What if Christmas didn't come this year
And no one paid for Christmas cheer?
Who would cry the biggest tear
The child or the store?

Why do brides wear virgin white?
Most do not deserve that right
But to choose a color of their delight
Would surely bring on the frowns

To defy the laws of tradition
Is a crusade only of the brave
To defy the laws of tradition
Is a crusade only of the brave, yeah

Suppose the taxman, he comes to town
And you don't lay your money down
Yet Mr. Jones he killed Mr. Brown the other day
Well I wonder
Who's gonna go to hell, hell, hell

Oh, I'm just a bill
And I'm only a bill
And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill
And I hope to be a law someday
Here we go
Here we go
Here we go

To defy the laws of tradition
Is a crusade only of the brave
To defy the laws of tradition
Is a crusade only of the brave
To defy the laws of tradition
Is a crusade only of the brave
To defy the laws of tradition
Is a crusade only of the brave

When I woke up this mornin'
I felt a pang
I was hungerin' for some apple pie
Stumble in the bathroom
Hung my hog a little bit
Washed the sleep out my eye
Oh yeah, it's gonna be a fine day

Scratched myself a bit
Poured me out a bowl-a corn chex
Closest thing I could find to apple pie
Lingerin' taste of toothpaste
Made the milk go down a bit funny
But you know
Them chex they do satisfy
Oh yeah, this'll be a fine day

So, after my mornin' rise-n-shine and eat-n-clean
Had my mind set to hit them streets
Drizzle from the night left cold puddles out
Had my black stomp-boots on my feet
It's my day

Since I was in kneepants my pop had tried to make me realize
If I set my mind down to it I could be a big man in the public eye
So with my big blue collar on, I set out to find the easy way
What an ice cold bath it was when I found you had to pay to play
To taste the taste
It's a tease that never would subside
The taste is strong but soured by my learned eyes
Well, if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he'd get down on his knees to pray
This little snappy boy might see the light this groundhog's day

Too many puppies
Are being shot in the dark
Too many puppies
Are trained not to bark
At the sight of blood
That must be spilled
So that we may maintain
Our oil fields

Too many puppies
Too many puppies

Too many puppies
Are taught to heal
Too many puppies
Are trained to kill
On the command of men wearing money belts
That buy mistresses sleek animal pelts

Too many puppies
Too many puppies
Too many pup-pup-pup-pup-pup-pup-puppies
Too many puppies

Peanut sat on a railroad track
His heart was all a flutter
Along came the train
Toot, toot, peanut butter

Too many puppies
With guns in their hands
Too many puppies
In foreign lands
Are dressed up sharp
In suits of green
And placed upon the war machine
Too many puppies
Are just like me
Too many puppies
Are afraid to see
The visions of the past
Brought to life again
Too many puppies
Too many dead men

They call me Mr. Knowitall
I will not compromise
I will not be told what to do
I shall not step aside

They call me Mr. Knowitall
I have no time to waste
My mouth it spews pure intellect
And I've such elegant taste

They call me Mr. Knowitall
I sup the aged wine
Oh I could tell such wonderous tales
If I should find the time
I must be Mr. Knowitall
For ideas they come in bounds
I am Mr. Knowitall
So spread the word around

They call me Mr. Knowitall
I am so eloquent
Perfection is my middle name
Qnd whatever rhymes with eloquent

Hello all you boys and girls
I'd like to take you to the inside world
It's quite an irregular place to be
But never fear you're safe with me
Well, maybe

Golden hair of macramé
Against the face that's cut from stone
The white porcelain is screaming ayee
Thank God the boy is not alone

I don't believe in Santa Claus
I don't believe in spite
I have no use for beauty dolls
Especially on this night
I don't believe in miracles
I don't believe in lies
I don't believe in hologram
For I am the Frizzle Fry
Andy's painted green again
This time they might take him away

When Barrington starts to breath again
It may just take us all away
I don't believe in charity
I don't believe in sin
And if you don't believe in me
We'll play this tune over again
I don't believe in Pinochle
And I don't believe I'll try
I do believe in Captain Crunch
For I am the Frizzle Fry
Yes I am the Frizzle Fry

When he was young
You'd not find him doing well in school
His mind would turn unto the waters
Always the focus of adolescent ridicule
He has no time for farmer's daughters
Alienated from the clique society
A lonely boy finds peace in fishing
His mother says, "John this is not the way life's supposed to be"
"Don't you see the life that you are missing?"
And he says
"When I grow up I want to be
One of the harvesters of the sea
I think before my days are done
I want to be a fisherman"

