What The Heck I Meant: An Apology...

Written by: Dane Train
Published: 06.04.2012
What The Heck I Meant: An Apology And Clarification Letter To All Who Jumped To Stereotypical Wild Conclusions And Completely Missed The Fact That The Blog Was A Satirical Rant About An April Fools' Day Joke That Never Actually Came To Fruition



For those of you that read my blog I posted on April 1st, 2012 and replied either on the forum boards or to my personal message box all I have to say is...





Oh...





Not Amused At All


Firstly, let me apologizes to those of you out there that did not find this joke funny at all. The first of April is traditionally a time of lighthearted hoaxes and jokes and as such, Metal Storm tries very hard to provide this to you each year. The joke this year was that Metal Storm became a porn site but you all missed it. My ranting blog was aimed at furthering that notion that it had actually happened. My only intention was to get people laughing.

I guess somewhere along the road the concept that this was all a huge gag was lost.

I would also truly and deeply like to apologize to anyone who thought that the mentality and reactions in the blog were how I really felt. I want to make it public record that the majority of that does not reflect my view.

Still part of me is rather baffled at the notion that many of you did not even get the fact that is was a joke and I am rather shocked at how quickly many of you were began to hurl insults and SPAM my in-box with hate-mail. Please correct me if I am wrong, but for those who attacked me for that blog miss the entire notion of the Metal Storm April Fools' Day joke? Did you actually read my blog closely? There were numerous mentions and references to the Metal Storm pornography, did any of you actually get to see any of this pornography that supposedly upset me?

Plus there was the whole line about the Dora The Explorer Pool...



...add midgets and peanut butter for good times



Come on guys, you had no inkling that this was all a ruse?


But before I actually start ranting, I also need to take a step back, humble myself, and do some re-assessment.

Maybe part of the reason the joke failed is because those who didn't know anything about me just assume that because I am a Christian, I would over react like that. It seems logical to me. Those who do know me seemed to really enjoy it. Not every PM I got was negative, some people thought it was hysterical. Then again, most of them all know me.

The big question is where do we go from here? I am not sure. It is something I have to think and pray about.

And by the way, I think Marcel is a really great man.


 



Written on 06.04.2012 by
Dane Train
Dane hails from Asheville, NC which is Beer City, USA. When he is not drinking various craft and micro brews, Dane fronts the Stoner Doom Metal band, The Quick. He also has a massive collection of Hellboy comic books.
More articles by Dane Train ››




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Bloody Rain - 06.04.2012 at 20:42  
I knew it was a complete hoax and found it funny.
J. N. - 06.04.2012 at 20:46  
Still not sure if serious or fooling...
Introspekrieg - 06.04.2012 at 20:52  
Pretty sad that this was necessary...
!J.O.O.E.! - 06.04.2012 at 21:17  
Quote:
And by the way, I think Marcel is a really great man.


It's not April 1st any more dude.
J. N. - 06.04.2012 at 21:20  
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 06.04.2012 at 21:17
Quote:
And by the way, I think Marcel is a really great man.
It's not April 1st any more dude.

http://instantrimshot.com/
!J.O.O.E.! - 06.04.2012 at 21:31  
Written by J. N. on 06.04.2012 at 21:20

http://instantrimshot.com/

Thank you, thank you! I'm here all week folks.
J. N. - 06.04.2012 at 21:35  
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 06.04.2012 at 21:31
Thank you, thank you! I'm here all week folks.

http://nooooooooooooooo.com/
!J.O.O.E.! - 06.04.2012 at 21:36  
Written by J. N. on 06.04.2012 at 21:35

http://nooooooooooooooo.com/

fi5h

Yeah.. take that, wench...
PocketMetal - 06.04.2012 at 21:42  
Some people took this seriously ?
seriously ?

serious .
Mr. Doctor - 06.04.2012 at 22:02  
Written by PocketMetal on 06.04.2012 at 21:42

Some people took this seriously ?
seriously ?

serious .


Yeah, there were some folks out there indeed... I don't know if that's funny or just sad.

Quote:
The big question is where do we go from here? I am not sure. It is something I have to think and pray about.

Hahahahahahahaha
Dane Train - 06.04.2012 at 22:17  
Written by J. N. on 06.04.2012 at 20:46

Still not sure if serious or fooling...


How so?
J. N. - 06.04.2012 at 22:21  
Written by Dane Train on 06.04.2012 at 22:17
How so?

