Disintegration lurks ahead
The downfall is imminent.
How deep can you sew the heart upon your sleeve
Just to blend with the trend of negativity?
How much of this sadness is just a requirement
To allude to the myth of "conviction"?
Stop crowning those tears with meaning
Wearing a frown is so easy
So obvious.
It takes more strength to pull yourself above
In dignified silence
Without the audacity to assume that your pain is significant.
because disintegration lurks ahead
In a landslide that is not selective
It doesn't matter if you have heart
All good, all evil, falls apart.
And for all the time you're wasting
Acting in tragedies
So full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing
One day your life will suffer the fate
Of irreversible damage
And when you truly fall apart
Is when you're going to miss this.
One day your life will suffer the fate
Of irreversible damage
And when you truly fall apart
Is when you gain perspective.
One day all this will end.

Transfixed upon the imperfections
Every rough edge of the presentation
I can pick apart all of my reasons
But still I can not rise above them.
Have you always been so perfect?
Always known how to play the game?
It's starting to look that way
Your construct leaves no human trace
And in the ditch of your path I lay.
Nothing is coming together
Just fragmenting over and over
I need to stop putting my pen to paper
Lest I need one more hopeless reminder
One more portrait of a person
Who has failed to grow in any direction.
Resenting my petty resentments
Never truly alive in the moment
My eyes keep glaring inward
If only looks could kill my thoughts
So preoccupied with my escape
That I have become always away
But all I'm packing are my doubts
And a broken heart I can't take out.
It's so easy to fake the happiness now
To watch each other wield those smiles
Throwing people off the scent
Of years of futility and discontent.
There's so much disparity
Between the perfect image and the empty reality
Ask what does it matter
Not what does it mean
When you can have all the answers
But they will push you deeper in
Circles
Endless, pointless circles.

Like a candle in daylight
Just a useless burning
And a lost light.
Like a finger on a dying pulse
I can feel you drift
To the vanishing point.
Why am I prioritising this
When no one fucking else is?
Carrying the deadweight
To places they can't appreciate.
More fool me
For taking this seriously
When the jokers always win
When to be a lucky moron is all it takes to succeed
We are one group divided
Into two categories:
Those who work to make things happen
And those who are leeching off the back of them.
And I am trying not to be jaded
I am trying to hold onto hope
But every little step of progress
Gets destroyed in a single moment.
And had I not invested
so much energy and heart
Then I wouldn't be so bitter
And I wouldn't be so hurt.
And had I not have loved this
While you could merely flirt
Then I wouldn't have cared when it died
And I wouldn't be wishing it worked.

I'm sorry
I didn't realise that it needs explaining?
Maybe what you should be asking
Is why you feel the need
To question me.
Is 50% a minority?
Is my credibility an anomaly?
How dare you treat this like a novelty
Your approval doesn't mean shit to me.
I long for the day when it isn't mentioned
I long for the day when it isn't questioned.
Why must it be highlighted
Like it makes a difference
Must you be so ignorant
That this is all you notice
I can't hide my bitter disappointment
At your flimsy grasp of enlightenment.
I'm sorry
I didn't realise that I need justification?
Maybe what you should be asking
Is how it feels to be questioned.
I long for the day when it's no longer relevant
I long for the day when it's no longer a "selling point"
This shouldn't have to be a battle
This shouldn't have to be said
But I stand on level footing
I expect equal respect
This shouldn't have to be a battle
This should't have to be said
I expect equal respect
Nothing more
Nothing less
So I can't hide my disappointment
When you reduce me to my sex.

I know
This mess is
The love overspilt from our hearts
And that "god" says
We should
Clean it up
With the thickest bleach and a bristled brush
But will an ending ever be enough?
When all the beauty lies
In every action never taken
Every kiss
Every look
Every love
That didn't happen.
I've got to find the strength somewhere within this desperation
It's the first thing I need
But it's the last thing I want
To have to grow even more resilient.
I know
This mess is
The doubts overspilt from our thoughts
And that "god" says
We should cover them up
With glassy eyes and a frozen heart
But still I take no action.
But still I take no action
When my disdain
and my devotion
Is simultaneous.
Keep painting pictures of what could have been
And I promise I'll stay at a distance
Where every inch of them can be seen.

I promise you will never see a trace
Of me ever being human again
But i can't keep it
I can't live up to it
I crumble in the shadow of a perfectionist
Cutting the corners of my heart until it has no edges
Just a constant need to be covered in bandages
Which restrain and remind me
Of all my failures and wreckages.
If love is a dream and i can't get to sleep
You better fucking knock me out
And perform the lobotomy on me yourself.
But wait for now while i still feel
Both full of life
And full of guilt
With lips of tingling passionate rouge
Make not one more integral move
For your righteous tongue is covered in eggshells
As it licks it rips these wounds.
And though it bleeds with bad intentions
I hold onto my heart.
I held onto my heart.

It appears as though you have a voice
But it's just a wall to scream at
Give them a platform
And they will talk over each other
Unable to agree on the bigger picture
Give them a mirror
And they will remain silent and transfixed
By painting their own portrait
To resemble an activist.
You sure put the 'act' into political action
And while you talk about change
You don't make it happen
Trapped inside the venting system
Losing the steam required to gain real momentum.
It appears as though you have a voice
But it's just a wall to scream at
Instead we argue within the microcosm
Trading all our information
For filters and a podium.
Stop carrying that square blanket
You're so easily distracted
Scrolling and scrolling
But never scratching the surface
Of how much freedom we sacrifice
When we pour ourselves into a device
Just to hold the bragging rights.
We pale against the unnatural light
Of a screen the sucks up most of our lives.
So invested, yet so dissatisfied.
If you mean what you say
Then step away from stage
Use the voice that cannot be wiped.
If you mean what you say
Then step away from the stage
Lose the voice that's frustratedly typed.
Walk away from your image
And take it outside.