Crematory - Oblivion review



Reviewer:
N/A

45 users:
6.76
Band: Crematory
Album: Oblivion
Release date: April 2018


01. Expectation
02. Salvation
03. Ghost Of The Past
04. Until The Dawn
05. Revenge Is Mine
06. Wrong Side
07. Stay With Me
08. For All Of Us
09. Immortal
10. Oblivion
11. Cemetary Stillness
12. Blessed
13. Demon Inside


"Please welcome Crematory."

This is how the Germans begin their 14th studio album, a release that has had more media coverage than any other in their entire career, unfortunately for all the wrong reasons.

I find it really hard to understand how a band expects that bashing the fans will turn out to be an effective tactic in order to convince them to support said band. The fact that the statement "fans get off your lazy asses" came from lazy-ass-looking drummer Markus Jüllich added an extra ironic layer to a career decision that has already attained legendary status as one of the most epic marketing failures. Metal fans and journalists had a field day at the expense of Crematory on social media and planet internet in general, after the lengthy, whining statement was posted on Facebook.

To be honest I am writing this review because I think most people will not even bother to listen to Oblivion after all that mess and I think this is unfair to the music. Or is it?

It was with disbelief that I saw the official video of "Salvation" a week after the events mentioned earlier. Dark-techno keyboards, harsh-ish vocals for the verses, clean vocals for the chorus with some extra cheese, weak riffs and watered down electric guitars, everything sounded and looked painfully bad, but somehow I found myself going back to it more often than I should or wanted to. Was it its Eurovision-esque, ultra-kitsch aesthetic and catchiness that rendered me unable to resist it?

A few weeks later "Cemetery Stillness" came to light with similar song structure and feel as the first single. The video, consisting of the silly lyrics in white Arial font over screenshots from the dreadful "Salvation" video with cringeworthy poses by the band members, floored me. I immediately thought that Crematory must be really strapped for cash to release such a visual atrocity. The music, lyrics and visuals could have been the work of a 10-year-old with a 50-dollar budget.

Facepalms all over.

If you are familiar with these two songs already released, then you have a good idea of what the album is like. It is the European counterpart of Babymetal, a gothic/ebm/industrial/synthpop metal mix of Rammstein, Evanescence with a sore throat and Savage Garden, aiming to give old metalheads, who have stopped listening to metal a long time ago, some kind of blast from the past, but in a small, manageable dosage. The problem is that the majority of this crowd neither goes to gigs nor buys CDs and vinyls, so the most Crematory can hope for is a few YouTube views I'm afraid.

Oblivion is for music what The Room (the one with Tommy Wiseau of course) is for cinematography. It is so bad, it's good and I can picture it achieving similar cult status. If white socks with sandals could turn into music, it would sound like this. I cannot rate this album; I love it and hate it at the same time.

P.S. While this review was being written the band released a video for "Immortal", filmed in the same building and with the same concept as the other two singles; the only difference is its sepia colour. All I can say is that I am willing to pay so that Crematory can release a video for each and every song of this album.


 



Written on 16.04.2018 by I was into this music when you were still in diapers.


Comments

Comments: 18   Visited by: 204 users
16.04.2018 - 11:08
Daniell
_爱情_
Kudos to you for listening to this.

Quote:
Oblivion is for music what The Room (the one with Tommy Wiseau of course) is for cinematography. It is so bad, it's good and I can picture it achieving similar cult status

I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like this when it comes to music. Anyway, as you said, their ridiculous online meltdown about album and tickets sales is counterproductive. I found one of their CD's yesterday. It was gathering dust on an upper shelf. I did the only thing I thought was appropriate in this situation. I threw it away. Fuck this band.
----
Now loving:
Tribulation - The Lament
Tribulation - Nightbound
Tribulation - Subterranea
Tribulation - The World
Tribulation - Here Be Dragons
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16.04.2018 - 13:24
nikarg
Old Nick
Written by Daniell on 16.04.2018 at 11:08

Kudos to you for listening to this.

I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like this when it comes to music.

Someone had to take one for the team

I've listened to the album a lot. Seriously it's so bad, it's addictive. "Salvation" rivals "Tsar Bomba" for first place in my "most played tracks" list so far this year. I feel ashamed but it is true.

I forgot to write this in the review:
The chubby drummer has commented on the "Salvation" video on YouTube: "Amazing videoclip from Germany's leading gothic metal band Crematory". This is upper-level trolling. Similar to liking your own posts on Facebook for example. You should read the replies with a bag of popcorn.
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on and on south of heaven

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16.04.2018 - 16:48
Windrider
Raureif
I've been wating for days for this review, and I am not disappointed
Like seriously how sure can we be that this band hasn't become a fake or comedy act? I had listened to a few songs of them like eight years ago, it wasn't good back then too but now holy shit. However the best is the videos, as you say... I love the parts with the drummer a lot, I mean seriously he barely moves, or can move. Probably he didn't play it in reality.
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16.04.2018 - 20:54
RaduP
CertifiedHipster
I don't even want to think about listening to this
----
Professor Isak Borg: And the punishment?
The Examiner: I don't know. The usual, I suppose.
Professor Isak Borg: The usual?
The Examiner: Loneliness.
Professor Isak Borg: Loneliness?
The Examiner: Precisely.
Professor Isak: Is there no mercy?
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17.04.2018 - 00:26
Batlord666
Quote:

I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like this when it comes to music. Anyway, as you said, their ridiculous online meltdown about album and tickets sales is counterproductive. I found one of their CD's yesterday. It was gathering dust on an upper shelf. I did the only thing I thought was appropriate in this situation. I threw it away. Fuck this band.