Just kidding. I just followed up the same comment I did in your first entry.
PowerThrash - 06.04.2012 at 22:27  
I was appalled by all the people attacking him on that thread. It was funny until I saw that most of the comments were hate comments about the stereotypical "all Christians are idiots" garbage. I live in Christian dominated southwest Virginia and some of the smartest people I know are Christians, and while I don't necessarily share their beliefs I respect them and realize that most Christians (that I know) really are good people. It deeply bothers me that the people that claim to be the most "open minded" have these stereotypes against others with different beliefs.
Dane Train - 06.04.2012 at 23:04  
Written by Guest on 06.04.2012 at 22:53

and plus in eastern time, it already was 2nd April when you were posting


That was part of the whole Metal Storm joke, all the dates were changed from April 1 to April 2 so that people thought the missed the 1st.
Valentin B - 06.04.2012 at 23:06  
Written by Guest on 06.04.2012 at 22:53

I knew it was meant to be sarcastic, but some jokes are really too funny that they annoy u really bad.,
and plus in eastern time, it already was 2nd April when you were posting

dude, one of the main ideas of this year's April Fools was just this: that the time was set instantly to 2nd April from 31st March. Thus, April 2nd in Metalstorm time was the full first and second days of April.

ba dum tsss
BlueMobius - 06.04.2012 at 23:27  
Written by Guest on 06.04.2012 at 22:53

I knew it was meant to be sarcastic, but some jokes are really too funny that they annoy u really bad.,
and plus in eastern time, it already was 2nd April when you were posting


The original article was actually posted on April 1 in Europe and USA, they just changed the date on it to April 2 to make it look like everybody missed the April Fools joke on Metal Storm.
SymphonyImpaled - 06.04.2012 at 23:47  
LOL Why would you post an article on the front page of the site that's a "joke" to only a very select and rather bored few? The ego it must take to earnestly believe people want to read your BLOG. (Not yours specifically, just in general.) I mean who, outside of complete groupie packers of the fudge, reads another persons blog? Who wants to read every mundane thought that crosses through another bland humans mind?

In Retrospect it was a decent enough joke. But at fruition it was the same stereotypical hateful fundamentalist crap rantings you come to this site to avoid. Good joke, but in the future, if you're gonna do a BLOG joke.... leave it in the damn BLOG.

Edit: It also took you a hilariously decent chunk of time to think up this predicted apology. lol.
Doc Godin - 07.04.2012 at 00:01  
Written by SymphonyImpaled on 06.04.2012 at 23:47

LOL Why would you post an article on the front page of the site that's a "joke" to only a very select and rather bored few? The ego it must take to earnestly believe people want to read your BLOG. (Not yours specifically, just in general.) I mean who, outside of complete groupie packers of the fudge, reads another persons blog? Who wants to read every mundane thought that crosses through another bland humans mind?

In Retrospect it was a decent enough joke. But at fruition it was the same stereotypical hateful fundamentalist crap rantings you come to this site to avoid. Good joke, but in the future, if you're gonna do a BLOG joke.... leave it in the damn BLOG.

Edit: It also took you a hilariously decent chunk of time to think up this predicted apology. lol.

Change your tampon and take a xanax.
It wasn't an apology. Just an explanation for people, such as yourself, who fell for the joke just a little too hard.

Are you just sour because you made an idiot of yourself falling for the joke? Can't be that lame of a joke if it got you this wound up:
Written by SymphonyImpaled on 01.04.2012 at 20:02

Lol.
I'll refrain from ranting about how this is the most autistic and hypocritical piece of shit of a post I've seen from a metalhead, let alone this site, in the history of retarded fundamentalist christians, for that I'd refer you to the "personal text" on my MS profile.
If something offends you, look elsewhere. Christ... Metalcore, Hair Metal, 80's 'powerthrash', female fronted symphonic metal, emo ETC all offend me and you don't hear me bawling and ready for suicide over it. And based on your religious-high-horse attitude are you surprised people don't find christian stoner doom anything less than fuckin stupid?

Anyway I'll digress by saying you've failed yourself, failed your (already failed) religion, and failed this site with your oppressive world fearing, self righteous moral whinings.


You got fooled. Clean the sand out of your vagina and get over it.
Uldreth - 07.04.2012 at 00:11  
Actually, I've always believed an april fools joke is the best when you cannot easily decide whether it is a joke or not and with your article, that is exactly the case.

Reading other articles you have posted before it became clear to me that if yo uwere sincere, it would mean that due to the april 1st 'pornography', your personality took a 180 degrees turn, which is frankly improbable unless you also needed psychological help before, which I highly doubt.

So I do believe this was in fact a good joke, just don't be surprised at the possible amounts pf hate mail and religion bashing you might have received after it from people who have not come so easily at this conclusion .

Ps:: Execuse all the grammatical/spelling errors, I am drunk as fuck atm, quite hard to type,mkay?
SymphonyImpaled - 07.04.2012 at 00:12  
Lol why do you think i'm worked up? The preface to the site on april fools' day was to go along with everything... That's all I did lol
Just continuing as the topic is.
Dane Train - 07.04.2012 at 00:16  
Written by SymphonyImpaled on 06.04.2012 at 23:47

Edit: It also took you a hilariously decent chunk of time to think up this predicted apology. lol.


