Each night I lie awake in bed
I cannot sleep
Oppressive dread

Small voices with no locus, a presence filling up the room
Pure malice, like a fine mist, condensates upon the walls

It's the dawning of a new day
And the nightmare fades away
Sunbeams slice apart the twilight curtain and Illuminate the room

What feeds the parasite?
There's nothing left of me to take, so
What feeds the parasite?
I re-learn it every night

The daily grind begins in earnest
I can't sleep or even eat
Haunted by the ordeal
My body's withered like an old fruit rotting
This mind is all that I have left

How powerless am I,
When the demons are so old and wise

I feed the parasite
If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take

My hatred swells against you all
But now I understand it's me who is responsible
Another night begins

Brace for the slow decline, my brother
Now is the time to pray
Cry when the panic puts claws into your heart
But it's now too late

The waves will wash this shore forever
Their diamond shimmers winking, beautiful
Beneath the waves I'm sinking
Reach above

Glide through the halls of tissue and decay
In a beast once proud
Drown in the stench of decomposing flesh
Feel it in your lungs

Feed on the innocent
Give back to nature
Feed on the guilty
Give what you borrowed

Join in with the cosmic dance of death

On the outside looking in, it's fear-inducing
On the inside looking out, it's so perplexing

Father, have you turned your face away?
Angels, have you nothing more to say?
Hark! The majesty of our decay

Scream if you're feeling helpless and alone
And I know you are
Hush, there are voices singing in return
Like a choir of dying babies

Have you seen my father?
He went away
Left the house this morning,
Thought he came this way

Lived my life with secrets
No child should keep
Took upon my shoulders
Burdens not to speak

Mommy's sweet
But knows the sad truth
She tows the line
Quietly she prays for guidance
She'll never find

End this life of lies
How could I ever be a father?
End this life of lies
I might propagate his failures

I fear that I might be like him
Father to son and down the line
I fear my son might be like me

A flood would wash away the filth
Praying to God for healing rain

A light would cleanse
This heart of mine
Daddy goes away on business,
Or so he says
Mommy thinks she's kept me safe,
But I've known for years

Plunge into the deepest ocean
To find a whale
Daddy's unaware of danger
It's up to me

End this life of lies
How could I rescue my own father?
End this life of lies
Will my fear destroy my family?

I cannot swim
I'm too petrified to move
He cannot hear
From the belly of the whale
Father
Please!
I can't move
I can't save you

Twirl with her in the dim-lit garden
Give me the beauty - I'll deflower
Flower and bloom in the rotten soil
Reach for the heavens
Reach down into hell, where I feel at home
Give me the fire I deserve

How could the Lord entrust a darling innocent
Like you with me,
A slave to passions?
The seed I bear in me
Corrupted by my father's life
I try to dig it out through fiery coals

I never knew what love could do
It's powerful and burns
I never thought that I could change
And still I doubt there's good

Days to years in a ruthless death march
Make the earth my cradle
I desire my death and an endless vacuum
Grant me no judgment
Deny truth

Each day I fight to be worthy
To be what you deserve

In this deathbed
I relish my tale of cancer and loss
Pen to paper,
I control what you read
And what you will feel

Dream weave and speak their nightmares
Bring them down with you

Pitch black tendrils
Creeping out from 'neath the door
Chitters sound
From somewhere in the shadows' heart

Gold and glory
A shattered crown restored for you
Gold and glory
My brother bear, be bold and loving

This dark tale fulfills me
It ties loose ends - die of cancer
Can't change it
We're locked in
And halfway through the album already

Glitches sparking from behind the bathroom door
Perhaps I die of old age
Rather than cancer
Change the subject
Here and now

Wash the scales off my eyes
Hear my prayers and desperate cries
In this life, you live for pain and wisdom, love and lies

Jump into the other side of life
And join in with the cosmic liturgy

Endless life
Heal this broken life

Brother bear, I'm home
It's been too long, I thought you'd vanished
Brother bear, I'm home
The dark behind the doorway's glitching gold

Dying to die,
I strove to pass the pain along to all
Who heard my simple song of sadness, loss, and...