I would strongly disagree! Sound of White Noise, St. Anger, Age of Nero... All hilariously awful and enjoyable albums.
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17.04.2018 - 01:36
nikarg
Old Nick
Written by Windrider on 16.04.2018 at 16:48

However the best is the videos, as you say... I love the parts with the drummer a lot, I mean seriously he barely moves, or can move. Probably he didn't play it in reality.

They definitely used a drum machine but I just adore this dude. It's like fat Elvis and the guitarist, showing symptoms of paresis when he sings the choruses, both try their best and look hilarious, but the drummer is just too ridiculous for words. From now on, whenever I feel a little bit down, I'll just watch one of their videos. Drug-free treatment for depression.
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on and on south of heaven

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17.04.2018 - 01:50
BloodJuNkie
The Warchief
Written by nikarg on 16.04.2018 at 13:24

Seriously it's so bad, it's addictive. "Salvation" rivals "Tsar Bomba" for first place in my "most played tracks" list so far this year. I feel ashamed but it is true.

Dude I know the feel, felt the same way when I got addicted to Siren Charms by In flames
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17.04.2018 - 10:28
Daniell
_爱情_
Written by Batlord666 on 17.04.2018 at 00:26

I would strongly disagree! Sound of White Noise, St. Anger, Age of Nero... All hilariously awful and enjoyable albums.

Not sure if trolling or not, but I'll bite.
Sound of White Noise is a decent album with some great songs. Age of Nero isn't Satyricon's best, but it's far from bad. St. Anger is harder to redeem, but even there you can find a few good songs, or at least ideas for good songs: The Unnamed Feeling, Sweet Amber, Some Kind of Monster.

"Hilariously awful"? If something is awful, it's awful, and it's not funny to me. I won't waste an hour of my life listening to some shitty music, I'd rather listen to Reign in Blood for a 1000th and 1001st time.
----
Now loving:
Tribulation - The Lament
Tribulation - Nightbound
Tribulation - Subterranea
Tribulation - The World
Tribulation - Here Be Dragons
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17.04.2018 - 12:33
Darkside Momo
Retired
Quote:
If white socks with sandals could turn into music, it would sound like this.

Best line ever
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"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you" - Ray Bradbury

"I've lost too many years now
I'm stealing back my soul
I'm awake now"
Abney Park (Letter Between A Little Boy & Himself As An Adult)
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17.04.2018 - 14:20
Batlord666
Written by Daniell on 17.04.2018 at 10:28

Not sure if trolling or not, but I'll bite.


Definitely not "trolling", my friends and I get a lot of enjoyment out of bad music that's played like it's a gift to the world.
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17.04.2018 - 14:33
MetalEyez
Sure not the best album for them and its not Crematory any more , but at less they went out of Techno tones.
And depend on the last 4 albums performance , I feel this is the best between worse !
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17.04.2018 - 15:19
nikarg
Old Nick
Written by Batlord666 on 17.04.2018 at 00:26

Quote:

I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like this when it comes to music. Anyway, as you said, their ridiculous online meltdown about album and tickets sales is counterproductive. I found one of their CD's yesterday. It was gathering dust on an upper shelf. I did the only thing I thought was appropriate in this situation. I threw it away. Fuck this band.


I would strongly disagree! Sound of White Noise, St. Anger, Age of Nero... All hilariously awful and enjoyable albums.

I agree about SOWN and St Anger being bloody awful, but I can't say I find them enjoyable. Maybe because I respect these two bands too much and these appalling releases disappointed me a lot. Crematory, on the other hand, were never among my favourite bands so this parody of an album is bizarrely appealing to me.
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on and on south of heaven

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17.04.2018 - 16:38
that guy
I do not think Anthrax - Sound of White Noise is a bad album, in fact I find it quite good. St Anger on the other hand is an awful album IMO.
As for Crematory, having listened a bit to the two videos, they're not even "it's so bad, it's good" category. They have indeed become a parody of themselves. It's "Dedicated to Chaos" bad.
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17.04.2018 - 18:49
pagb666
After listening to it... I think it's better than their previous "Monument"
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18.04.2018 - 00:16
nikarg
Old Nick
Written by BloodJuNkie on 17.04.2018 at 01:50

Written by nikarg on 16.04.2018 at 13:24

Seriously it's so bad, it's addictive. "Salvation" rivals "Tsar Bomba" for first place in my "most played tracks" list so far this year. I feel ashamed but it is true.

Dude I know the feel, felt the same way when I got addicted to Siren Charms by In flames

Oh man, I feel for you.
----
on and on south of heaven

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20.04.2018 - 12:18
BloodTears
ANA-thema
Written by Darkside Momo on 17.04.2018 at 12:33

Quote:
If white socks with sandals could turn into music, it would sound like this.

Best line ever


lol That is actually the perfected description for this. Stay away from it, kids.

I never liked this band. I like them even less now.
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29

Like you could kiss my ass.


My Instagram
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22.04.2018 - 16:12
Bad English
Masterchief
I like part when you said metalheads who stop listen to metal, I would say this band should stop play metal,
----
Life is to short for LOVE, there is many great things to do online !!!

Stormtroopers of Death - ''Speak English or Die''

I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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22.04.2018 - 22:19
berba_
For me band which don't respect their fans do not deserve to be respected by them. End of story.
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