Band:	Various Artists
Album:	Ze Jakanese Side Projekts
Style:	Grindcore
Release date:	December 06, 2020
A review by:	F3ynman

01. Nonstop Spritzen - Traumberuf
02. Nonstop Spritzen - Der DJ Soll Mal Spritzens Spielen
03. Nonstop Spritzen - Waschzwang
04. Fake Idyll - Therapist (Getsallthegirls)
05. Fake Idyll - Deadcowpizza
06. Fake Idyll - Schlangenmilch
07. Fake Idyll - Urschmerz
08. Fake Idyll - Supreligious
09. Fake Idyll - Americandaze/Germannights
10. Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff - Intro
11. Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff - Bombt Die Dritte Welt Weg
12. Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff - Weltgewinner
13. Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff - Heavy Metal E.V.
14. Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff - Verschwörungstheorie
15. Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff - Phantasiebegradigung
16. Christ of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff - Autolobbyisten
17. Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff - Atomkraft Loben
18. Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff - Arbeitenarbeitenarbeiten
19. Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff - Analyse
20. Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff - Hartznazi
21. Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff - Hirnstammnotfallprogramm
22. Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff - Feierabend
23. Mädchendreck - Müll
24. Mädchendreck - Zahl
25. Mädchendreck - Friendly Fire
26. Nonstop Spritzen - Reihenendhausabrissparty
27. Nonstop Spritzen - Kompetenzgerangel
28. Nonstop Spritzen - Heut Abend Wird Gesoffen
29. Nonstop Spritzen - Schweinemast Mit Leukoplast
30. Nonstop Spritzen - Metalmekka Málaga
31. Nonstop Spritzen - All Das Muss Verunstaltet Werden [Japanische Kampfhörspiele cover]
32. Fake Idyll - Dragged Into Work
33. Fake Idyll - Crowd Saucing
34. Fake Idyll - Genome Of Terror
35. Fake Idyll - Fleshmob
36. Fake Idyll - How To Deal With Revenge Porn
37. Fake Idyll - Prozac Country Blues
38. Fake Idyll - Drone Sweep
39. Fake Idyll - Biting Bits And Bytes
40. Fake Idyll - Carbonado Afficionado
41. Fake Idyll - Petridished
42. Fake Idyll - Bile Build-Up
43. Fake Idyll - Tweaking Tweets
44. Fake Idyll - Diy Ai
45. The True Knete - Ikea
46. Titi Niti - Idiot
47. Titi Niti - Butter
48. Titi Niti - Freiheit
49. Nonstop Spritzen - Session (2008)
50. Nonstop Spritzen - Live In France [live]

“Hanging out with the Mona Lisa… gonna eat a dead cow pizza!”

German grindcore band Japanische Kampfhörspiele are characterized by their extremely catchy musicianship and their cleverly written lyrics that are unapologetically critical of all aspects of modern society. They've always been about taking their music to new frontiers, blending progressive melodies, brutal death-thrash, and unusual audio samples into a combination you could almost call “avant-garde grindcore”.

For this review, I want to turn my attention to mastermind Christof Kather—the founding member, lyricist, drummer, and one of the main vocalists of the band. Besides Japanische Kampfhörspiele, he's established several other grindcore side projects over the years. Most of them sprung up in 2011 when Japanische Kampfhörspiele were on hiatus. Situated between two of his best albums with JaKa—Kaputte Nackte Affen and Welt Ohne Werbung—this time period was arguably the golden age of Christof Kather's creativity.

In 2020, he released Ze Jakanese Side Projekts. Half split, half compilation, this 50-track record features the best songs from 5 of Christof Kather's side projects, recorded from 2002 to 2015.

---

Nonstop Spritzen

The earliest side project, Nonstop Spritzen, was founded in 2001. However, other than some live performances (one of which, a 2002 live recording with prominent trumpet playing in Paris, is featured as the concluding, 50th track in this compilation), it took Kather until 2007 to release a record under the Nonstop Spritzen name. On Ze Jakanese Side Projekts, the first three tracks are taken from their first album, Internet Is Out. Together with Klaus Nicodem (a guitarist of Japanische Kampfhörspiele), they play deathgrind of the mind-numbing, Neanderthal kind with incomprehensible, deep guttural vocals. Overall, the musical approach of Nonstop Spritzen is not very inventive, emulating countless other growling, rumbling deathgrind bands.

