Tort - II - review
Tort - II - review
Tracklist
01. Scratching The Coffin02. When The Raven
03. Horrible Procession
04. Grave Desecrated
05. Cry Of The Damned
06. Dead
A review by
BitterCOld January 16, 2015
"We hope the album will be appreciated by most people. Others can get fucked by Matt Pike riding a mammoth."
I made it a staff pick of mine, which means two things:
1. I was not in danger of being sexually assaulted by the shirtless axe slinger on an extinct mammal.
2. I was really looking forward to the release of their sophomore album.
Speaking of "2", well, they've unleashed II. And we'll just say I'm still not worried about Matt Pike shoving his Frost Hammer where his Frost Hammer ought not to be.
Tort still play a dirty miasma of all things metal unpleasant. They combine the despair of extreme doom with the grit and grime of sludge, and toss in some crunchy thrash riffs. Vocals shift between death metal growls and black metal rasps. So, in deference to their Spanish heritage, the end product is a paella of misery.
They don't fuck around too much. Songs go between slow or mid-paced, glacial grinds giving way to horn-tossing thrash riffs. As with any good thrash, the riffs are switched up at regular intervals so as to keep it fresh and exciting. Occasionally they open the throttle and pound out a few punishing bars - while being shrieked and growled at - before laying off the velocitator and grinding it out. I think I heard a spastic solo in there somewhere. Lasted seven seconds or so before being dragged back down into the Tort tar pit. The production is ugly and far from polished - making it near perfect for the tunes vomited forth.
Oh, and what would a Tort album be without a bunch of soundbite song intros from cheesy 70's z-grade horror schlock invoking Satam? Most are in Español, but they tossed in some English clips as well. Once or twice these might go on too long, but, let's be honest, they are amusing enough it doesn't matter.
So yeah, I dig it. Hope you do too? else you'll be cringing and soiling yourself every time you hear "Fury whip." Better yet, blare it real loud and have your least favorite neighbors deal with getting Piked.
Rating breakdown
| Performance: | 8 |
| Songwriting: | 8 |
| Originality: | 7 |
| Production: | 9 |
Written on 16.01.2015 by
Written on 16.01.2015 by
BitterCOld has been officially reviewing albums for MetalStorm since 2009. Comments
Comments:
13
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Posts: 7957
Isn't that supposed to mean invoking....Satan?( or something going over my head) Well, I'm certainly not one of them who will get a fierce BJ from Mr Pike. II is spectacular release with dirty hooks pounded me when every song came along. Not going too far but it could be a strong contender in MS awards next year.
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Posts: 15360 Written by Cynic Metalhead on 16.01.2015 at 07:34 Satam is a longstanding internal joke, a reference to a past April Fools Day where Ivan went off to farm metal cows and turned the site over to K7/Bad English. a coding tweak he made had a bunch of words automatically spell incorrectly, including Satan-> Satam. For 24 hours the site read like a K7 post... it was brutal.
---- get the fuck off my lawn. Beer Bug Virus Spotify Playlist crafted by Nikarg and I. Feel free to tune in and add some pertinent metal tunes!
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Posts: 7957
Haha, that is fun. Good work, Ivan. 
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Posts: 5989
Man, I really look forward to your reviews, whenever you say something is good, it's usually top notch, and the humor is great  Doom/thrash fusions are something that I think are pretty hit or miss, so I'll be checking this one out to see.
---- I am the Magician and the Exorcist. I am the axle of the wheel, and the cube in the circle. “Come unto me” is a foolish word: for it is I that go. ~ II. VII
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Posts: 18619
Paella of misery! Hhahahaha I loved the way that sounds. Their debut was great and by the looks of it I'll be expecting a good follow up. Thanks for the entertaining review!
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| Lit.
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Posts: 40071
Love your plug of Lords Of Metal
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996 
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Posts: 5289
Before I go on an internet search mission to hear this shit, would I dig this Craig?
---- rekt
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Posts: 3653 Written by tea[m]ster on 17.01.2015 at 01:06 No need to search when it's on Bandcamp.
---- I hate bonus tracks
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Posts: 15360 Written by tea[m]ster on 17.01.2015 at 01:06 Most likely not, it's a mix of many things but none of it post.
---- get the fuck off my lawn. Beer Bug Virus Spotify Playlist crafted by Nikarg and I. Feel free to tune in and add some pertinent metal tunes!
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 Posts: 6941 |
Posts: 6941
I knew I was in the moment the opening track went from slooooow to kicked up into gear. Successfully combining the two takes skillz. Hail Satam. And such. Perhaps one of my new favorite Craig reviews. Just HI-LARIOUS while still being a completely accurate and astute picture of the music.
---- "A life all mine Is what I choose At the end of my days" --The Gathering "A Life All Mine" from Souvenirs
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