Alestorm - The Thunderfist Chronicles - review

Alestorm - The Thunderfist Chronicles - review

Cover image of the reviewed item
Band
Alestorm
Release date
June 20, 2025
Reviewer
5.8
7.3
Tracklist
01. Hyperion Omniriff
02. Killed To Death By Piracy
03. Banana
04. Frozen Piss 2
05. The Storm
06. Mountains Of The Deep
07. Goblins Ahoy! [Nekrogoblikon cover]
08. Mega-Supreme Treasure Of The Eternal Thunderfist [feat. Russell Allen and Patty Gurdy]
A review by
omne metallum
June 29, 2025
You're going to need a bottle of rum... or two.

Omne, I hear you ask, you're not ScreamingSteelUS, what are you doing reviewing an Alestorm album? Is he ill, or has he abandoned the seven seas for a career as a landlubber? Omne, I also hear you ask, you listen to hardcore and thrash, what do you know about fun? On the contrary, my dear reader, I know my poop deck from my aft, I know a kraken from a Wacken; I've also endured all the Pirates Of The Caribbean films, so I'm also versed in try-hard, banal pirate-themed media too. I've known Alestorm since their Captain Morgan's Revenge days, and while they have long abandoned their 'heavy metal pirates' phase for their 'we're wacky party pirates lol' sound, I've kept tabs on them from a distance, akin to a scientist observing a plague victim from a quarantined zone.

From what I can observe from the crow's nest, The Thunderfist Chronicles is the band's, dare I say, most ambitious work since they taught a choir of dogs to bark in musical fashion (what do you mean they weren't real dogs? AI wasn't a thing back then)... or Sunset On The Golden Age, when the band weren't putting the humour first and music second. Alestorm can be quite the entertaining shanty merchants, it's a shame they don't do it more often.

I'm not a 'no fun, scowl with arms folded at the back of the venue' guy (well, not all the time anyway), and there were a few moments across The Thunderfist Chronicles that got a rise out of me; the bait and switch of "Mountains Of The Deep" works because it's a good song first and foremost, before hitting you with a chorus that is unexpected and carefree. It's when the band's humour feels forced, like a divorced dad who only gets to see his kids once a month unleashing a barrage of swearing on "Banana" to try and elicit a response in a 'we're so wacky' way, that the ship lists and sinks.

I suppose I should mention the band's most ambitious and lengthy track to date, in the closing "Mega-Supreme Treasure Of The Eternal Thunderfist", a 17-minute epic that took me back to my youth... back to a time when I didn't have the attention span to enjoy such a long track; at least now age has given me the wisdom to know it is because it's a 17-minute track filled with 5 minutes' worth of ideas... I mean, yarr! Plunder and treasure! Think someone needs to pass the pirates the memo that it's the content, not duration, that makes an epic track interesting.

While it's easy to volley criticism at Alestorm like a broadside fury, there are moments across the album where they produce something decent other than quotes for pirate cosplayers coming to a festival near you to repeat verbatim. Atop the aforementioned "Mountains Of The Deep", the arcade machine-esque keys of Vernon elevate "Killed To Death By Piracy" as an earworm you can't help but be taken in by. The more sedate, and more traditional-sounding, folk influence makes "The Storm" stick out as a pleasant change of pace. I know, enjoying the non-wacky Alestorm side is a forlorn place to be, given the band have long since nailed their identity to the drunken LARPing mast.

So what treasure awaits you when the good ship Alestorm comes into port? Well, not much, aside from a few gems here and there; most of the bounty will come in the form of the weary, rum- and sea madness-riddled crew spewing tales punctuated by swears that got old several voyages ago. Now if you don't mind me, I'm off to find my land legs and leave ScreamingSteelUS to ride the seven seas on this well worn vessel.
Rating breakdown
Performance: 7
Songwriting: 5
Originality: 6
Production: 8
Written on 29.06.2025 by
Written on 29.06.2025 by
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

Comments

Comments: 2 Visited by 89 users
ScreamingSteelUS
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30.06.2025 - 05:29
Rating: 7
ScreamingSteelUS
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Posts: 6707


I'll admit, I was surprised to see an Alestorm review that wasn't from me. For a second I thought I reviewed this without realizing it. I'm not ill, nor have I been lubbing any land lately, but I wasn't entirely sure whether I wanted to engage with this album as seriously as previous ones, even though this now breaks a nine-year, four-album streak I had going.

You took the words right out of my parrot, though. My introduction to them was Captain Morgan's Revenge as well (actually at the time of Black Sails At Midnight), and although Sunset On The Golden Age is probably their best, I do believe they've lost something in that transition from "heavy metal pirates" to "we're wacky party pirates lol" (couldn't have put it better myself). I don't really share the same sense of humor, and I felt that they were funnier when that aspect was limited to the pirate gimmick itself; they openly admitted on album #3 that they were running out of ideas, so I guess they felt they had to evolve or die, and they've definitely had great successes since then, so I can't entirely fault them, but over the last decade they've drifted so far into the meme-heavy Napalm-core sound that I feel kind of left behind as someone who just wanted a pirate-themed Korpiklaani. I mean, it's been hit-and-miss, so not entirely lost on me. I really like Curse Of The Crystal Coconut, and No Grave But The Sea and Seventh Rum Of A Seventh Rum have their standouts. But over time I've found myself enjoying Alestorm in spite of the jokes instead of because of them, and sometimes the repetition of musical ideas grows wearisome.

I'm listening through for the second time now and right off I much prefer it to Seventh Rum, at least - I'm pleasantly surprised by how blatantly power metal it gets sometimes, e.g. "Hyperion Omniriff" and "The Storm", and sometimes it even dips into electronics or industrial-tinged stuff, e.g. "Killed To Death By Piracy" and "Banana". Really feels like Chris raided the ol' Gloryhammer armory here and there. Russell Allen was a surprising choice of guest vocalist, but I kind of like "Mega-Supreme Treasure of the Eternal Thunderfirst"; maybe it didn't have to be 17 minutes, but I like it a lot more than, say, "Treasure Island". Elliot Vernon has some really nice vocal parts on this album; between that and the fancy keys, this is an album where he shines.

Every now and then it does start to feel stale. Lots of the same jokes, same hooks, same basic track ideas. Lotsa rum. I actually didn't like "Mountains of the Deep" that much; it was just too stupid a song for me. And as was pointed out in the album thread, when it comes to partying in a fashion reminiscent of the year 1699, I accept only Weird Al. I can listen to only so much hot-rodded power-folk, even from one of the originators of that whole sound and scene, before I start to wish for something more serious and abrasive. Or at least something where the jokes aren't 12 feet tall and pink neon.

Still, there are some songs that I will count among their best, most obviously "The Storm"; Shiori Sasaki was great and the Nekrogoblikon cover was fun. I'll probably need to give this a few more listens to solidify my opinion. For now, I don't like it as much as I was hoping to, but I like it a lot more than I was afraid I might, so it ranks somewhere around the middle of their discography. At least I feel enthusiastic about listening to it again, which is more than I could say about Seventh Rum Of A Seventh Rum, No Grave But The Sea, or even Back Through Time, barring select tracks.
----
"Earth is small and I hate it" - Lum Invader

I'm the Agent of Steel.
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Posts: 2
Permalink
08.07.2025 - 09:35

Posts: 2
Gone are the times of Sunset where as correctly has been said it was music on the first place and humour only after. Wonder if we ever get some more epic songs like Magnetic North or 1741 Cartagena or whiskey-metallic galloping of Drink. This band know how to compose and play, but their focus is in commerce fully now.
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