Now years gone by we find a man that rules the sea
He sets out on a dark May morning
To bring his catch back to this small community
He doesn't see the danger dawning
Four hours up
Oh the ocean swelled and swelled
The fog rolled in it started raining
"The starboard bow"
"Oh my God, we're going down!"
They do not hear his frantic mayday
And he says
"When I grow up I want to be
One of the harvesters of the sea
I think before my days are done
I want to be a fisherman"
"I'll live and die a fisherman"
Calling John the Fisherman
Calling John the Fisherman
We're calling John the Fisherman

[Instrumental]

An overaged boy of thirty-nine has left the wing today
The first time in his life he's made that step
Be numbed by the society and plagued by insecurity
He's entered in a race that must be won
One of the animals has left its cage today
In search of better things so it seems to be
But in this land of polyurethane
Things are apt to get a bit hot
As the toys go winding down
As the toys go winding down

C.G. the Mexican is a friend of mine
We used to sit around the house watching Evil Dead
Talking about the way it used to be
We used to pull the stripers out of San Pablo Bay
Now the delta waters go down
So Cal and the stripers start to fade away
It's pudding time!
It's pudding time!
As the toys go winding down
As the toys go winding down

Go winding down
Ooh the toys
Go winding down
Toys go winding down
As the toys go winding down
As the toys go winding down
As the toys go winding down

You can have a lolly pop
A candy bar
A jelly bean
I'll buy you a rainbow
To hang above your door
It's pudding time
It's pudding time
It's pudding time

Laughter is a sweet
You can't put a price on
When laughter's all gone
Daddy won't buy you more
It's pudding time
It's pudding time children

Oh money money money money money money money money money
Money money money money money money money money money money
To buy you things
Daddy's gonna buy you a
Diamond ring

Oh Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!

San Francisco bay
The Striped bass are dying
But you're gonna get
That brand new bike
Oh joy
It's pudding time
It's pudding time children
Pudding time children
Pudding time children
Pudding time children
Pudding time children
Pudding time children
Pudding time children
Pudding time children

We are gathered here today
In these majestic
Halls of old
To honor a man they call
Sathington Willoughby
There's a joke or two
A pun or three
I feel that must be told
Then I go on to speak of
Sathington Willoughby
Sathington Willoughby
The legislator that
Penned us up a bill
That banned the use
Of certain things
Like this and that
(This and that)
This and that
(This and that)
This and that

Why do we do this C.G. and I?
Every night vegetables
Minds numbed up by THC
I've got my pen, C.G. the remote
Laurel and Hardy's the best bet at four A.M.
On a Friday
No dreads about the working day after though
Funny thing about weekends
When you're unemployed
They don't quite mean quite so much,
Except you get to hang out
With all your working friends
Well we got us a spaghetti western on 36
I like spaghetti westerns
I like the way the boots are all reverbed out
Walking across the hard wood floors
In fact, everything's got
That big reverb sound
Well what'll I do now?
Go to sleep
Pull the pud
We need new pornos
I guess I'm still writing

Stoned stoned again
Stoned stoned again
Stoned stoned again
Stoned stoned again

Stoned stoned again
Stoned stoned again
Stoned stoned again
Stoned stoned again

It was a weekend's eve
I had sex on my breath
I was lookin' for somethin' to see
With a borrowed black leather
And my best fishin' hat
Well it was just Wendy-O and me
We called old Swamp
Up on the telephone
And said we was comin' on
Down to pick him up
And then he said
"Hey Snappy, me and Greeny'll come along -
But only if we can bring a friend"
"His name is Harold"
So I said "Okay"

Now, we had a
Swamper, Greeny, Wendy-O, Stanley, Harold of the Rocks and me
We hopped into my dart
And headed for the nightbreak
To see a man they call Schooly D
Harold he's a friendly guy
He rambles on and on
He'll talk the balls off a rhinosaurus
Fact is he just doesn't make much sense
Well Stan said
"This guy's pretty bizarre, Gus"
Harold of the Rocks
Harold of the Rocks
Harold of the Rocks

I saw Harold at a party Trouzy threw
Late one night
I said, "hey man
Do you remember me?"
He said, "well of course
I do Snapdad and
Let me tell ya right 'bout now I'm lit
Up like an ol' Christmas tree
Hey bro you know I'd
Like to thank you once
Again for let'n me
Hang with ya' all across
The bay
When I
Look back at that
Night I get me a
Warm spot across my heart"
Then he shook my hand
And walked away
That's the last I
Seen of Harold
Harold of the Rocks
Harold of the Rocks
Harold of the Rocks

So in the end
Swamper and Greeny
Finally succumb to
The ways of Harold
And in doing so
Each gave just a little bit
Of his soul away
What a couple of dumshits

[Instrumental]