kind of like that

I am awaiting.

no,it's not alexander the great again
i think something needs to be changed here,perhaps the chorus.what do you think?other than that i like how it turned out:

The ideal

Judgemental society
Bereft of hipocrisy
Not with us,
Then against

Cloning the grand ideal
And those who can't allign
Trampled by the conformism
Toleration,acceptance,no sign

Force feeding the truth
With the invisible spoon
Cloning worthless youth
Free minds are stolen

(spoken maybe,like the interlude to night crawler)
I see the lessers taking the throne
We're crawling before them in our own home
And before they cut us to mincemeat
To curse our birth we'll scream

Can't fucking stand this shit
Double standards,more paranoid everyday
Falling in conformity's pit
They follow the self indulging ways

Cloning the grand ideal
And those who can't allign
Trampled by the conformism
Toleration,acceptance,no sign


There is no truth beyond you
Fearing the unkown,the coup
D'etat is drawing near
The end of the ideal is here

Cloning the grand ideal
And those who can't allign
Trampled by the conformism
Toleration,acceptance,no sign

Perverted by the ideal of old,mindless
The masses can but stand in awe,speachless
As the free minds seize the throne,righteous
The ideal is destroyed in their madness,blindness
For a new one is about to rise,devastating
Brainwashing the stupid masses,enslaving
The never ending cycle continues

Ah, that's a shame.

hipocrisy is spelled: hypocrisy

I think the chorus is the best part of this lyric man!

I also like this sentence:
The masses can but stand in awe,speachless

I really like it, I have a suggestion, though:

Change:
Can't fucking stand this shit
Double standards,more paranoid everyday
Falling in conformity's pit
They follow the self indulging ways

into:
I cannot take another hit
Double standards, the pigs preach lies
Falling in conformity's pit
They follow the self indulging ways

(I would have actually changed the last sentence too into someting that rhymes with 'lies' such as for example 'weak tries', but this is going against the general rhyming you use, so I wont)

For the rest I have no suggestions.

thanks a lot!
but all the lyricists seem to have disappeared

yeah, those lazy bastards are all gone. well, what's wrong with a dialogue.

Please comment me on this one:

Arrows of the sun
Raging fire drops like rain
Wrath from the exhalted one
No strength to restrain

This mandatory suicide
'tis madnes hunting you
they fall first, the ones with pride
flee from this world so cruel

Conquer the forlorn
No time for sympathy
Death will have us torn
Asunder in misery

Arrows of the sun
Raging fire drops like rain
Wrath from the exhalted one
No strength to sustain

This mandatory suicide
'tis madnes hunting you
they fall first, the ones with pride
flee from this world so cruel

Anonymous in the grave
Your death was not enough
The enemy has conquered us
And they'll reign.. till another war


It's something I wrote a few days ago. Tell me what you think of it. Does it suite a Thrash band?

i don't seem to understand the meaning of the lyrics,but i think it'll do good with either a death or gothic band...
Conquer the forlorn
No time for sympathy
Death will have us torn
Asunder in misery

this one is good,it flows quite well


Arrows of the sun
Raging fire drops like rain
Wrath from the exhalted one
No strength to restrain

This mandatory suicide
'tis madnes hunting you
they fall first, the ones with pride
flee from this world so cruel

again,this flows well,but i can't seem to understand the theme...the prechorus-chorus verses flow so good, that even speaking them out is like rapping

Anonymous in the grave
Your death was not enough
The enemy has conquered us
And they'll reign.. till another war

this doesn't flow that good like the other stuff,but if it's an outro,it doesn't really have to rhyme or flow good

OK, let me try to explain. It seems that most of my lyrics starts as an aggresive war-song, but usually I add an sort of sarcastic touch at the end (well, I try to)

Arrows of the sun
Raging fire drops like rain
Wrath from the exhalted one
No strength to restrain

This mandatory suicide
'tis madnes hunting you
they fall first, the ones with pride
flee from this world so cruel

These two parts are meant to illustrate a warfield, the insane chaos, fear and disillusions at a warfield. Raging fire, no strength to resist etc. are there to make you think about how life in war is like.

