, but maybe they would be better called so - will never get over the fact that a respectable publication like Metal Storm let this nonsense fly.
Sure, I guess most sensible people would ignore such juvenile comments and listen to the music that they want to listen to, regardless of the opinions that strangers on the internet hold? but I'm not one of those idiots. I didn't become editor-in-chief of a webzine called Metal Storm so I could discourage gatekeeping. I have a responsibility to ensure that heavy metal remains as it always has been: static, safe, pure, enduring. Some things are simply never acceptable in this genre, and change is one of them. For all this time, I thought I was doing the right thing: expanding my horizons, exposing people to new sounds they weren't familiar with but might dig, encouraging growth and experimentation across musical genres. But then, one evening while I was lying in bed and staring at my Manowar albums, as I often do, it struck me. On those covers, I no longer saw a quartet of greased-up Conan-esque metal warriors gazing proudly into the distance at something that was probably pretty cool. Instead, I saw four slabs of heavy metal beefcake looking very disappointed in me, disgusted that I had profaned the holy genre by implying that it could somehow be changed, diluted, even - nay, dare I even suggest it? - improved upon.
How did I come to the conclusion that my ways were twisted and wrong? If I had to be honest, I would say it was the barrage of negative feedback. Nothing changes a man's opinion like being berated with angry clichés and illogical pseudo-arguments fired from the hip. And more than simply the comments here on Metal Storm, which, all things considered, were pretty dispassionate, it was the broader expanse of thoughtful critique and illuminating cultural commentary rushing to shore up the metal vanguard on all corners of the internet, just in case some unenlightened outsider happened to catch a glimpse of us not being totally f***ing br00tal all the time and fostered the wildly inaccurate belief that sometimes metalheads like cute stuff, too.
Heavy metal thrives today because of its rigid adherence to established tropes and predetermined avenues of songwriting. And, yes, naturally, there has to be some amount of deviation from the norm - that's how we wound up with this whole genre in the first place - but only within certain acceptable parameters. Punk and hard rock are acceptable nonmetal genres, if you have to wander - but folk, jazz, hip-hop, industrial, country, blues, noise, and especially pop music, and especially especially J-pop: stay away from metal if you know what's good for you. Not pure metal? Walk on home, boy. Somehow, swept up in all the hype of being a hopeless weeaboo fanboy desperate for any kind of attention from the Japanese metal scene, I forgot that I have a certain responsibility as a Metal Warrior. I must protect this genre from indignity, from mainstream exposure, and, most of all, from catchy melodies. Dance routines? Professional songwriters? Lucrative merchandising? Teenage girls? Absolutely unacceptable.
Heavy metal is not a genre for children. It's a genre for big, burly men and pale, weedy Scandinavians, and that's about it. Teenagers like these Babymetal kids have never produced a listenable metal album and never will; it's simply not within their physical capabilities. That's why albums like Death Angel's The Ultra-Violence, Slayer's Show No Mercy, Death's Scream Bloody Gore, and Helloween's Keeper Of The Seven Keys Part I are all complete dross. And while we're on the subject, this whole "female-fronted" genre got old very quickly. One Nightwish was more than enough, thanks; every other metal band with a woman singer is just a much worse ripoff. I guess Babymetal themselves aren't on that specific trip, but, you know, the point stands.
As someone who claims to be a professional reviewer, I don't know how I've slept at night knowing that, while Babymetal is loose on the world with their 9/10 review from a single insignificant, pasty, socially awkward editor whose opinion likely matters to no one outside himself, I've been casting aspersions on the recent output of infallible legacy acts like Metallica, Wintersun, Primordial, Mastodon, Abbath, Accept, Amon Amarth, and Machine Head. These are bands that have always been superior in every way to a manufactured idol group like Babymetal, simply because they write their own music, play their own instruments, and are just, you know, better, just because. A great band never deserves to be trashed, or even remotely critiqued or treated with an honest appraisal, no matter how substandard their current output. Metallica may not be good anymore, but they used to be - and if I've forgotten that, if I can't lace my review of Hardwired with the phrase, "Yeah, but remember how they also wrote Ride The Lightning" just so we're all on the same page, then I don't deserve to have and share an opinion about other bands.
Quite damningly, Babymetal toured with Lady Gaga and Red Hot Chili Peppers, who, as hated pop stars of our era, are avowed enemies of all things heavy metal. Clearly, defending the World's Greatest Music Genre isn't among their priorities, or else they wouldn't be teenage girls from Japan. And everyone who associates with Babymetal - formerly respectable names like Judas Priest, Carcass, Metallica, Opeth, Slayer, Rob Zombie, Marty Friedman, Chthonic, Guns N' Roses, Abbath, Lamb Of God, Deftones, Trivium, DragonForce, and Anthrax - is no longer welcome in the metal world. If you can tolerate this aural disease, you are immediately and eternally branded a poser, a follower of false metal, and you must leave the hall.
