How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres
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* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
* BLACK METAL
The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
* BLACK METAL
The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
| Reverend X Posts: 60  |
CHRISTIAN METAL The protagonist arrives in a poseur attitude. The dragon just laughs at him. He was no match. The dragon just played with him. As he gets tired and about to kill the protagonist a divine intervention saves him. The dragon was struck by lightning. He courts the princess and marries her.
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| Lit. Account deleted |
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 9155  |
Written by [user id=101272] on 17.12.2012 at 04:52 You're not.
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| Jaeryd Nihil's Maw Posts: 1062  |
Written by [user id=101272] on 17.12.2012 at 04:52 No, you're right. It's pretty stupid.
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| blackwreath13 Posts: 249 |
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| Berserk Posts: 164  |
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| Ellrohir Heaven Knight Posts: 8669  |
Written by blackwreath13 on 01.03.2013 at 06:31 nah, he already appeared drunk as fuck 2Lit. and BoxCar Willy: go be serious somewhere else 
---- My rest seems now calm and deep Finally I got my dead man sleep 
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| Zap Posts: 3577  |
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| Jtbmetal123 Posts: 387  |
Written by [user id=101272] on 17.12.2012 at 04:52 Your not the only one.
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| Guib Thrash Talker Posts: 3220  |
It's funny but not quite right, oh and I don't mind stupid stuff. Like wtf Thrash Metal being ligther than the heavy one ? I mean here's my version *The Protagonist Arrives already drunk, throws beer bottles at the dragon and piss around the castle just to show off who's the boss, He takes out a RPG, destroys the dragon utterly then pukes and falls asleep while fucking the princess.
---- - Headbanging with mostly clogged arteries to that stuff - Guib's List Of Essential Albums - Also Thrash Paradise Thrash Here
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| Enteroctopus Posts: 155  |
You forgot the Dan Swano version: The protagonist is born 15 minutes into the song to a glorious, melodic celebratory anthem and is subsequently killed. The people then mourn for fifteen minutes that the protagonist is dead and, OH NO!, here comes a dragon. The dragon eats all of the women, leaving the men to either choke the chicken or pray to God they had been born gay. Then the protagonist is reincarnated but the dragon kills him again and the people mourn the death of the protagonist again... It keeps going like that, but the actual thing is, like, six pages of block text, so I figured you got the basic idea.
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| UPDIRNS Posts: 366 |
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| UPDIRNS Posts: 366 |
