Fellow colleges, distinguished members of the press, ladies
And gentlemen:

I would like to take this opportunity to personally and humbly thank
Each and every one of you for joining us at this particular event.
It is my hope that we can utilize this meeting of the minds to
Successfully convey the essence of our platform to you, a grand and
Noble audience.
As I look out among the faces, I reflect, taking console in the words
Of Franklin Delano Roosevelt who said, we have nothing to fear but
Fear itself.
Paranoia is a disease unto itself, and may I add, the person standing
Next to you, may not be who they appear to be, so take precaution.
A mind is a terrible thing to waste, this is true any a young person
Has fallen prey, to the substances that alter the perspective of any
Right thinking individual.
The problem with the youth today is, because of their inexperience
With the world, they cannot attempt to grasp the ideals, set forth by
Myself and those who preceded me.
But, as history has shown, they will come around, and embrace our
Philosophies and become model citizens in their own right, God bless
This great nation.

They found James Ambrose dead in his cell
A gaping gash in his arm had drained him down to Hell
No one knew for sure if Ambrose was his name
They called him Yankee Sullivan in early days of fame
He'd known the game of fisticuffs had always treated him right
But no one knew the men who came and took his life that night
He'd spent some time in Botany Bay atoning for his sins
He fought a bout with Hammer Lane and took a tainted win
He was the hero of the Bowery, a prince of lawless times
Then was battered by the "Butcherman" in 1849
He knew the game of fisticuffs, he knew the game of might
But no one knew the men who came and took his life one night
He knew the game of fisticuffs
He knew the game of fisticuffs
Lilly and McCoy were shy of a hundred and forty pounds
In 1842 they went a hundred and eighteen rounds
They begged McCoy to cash it in, he said that he would not
Got up and fought one more round then died right on the spot
He knew the game of fisticuffs, he knew the game of fight
But no one knew the game would come and take his life that night

He knew the game of fisticuffs
He knew the game of fisticuffs

He was a mighty golden boy
As gold as ever seen
But when he stepped up to the podium
You could tell that boy was mean
His arms was made of nickel
And his forehead made of wood
An affidavit from the principal says
This boy just ain't no good
He stood before the union
And he made a solemn oath
Uphold the purity of his creed
The others he would toast
He worked nights at the liquor mart
And he drank to pad his pay
When he caught him lifting 40s
He shot a boy last may
His momma asked why
His lawyer in the courtroom
Made a noble plea
And the judge he gave him eighteen months
But he was out in three
When asked if he ever felt remorse
While sittin' up in that pen
He said hell no
Ya know a thief's a thief
And I'd shoot that fucker again

They broke out in laughter again
His lip beaded with sweat as they strapped him in
And he stood by and waited to be called
The talk was of times that'd gone by
And the quantity and quality of women they lie
His eyes welled with wet and his mouth had gone dry
As he stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited like the others before
For his turn to go over the falls

He got up and tried it again
For lack of persistence is surely a sin
As he stood by and waited to be called
He looked to the lightning with glee
And admired his vessel for its symmetry
Feeling twelve units shy of a bachelor's degree
As he stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited like the others before
For his turn to go over the falls

There's a time for lies
And a time for truth
I say, eye for an eye
Eye for a tooth

When I roamed young
I'd scavenge around
Every nook and cranny
Of our little town

It's nice, so nice, to be

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
Shake hands with beef!

She's so fine
She's so sweet
Mom and Pop they raised her
On huge slabs of meat

She's fine

A man of nine
Water derby day
Twenty six pumps
On a Crossman
And it's time to play

It's nice, so nice, to be

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
Shake hands with beef!

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
Shake hands with beef!

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
Shake hands with beef!

Go

Camelback Cinema
Camelback Cinema
Camelback Cinema

He's standin' tall at 5 foot 4
With the sharpness of a troubadour
I dare you look him in the eye
His stench would make a buzzard cry

He likes burt in white lightning
Camelback Cinema
Camelback Cinema
Camelback Cinema

Camelback Cinema
Camelback Cinema

In the dark she sat and wait
For her steady random date
Reflecting back to a time
When eager boys would stand in line
She likes Burt in White Lightning
He's standin' tall at 5 foot 4
Lurking in the corridor
He came to buy his weekly whore
At Camelback Cinema

When I was born
The doc, he held me by my ankles
Smacked my red behind
They hosed me down
Wrapped me like a bean burrito
Then marked the date and time

Hats off
To the ones that string the beads together
And keep the ducks in line
Hats off
To all the ones that stood before me
And taught a fool to rhyme

At thirteen
I made myself a motion picture
Out of lumps of clay
At fourteen
I pulled some weeds and bought a four-string
Taught myself to play
At seventeen
I'd get naked with a beauty queen
At the Hot Tub Zone
At nineteen
She was livin' hard and snortin' drugs
That decayed her bones (that's why I say)

Hats off
To the ones that put it all together
And keep their ducks in a line
Hats off
To all the ones that erred before me
And taught me how to survive

Survive
Survive
Survive

Pass the pen there billy bob, I'll write us up a song.
Or perhaps I'll pen a sonnet, if the melody sits all wrong.
Hand me down a crayon, and I'll draw a mighty oak.
'cause of all my brother masons, I'm the quickest with a joke.
Catch me in the right light, you'll see my shapes shaped to please.
And if I shank my trousers down, I'm hung just above the knees.
You may have difficulty catchin' breath, when you hear my weighty name.
I'm the one that told you, told you so, they calls me puddin' taine.
Now step on up to dance the dance, and touch the hand that heals.
Like the tallest hog on wall street, I'm a wheelin' all the deals.
They'll carve my face in marble, they'll etch my name in stone.
They'll paint my noble portrait, and historify my home.
You may have difficulty catchin' breath, when you hear my weighty name.
I'm the one that told you, told you so, they calls me puddin' taine.