Conquer the forlorn
No time for sympathy
Death will have us torn
Asunder in misery

There is not really a meaning in this part, at least not when I wrote it. Also tries to illustrate the chaos, no sympathy for the dead, misery and loniless.

Anonymous in the grave
Your death was not enough
The enemy has conquered us
And they'll reign.. till another war

Like I said, this is supposed to be the sarcastic twist. Illustrates a victim of war, nameless in a mass-grave with the other thousands.. his death was not enough, as the enemy has taken control of his country/city/whatever. So his death was useless. The enemy conquered his people, and they will reign. Till they will also fall, in the next war. That last sentence should illustrate the endless cycle of war and peace, and should make the reader/listener think about how useless war is.

That's what I write about.

Hope it helped.

yeah it helped.but i can;t think of any more suggestions now.

I myself am really proud of what i did below and i think it's the best lyric i've written so far
The werewolf

Twelve times cursed
And twelve times blessed
Full moon beckons
The longest seconds

Eyes turning red
Skin turning to fur
The man inside is dead
Midnight is here

Everything you loved, forget it
Everything you hated, destroy it
The beast howls, insatiable thirst
In a flash the bloodbath bursts

Cursed for lifetime to ever walk
The fullmoon paths in search of blood
Morning reveals, the sun ascends
You wish never to see night again

Everything you loved, forget it
Everything you hated, destroy it
The beast howls, insatiable thirst
In a flash the bloodbath bursts

Eyes turning red
Skin turning to fur
The man inside is dead
Midnight is here

Many a man you ripped apart
Cold blood runs through your heart
The taste on your lips of a hundred men dead
Can't stop the bullet from piercing your head

Everything you loved, forget it
Everything you hated, destroy it
The beast howls, insatiable thirst
In a flash the bloodbath bursts

Twelve times was cursed
And twelve times was blessed
The midnight madness raged in the land
Werewolf's howl never to be heard again

and it's alexander again!!!

Alexander the great II-the zenit

Defeating the persians
He exposed the genius
His eyes see the future
Darius fled before him

The persians defeated
Slaughtered and mangled
Darius the worthless
Killed by his own men
Killed by his own men...

Egypt raised him high
A pharaoh he stands
The one foreign pharaoh
The last of the pharaoh

Marching through the desert
Pushing his men to the limits
Soldier's plagued by famine and thirst
He calls upon them to march on

"Fear is in your eyes
And let it not blind you
Would you wish you were dying in your beds
Or living the true life and becoming gods?
Follow me, and i will lead you to your destiny
Mount Olympus awaits you all, my friends!"

Well, let's see if I agree.

The werewolf

Twelve times cursed
And twelve times blessed
Full moon beckons
The longest seconds
Ok, not something special. I wonder why you used 'twelve' times though? Thirteen seems to be more a 'sinister' number, or does 'twelve' symbolize something I don't know?

Eyes turning red
Skin turning to fur
The man inside is dead
Midnight is here
The man inside is dead. <- Good one.
I'd turn 'Midnight is here' into something like: foul creature arises

Everything you loved, forget it
Everything you hated, destroy it
The beast howls, insatiable thirst
In a flash the bloodbath bursts
Hehe, nice.

Cursed for lifetime to ever walk
The fullmoon paths in search of blood
Morning reveals, the sun ascends
You wish never to see night again
This one is nice too, especially the first three sentences.

Everything you loved, forget it
Everything you hated, destroy it
The beast howls, insatiable thirst
In a flash the bloodbath bursts

Eyes turning red
Skin turning to fur
The man inside is dead
Midnight is here

Many a man you ripped apart
Cold blood runs through your heart
The taste on your lips of a hundred men dead
Can't stop the bullet from piercing your head
Interesting course, the werewolve dies? That's a shame I had hoped he would live on.

Everything you loved, forget it
Everything you hated, destroy it
The beast howls, insatiable thirst
In a flash the bloodbath bursts

Twelve times was cursed
And twelve times was blessed
The midnight madness raged in the land
Werewolf's howl never to be heard again
Yeah, this one was very good. It wasn't better then the first Alexander though, IMO.





and it's alexander again!!!
Hurray!

Alexander the great II-the zenit

Defeating the persians
He exposed the genius
His eyes see the future
Darius fled before him
This doesn't flaw right, IMO. Perhaps I need a good guitar rythm, but I can't find it, if you get what I mean.

