I was sitting alone again,
(in a remote corner lit only by the frail dance of dying candles)
Drinking, of course, when Perdition the Elder sat down.

He had that weird smile upon his face
And that fiery look he has when he's about to initiate a somewhat unusual conversation;

"I am but a Plague..." he began to say,
"I have studied Locustism for years now.
I am like you, y'know. Human, a useless vermin?"

He had a point, but still I felt like I had to reply something... anything,
But he cut me right off;

"...A slight change of posture, a loud muted noise from Above,
And then came an Ego that was to be our own downfall..." he paused and stared at me for a moment.

Thats when he suddenly pulled this huge magnum from his jacket
And forced the wretched thing into my mouth, saying;

"I am giving you a choice: Kill yourself or someone you love..."

"The cold sensation of your clenched teetchs around a gun barrel
And the warm salty taste of your own tears... thats my gift to you."

"Play dead and I'll play along son..."

A quick snap and that was it...
After we've shared a moment, after I held you tight in my arms, after I told you how beautiful you are.

And after I had one too many whiskies and got emotional.

You've just experienced the cruel honesty of the Now.
A look upon your careless virgin body from the upper balcony
And I knew this flawless silver surface had to be mine.

I had a huge confirmation growing in my pants pressing me to go on

With the said deed
Drive by a lust close to animal instincts,
(But since there's no disrespect, this is wrong and I'm sorry.),
I'm sorry...so sorry

I reacted before any kind of conscience
Would pollute the uniqueness of the event.

I can't help it, the sensation is too high,
The climax, is perfect...
After two weeks of legitimate abstinence,
It had to be settled somehow?

Yeah I heard the rumours too,
The ones stipulating that I've lost my reason on the account of lust...

I'm afraid I'll have to confirm that to the proper authorities very soon.

As for you love;
Look on the bright side child, you'll never grow old
So how come to me, you are still so very cold

It's like hammering the face of your little brother
For him to stop crying...
Out of pure benevolence,
I shall proclaim myself thy older brother

I shall grant you the right to be taught under my tutelage,
For I, know better, I built Truth & Peace

You must reach a new level in Martyrdom,
As I am pouring the salty mixture of the Lord in those freshly opened veins

Creating wounds that won't ever heal,
As a reminder of your constant failure trough Existence

Learn from me, but dont be mystaken,
I expect the same treatment in return

Whip the Hatred out of my putrid carcass
I'm one of those crazy fucks, I enjoy pain...
(As an information, and a valid life experience)

This being achieved and realised,
Hatred is to be redirected
Toward you, the newly designated target,
Has sole victim to my sulphuric compassion

I'm not waging a War, I'm imposing Peace with violent means
I'm not loosing this War, I'm returning Peace against my Kin

Like the Snake in Eden, only more slippery & deceitful

You're poison girl!
I could've swallowed you...

Seeking the proximity; to be under your flesh,
Flower of flesh and blood, I wanted to be your blooming

I felt empty the minute you walked away from me...

Right now;
I miss just everything about her,
The fragrance all around her neck,
The way she moves, fuck yeah,
Those tight panties...

I can't wait to strip you down!

You're a monument of aesthetic,
Instead of glorifying (you), I'll re-arrange your pretty smile
An icon to be adorned, you make me sick!
With a rusty cleaver, I'll be the new Da Vinci
Whore, Poisonous, Wine, Strychnine!

You please yourself in the collecting of wrecks of men
Who've fallen under your charms.
Between these luscious legs, a graveyard,
Has became quite a populous Nation

But I simply won't give in,
As I have seen beyond the cruelty of your looks,
Risen from the ashes of my love life,
I aim to see you suffer...

And I desecrate everything that has been given...
To you, as natural weapons, against my will

Weapons that you so skilfully use everyday, you call this justice?

To be the one, that will show you that tomorrow's morning glory is gonna be tainted

And simply won't happen, ever again
As sunrise is no more,
And so are you!

Solaris
Since she left I'm sleepless,
A year passed by since the
"She's Strychnine" (incident,)
I've swallowed it and survived... (apparently)

And now, due to its nature, history repeats itself....... she's gone

Her, the knife that brought an edge to my life
Remember when you use to cry out of pleasure and complete orgasm when we made love?

Tell me!
How could you take Solaris away from me? How?

Why the fuck did you have to go and put us through this?
Pound my dreams in to dust, did I truly deserve this?
Am I that repulsive?

Take away all that I had that was pure and true and give it to an insignificant piece of shit?
How can I possibly have faith for a better future now, you fucking life ruining bitch!

And still you're trying to play as if you had done nothing wrong...
If only I could erase everything we lived together...

No, instead I'm condemened to love you still.

...this is useless...
I could go on forever...

...you are useless...
I will go on forever

[Raskolnikov:]
"Everyone spills it, the blood" - he answered, out of himself.
Blood flows and has always flowed, as a cascade.
Those that make it flow like champagne are crowned at the Capitol
And are named the benefactors of Humanity."

"I, once desired the good of men and would've done hundreds,
Thousands of good actions in exchange for this unique stupidity, not even, this clumsiness!
For the Idea in itself wasn't that stupid has it appears now (to the light of Failure)"

"...to the light of Failure, everything seems stupid,
...to the light of Vengeance, everything seems justified,
...to the light of Pity, everything seems out of value."