Glad you came, glad you're here.
Have some champagne, imported beer.
Dig down in your dirt bag
And roll us out a spliff.
Been erect here now for thirteen days
And I came to get relief
At Bob's Party Time.
Pack my nose with cocaine
Feed my filthy hole.
Bust out the dancin' women
I'm prone to lose control.
And if by chance I fall down
And bust my head on the floor,
Just wrap my wound in a porterhouse steak
And point me towards the shore.
At Bob's Party Time.

Burnin', I feel a burnin' in my stomach,
I want to know if I'm a gonna make it.
If I don't just spread my ashes,
If I do just spread your mind.
Swimmin', I see myself a treadin' water
I see no signs of any other people.
There's a heron up above me
I lay back and spread my mind.
Duchess, she used to be a movie maker.
She used to like to watch the boys watch her.
And she saved enough money
To go to cal and spread her mind.
Billy, used to follow the dead with arnie
And they made a hundred thousand dollars.
But ended up in federal prison
Twenty years for spreading minds.

Came up on a worried man, asked him if he had a light.
He reached on down, dug in his shoe, figured in his sock he might.
He asked if he could come and join, at what we was partakin' in.
I says, old soul if you got a match, you also got yourself a friend.
The smoke drew hard but laid in good, the neon gave us extra shine.
We passed around a flask of knockando, and a half litre bottle of wine.
The worried man dropped down to his knees, and let out with a somber groan.
He looked up to me and when I asked, he said, I'm just restin' my bones.
I looked down at him, and him up at me, then a smile rose above his chin.
He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me down, said, listen to me now my friend.
When I was your age I did it all, more than many men could do,
Now my possessions are the ones I wear on my back, and this lighter I keep in my shoe.
That's why I'm restin' my bones.
I'm restin' my bones for the times I fell, fell and hit myself on the ground.
Restin' my bones for the loneliness, of being the only genius around.
I'm restin' my bones for prosperity, in hopes that it'll do me some good.
I'm restin' bones from amphetamines, see they turned teeth to balsa wood.
I'm restin' bones for johnny cash, 'cause for me and mine he's wearin' black.
I'll be restin' my bones for Elvis, I seen him last week at the track.
If I'm restin' bones and you come along, just try and tippy toe on by.
'Cause when I'm restin' bones I hope to sleep, and maybe slip away and die.

Went down to Coddingtown to buy for lucky dog.
Moved on up to sono-co to clear my head of smog.
People round town they all line up to buy them chevrolets.
But me I talked to the mopar man, been talkin' now for days.
I went down to Coddingtown, it seemed the thing to do.
You can get it all down there, from tennis balls to glue.
Standin' up in the old smoke shop, met a girl named honey pie.
If you shamble long enough, you wanna' go, you gotta' go.
Bring me on back.
Lordy, lordy, Coddingtown, that's the place to be.
Lordy, lordy, Coddingtown, that's the place for me.
I went down to Coddingtown and met old Santy Claus
Beanie boy got a hold of that beard, nearly yanked it from his jaws
I stepped on up to the pizza man and gobbled down some filth.
I shambled round now too damn long I wanna' go, I gotta' go.
Bring me on back.
Lordy, lordy, Coddingtown, that's the place to be.
Lordy, lordy, Coddingtown, that's the place for me.

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H
I gotta' gal, wears her toenails long
Drives a red Barracuda, singin' meat packer songs
And she ain't from Kalamazoo
A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H
I gotta' friend, lived in a Mercedes-Benz
Then a '55 Chrysler where the trunk never ends
And the plates say Kalamazoo
He had a steady job and watched what he spent
He'd say, "I don't believe in payin' no goddamn rent
I'll squirrel away every goddamn cent
And buy my own damn house in Kalamazoo"
I knew a guy that mangled his hand
And he went from pipe fittin' to a hot dog stand
They say last year he cleared fifty grand
Selling dogs round Kalamazoo
She turned to the world with a bastard child
Said, "I just can't handle him, he's too damn wild"
But the years and the liquor have made him mild
And he lays around Kalamazoo

Renegade
Come here boy
There was this kid in our neighborhood
His Pop had named him Renegade
He lived up to his name
With all the trouble that he made
Renegade
Come here boy
Renegade
Come here boy
One day ol' Renegade
Snuck into the Park Theater downtown
For a laugh he set fire to the screen
Burnt the whole damn place to the ground
He thought that no one would mind
He did that sort of thing all the time
But his Pop was waitin' for him
At age fifteen Renegade
Stole a tow truck from Arnie's Shell
Drove it through the front of a hardware store
Spent the night in a county jail
He didn't seem to mind a bit
He liked the attention he would get
Renegade
Come here boy

Go ahead fish bait
The man, he stepped up to the microphone and he gave it a kiss
It was a big wet, slippery kiss and he had sweat dripping off of his nose onto the windscreen
As he looked out over the audience he said, "God bless you, god bless you one and all"
Then he took a can of Ronson lighter fluid and he squirted it over the top of his head and proceeded to light himself on fire
And he stood there glowing and said (Encore, encore), "Remember this day"