Band:	Babylon Mystery Orchestra
Album:	The Godless, The Godforsaken, And The God Damned
Style:	Neoclassical
Release date:	February 17, 2010
A review by:	Doc G.

01. Catspaw
02. Apollo
03. Benai Elohim (Semjaza's Return)
04. A Constitutional Right? (I, Lucifer pt. V)
05. Jesus Save...(I, Lucifer pt. VI)
06. Hate Crime
07. Ruin
08. Viva Cristo Rey!
09. "We" Is Killin' "Me"
10. Godless
11. You're On Your Own...This Time
12. The Twelfth Imam

What is this bag of dicks? Seriously? There's bad music, and then there's music that you start suspecting it to be some sort of inside joke that you just don't understand. Dumbfounded, that's probably the best way I could describe my feelings toward this album. I'm trying to scramble for some form of coherent thought as I listen to this, but frankly the pure garbage coming through my headphones is so disarming it just brings my brain to a screeching halt.

*Calm down, take a deep breath*

Ok, it kicks off with a generic heavy metal riff that sounds like it fits into a wrestling video game I used to play over a decade ago, and as we all know, WWE has some of the most creative music on the planet associated with it. Generic or not I guess it's a pretty heavy riff...but wait...what the fuck is this? When did Hellraiser's Pinhead develop a lisp, and attempt to sing? I'd like to say it's some attempt at sounding like Andrew Eldritch, but I would hate to insult Mr. Eldritch like that.

The best way to describe this album is like coming into an empty public washroom; you've got the whole place to yourself, just as you're making yourself comfortable taking a piss, some asshole walks in and for some inconceivable reason decides to use the urinal right next to you. The music works the same way; occasionally there are bits of comfortable, safe, instrumental passages that could make good generic background music for a party, only to be completely sullied by some of the worst vocals imaginable. Before you say it - yes, I am aware this whole paragraph probably didn't make a lick of sense, but frankly I'm running out of ways to stress how much I didn't enjoy this.

I can see this project possibly bumping up from "pure crap" to "meh" some time in the future, but for Christ sakes, I pray for both the musician and listeners sake he makes the next one an instrumental or hires a capable vocalist.

I could search the dictionary 3 times over and still wouldn't find enough derogatory words to apply to this album, so I suppose it's best summed up by paraphrasing Mr. Rory Breaker:
"Is this some American cunts joke that Canadian cunts don't get? Because I'm not fucking laughing."