"But nonetheless, I will not adopt your views: if I had been successful,
I would've been crowned, instead."

[Dounetchka:] "But it's not like that, not at all! Brother, what say you?"

[Raskolnikov:]
"Ah! The form isn't good; the form is not acceptable from the standpoint view of aesthetic!
And well, really, I don't understand how dropping bombs on the people during a siege in rule, replies to a more honourable form?"

"The fear of aesthetic is the first sign of powerlessness..."

"Never, never before have I so consciously seen until now,
And less than ever do I understand why my particular deed is a crime! A crime?
Never, never before have I been more convinced than as of now. Never!"

(The blood brought colour to his pale and exhausted face.)
But while pronouncing the last sentence, his look met the gaze of Dounia,
And he read so much suffering in that gaze, he succumbed.
(He felt that, despite all, he had brought sadness to these two poor women.)

For He was, the cause of it all...

[Excerpt taken from "Crime And Punishment" - DOSTOIEVSKI and slightly distorted by GAB.357]

This City is lost as I am.

Standing still on an unfriendly sidewalk,
Staring at the flickering streetlights...

Gently pressing my palm against the dead-cold iron of the pole.

The lights suddenly shut and again I'm left alone with my thoughts.
Navigating directionless on a stream of a grey density, hiding in the confinement of a filthy back alley...

I think I had sex here once but that's not the point.
The molecules surrounding me are definitely moving at a faster pace than mine,
I guess that's why my vision is so blurry.

Dry cold air fills my lungs, leaving an aftertaste of dust in my mouth.

I washed it clean with several shots of vodka.
And why am I coughing this much?
I've never smoked, if I'd known maybe I would have started.
To quit, would've been a goal to reach in life.

There goes passion, out of a broken window...
Passing by great buildings, giants of man-made desires that are spreading their wings
Of darkness upon the city for miles.
I'm out of breath, and I can't do a thing about it...

(...No One will hear me scream.)

It's 3:57 in the morning, I know it 'cause I just passed by a payphone that told me so.
It caught my attention because it rang about 3 or 4 times, I'm not sure?
(Anyway... I didn't answer...)

I was way too drunk and lost into "Ulver's Perdition City"
To truly acknowledge what was going on.

And prior to that particular insignificance, I had lost all senses of time & space

(I'm alone and the subway docks are empty, completely deserted by the Metropolis's natives
Closing my eyes for a second, I could've sworn I heard tumbleweeds, rolling on the other side of the track... )

Then I saw a girl, only a child to my poor tired eyes,
Running after what might have been fragments of my life...
Porcelain doll, a permanent scar on the smooth face of Depression.

(The phone is ringing again, breaking trough my illusions,
Leaving me to witness an impenetrable view upon boredom itself.
Could this call save me?
Is it salvation on the other end of the line?
Or just a mere attempt to disturb my concentration?
Still, this will have to wait.)

It shines; I'm sore and inspired...
Scribbled upon the wall, you can easily read; Amy was here, 07-12-1980
Answering, I simply wrote back; Hope was here... and quickly left, 02-10-2005

I've narrowed it down to its simplest core.
And I know what's required of me now...
There are no parallels in my mind... no subtleties.

And how come this phone is still ringing?
It'll be the last time and I'll still ignore it completely.

For once I think I'll be noticed, by doing something concrete & visible,
As of tomorrow... hundreds of humans will be late for work.

The sound of dripping rain beating a frail window, enhancing the tick-tocking noise in my head.
Against the shivering glass, I cannot hear my own sobbing anymore.
That way, maybe I can learn to forget and forgive myself?

I'm not interesting, I'm interested (- Boris Vian)

The comforting perfume of urine mixed with mediocrity,
It's a matter of appreciating what you truly know.
It's a cynical point of view from a back alley to a crowded main street in broad daylight.
I could've been saved you know... a pretty girl who just passed by, smiled at me.

Only to realise that she was actually smiling at somebody else she knew right aside me.
I'm not good at being noticed.

There's not a chance in the world that I could possibly erase all the oily fingerprints
I've left on everything I've done that I'm not too proud of.

Yet I still think that all this crying, arguing and fighting, was good for nothing if in the end
I didn't kill her...

"Heaven is where or when the Devil is losing everything at a Poker game,
Even Vice is laughing at him...pointing fingers.
And now he's walking alone in the street, completely broke & homeless
On the verge of collapsing to the Inevitable...

Even the Angels are looking down on him with pity...
Yet not a soul dares to help him, (the looser, the first One to have ever been cast aside.)
He's thinking about suicide.

The funny thing is, unlike us, he doesn't have a choice
Evil cannot die..."

Raindrops are weeping, and I'm a storyteller;
I am covered with rust & falling apart like an old 69 Chevy truck.
I have a lot to say if you're willing to bear with the unpleasant scent of misery & nostalgia.

How low can it get, when you suddenly realise that what you've been listening to, (for the last ten minutes or so)
Trough the old transistor radio behind the bar counter, was a disco version of Beethoven's 9th symphony.
I wanna kill myself right here & now. How socially dead of me (- Alias)

Could it be the alcohol that drank me out?
It feeds on your soul y'know?

From the other side of the looking glass, imagine a philosophy,
That is a sardonic aftermath of everything I lived so far...