The persians defeated
Slaughtered and mangled
Darius the worthless
Killed by his own men
Killed by his own men...
Oh yeah, the bastard fled. Darius was a coward.

Egypt raised him high
A pharaoh he stands
The one foreign pharaoh
The last of the pharaoh
Was he really the last, I didn't know that? Good part, this one

Marching through the desert
Pushing his men to the limits
Soldier's plagued by famine and thirst
He calls upon them to march on
I clearly see the movie in my mind again. That's a good thing.

"Fear is in your eyes
And let it not blind you
Would you wish you were dying in your beds
Or living the true life and becoming gods?
Follow me, and i will lead you to your destiny
Mount Olympus awaits you all, my friends!"
Nice, very nice. One question though, is it really Mount Olympus? I mean, MO is from the Greek religion. Or am I wrong?

I liked both! Keep on getting them coming, and I hope the others return.

he didn't get killed, he commited suicide(the wolf)
and as far as i know alexander(in 328 bc or something) was greeted as a pharaoh in egypt and he basically was the only one to deserve the title and apart from the guys who reigned from 328 to 54 bc or something until QUEEN cleopatra-not pharaohess or something-was defeated they were only kings,not pharaohs(even the word pharaoh simbolizes a lot more than just king, similar to prince-emperor or something)
and i never saw the whole movie though, but there is a poem written by a romanian guy telling about how his army marched through the desert and they had to drain basically every well they passed by, and he went to check on the guys getting the water, and one offers him a bucket full of it(who wouldn't ) but he refuses it, saying the soldiers need the water more than him and thus the mighty macedonian phalanx hail him and take an oath to forever follow him into glory and cheese!!!!
that's what actually inspired me to do it
and again about the werewolf- and the number twelve-think of this: twelve months, twelve bright hours, twelve dark hours, twelve major keys, twelve minor keys, it's the reason there are twelve stars on the EU flag even though there are 27 member states- it's basically the "perfect" number.i know i ripped off iron maiden with their "seven deadly sins, seven ways to win, seven paths to hell..." and as a matter of fact i really had that in mind, but since no-one ever used 12 as a symbol in their songs, why should i care?
thanks a lot though!

Ah, I see. That he commits suicide is not really clear to me, nor do I think it will be clear to others.

Nice history lesson, thanks mate!

Never knew that, about twelve. thanks again

wohoot i just finished alexander the great
Alexander the great III-the fall

The soldiers followed him
Their order was his whim
Trampling all standing against
His lust for glory can't be fenced

He who untied the gordian knot
Shall rule the lands from ocean to ocean
Alexander cut the knot
But he won't become the lord of Asia
He won't rule the lands of Asia...

(with a demonic "voodoo" drumbeat,like igor cavalera used to do)
The ground is shaking
Giant's awakening
Hold your spears
Conquer your fears

The rajah defeated him
Only one defeated him
Trampled the world in vain
With pierced arm, he lies in pain

In Babylon he conceives
A plan to seize the glory
But fate has him deceived
He'll pay for his folly

For Arabia we'll head
To conquer the desert
To Arabia we'll head
To seek out the treasures

Omen of death at horizon stands
Dead birds fall from the trees
But none can stop his majestic plans
Not even a deadly disease

Useless is fame, fortune and glory
He is paying for his folly
Inconscious in his own bed
Lying in immense pain
Red and swollen is his head
Alexander the great's his name

Only once was he defeated
Alexander the great's glory
Brushed aside by a bird dead
Thus he paid for his folly

Centuries later worshipped still
Genius commander, killed by fate
Like a war god standing tall
The statue of Alexander the great

I have asked Bas2 to return to this thread, let's hope he listens to my call.

Alexander the great III-the fall

The soldiers followed him
Their order was his whim
Trampling all standing against
His lust for glory can't be fenced
Yeah, another Alexander. A shame he dies after this ones.

He who untied the gordian knot
Shall rule the lands from ocean to ocean
Alexander cut the knot
But he won't become the lord of Asia
He won't rule the lands of Asia...
Isn't it 'guardian' instead of 'gordian'?
I hope you do those last two sentences in a dramatic voice, getting softer into a whisper.. seems fitting for me.