Endless life
Bless this humble life

Brother bear, I'm home
Receive the chalice, eat the bread of life

In this sign of wisdom
Know that you're still dreaming on your deathbed
He's calling, responding to all your prayers
I am aware of all the hate that brings strength within the darkness

Endless life
Orient my life

Brother bear, I'm home
You're stronger than you know, my little bear

In a sign of loving-kindness
She crawls in bed to be beside me
This withered corpse I call my own
She kisses like a precious icon

Hold me now, I'm trembling
Hold me 'til I fade away
Where I go, I'll wait for you
I'll hang onto this moment in my heart

All the days I lived my life, I never knew...
Precious moments I let slip away
All the days we lived in vain, we never knew...
Precious moments we let pass us by

Candlelight and incense

In a fleeting life of madness
You can have it all, save reason
You'll live at the expense of humanity

Wake to the dawn in vain
To my shame, I'm still alive
What a way to die, in the arms of your lover

Never catch a break, never easy
You're a fool to think that you would slip away
Not by cancer, but by old age
No one really gets 'The Notebook' ending here

Swaddled in loyalty
Filled with a loving faith
I recognize my worth as a father
Now I am running
Run into the light

Sins of the flesh descend
Bleed down the family tree
A curse from father into son
Forever 'til it's all undone someday

Dive in the deep to recover what was lost
And redeem what was damned

While I am not perfect
I have surpassed my dad
Perhaps he did prevail
In his duty to make his son better
Than himself

Blood and brine
Streaming strain
Heave and pull
Cry aloud
Father dear
I am here

Dive in the deep
To recover father's soul
From the maw of the whale

Here I lie in my death bed
Elderly & proud of what I have done
I struggle to stay here with my
Family, but I know it's time to die, to
Finally let go
Sleep unto my death

My wife and children
Come to say goodbye
The priest settles down
To read my last rites

Fight! I'm trying
Speak! But I'm weak
Fight! It's difficult
Speak! Through the tears

Say your goodbyes!
My holy unction
Say your goodbyes!
To my love
Say your goodbyes!
Your daddy loves you
Say your goodbyes!
My final flight

Finally, it's time to let it go...

Receive the purest warmth of love
And blinding light
I lived my life
In fear of dark
Behind the door
The love of God
Reflects on all the faces
Of the saints
They beckon me to come

And now it's time
For me to bid farewell
She holds my hand and tries to smile
I'll wait for you
My love
Hold me until I fade away

"Lacking trust and confidence
When anyone showed kindness
I pushed away their loving arms
And shrank into the darkness
This lake of mine in which I swam
Was void and bottomless
But then you came
And pulled me out
Life and love awaited"

"Years went by and kids were born
Surrounded by their laughter
Unaware of what we had endured"

"The woods ahead are made for me
The brambles tear and snag until I
Find your open arms to catch me"

Only two things that I hoped
Would never come to pass:
Die inside a hospital
And drawn-out death by cancer

How ironic that my death
Has mirrored my own brother's
Save for how this broken ship made
Passage to the other side

Leave your mortal frame
And rise to see a friend
How you fought through every trial
Resplendent
But you still must fight

There's more to go and you'll sink if
You don't fight
It's never-ending
You'll learn to love & fight
The stars connect me
My bosom yearns to fight
As you can see now
You've never been alone

If there's one thing
That I've learned in all my years,
Having your heart ripped out
Can be a source of grace
And your shame
When laid out to see
Can begin to make you
Who you're supposed to be

You become that which you worship
Be it virtuous or Vile
No false neutrality
Orient myself to heaven
Feel the warmth
From distant fire
My Guardian Paraclete

Leave the Earth behind
And rise to see a friend
How you suffered with assurance
Resplendent, but you still must fight

Leave the pain behind
And rise to join the saints
How you trusted in the Father
And now it's time to reflect his love

Forgive your brother
And offer them your love
There's more to go
And you'll sink if you don't love
It's never-ending
You'll learn to fight and love
The stars connect me
My bosom yearns to love
As you can see now
You've never been alone

Come, brother bear
Sit at the table
Come, brother bear
Offer oblation