Jesus Christ


Jesus got really bored of all of God's worship music up in heaven, he could only take so much "Thank You this" and "Thank You that" and "We're not worthy." It was all The Father ever played, and he had a killer sound system, so Jesus went down to earth to do some rocking out. He's a fan of Norwegian Black Metal, no matter what the message is. In fact, He doesn't like the so-called "White Metal" because it reminds Him too much of what He left Heaven for. He doesn't stay on earth for very long, only pops in and out every so often.


Satan/Lucifer/The Devil


Satan is the most evil thing ever and is very proud of it, but he has two weaknesses. One, of course, is God. The other, is metal. Satan can't stand metal. Double-bass gives him a migraine and squealing guitar leads raise his blood pressure, among other things. He prefers calmer, easy listening and soft rock kind of stuff, and some pop when he's feeling adventurous. Satan only has two goals: to get as many people as he can into hell, and to destroy heavy metal.


Death


Death only comes around when someone dies or a new Children of Bodom CD comes out and he is needed at the photo shoot for the cover art (while he's busy there, War, Famine, and Plague take over in escorting people to the afterlife). He's usually very busy with dead people, but never leaves for work without his Sony Walkman and some good melodic metal. His favorites are Children of Bodom and, of course, Death.


John Petrucci


World-renowned guitarist, considered the best by some and one of the best by everyone else, John Petrucci plays in the bands Dream Theater and Liquid Tension experiment, but when he isn't busy, he teaches guitar. Because of his busy schedule, he only has one student, Eddie, who is terrible at guitar. But John is a patient man. Fortunately for him, he's often too busy to teach guitar anyway. He doesn't show up very often, but when he does he's the only real adult figure in the comic.


Joey DeMaio


Joey is one of the Kings of Metal, the bassist in the band Manowar (which also happens to be the loudest band on earth). He is also a successful bowhunter and shops at the Sports Authority that Sven works at. He isn't as constantly over-the-top as Sven would like him to be, but in the right mood, Joey can be just as outrageous as the press always makes Manowar out to be.