(with a demonic "voodoo" drumbeat,like igor cavalera used to do)
The ground is shaking
Giant's awakening
Hold your spears
Conquer your fears
Nice part. Short but strong.

The rajah defeated him
Only one defeated him
Trampled the world in vain
With pierced arm, he lies in pain
What is 'rajah'? He died of a fatal wound, I know that, but was that caused by 'rajah'. Was that not 'maharajah'?

In Babylon he conceives
A plan to seize the glory
But fate has him deceived
He'll pay for his folly

For Arabia we'll head
To conquer the desert
To Arabia we'll head
To seek out the treasures

Omen of death at horizon stands
Dead birds fall from the trees
But none can stop his majestic plans
Not even a deadly disease
Ah, this was a majestic part. He spoke to his army, white as the dead, to keep fighting, didn't he? Very good part of the movies, nice way of translating that into lyrics!

Useless is fame, fortune and glory
He is paying for his folly
Inconscious in his own bed
Lying in immense pain
Red and swollen is his head
Alexander the great's his name
A tragic moment.

Only once was he defeated
Alexander the great's glory
Brushed aside by a bird dead
Thus he paid for his folly
ONce was enough. I don't get the reference with the dead bird, though.

Centuries later worshipped still
Genius commander, killed by fate
Like a war god standing tall
The statue of Alexander the great
Hell yeah, Alexander the great!! Very good part, I really liked this trilogy. I really hope you can once put this to music. Good luck with that!

well..it seems you don't know quite much about alexander's life or you weren't paying attention to the movie
remember the evil-looking indian in the movie,the guy on the elephant? that's the rajah, the guy who threw the spear. He didn't die from the arrow the rajah's soldier shot at him, he recovered from the injury and then got killed by west nile fever which he caught from dead birds when he prepared to get his act together and conquer arabia (dunno why)
and if you didn't notice, the ground is shaking part is the part where the elephants start to charge from the jungle and he wants them to keep the lines and stuff
the rajah=basically indian king, a thing which, porus, the guy who fought him at the river, was(i hope)
and hey,thanks a whole fucking lot!!

Well, it was a long time ago and I watchd it only once. You can't blame me.

but thanks, again.

Ok, everyone's lyrics ROCK here. Uhmm. Well, here is a poem (we will change it to a song) Tori just wrote like yesterday (no music to it yet!) It's not exactly ready, but Tori wrote it cause she was bored in this stupid keyboarding class.

"Forever Waiting"
As we take in the dark
To what we are called
But I know, we've been here for so long
Now I cover my sins
Send them back to the skies of time
Here I'll pierce the flesh
Unwashed wound of ebony
Leave me lifeless, make me broken, my beloved
I'm waiting astray
with what now is desolate
Falling into this moonlight
as darkness whispers my name
In the night
withholding the tears I long to cry
The leading perfect life
forever gone with my strife
While I wait in my innocence
I'll forever die with this everlasting life
Blended with the shadows
upon my forest bed
Waiting for the rising
why the world is immorally dead
This night I can pray
for this life of shame
I'll wait for your hand
to take me away

That's not too much of a comment.

As we take in the dark
To what we are called
But I know, we've been here for so long
I will try to divide this into parts to keep the commenting easier, but i might not always divide where you thought of dividing it yourself, not my fault though.

Now I cover my sins
Send them back to the skies of time
Here I'll pierce the flesh
Unwashed wound of ebony
Leave me lifeless, make me broken, my beloved
I don't see how this flows, what's the rythm? That's always hard without sound, but with some lyrics i can think of something, with this one I can't, sorry. Wounds of ebony? What's that?

I'm waiting astray
with what now is desolate
Falling into this moonlight
as darkness whispers my name
I like the words you use, but I don't really see what they mean.

In the night
withholding the tears I long to cry
The leading perfect life
forever gone with my strife
This part is good, especially the second sentence

While I wait in my innocence
I'll forever die with this everlasting life
Blended with the shadows
upon my forest bed
the second sentence is quite bad, imo. doesn't really make sense. i think i see what you try to say, but try saying it differently


Waiting for the rising
why the world is immorally dead
This night I can pray
for this life of shame
I'll wait for your hand
to take me away
Last two sentences are good, really.

