101 rules of Deathcore
101 rules of Deathcore
8.5
| 36 votes
| Posted by: | GutturalNinja |
| Date: | 25.07.2009 |
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| The key of being a brutal scene kid! |
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The following may have been written with animosity, yet for entertainment purposes only! 1. Have a cool MySpace layout 2. You are a really popular guy at school or a lonely emo kid 3. You can't be something in between 4. You don't listen only to Deathcore, you also like The Faceless and The Black Dahlia Murder 5. The new Job for A Cowboy record is so lame; you prefer the 'old' stuff with a lot of bree bree grunts. 6. You don't give a shit what people think 7. But be constantly involved in a fight over the internet. 8. Your band logo must be real' br00tal. 9. But your band name is in fact Rose Funeral or Bring Me the Horizon. 10. Be br00tal, but not too much 'cause eating babies and having sex with corpses is kind of disgusting. 11. Instead, sing about personal struggles, society and love. 12. Listen (or make believe you do) to at least 3 or 4 death metal band to higher your credibility. 13. Be Christian. 14. Dress like a gangster but wear a Suffocation shirt. 15. The stuff you listen to must be fresh and less than 10 years old because the 90's are over now. 16. Ruin a song with random breakdowns. 17. You're allowed to listen to rap and metalcore/screamo. 18. Label yourself as "Gore not Core" even if you're Waking the Cadaver. 19. Change musical direction after 2 albums because trends don't last. 20. Or label yourself as Death Metal because people made bad critics about your band being poser metal. 21. Never review a band/album on any metal websites. 22. Because if you like that album, people will call you names. 23. Wear tight jeans and stretch earrings. 24. Be shy and by yourself at concerts. 25. Because we know you came for the opening band. 26. But you might dance like a ninja on steroids if you are with some friends. 27. But don't mosh. 28. Inhale scream (or bree bree grunt if you're more br00tal). 29. When your band is on a line-up with metal acts, your band mates must wear their DEATH METAL shirts. 30. So the crowd can appreciate your music. 31. Headline a 20 year old Death Metal band. 32. You have discovered Cryptopsy because of The Unspoken King. 33. Look like your girlfriend. 34. Get signed by Metal Blade for your very first release 35. After one EP onlyt, release a lot of merch. 36. I mean tons and tons of merch. 37. Musical content is the least important part about your band. 38. Use the word "brutal" a lot. 39. Overuse it desperately. 40. You don't know what black metal is. 41. Sound exactly the same as the 5 other bands on the tour. 42. Look like a queer. 43. You're forbidden to have long hair because it's dirty and you don't want to look poor. 44. You listen to girly metal. 45. Dress like any kid on the street. 46. as long as you fit in. 47. Your band's T-shirts are full of flashy colors with rainbow sentences on the back. 48. You have a lot of friends on Facebook. 49. By looking at you, people must not know you listen to metal. 50. Metalheads are so unpopular. 51. Have brutal and unoriginal band names such as Dance Club Massacre, Annotations of an Autopsy or I Killed the Prom Queen. 52. You're only touring because the tour promoter want to make some money. 53. Old School Stuff sucks. 54. Insult emos. 55. Even though you're probably one. 56. Convince people to lower their pants and cut their hairs. 57. But do it over the internet. 58. Or else people are going to call you pussy. 59. But people will also call you pussy on the internet, see rule #7. 60. You must at least have an emo, a gangster and a bald guy with stretch earrings in your band. 61. Teacher-looking guys are also accepted. 62. You're a slave to trends. 63. You must encourage metal to be mainstream and popular. 64. Make heavy music but make sure to look like a fag. 65. Go at Summer Slaughter every year. 66. Have a user name similar to 'XxHrdCoreDeathStrikerxX'. 67. Say you're unique and so special and that's why there are so many haters 68. But in fact, you look like most of the kids around you. 69. Wear a cap. 70. When hardcore dancing at a show, make sure not to hit anyone but keep kicking and punching the wind. 71. You will be socially accepted. 72. You won't be alone, there might be 3 or 4 other ninjas fighting with you. 73. Haircuts are metal. 74. You do not own any of your CDs. 75. Who needs CDs when you have LimeWire. 77. Oh, and never mosh/hardcore dance during a non-breakdown part! 78. You have a blog. 79. You have a Youtube video of you trying to pig squeal over your favourite song. 80. Why bother trying to finish your song with another great part? 81. Just put a breakdown. 82. Kids love them. 83. And they sure are easy to make. 84. You never run out of breakdowns. 85. Because they all sounds the same. 86. And are catchy. 87. But in fact are weak and unoriginal. 88. And the fact that you have blast beats in your song will make it good and compensate for your cheap breakdowns. 89. Remember, hate emos. 90. They are so uncool. 91. You are cool because you wear a cap, see rule #69. 92. Steal riffs from other bands. 93. Cover nü metal songs. 94. Make grammatical errors in your lyrics. 95. Do not EVER print a T-shirt with something on the back. 96. EVER! 97. It's forbidden. 76. I forgot rule #76 so here it is. 98. Be gay. 99. Don't cry, you're a big boy now. 100. I now realise that rule #95 contradict with rule #47. 101. Whine about the above on the comment space. |
Comments
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Posts: 383  |
Posts: 383
For some reason, I didn't find it funny but then again, I know little about death metal and nothing about deathcore and emos.