Later on this compilation, tracks 26-31 feature more Nonstop Spritzen from their second album Metalmekka Málaga. Here, the deathgrind approach is slightly slowed down, veering into more swampy, death doom territory. Track 31, “All Das Muss Verunstaltet Werden” is actually a cover of the Japanische Kampfhörspiele song from their debut album Die Grossstadt Stinkt, Ist Laut Und Septisch. For Kather, it’s surely a fun exercise in a more brutal death metal focused direction, but, in the context of the rest of his more avant-garde oriented discography, Nonstop Spritzen ranks quite low on the totem pole.

Fake Idyll

Now things start getting more interesting. Ever wished Japanische Kampfhörspiele would sing in the lingua franca of our time? Well, your wish has been granted! I present to you Fake Idyll, AKA JaKa in English.

Joined by JaKa guitarist Robert Nowak and Jack Slater bassist Christian Neumann, Christof Kather's project Fake Idyll embodies the wilder side of avant-garde grindcore. They provide a dizzying array of instruments, interweaving wickedly fast guitars and percussion with odd synths and orchestral tunes. Death growls, blackened rasps, clean vocals, operatic singing, and audio samples combine into a dense mix of overlapping vocals. The song lyrics are at times quite provocative such as with the eyebrow-raising, ambiguous chorus “therapists get all the girls”, and at other times simply insane. I mean, who in their right mind comes up with a song about hanging out with the Mona Lisa while eating a “Dead Cow Pizza”?

The clear highlight for me, and one of my favorite tracks on Ze Jakanese Side Projekts overall, is “Schlangenmilch” (“Snake Milk”). It's the perfect representation of Fake Idyll’s stranger lyricism, delivered through an addictive groove. And the climax of the song is unforgettable. There's singing in English, German, French, and Italian. There's the bizarre advertising of snake milk, proclaiming it’s good for your skin, your teeth,“for everything!” There's the erotic moaning of women, while a growling voice declares “She can never get enough!”. And it’s all spearheaded by an absolutely juicily distorted guitar riff that sends me headbanging every single time.



Just as with Nonstop Spritzen, the second half of this compilation also features more Fake Idyll tracks. These purely instrumental tracks are taken from the band's second album Genome Of Terror. To make up for the lack of vocals and lyrics (although some of the song titles are perhaps evocative enough), there is a wide range of instrumental genres on display here. There are examples of experimentation such as in the dissonant beginning of “Dragged Into Work”, the heavy use of synth beats on “DIY AI”, or the smooth lounge music detour on “Petridished”. Plenty of tracks showcase surprising amounts of melody too, like “Carbonado Afficionado”, whose triumphant riffs are quite reminiscent of meloblack or melodeath, or “Prozac Country Blues”, whose playful intro transitions to mournful and even unsettling lead guitar playing halfway into the song. Finally, Fake Idyll also, of course, demonstrate their more usual thrash/death influences, infusing each of their songs with crunchy groove. Some tracks that are especially notable are “Fleshmob”, which starts with thunderous death metal accentuated by snarls and gurgles before transitioning to melodic tremolo-picking, and “Genome Of Terror”, whose eerie lead guitar-work, menacing rhythm, and screaming audio sample make an ideal soundtrack for a nightmarish underworld.

All in all, it's impressive how even without their strong lyricism, the JaKa team of Kather and Nowak can still amaze with their songwriting capabilities, showing off technical skills, elegant melody, and unorthodox experimentation all at once.

Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff

Wait a second. Christ? Maria? No, our Lord Jesus Christ and his mother the Virgin Mary haven't returned (as far as I know) and haven't learned to play grindcore (probably). But, you'd be forgiven for thinking so, given the divine craftsmanship of ultra-fast and aggressive extreme metal on display here. Tracks 10-21 are taken from Das Oldschoolformat Der Zukunft, the lone release from the duo of Christof Kather, who plays drums and vocals, and former JaKa singer Markus Hoff (AKA Bony, the guy with the red hair), who also shows his skill with the guitar on this album.

These songs were released right during that hiatus period for JaKa, which is kind of funny, since JaKa seem to have taken a break from JaKa just to continue playing JaKa under a different name! Indeed, there's really nothing to distinguish Christ Of Kather • Markus Maria Hoff from Japanische Kampfhörspiele. And that isn't a bad thing if you love JaKa’s style, in particular their genius lyrics. There are two exceptional highlights here: “Bombt Die Dritte Welt Weg” (“Bomb Away The Third World”) and “Atomkraft Loben” (“To Praise Nuclear Power”).

“Bombt Die Dritte Welt Weg” is a prime example of Kather’s cleverly worded and unapologetically provocative lyricism full of dark humor. The song tries to persuade world leaders to use their nuclear arsenals to bomb third world countries. Why, you may ask? Well, then kids wouldn't have to work anymore; after all, machines can take over for them. All those mineral resources would be for free, and there'd be new available space for all our nuclear power plants and trash heaps. Best of all, you wouldn't need to watch all that misery on TV that keeps giving you a bad conscience anymore. Couple this black comedy with super catchy guitar riffs, and you've got yourselves a proper JaKa-style banger!