Now, too keep things seperate I'll post my new one here. This one was thrown onto paper in about 5 minutes, so don't expect too much of it. Here it is:

Reverie Of The Forgotten

My path for a moment sealed in snow
trampled on the frozen ground.
Without the will to stop the flow
forever we will haunt.

The endless planes of our memory
tricked, deceived and battered.
Peaceful our death will never be
forever we are shattered.

We transgress the holy border
of those alive and those in death.
We are the ones who create disorder
forever dwells our aftermath.

hey, it flows, but i just can't grasp the meaning of it. sounds opeth-ish with black metal vocals

My path for a moment sealed in snow
trampled on the frozen ground.
Without the will to stop the flow
forever we will haunt.

it flows well, but as usual the meaning of your lyrics is a bit vague


The endless planes of our memory
tricked, deceived and battered.
Peaceful our death will never be
forever we are shattered.

this could use as a chorus, since it is catchy, and if you wanna rip trivium off you could change the title from "reveries of the forgotten" to "reveries of the forgotten(forever we are shattered)"

We transgress the holy border
of those alive and those in death.
We are the ones who create disorder
forever dwells our aftermath.

this one is the vaguest, but it suits an outro, from my point of view. but i would change the last sentence, since it doesn't feel quite right. i'd change it into "forever lives our aftermath"

Thanks cursed.

Well, my lyrics are always vague as I try to keep them vague. And I don't write down a story such as you, I just throw a couple of (random) good sounding words on paper.

Damn, is that a Trivium song? I seriously consider changing it then, cause the title is not important anyway.

And about your suggestion, thanks, you might be right, but I love the word 'dwells' so I just wanted to use it there.

how about this? obviously a song about ww1/ww2
Trench Hero/The Cross You Wear

Waist up in mud
He holds his gun
When will it end
When has this begun?

Screams of pain
Familiar voices
Dying in vain
Don't have many choices

Trench heroes
Clinging to their gun
Trench heroes
Deaf, blind and dumb
Trench heroes
Wars can't be won
They're trench heroes

Raining death from a grey sky
A million corpses on the field lie
Shells raining from way up high
Pouring down on the P.B.I.

Trench heroes
Clinging to their gun
Trench heroes
Deaf, blind and dumb
Trench heroes
Wars can't be won
They're trench heroes

(the cross you wear)

The cross on your chest you wear
A symbol of courage, or bloodlust is it?
The death of a hundred souls you bear
Still you boast about the men you killed

Sixty years have passed since
And have you repented once?
Heard the unarmed soldier's death cry
The cross you wear is just a lie

The cross you wear's
The stone you bear
When you hear the victory bell
You're already on the path to hell

Defiled the book,
Defiled all human
The lives you took
Forever will haunt

Read the ten holy rules
How many have you broken?
Now you cannot play the fool
For your sins can't be forgiven

The cross you wear's
The stone you bear
When you hear the victory bell
You're already on the path to hell

2x
You forgot your god
Your god's forgotten you
You spat on your god
Satan's waiting for you

2x
Running out of time
Hear the victory bell
But victory is not it's chime
For a soul is sent to hell

By the way, I overread it when I read your comment the verse time, but you said it was 'Opeth-ish'. And that's a fuckign big compliment for me.

Trench Hero/
Good title, nice word-use and sarcastic. I love that.

Waist up in mud
He holds his gun
When will it end
When has this begun?

Screams of pain
Familiar voices
Dying in vain
Don't have many choices
These are good parts. I have never been at a warfield or in a war, but it must be something like this.

Trench heroes
Clinging to their gun
Trench heroes
Deaf, blind and dumb
Trench heroes
Wars can't be won
They're trench heroes
This is a real nice part. Wars can't be won. Wow. That's a very good sentence, no kidding. Good!

Raining death from a grey sky
A million corpses on the field lie
Shells raining from way up high
Pouring down on the P.B.I.
A good part, Slayer influenced?

Trench heroes
Clinging to their gun
Trench heroes
Deaf, blind and dumb
Trench heroes
Wars can't be won
They're trench heroes




The cross you wear
I don't get the title (yet)

The cross on your chest you wear
A symbol of courage, or bloodlust is it?
The death of a hundred souls you bear
Still you boast about the men you killed
The last two sentences are very good, unfortunatly doesn't rhyme.