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It exists genre called "deathcore" 
---- My rest seems now calm and deep Finally I got my dead man sleep 
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| Kap'N Korrupt
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Posts: 8004 Written by [user id=2084] on 30.07.2009 at 08:28 Just to watch him die? Anyway, I didn't find it funny at all, but I guess it's probably because in France (or maybe in the whole of Europe, I don't know) we don't have the same concern about deathcore, or even metalcore for that matter. The trendiness and subsequent strong hate for these genres is mainly a North American kind of thing from my point of view. I might be wrong though, maybe it's just me 
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Posts: 18615 Written by Deadsoulman on 30.07.2009 at 15:33 O dude, you have some lucky were you live then... Because here at least I've seen waaaay to much emo and deathcore and waaaay to little metal. It's nothing that really matters to me. Everyone to each own. But sometimes it's just so damn annoying. There were some brilliant points here tbh: 8. Your band logo must be real' br00tal. 9. But your band name is in fact Rose Funeral or Bring Me the Horizon. O god... I hate Bring Me The Horizon. 33. Look like your girlfriend. It happens often when I'm in town and don't really know who's the girl or the guy.
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| Posts: 8703 |
Posts: 8703 Written by Deadsoulman on 30.07.2009 at 15:33 i know a guy who is a big fan of metalcore here in cz...but i guess he really doesnt have too much followers...
---- My rest seems now calm and deep Finally I got my dead man sleep
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Posts: 115  |
Posts: 115
Not bad! It's really true 
---- "Fiction is the truth inside the lie" (Stephen King)
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Posts: 39  |
Posts: 39
Deathcore is latin for me..i dont understand any fucking thing whats going on
---- _bleh!_
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Hahhahhaahahhaha all this is so true, check this video out, the best part is at 2:40. also the comments and the usernames of the people commenting are hilarious... XxEvilxcupcakexX: "I love thz band X] "  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN9ednpjod8
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Posts: 1620  |
Posts: 1620
Def thumbs up for this one! however you forgot rule 102...or wherever they may've gone: when someone starts actually moshing during a breakdown, gang up on him. cause hitting people in a mosh pit is just not brutal. then after the fight, deny anything, call the cops, and get the show shut down (this happens a lot in south carolina, not sure about elsewhere)
---- I will not reason and compare, my business is to create.
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Posts: 43  |
Posts: 43
This describes my friend so perfectly. I'm emailing him this URL right now. He'll probably create an account and argue with you guys about how he's pissed off.
---- U.S.A. for Satan!
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Posts: 3751  |
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Not really been long time as Deathcore fan, but currently I am very interested in this Genre. And yeah, cool Layout Myspace. Seriously, less fun, more SERIOUS/True to the GENRE and its bands.
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Posts: 193
What the heck is "bree bree" screams and pig squeals? can anyone link up a youtube vid that displays this curiosity?
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31. Headline a 20 year old Death Metal band. LOL. Going to see Megadeth with Suicide Silence. It's close enough.
---- U.S.A. for Satan!
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Posts: 697  |
Posts: 697
Ya... I hate this shit, as soon as I see the vocalist has a cap, too small of pants and Vans on, I'm ready for the door even before he starts to whine... Emo fuckin shit And so true about the breakdowns...
---- Old enough to be your Daddy... speaking of which... you look familiar... do I know your mother???
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Posts: 362 Written by Urizen367 on 15.08.2009 at 00:33 It happens in Oklahoma alot man. I go to alot of the local deathcore shows, and no one moshes at all. It's actually pretty sad, hardcore dancing is really gay.
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| soadbyob
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77. Oh, and never mosh/hardcore dance during a non-breakdown part! 80. Why bother trying to finish your song with another great part? 81. Just put a breakdown. 82. Kids love them. 83. And they sure are easy to make. 84. You never run out of breakdowns. 85. Because they all sounds the same. 86. And are catchy. 87. But in fact are weak and unoriginal. 88. And the fact that you have blast beats in your song will make it good and compensate for your cheap breakdowns. haha soooo true overall not bad, some points could have been better though
---- Dark death metal from Sydney: https://www.facebook.com/GolgothanRemains
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Posts: 37  |
Posts: 37
Very enjoyable i dislike any core unless you consider grind to be core which i don't. It just sucks how suffocation is thrown in as what started deathcore because they're amazing. keep it meshuggah 
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Posts: 767
Haha, absolutely great. This describes so many shits in my school it almost hurts to realize it.
---- 
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This is stupid, the worst "101 rules of..." i have EVER read EDIT: This is one of the posts I was talking about in my profile. this is one of the BEST 101's.
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Posts: 2502  |
Posts: 2502
I don't listen to Deathcore (expect one band only, which is more metalcore/deathcore), but these rules suck. See nu metal rules or power metal rules to see how to make a good rules These are clearly written by a hater of a genre, you are supposed to include preconceptions and stereotypes, but at the same time not looking bias towards it. Also, you'd like to insult them, but you don't really know how, so you keep repeating this patterns over and over and over again.
---- *insert something deep and profound*
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Haha nice rules!!!  This one is so true 79. You have a Youtube video of you trying to pig squeal over your favourite song.
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| Wishmaster
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