In other words? I am deeply and truly sorry that I ever held any sort of regard for Babymetal. When they released their first single in 2011, my reaction was one of disgust and indignation; I should have learned to hold onto such pettiness and let it define my life. I look back on those free and easy days of April 2016 and feel only deep shame and embarrassment at my naïve acceptance of this tragic marriage of unmetal elements.
Of course, this doesn't change the fact that K-On! is way better than Metalocalypse.
*Disclaimer: Part of the 2018 April Fools Collection. I'm quite happy with my Babymetal review, thank you very much!*
Written on 01.04.2018 by
Written on 01.04.2018 by
Dull Music for Dull People Comments
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Posts: 8278
"But then, one evening while I was lying in bed and staring at my Manowar albums, as I often do..." Damn, I thought I was the only one who did that.
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Well, count me in the "change-lover / manowar haters" camp. Your rebuke of Babymetal makes me sick. I'm gonna blast "Metal Resistance" louder than I ever did with any Manowar album 
---- My Author's Blog (in French)  "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you" "I've lost too many years now I'm stealing back my soul I am awake"
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Great article. Baby metal is for babies. only. Also Baby metal is CHILD LABOR PEOPLE!!! Like, how can anyone think that Baby "Slave" metal can ever be better than Metalica or Megadeath today it makes no sense i dont understand it. Maybe Trumps tarifs should apply to japans music too lol! Why would anyone listen to baby metal when we have so many objectively better bands right here in GOOD OL' MURICA
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Yeah. You better be sorry for that. Baby metal is the worst band ever.
---- "Aah! The cat turned into a cat!" - Reimu Hakurei
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Your review has ruined my life! Because of you I listened to "Karate" and it embed itself in my brain. I tried to suppress the vile need to sing it out loud, but after 2 weeks of compulsive Sake drinking and wearing strictly school-girls uniforms, I found myself humming it unconsciously on a bus drive to work - HUGE MISTAKE! The bus driver pulled the brakes, got out of his seat and started beating the crap out of me with his bow-tie, coordinating his flimsy yet vicious blows with the gallop-like rhythm set by the chocking and gasping noises which came from an old lady wearing over-sized Cannibal Corpse hoodie who was obviously shaken to the core from the sheer profanity of my felony. As if that wasn't enough, I lost my job, my parents kicked me out of the house, my imaginary girlfriend committed suicide out of shame and my dog wouldn't talk to me anymore. And for all of that I rue the day I read you review ScreaminSteelUS! But god damn it's a catchy song.
---- Li'ed - Prog-Metal from Jerusalem https://open.spotify.com/artist/7aZWDrAAvDSLMaSmDSE8zA https://www.facebook.com/LiedBandMusic http://lied-band.bandcamp.com/
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I feel like my love of Babymetal was never really anything more than an ironic form amusement, kind of like enjoying Viper. But nevertheless, disappointed to see this retraction of your love. No waifus for you 
---- I am the Magician and the Exorcist. I am the axle of the wheel, and the cube in the circle. “Come unto me” is a foolish word: for it is I that go. ~ II. VII
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Posts: 450 Written by SoUnDs LiKe PoP on 01.04.2018 at 21:18 Thanks!  It took me a solid 15 minutes to come up with that comment! 
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Posts: 8278 Written by Darkside Momo on 01.04.2018 at 01:08 Lol. I bet you have more physical copies of Manowar albums than what you want to admit. And I bet you don't even have an illegal download copy of Metal Resistance.  "Other bands play, Manowar kill!" 
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Posts: 9126 Written by nikarg on 01.04.2018 at 22:48 Touché... But only on one of those
---- My Author's Blog (in French) "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you" "I've lost too many years now I'm stealing back my soul I am awake"
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Posts: 8278 Quote:Written by Darkside Momo on 01.04.2018 at 23:16 Let me guess.. You have more physical copies of Manowar albums than what you want to admit?
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Posts: 9126 Written by nikarg on 01.04.2018 at 23:20 Nope! I thankfully own no Manowar CDs... but I also don't even have an illegal download copy of Metal Resistance (and tbh I don't have a legal copy either  )
---- My Author's Blog (in French) "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you" "I've lost too many years now I'm stealing back my soul I am awake"
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Posts: 5827 Written by Patknight on 02.04.2018 at 20:57 The metal community? Open minded? You mean that metal community? Nah... It will take too long before that happens
---- "Aah! The cat turned into a cat!" - Reimu Hakurei
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Posts: 7938
Count me in the same camp where you reside, Screaming. I too created an awesome list on Top 10 Best BabyMetal Songs four years ago(same month) and people took me for a ride. I think people still think my list is take a hard long piss on Babymetal band, when in fact, I genuinely adore Babymetal for what they have done to themselves -- created a huge space in metal world.
