Written by:	destroyah
Published:	December 21, 2008
Event:	Monster Magnet: European Tour (Website)
Location:	Rock Café, Tallinn, Estonia
Organizer:	BDG Music OÜ
Galleries:	Monster Magnet - Rock Cafe, Tallinn, Estonia, 11.11.2008 by Ivor (21)

It is somewhat difficult to tell the story of how I went to the Monster Magnet concert, seems as the event is mixed up in a complex elaboration of different actual, fictional and semi-fictional episodes of heavy alcohol abuse, wild rides and cosmic horror. It is in the interest of clarity (and for the sake of the reader's sanity) perhaps, that I should divide my character into three somewhat different, yet equally authentic figures. All these figures exist in an ill-defined time-frame ranging from mid-September to late November and are experientially interconnected.

Firstly, there is my Dark Side, a mutant of sorts, trapped in a cyclical drinking spree in some Baltic town (which, judging by the strip-club flyers later found in his pockets, may well have been Riga). This is the part of me engaged in pre-celebration of the gig to come, in the midst of celebrations of things that be. Secondly, there is the True Self, or the part of me which physically (presumably) attended the concert. And the third Self is my Cosmic Avatar, picked up from the side of the highway by a band of rampaging aliens in a fabulously decorated UFO, after falling out of the Self on the Riga-Tallinn bus (who henceforth became known as my Dark Side and who later perished in a violent accident involving a veteran combat dolphin and a bathtub full of marmalade.)

Now, my Cosmic Avatar is key in this case, since while my True Self was able to enjoy the Monster Magnet concert from the first row at Rock Cafe, he lacked the critical eye of my Cosmic Avatar as he was infected with the venomous remnants of my still-living-breathing Dark Side. That is to say, my Cosmic Avatar was the only one capable of due criticism on the band itself, despite having been abducted by aliens.

By the way, the aliens were from Caultron Prime, and had never heard of Monster Magnet. They had, however, been acquainted with the star-spawn of Cthulhu in another dimension, which made them somewhat familiar with Earthly affairs, albeit in a different discipline of reality.

My Cosmic Avatar was indeed the only one of my three dimensions at the time who was able to acknowledge the fact that my Dark Side had placed Monster Magnet on the pedestal in a way, which meant that while my True Self was having a hell of a time headbanging to "Space Lord," apparently having the time of his life, the Cosmic Avatar actually possessed a clear sense of judgement which allowed him to point out the obvious flaws in The Magnet's design. Coincidentally, that criticism almost led to dire consequences, on which I'd rather not elaborate, although I'd hint that it would have involved the words "probe" and "severe discomfort."

The aliens that picked up my Cosmic Avatar on the night Monster Magnet was due to play in Tallinn, were not of benign intent. In fact, Japanese killer hornets pale in comparison with these space-faring astro-creeps. This means of course, that they did not so much pick up a hitch-hiker that night, as they beamed up another potential guinea pig for their strange experiments, which, I'm certain, most definitely violate some sort of intergalactic detainee treaties. Being an earthling, I was unfortunately unaware of the interstellar habeas corpus, if such a thing existed. What I did have, was leverage in the form of Monster Magnet.

While my Dark Side was on the bus a month earlier and/or simultaneously with the events described hitherto, it is my firm belief that he managed to negotiate some kind of a beneficial deal on my part with an unnamed and unfathomable alien entity, while fighting the after-effects of a healthy dose of (possibly) spiked weed straight from the fertile slopes of Vietnam. It's not unreasonable to assume that the deal involved me taking my alien captors to the Monster Magnet gig, in return for immunity while on board their spacecraft. My Cosmic Avatar could only pray that Monster Magnet would put on a good show to appease these space pirates. And lest it be said that it is only due to the aliens' poor knowledge of Earth-music that saved me that night, as Monster Magnet turned out to be a little less than brilliant.








This doesn't mean that the band failed, indeed it did not. The sound of the venue failed, as did Monster Magnet's choice of repertoire for that particular evening. While my Cosmic Avatar was looking down from the spacecraft upon my True Self watching the band, it became apparent to him, and all of the mes later as well, how little effect the band's slower pieces actually have in a live environment. I even tried to explain to my new found alien friends (we bonded rather well, as it turned out) that the concert would be tremendously better if Monster Magnet just stuck to their faster nitrous-boosted powerhouse performance songs. This is not to say that the band didn't bring out such party starters as "Space Lord" and "Tractor," but slower tracks, especially "Spine of God" felt as heavy as a set of panzer tracks on a tricycle, in the very worst sense of the term. My alien friends seemed to enjoy the band's futile attempt to generate psychedelia, which is no wonder, considering the amount of that Vietnamese ganja they smoked during the gig - the weed that they undoubtedly obtained from the same source as my Dark Side had - from a strange Scottish vagabond who may have gone by the name Murray.








All is well that ends well and I'd venture to say that all my three selves and the aliens found something that night. My True Self got a sore throat from furiously abusing the opportunity to scream "mother fucker" out loud in a public place. My alien captors left this planet with a sense of appreciation towards the general genre of stoner rock and hallucinogenic drugs. The Pilgrim Fathers, the opening act of the night, appealed greatly to my Dark Side, still kicking and screaming at the astral makeshift hippopotamuses that apparently litter the fields and knolls surrounding the Tallinn-Riga highway. Indeed it was a band capable of presenting mind-shattering psychedelia in an audible form with great skill - an effect further enforced by the somewhat poor sound quality of the venue. As for my Cosmic Avatar - hell, he was just pleased about not having gotten probed by those frisky space crusaders.








There is one tiny detail that did salvage the entire night, however - all my personalities and avatars were admittedly rather delighted for getting the chance to yell "I'm never gonna work another day in my life" that night. "Powertrip" was a welcome song, as in the normal universe, I would most assuredly be working hard at the university the next day. Except, I wouldn't be so much working hard, as as I would be just fiddling about. And I wouldn't be at the university as I would be anywhere but.



Setlist:


Dopes To Infinity
Crop Circle
Powertrip
Twin Earth
Third Eye Landslide
Zodiac Lung
Radiation Day
The Right Stuff
Negasonic Teenage Warhead
Space Lord

---

Melt
Cage Around the Sun
Tractor
Spine of God