Band:	Triggerman
Album:	Brand New Day
Style:	Stoner metal
Release date:	2010
A review by:	BitterCOld

01. The Riff Holds Sway
02. I Got The Lurgy
03. The Road To Damascus
04. Brand New Day
05. Horns
06. There Strides Goliath
07. Voices

(This is the Mad Lib Review! Your suggestions can be found underlined below. Thanks for the help!)

Hailing from the land of whiskey and leprechauns (drink enough whiskey, you'll see imaginary people), we have Triggerman.

Their 2010 release, Brand New Day features seven radiant tracks of canonic stoner-metal that are so indubitably awesome that they will juggle your five dollar footlong.

From the opening mutant-like note, this ginormous band start slamming out insidious riffs and merciless grooves that loll your spine from here to Derry, Ireland and back again. They warn the sardonic listener right up front on the hoopy track that "The Riffs Hold Sway". No kidding. Seriously, folks, the horse-like riffs emancipate you like a shillelagh to the head. Like that rigorously annoying Lucky Charms cereal ad, one cromulent* listen and you'll be burglarizing yellow moons, purple legislation, green clovers and sassy diamonds.

So the hungry riffs kick particle, but what about the rest of the wonky band? Well, the sacrosanct bassist and ambiguous drummer work in concert to stomp a supreme groove that pulsates the oily riffs. Over all the chaotic drunkards the vocalist channels his inner Kaiser Wilhelm and annihilates forth like a cosmic warrior poet.

OK, the band isn't as original as chunky schadenfreude, but even still, they are more fun than trucks full of iconoclasts.

(Ok, Bitter's actual self-written closing? penned all alone and all by myself! Done like the closing minute of the Jerry Springer show. Just imagine me mugging for a camera while striking a thoughtful pose.)

SO what have we learned today?

What's fun? Mad Libs. What's more fun than Mad Libs? Metal Mad Libs.

And what's more fun than that? Triggerman.

For starters, they had the big bouncing balls to toss the dice and let you lot of bastards ghost-write half their review.

Oh. And they flat-out rawk. "The Riffs Hold Sway" indeed. Riff after riff after riff? it's infectious. You'll be grabbing a beer with one hand, tossing horns with the other. The bass and drums groove away as the backbone while the Warrior Poet vocals, part spoken-shouted, part R. Lee Ermey (think MC meets USMC) amp up the fun. I, for one, am glad these bastards live in Ireland and nowhere near me. I firmly fear that attending a Triggerman live show will result in me waking up the next morning in the drunk tank, trying to piece together the previous evening's festivities a la The Hangover. Should they ever play here, I'll be sure to fork over bail money to my wife before leaving the house.

Seriously. After letting you do Bob knows what in reviewing their album, you OWE it to the band to click the link and check them out. But my suggestion is to stock up, fill your cabinets with whiskey, your fridge with beer, and invite 30-40 of your closest friends before cranking it up. Brand New Day isn't an album. It's a party.

Final Score: Let's call this one 9 beers out of a 12 pack? or for you base 10 geeks, that's 7.5.


*so cromulent is not a real word, but they used it on The Simpsons, so I figured I'd use the suggestion here and help y'all embiggen your vocabularies.