Haven´t got the time for this, waiting makes me sick
Tell me what the hell you want and tell it to me quick
My modem isn´t fast enough, maybe I´ve been screwed
Let´s go for some drive-in food that´s already been chewed

I don´t give a shit about some dolphins in some net
Or if some Chinese dudes kill a bunch of monks down in Tibet
I got to hurry but I don´t know where to yet

You know we´ve heard it all before
And we are jaded to the core
Give us something new
Something we can trust...

You know we´ve heard it all before
We´ve heard it all before
Give us anything
Something we can trust...

Used to think that rap was cool, even wore a golden chain
Tried to blow my head away to honour Kurt Cobain
I got to hurry to empty my hollow brain

You know we´ve heard it all before
And we are jaded to the core
Give us something new
Something we can trust

You know we heard it all before
We heard it all before
Give us anything
Something we can trust...

Give it to me all the time, in every possible way
Give it to me all the time, 48 hours a day

God, I have to know
Is it really true?
I refuse to believe in
The stuff they write about you

You always look real depressive
But that´s what makes you cute
Say it ain´t so, say it ain´t so
Have you become a fruit?

Vaseline bizniz, improves your record sales
Vaseline bizniz, you know it never fails
Vaseline bizniz, will make you interesting
When you´re too pissed to dance and too high to sing

My teenage dream is fucked
Although you don´t know
While I plan for our marriage
You find some handsome guy to blow

Then you speak about it frankly
In an in-depth interview
And I slip into denial
´Cos I know it isn´t true

Vaseline bizniz, improves your record sales
Vaseline bizniz, you it never fails
Vaseline bizniz, will make you interesting
When you´re too pissed to dance and you´re too stoned to sing

Yeah, I had a bad time
My heart was torn in two
Burned all my posters
Thought I´d never make it through

But I worship another boy-group now
Everybody else sucks!
I even got their autographs
Take that, you backstreet cocks!

This guy Michael, he´s a real good friend of mine
We´ve known each other a small eternity by now
He dresses sharp, smokes cigars and drinks good wine
An regular guy who won´t make you raise an eyebrow

But, hey now, hey now, hey, now
Michael has a symptom
Hey now, hey now, hey now
Michael and the syndrome

Michael´s also a splendid photographer
But don´t be fooled by this... should I say "normality"
When you least expect it the most bizarre things might occur
His brain is stuffed with endless weird ingenuity

Hey now, hey now, hey now
Michael has a symptom
Hey now, hey now, hey now
Michael and the syndrome

The wrong word at the wrong time to the wrong person
Cracked up a million times for this uncensored, verbal outlet
He simply doesn´t care as long as he is having fun
Could Michael suffer from the syndrome called Tourette?

A neighbour stole my VCR
Can´t afford to fill up my car
It´s been a while since I paid the rent
I wonder where that money went

Fox & Scully just disappeared
Well, I could always sit here and grow a beard
Broke a rib trying to find the bed
The lights are out and the phone is dead

Or is it my head

Entertain me, entertain me
Make me laugh ´til I hit the floor
Entertain me, entertain me
Crack a joke ´til I can´t take no more

My girl is gone and so´s the cat
The junk I eat is making me fat
The virus-scan fucked up last night
While I was jerking off to a neat website

Spent my bucks on apathy
Precious, precious enemy
The landlord´s dog just ate my shoe
My buddy´s busy sniffin´ glue

I´m thinking about you

Entertain me, entertain me
Make me laugh ´til I hit the floor
Entertain me, entertain me
Slip for me ´til I can´t take no more

Take your hypocritic pointers
And shove ém up your ass
Don´t need your condescending attitude
Find somebody else to harass

Another beautiful shitty day
I wanna throw my life away
I wish the sun would stop to shine
But it seems the son of a bitch is here to stay

Won´t you spare me your ugly smile
And let me be miserable for a while
Damn I wasn´t born in Liverpool
Don´t you just love my depressing style?

