His nose is drippy, his hair are nappy,
His teeth are yellow, his skin is scabby
His ass is so smelly it'll clear out any moshing pit
His tongue is nasty, his dick is green,
His lips are chapped, his breath is obscene
You could squeeze his pus-filled, and pop it like an ugly zit!
He walks around town, you can smell his feet
Flies buzz around his head as he walks down your street,
The children run and hide to the safety of their daddy's arms
He comes to your door with his decayed grin
You wonder where the hell that mouth of his has been
Should you slam the door?
Or should you let him in?

You run and hide but you can't hide
The Scabby Man comes inside
He picks his nose and eats his snot
and then eats all your pot
He pukes on you, he kicks your dog
He's a fucking smelly hog
He farts alot, he rapes your wife
You cut a fart and he licks the knife...

You think it's over but it's not over yet!
The Scabby Man is leaking pus, he's fucking gross, you bet!
He jacks off and shoots in his cum on your two-month-old son!
the horror's not over much to your dismay
You're the Scabby Man victim, on this very day,
and he invited his friends to come over for the whole weekend!

Dear Uncle Creepy...
(dedicated to James Warren, Archie Goodwin, and all the others who made Uncle Creepy and Cousin Eerie a part of my family)

Dear Uncle Creepy, it's been years
Morbid fantasy exterminates my childhood fears
Dear Uncle Creepy, how can it be?
Some of the crap that's out these days is such a bore to me

Dear Uncle Creepy...

The shit they call "horror" in the comic store
Nobody's got that style anymore!
Pre-code classics provide the chills
This high-tech bullshit never will!

As far as movies are concerned,
There's a plenty out what should be burned
The horror's gone, big budgets here
What ever happened to the meaning of FEAR????

Dear Uncle Creepy, it's a crying shame
The "terror" of the 90's is so fucking lame
What ever happened to the good ol' days
Has you and Cousin Eerie turning in your graves!!!

He walks among the living
He has not much to say...
but heed the sailors' warning
Watch out for ZOMBIE RAY!!!
Gut-munching cannibal
Child molesting freak
He'll rip your fuckin' throat out
So you can't even speak!!!

Prone on the operating table
Deep incision sliced on inanimate flesh
I love my disgusting equipment
Needles, scalpels, and brain scoops to diagnose death
Succumb to my horrible experiment
Intestines & limbs agog in fiendish disarray
Mutating your natural composition
Rearrange your vital organs in horrific dismay

I'm the ghoul of the medical profession
Foetid corpses and carcasses line the basement wall
With glee I dismember cadavers
I affix the pancreas where stomach should be
Rejuvenate the rancid corpses
The innards glisten in their new anatomical display
I cackle with post-mortem delight
The walls reek of sin & the stench of horrendous decay...

Heart of Illinois, Heart of Illinois,
Heart of Illinois, Don't it make ya sick?
Heart of Illinois, Heart of Illinois,
Heart of Illinois, Shut up ya fucking' dick!
Ten fucking years I've lived in this town
There's never nothing happening going on
Except fairs, and baseball, and sidewalk sales,
and old people fucking with their lawns!

Farm Futures! Soybeans and corn!
Parks and recreation! Collecting doorknobs!!

Pride of the Prairie, Pride of the Prairie,
Pride of the Prairie... Don't it make ya retch?
Pride of the Prairie, Pride of the Prairie,
Pride of the Prairie, Shut up ya fuckin' wrench!
Twenty fucking years Ive lived in this town
Nothing's never going on around here
Except unemployment, and gangs, and skating bands,
and college students slamming fucking beers!!!

Someone's always following me
Someone's always in my dreams
Scary men with butcher knives
Assume reality to take my life
Why can't they bug someone else?
Why can't they just leave me be?
Little men with twenty arms
Always fuckin fuckin' with me!

I lay awake to calm my mind
Hoping nightmares not to find
Creeping crawling through the night
Fill my fragile mind with fright...

Hacked to pieces in my head
Maybe I will wake up dead
Too many times I swim in sweat
Horrible things I can't forget
Piece by piece I slip away
My violent brain is held at bay
By ugly men with purple eyes
I wake up dead and realize

How can my mind conjure these things?
I wish that I would not have dreams
'Tis a better thing to have a healthy mind.
Than to dream in hate, forever behind?