“Atomkraft Loben” sarcastically argues for the benefits of nuclear power. Wind turbines are loud, solar panels are ugly, natural gas stinks, oil and coal are dirty. Nuclear power is clean and not so dangerous! You can't hear it, see it, or smell it. So where's the problem? Oh, and don't worry about measuring high radiation dosages; we'll just redefine those limit values for you. The song concludes with undoubtedly the catchiest chorus on this compilation:

“Und wenn was schiefgeht
fangen wir halt nochmal von vorne an
als Milben oder Sporen, Mikroben
als Nesseltiere oder Schwämme oder Bakterienstämme.
Und wenn was schiefgeht
fangen wir halt nochmal von vorne an
als Milben oder Sporen, Mikroben
die die Atomkraft loben!”

English translation:
“And if something goes wrong
we'll just start again from the beginning
as mites or spores, microbes
as cnidarians or sponges or bacterial strains.
And if something goes wrong
we'll just start again from the beginning
as mites or spores, microbes
who praise the nuclear power!”



Mädchendreck

The duo of Nonstop Spritzen teamed up one more time in 2013 under the name Mädchendreck. Tracks 23-25, taken from their lone EP release Friendly Fire feature an intriguing, little-explored area of Kather's musicianship. With tremelo-picked guitar-work, blast beats, and raspy vocals, you could almost mistake this variant of grindcore for black metal. The lyrics, though, are once again in classic JaKa fashion. “Müll”, for instance, describes the trash in the ocean, in the food, and in your cigarette, while “Zahl” states:

“Nachhaltigkeit, Ökologie und Recourcenschonung
Das sind die Zauberworte für noch mehr Gewinn
Humanitäre Einsätze, Friedensmissionen
Das sind die Zauberworte für den Kriegsbeginn”

English translation:
“Sustainability, ecology and resource conservation
These are the magic words for even more profit
Humanitarian operations, peace missions
These are the magic words for the start of war”

Titi Niti

Titi Niti finds Kather teaming up with guitarist Kai Koslik of Shockgnosis and JaKa members René Hauffe (guitar) and Marco Bachmann (bass). After a song about stuffing your mouth with IKEA hotdogs (released, for some reason, under the band name The True Knete), Titi Niti’s lyricism turns towards a message especially reminiscent of Tyler Durden's philosophy in the movie Fight Club, questioning and criticizing the image of an exemplary, law-abiding citizen who follows every societal norm within his comfortable, consumer life. It's about asking oneself whether one is truly free if “the things you own end up owning you?”

Such are the themes addressed in the songs “Idiot” and “Freiheit”, which are undoubtedly two of the best tracks on Ze Jakanese Side Projekts. “Idiot” lists off all these praiseworthy descriptions—having concrete future plans, getting along with your boss, doing sports in your free time, abiding by the speed limit—before always following up with the outcry “wie ein Idiot” (“like an idiot”). The idea is that someone like this has no personal will, no personal taste, just adopted opinions with no mind or soul. Together with a mean, crunchy main riff, this short 1.5-minute-long track has no right to be this catchy, but it sure as hell is!



The 5-minute-long “Freiheit” is no less great, but it has different strengths, primarily in the form of the guitar-work. René Hauffe and Kai Koslik make a phenomenal guitar duo, as they also demonstrate in their band Shockgnosis. On this track, they trade off rough rhythm and ominous riffing with lengthy, beautifully melodic guitar solos. And it's all topped off by an awesomely edited music video that throws in all the imagery of consumerism and terror that pervades Ze Jakanese Side Projekts.



In total contrast, the track “Butter” presents an uncharacteristically hopeful outlook, envisioning an ideal future when people would finally learn to stop fighting and instead start forgiving one another. Well, as a German saying goes, ”Die Hoffnung stirbt zuletzt” (“Hope is the last to die”).

---

What I appreciate so much about Christof Kather and his collection of supporting musicians is that behind their image of carefree bravado lies extremely talented musicianship. It takes a truly masterful ability to create music that's sometimes exquisitely melodic, sometimes furiously brutal, and all the times insanely catchy. That addictive energy, combined with the lyrics of biting criticism and black comedy, makes for an unrelenting rollercoaster that won't let you go until it's all over. And, by that time, you'll be so addicted, you'll be bound to repeat it all over again. In conclusion, Ze Jakanese Side Projekts offers a very tasty slice of wacky grindcore that's recommended for any fun-loving metalhead.



This has been yours truly's 100th review.