I am so proud of my haircut
I am so proud of what I´ve become
I really like my new haircut
I am so proud of what I´ve become

Another hotel room to wreck
Another million dollar check
Another article about "The Beatles clones"
Gonna break that reporter´s neck

Another person to insult
Another gig ends in tumult
Then disappear on a holiday to India
And start a psychedelic cult

I am so proud of my haircut
I am so proud of what I´ve become
I really like my new haircut
I am so proud of what I´ve become

Are you going to say "hi" to me?
What a waste of sympathy
I´m stuck in my stupid misery
A self-centered son of a bitch...

You know, I used to wake up in a good mood most everyday
Now it shifts from grey to grey
I´m an arm short, but that´s ok
My head seems to be the problem

You can´t bring me down; I´m already there
There´s nothing you can say; I no longer care
I´m sorry, but you can´t harm me with that attitude
I was raised on broken food...

Is there anything I can do for you?
Ease your conscience for a minute or two?
You can try ´til your face turns blue
With this self-centered son of a bitch

You can´t bring me down; I´m already there
There´s nothing you can say; I no longer care
I´m sorry, but you can´t harm me with that attitude
I´ve been raised on broken food

Are you going to say "hi" to me?
You know I´d really like that
What I say and what I think might not be the same, you see...
I would really, really like that

Used to be so judgmental
God, I miss my naivety Life was a lot easier back then
My nose was too close to see

When you´re getting older you´re getting wiser
Well, I consider it a crock of shit
You live and learn and still you make the same mistakes
Almost beginning to accept it

My objectivity is like a curse
Gentle and diplomatic to the core
Look at everything from every angle
I smile when you would start a war...

Bull, bull, bull is all I say
Bull, bull, bull most everyday
Bull, bull, bull is like super glue
Bull, bull, bull, sad but true...
You´re full of bull too!

Folks, I have come to the conclusion
Since we always follow the same pattern
Could the human race be bound to fuck up
We´re so extremely slow to learn

But, hey, let´s look at the bright side
You and me know "ignorance is bliss"
And I´m just a freaky musician
So you might as well forget all this...

Bull, bull, bull is all I say
Bull, bull, bull most everyday
Bull, bull, bull is like super glue
Bull, bull, bull, sad but true
You´re full of bull too!

"New in town? Got it all, ya´ wanna buy a gram?
Funny accent, a Russian in Amsterdam?
Looking for a job or need a place to stay?
Go see Kashei..."

What the hell, I said, how bad can it be?
And checked the address the guy gave to me
The letters were smudged, "Dead knight district"?!?
A name for a derelict...

"Zdrastvujtje! My name is Ivan
Is this the right place? I´m here to see a man
A Mr Kashchei", I was invited in
To "The House of Sin"...

Then the world exploded, the only thing I recall
Before I woke up, tied to a concrete wall
"Let me introduce myself and welcome to my club
I´m your local Beelzebub"

What am I doing here?
What in the name of a Hun

Powder all around me
Smoke that makes me dizzy
Unfamiliar devices
Women smiling tempting
Syringes injecting
Lies and pseudo paradises

Fake paradises...

While tied to the wall, Ivan, who was to naive to fathom the shit he was in, made semi-romantic moves (well, since he was tied up) on one of the girls in Kashchei´s harem. Ivan´s innocent, Irkutskian eyes made a monumental impression on the somewhat jaded girl and she rediscovered feelings she thought were dead and buried a long ago. Love was in the maruana air...

The evil Mr Kashchei and his sinister drug pushers, whom he provisioned with free dope to keep them ignorant and dumb, had settled back for a few Z´s. Meanwhile, Ivan was cut loose by his new found love and they decided it was time they leave. So did the other girls who were fed up spending time in the thick of things.

All of a sudden Kashchei opened his eyes and instantly aware of what was going down he unleashed his thunderous rage. "No one fucks with Kashchei! Nikto ne ebat so mnoj! Especially not whores and cocksuckers named Ivan! ", he screamed furiously, his appearance all the more frightening.

A few of the pushers vaguely percieved the tumult but were too stoned to ascertain the circumstances and retired, contented, to their state of inhaled bliss.