Sixty years have passed since
And have you repented once?
Heard the unarmed soldier's death cry
The cross you wear is just a lie
Nice nice. Can't say more, just nice.

The cross you wear's
The stone you bear
When you hear the victory bell
You're already on the path to hell

Defiled the book,
Defiled all human
The lives you took
Forever will haunt

Read the ten holy rules
How many have you broken?
Now you cannot play the fool
For your sins can't be forgiven
Good part, will he regret?

The cross you wear's
The stone you bear
When you hear the victory bell
You're already on the path to hell


You forgot your god
Your god's forgotten you
You spat on your god
Satan's waiting for you


Running out of time
Hear the victory bell
But victory is not it's chime
For a soul is sent to hell
Hehe nice, especially the last part. I like it man, but I liked the 'Trench Heroes' better.

well, basically it's a song divided in 2 parts: trench hero and the cross you wear(military honour)
and...thanks! i had a little bit of stormrider-period iced earth in mind when i wrote them, not slayer

Oh well. It also reminded me of Iron Mainden too. Don't know 'Stormrider' though.

But especially 'Raining death' maybe me think of Slayer.

Untitled, maybe someone else can suggest one

Black enfumes,
Construct the patterns I reveal,
With thoughts unbalanced,
I shall steal my true talents.

Things only crime can heal,
Animosity and discomfort,
And enchanting spirits.
I wait, in the decay of Gods presence.
And salvation to feel.

Chants of the unheard,
And spewing the ash of the undead,
I watch with conviction and glory,
The river of styx unleashed,
Your holy city in flames,
I am ever so pleased.

Shall elohim cease,
I will rest,
In the altars of your gods empire,
Deep defile and hate,
I Preserve my destiny.
It contains your fate.

Black enfumes,
Construct the patterns I reveal,
With thoughts unbalanced,
I shall steal my true talents.
I don't get it. Mysterious it is. But I like the way it sounds.

Things only crime can heal,
Animosity and discomfort,
And enchanting spirits.
I wait, in the decay of Gods presence.
And salvation to feel.
You know, again I say I don't get the meaning behind, but sentences like 'animosity and discomfort.. and enchanting spirits' are just.. good. I don't know what it makes them good, but I just like it.

Chants of the unheard,
And spewing the ash of the undead,
I watch with conviction and glory,
The river of styx unleashed,
Your holy city in flames,
I am ever so pleased.

Shall elohim cease,
I will rest,
In the altars of your gods empire,
Deep defile and hate,
I Preserve my destiny.
It contains your fate.
I give up commenting. I repeat, I don't understand a flying f**k of it, but that makes it mysterious. A very good one, really.

( religion that is merely a deceiful pattern, only darkness to bring out true light, religion that is merely a deceiful pattern )

Black enfumes,
Construct the patterns I reveal,
With thoughts unbalanced,
I shall steal my true talents.
(
while in the haze of the moment, I will take what shouldve been mine, freedom to live and chose for myself rather than the facade of freedom by religion)

Things only crime can heal,
Animosity and discomfort,
And enchanting spirits.
I wait, in the decay of Gods presence.
And salvation to feel.

( disgust and hatred doesnt just go away, it builds up towards extremism, enchanting spirits, are the attraction to evil spirits to obey. And wait for the face of religion to fall while witnessing their holy structurs in fire)

Chants of the unheard,
And spewing the ash of the undead,
I watch with conviction and glory,
The river of styx unleashed,
Your holy city in flames,
I am ever so pleased.

(the enchanting spirits are being heard by the ignorant while the dead and perssecuted spew pestilence, the river of styx ( river in the pentagram ) is released in retalation for the holy facade that I witness, and it pleases me.

Shall elohim cease,
I will rest,
In the altars of your gods empire,
Deep defile and hate,
I Preserve my destiny.
It contains your fate.

( When "god" dies,
I wll be able to rest, in the ashes of all illusions, and the buildup towards hate is proactive therefore if you are involved in it you might suffer too. )

Wow.

So it really is mroe than just some 'mystique' lyrics. Great job man!