The reason behind that is due to my job. I work in wilderness therapy and am gone for 8 days at a time. While I am at work I have virtually no contact with the outside world, except for emergencies. In order for me to even pull off this prank last weekend I had to hike several miles, in the rain, at night, just to get to our base to post it. This morning was the first time I had to sit down and write out this new blog. Sorry if it was not as timely as you would have liked. I did my best.
SymphonyImpaled - 07.04.2012 at 00:29  
Written by Dane Train on 07.04.2012 at 00:16

Written by SymphonyImpaled on 06.04.2012 at 23:47

Edit: It also took you a hilariously decent chunk of time to think up this predicted apology. lol.


The reason behind that is due to my job. I work in wilderness therapy and am gone for 8 days at a time. While I am at work I have virtually no contact with the outside world, except for emergencies. In order for me to even pull off this prank last weekend I had to hike several miles, in the rain, at night, just to get to our base to post it. This morning was the first time I had to sit down and write out this new blog. Sorry if it was not as timely as you would have liked. I did my best.



Hahahahaha.


I did the same for four years on a daily basis with an old xbox(original) in my backpack. except, I slept on a park bench every night. Suffice to say that xbox got fucked up lol
Parasomnia - 07.04.2012 at 02:10  
Haaahaha xD xD
strade - 07.04.2012 at 02:16  
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 06.04.2012 at 21:17

Quote:
And by the way, I think Marcel is a really great man.


It's not April 1st any more dude.


Fucking. Hysterical.
Introspekrieg - 07.04.2012 at 02:47  
One of the better MS April Fools I've experienced... on a mindfuck level. Don't feel bad.
M C Vice - 07.04.2012 at 03:37  
Written by Valentin B on 06.04.2012 at 23:06

Written by Guest on 06.04.2012 at 22:53

I knew it was meant to be sarcastic, but some jokes are really too funny that they annoy u really bad.,
and plus in eastern time, it already was 2nd April when you were posting

dude, one of the main ideas of this year's April Fools was just this: that the time was set instantly to 2nd April from 31st March. Thus, April 2nd in Metalstorm time was the full first and second days of April.

ba dum tsss

I thought that Europe's economy has crashed so bad that they had to sell off April 1st. Shorten the year to it's regular lengh, since its a leap yar.
Troy Killjoy - 07.04.2012 at 03:40  
FUCK YOU YOU STUPID CHRISTIAN FUCK!

...

Honestly. People are so goddamn sensitive these days. The fact this article was necessary really shows how simple-minded the average person can be. Sorry this wasn't as fun for everyone as it should have been, Dane.
Mattybu - 07.04.2012 at 03:49  
Written by Doc Godin on 07.04.2012 at 00:01

You got fooled. Clean the sand out of your vagina and get over it.


I think this was the beauty of the article was seeing the people who took it really seriously, I have to say April Fool's in general was very well done this year.

I admit I was even questioning it, because I didn't log on on April 1st so I didn't actually know the whole porn thing was fake, which for me made it even funnier cause I believed it for a little while, then I figured it out lol. And in a world where Rick Santorum gets votes, you never know how dumb people could be lol - that was my justification for why what he was saying might have been serious.

Well done Dane
Kap'N Korrupt - 07.04.2012 at 10:50  
Yep...I totally missed the whole MS becoming a Porn Site...the thing is, MS is based in Estonia so I always miss it...everything happens later on and I miss everything...you all do...
Cynic Metalhead - 07.04.2012 at 18:22  
One thing is for sure....

After this article, no one from the next year will repeat the hoax of leaving MS or died or something and will clarify it later with solid amusing implicated perceptions attached to it.
Frodd - 07.04.2012 at 19:10  
Oh teh noes!
Xnoybis - 07.04.2012 at 22:51  
Written by Guest on 07.04.2012 at 10:50

Yep...I totally missed the whole MS becoming a Porn Site...the thing is, MS is based in Estonia so I always miss it...everything happens later on and I miss everything...you all do...


it never did, chief. as was mentioned in this thread, we skipped straight from March 31st to April 2nd, and we wrote the big, obligatory "reveal" that all yesterday's shenanigans were a giant prank without said prank every actually having happened.

people got so caught up in missing the "metalpron" prank they missed the real one.
Lit. - 08.04.2012 at 04:28  
Looks like the Dane Train...
*Sunglasses*
...Is back on track.


WHOO!
Boxcar Willy - 14.04.2012 at 06:58  
Written by Doc Godin on 07.04.2012 at 00:01

Clean the sand out of your vagina and get over it.

I think I have my new siggy

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