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@Karlabos: I don't see the point of dividing metalheads to open-minded people who appreciate Babymetal's fresh take on our favourite music and closed-minded haters who think Babymetal make crap music. It's just a matter of taste. I personally don't like them, not because I am "narrow-minded", but because I simply don't like them. And I don't hate them of course, I just don't care. In the same vein, digging Babymetal does not automatically make a metalhead "open-minded", sorry. There are all types of people in the metal community, but at the end of the day what makes you open- or narrow-minded is not what kind of music you like or don't like but how you judge others who have a different taste (in music or anything for that matter, be it food, films, holiday destinations, etc.) than your own. It's the inability to accept other people's opinions that makes you a bigot. @Patknight: 9 out of 10 metalheads prefer Def Leppard's Hysteria to Metallica's St. Anger, myself included. But the fact that friends of yours stopped talking to you because of your "shitty taste in music" has nothing to do with the open-mindedness of metalheads, but rather your choice of friends I am afraid. Rob Halford publicly revealed his homosexuality 20 years ago (even though we all knew for years and didn't care of course, because why should we?) and it didn't affect him or Judas Priest at all. Quite the opposite. So no, you don't have to be dark and brutal and eat bats for breakfast to be accepted in the metal community. The man considered to be the Metal God in everyone's conscience is gay and I think this is quite open-minded. Let alone the fact that he has publicly supported and performed with Babymetal and still this did not affect him one iota. So yeah, let's not generalize. It's dangerous and wrong. /rant complete. I'm just going to lie in bed now and stare at my Manowar albums.
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Posts: 5827 Written by nikarg on 03.04.2018 at 14:34 I was talking about those kinds of guys who say bands are shit merely because they don't "fit" some metal requirements. And that's actually most of the metal community. The average metalhead will laugh at you and call you a poser if you listen to nu metal because someone told them nu metal is not metal. The average metalhead will laugh at christian black metal because it is contradictory somehow. The average metalhead will know about 5 genres and claim other genres are stupid and don't exist because they never really took the effort to actually listen to such genres The average metalhead think their genre is to sacred to be mixed with pop or electronics, so will call shit on every band which remotely connects with stuff on these genres. And that's not because they actually listened and disliked it (that would be ok) I'm talking stuff like: Nergal is dating a pop singer? Bleh, untrue. Myrkur vocalist is a pop singer? Must be the worst band in black metal history. Stuff like that. The average metalhead will crucify you if you think the bands nowadays are better than the bands of the 80s because the bands of the 80s were pioneers and therefore automatically are just better. These are the non open minded ones I was talking about. That's the metal community I face most of the time. Of course... The active crowd on MS seem to be a lot more tolerant but I don't think they are representative of the overall community. More like a point outside the curve
---- "Aah! The cat turned into a cat!" - Reimu Hakurei
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Posts: 8278 Written by Karlabos on 03.04.2018 at 15:17 Let's agree to disagree then, because I don't share your opinion about the "average metalhead" and I don't like the term anyway. In any case, if you come across so many people who are intolerant of others' opinions, just ignore them dude. Lack of attention will make them disappear and you don't have to give credit to their stupid beliefs by getting into an argument with them. Stupidity is impossible to beat anyway.
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Posts: 840 Written by Karlabos on 03.04.2018 at 15:17 I can support that one. I still get shit today in certain areas for some side comment about how I don't like many 80s albums I made years ago.
---- You are the hammer, I am the nail building a house in the fire on the hill
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I believe Babymetal is a fun band, but hell, this has gone too far. Do you actually believed that a review published during April's Fool about this band could be taken seriously? C'mon, there is no way in all hells that you believed so. You wrote it to create some laughs and lots of controversy and now you are doing it again for the sake of attention. And you are clearly fulfilling this goal, but Babymetal is not a band anyone would defend for their own music.
---- #MetalIsForEveryone
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| Дrȅkavac
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Posts: 9126 Written by [user id=183371] on 07.04.2018 at 12:54 look when the article was published
---- My Author's Blog (in French) "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you" "I've lost too many years now I'm stealing back my soul I am awake"
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| Дrȅkavac
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I think its quite strange that the general consensus in the metal community is that you're an elitist douche if you don't like babymetal but you're a poser if you like pop metal acts like amaranthe or core acts like bring me the horizon. They're all doing the same thing really; making catchy music with elements of metal. But it's only ok if its kawaii?
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Well this is totally counter productive because your article is everywhere on the Metalstorm homepage (occurring 3 times) .. And let me tell you that the best way to handle something you don't like, is not by making everyone see stuff related to that thing.
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Once again, just check the publication date
---- My Author's Blog (in French) "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you" "I've lost too many years now I'm stealing back my soul I am awake"
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