Warning: these lyrics are pretty coarse and are not intended to be read by children
Or anyone easily offended by written words.
You've been warned.

Fuck yourself with a rubber hose
Stick it in your mouth and down your throat
Up your nose and in your heinie hole
I don't care where it goes
And it don't matter if you're straight or gay
You should fuck yourself anyway
Now, you don't have to listen to a word I say
But I know you, you'll be humpin' away
Fuck yourself with your neighbor's nose
If you can't use that, use a 10-foot pole
Stick it up your ass and go for a stroll
Everyone will know you've been to this show
If you can't take, eat my stool
Masturbate with some crazy glue
I don't care what you do
Fuck yourself with a garden tool
Fuck yourself with politics
Ahh they're full of fuckin' fuckin' shit
I mean you know we've been lied to ever since we were born
It's amazing that we've been getting fucked that long
Fuck yourself with the world wide web
Man you could ride that sucker right from your bed
You may even meet a Tom, Dick, Jane or Billy
Then grab onto your modem and fuck yourself silly
Fuck yourself with your heart and soul
Give it everything you got, hey I'm talkin' to you
If you can't even fuck yourself,
How ya gonna fuck somebody else?
Fuck yourself with my microphone
I'll give it to you later when we're all alone
We can turn it up loud
And see if you come, but
Don't get your jizz on my microphone
Fuck yourself with organized religion
Now that is some seriously sinnin' business
If the Lord sees their pathetic crimes
He'll be fuckin' them 'til the end of time
And can someone explain to me this racist crap
I know it isn't white, but it isn't black
And to all you people who only see things your way
Well, you can suck my dick and take all day
Fuck your nose with a pound of blow
Watch your money get up and go
But when you burnt your brain and you say
I don't know!
I hate to tell you but I told you so
Fuck yourself with this grunge rock noise
I mean, stuff those albums in your groin
They come down on me because I know how to play -
Hey... Fuck you!
Fuck yourself with a copy of Rolling Stone
Or are they too holy for your holiest of holes
Now those people think they're holier than Moses
But aren't they just a bunch of fuckin' posers
Fuck yourself with your mother's jewelry
I won't tell, I ain't a stooly
If you pounce hard enough you'll cough up a ruby
Your blood will be rich and so will your doodie
Fuck yourself with the latest fashion
With your spikes and your hair and those cute little buttons
And if you happen to have some leather and lace
Fuck yourself 'til you're blue in the face
Fuck yourself with your income tax
They're fucking you and that's a fact
Before you know it your money's all spent
And you've just been fucked by the government
Fuck yourself with your lawyer friend
You're the only one that's getting fucked in the end
I have been so fucked by legal bills
That my asshole is the size of Beverly Hills
Fuck yourself with your full-length sweater
With your minks and your diamonds and your Irish Setter
With your cash and your trash and your sinks and your drinks
Just fuck yourself 'til you can't even think
Those of you who enjoy this song
Thank you thank you, I love you
Let's get it on
But for those of you who are totally outraged
Fuck yourself with your face

Do you think you can fool me?
Do you think you can lie to my face?
Do you think I believe you?
Well, what you tell me is a total waste

Do you think you can use me?
I bet you think that you are great
Do you think you can get away with murder?
I think you can use a kick in the face

Eh - you can fool some of the people some of the time
And you can fool most of the people all of the time
Ah - you can fool a few of the people none of the time
But you can't fool me any of the time

So I sit and I eat a TV dinner
I watch an old funny Marx Brothers movie
And a flash comes across my TV screen
And it's you in all of your glory

You like to tell me about brutal murders
You make me choke on my spaghetti
Korean airlines that was shot down by the Russians
You even show the dead peoples' families crying

Well, you can gross out some of the people some of the time
Eh - you can gross out most of the people none of the time
Most of the people like to get grossed out all of the time
Ain't that right
But you make me sick every time, every time

I see your face is laced with a new kind of taste
It's great the way you waste all that space
You're right, it's night and I shouldn't go outside
But if a stiletto stabs me
It'll make your job so exciting
If a razor cut me
You can give them something worth watching

We interrupt this song to bring you a special
News bulletin. Hello, this is Wilma Wasko,
Anchorwoman at the Eyewitness News Center
In New York. Hey - do I have your attention?
Look at me, me, me (etc.) I'm on TV. Check
This out, ladies and gents. This is good stuff,
Real good stuff, real
Good-good-good-good-good-good great stuff.