However, one of the girls knew about Kashchei´s Achilles´ heel; (ironically) that hard boiled Satanic, son-of-a-bitch, son-of-a-Hun was allergic. She managed to sneak out the back door in search of some kind of animal, preferably a cat or a dog. In a streetcorner lay a Dutch shepherd with orange fur and a puzzled look that became more puzzled as the girl picked him up and dashed back to "The House of Sin". The dog, friendly by nature, mistook Kashchei´s shouting and waving for an invitation to play and leaped up on his chest causing an immediate hypersensitive reaction, leaving the drug dealing pimp panting on the floor, Delft-blue in the face...

Ivan and the former 13 prostitues escaped and took the first available flight out of the country, whose destination happened to be Portugal. The heroic dog was quickly named "Lucifers" ("Fire" in Dutch) at the airport before checking into quarantine.

Ivan and company now live as suburban idiots, and love it, in a commune outside of Lisbon.

Mr Kashchei got arrested but avoided custody since drug dealing hardly ain´t a crime in the Netherlands anymore. He later moved to Copenhagen and became a politician. His pusher dudes are still wandering about the streets of Amsterdam in their purple haze...

Waking up in pieces
On Monday noon
I´m a burdon to myself
Gonna to crack real soon

My armour, my shield
The food for my greed
I thought I knew when it was time to quit
But only in my mind
Guess you don´t know your own kind

Guess I failed to walk along
My tactics were just wrong
Only in my mind
I´ll make it the next time
Don´t tell me the stories

Bring out the wine
Turn on your ecstasy, ecstasy
Bring out the wine
Bring out my enemy, my enemy

Thought I made mistakes
That I had a full view
If you had your doubts
I´d beat the hell out of you

Your cheering smiles
Were hatred in disguise
You didn´t dare to pay the price
But it was only in my mind
Guess you don´t know your own kind

Guess I failed to walk along
My tactics were just wrong
Only in my mind
I´ll make it the next time
Don´t tell me the stories

Bring out the wine
Turn on your ecstasy, ecstasy
Bring out the wine
Bring out my enemy, my enemy

[instrumental]

65 long years
A day from his pension
One lousy day
He took his usual route
When two crackheads went paranoid
And blew him all away

Tiny little second
So tiny, but it´ll change your life forever
Tiny little second
So tiny, but it´ll change your life forever

She studies bio chemistry
And works part-time
In a local bar
She spilled a beer in someone´s lap
And got raped behind the counter
While some white trash stole her car

Tiny little second
So tiny, but it´ll change your life forever
Tiny little second
So tiny, but it´ll change your life forever

You think you´re so strong
Living in your outside
Pathetic aestetic world
The pieces of your puzzle
Fit just right
Every once in a while
But when it comes to
Real life you´re kind of weak
Let´s say your strength
Doesn´t fit in to reality
Let´s say your expectations
Of the growing man
They´re just not for real this time

The truth you´re living without
Has a real good time at your mind
The truth you´re living without
Push you down and leave you behind

When your pride´s so strong
There´s nothing that
Could break your cage
Your perspective is "refilled"
The people you love and
The city that you were born in
Their loving ain´t endless
But even though you
Stand alone with your sins
The lovely smiles
Are quite useless

Ugly pain, laughing at your brain
Driving you insane, driving you insane

The truth you´re living without
Is having a real good time at your mind
The truth you´re living without
Push you down and leave you behind

I don´t feel a thing when I see a nude Pamela Lee
A whopper meal with cheese ain´t my cup of tea
I´m a sensitive person, please be gentle with me
´Cos I believe everything you say and take it seriously

I wanna be a regular guy
Watch football and drink beer ´til I die
Instead I read Kafka and write poems that make me cry
God, let me be a regular guy

Remember when you were Gene Simmons, I pretended I was Voltaire
Now I hold a professorship while you scratch your pubic-hair
You can spend a day just watching your sweetheart get a perm
I rack my brain over: which came first? The intestine or the tapeworm?

I wanna be a regular guy
Dig Quentin Tarantino films or maybe wear a tie
Instead I read Nietzsche and get a philosophic high
Please, let me be a regular guy

Fifteen years old and God was James Joyce
Studied to become an opera-singer, but I always lost my voice
My best friend was my asthma-medicine
I was quoting Ulysses when you saw Led Zeppelin

I wanna be a regular guy
Watch football and drink beer ´til I die
Instead I read Kafka and write poems that make me cry
God, let me be a regular guy

[instrumental]