set against these hardest hours
anger paled, for in this fear
the theft of privacy
we all see it break sometimes,
see it tear us apart
that which left behind
screams out loud this night
so much is asked in silence
expect not and you'll find
thousand miles
from the nearest truth
rotating, entangled
- I continue not to heal

another no-night
waits its turn
so I call upon
my freecard
to postpone

if time was one with many faces
which one would call to me?
where all our paths in one now end
that with the power to gather the mislead
now will lead them all astray
so push it ever further
to unsuspecting dark
build that second layer
for the hours to take fast

a rest from the giving
like a heart between beats
greater than the need
for community
the need for the right solitude
come to know

that an outrage is inevitable
through many try
an escape is unsuccessful
in the midst of a nerve-night
the victim of soulkill
true self is mere torture
death rides these nerves

gentle storm / thundering silence
inferior force / uncontrolled calm
vital unlike / logic/chaos/logic

the tone of which his birth ascend
the beat that of a heart descend
repeating in the infinite
an insight made it clear
order stormed the surface
where chaos set norm
had there always been balance?
...surely not
therein lies the beauty

it was solid
yet everchanging
it was different
yet the same
so I starve myself for energy

the song around his soul will bend
the notes that in this hole will melt
crawl out of science
a dreamland if you dear
disorder clawed the boundaries

we're ordered to stand clear
was it always different
...never the same?
therein lies the beauty

as there were no witnesses
there was nothing to be told
as nothing could be grasped
the story could unfold
superimposed on the elemtens of anger
/ fear / anxiety / hate / despair / remorse

so break from all that fear hold fast
exposed now turn to all you lack
let echoes be the answers
return from all the screams
wordless now the last attack
so silent it hurts to listen
was it always solid
...to never change?
therein lies the beauty

there were words of lust
in these arms of the stranger
and there in silence though were words of no milder
so in thinking of that madness
that ravage the thoughts
in the loneliest of hours

I resist without control

the demand I get from excellence
the void I felt from answering
not only an addition
it generated need
in these endless nights of freezing
my weight on the other side

I resist without control
feel the thorns of uncontrol

claws that set in sleeps december
let loose on the verge
talked to me as strangers once did
the tone was set for winter

sweet uncontrol
beyond proportion
into the night
so strike me deeper

I resist without control
feel the thorns of uncontrol

the death that craved no life
now ended
in return
drifting uncontrolably
within the night

outsmart the fever
and take us farther from
the killing life in capsules
a life that can't belong

so if I wake up dead to the world
with the helm at my command
the reaching out of this
faced tomorrow in the 11: th hour
beckoned closer
now as nightfall sends it's grace
cue to enter the insatiable ideal
slam it shut but the portal pounding lingers
what is it; is time undone
cannot falter in the security of labour
was I supposed to believe?

where did I sign
did I miss the auction where my life went under the club?

went the half mile
wondered when the resolution would come
life became too solid
diluted by the essence of denial
caught in fire's eye
the self and filter that is I
my lip was venom
words formed in my mouth
hid beneath the tounge
never to be seen

faintly arisen / tenderly torn
dreamlike decision, unconsciously born

firm in conviction yet tempt me they can
deny me of trust and a demon I hide

a drive to be less than the fortunate
a dream in the casket of eden
crave that which you do not desire
cling tightly to your deepest fear

I rose the greatest monument
again and again
I bear the greatest treasure
of time and a word

treson spilt on the loneliest of graves
desperation dealt the losing hand again
wherein lie the purpose of the day?
ës there return in sadness?

does your ceiling differ much from mine
where we see each other
here in this light
is that pillow more than a frame
that holds the chaos fast?
now his hand a fist
gain control

silence fell and eyes now widened
filling up the strength collapsing
capable of the ending froze in the tracks
brought to a bitter halt

on the floor it seems the steps are showing
left a print just like it did in me
what has been and what will be
never care 'cause I was in between
as I said with on efoot in loneliness
you hide here in me

upon our evening when the sun fired blanks
there rode the sickness out of our sight
carried torches burned out long before it's time
among these ruins where our love is to be found

ambition falters when no better is to be known
cling to the unfounded pride

death to our belonging
and our ministry of two
set the higher standard
and to a greater fall descend

slaves to one another
and to others be it not
soothing be temptation
force the conscience to a halt

caused a high vibration
a tender light to be part of you
the two-way escape

what late forgotten nights to emptiness has given
and now november morning will be taken asunder
the shovel stained with dirt in the hours of belonging
dug into the undiscovered of a life, a pest, a plague

falling back into the arms - no never
admitting to a life alone - no
claiming there are sparks inside - no
outside looking back - no
so the lie never stopped

cling to the wave it cried and onward to the night
expecting not and nothing in the presence of a lie
the deeper that it dug the more now had to go
surrender was a fact and the room was decoreated
- the lie never stopped
what late forgotten nights to emptiness has given

the strangers may they come in ignorance's disguise
so into the dark walking to leave the last of times
kneedeep in desperation to fill the gap behind

boldly thread the night forever
november thought are right - oh never
taken from the fall - no

frightened by the key but the trail behind the house
felt compelling and new - the lie never stopped
found at loss for words, now words aren't enough

someone told, a vacancy was open
someone laughed, the silence here was broken
dug up to make room
the room which you furnaced and graced
there is no vacancy
the least can fill the fountain
the most will flood the mold

waiting for the day to end
though silence came too late
turn my eyes inside
close the lids
deny the world to enter

'cause I'm turning the desires down
again rose the monstrous
of hours in between
taint the thought
the trauma born inside

all the thoughts that you defined
tread the light again
take the pain away
feels as though
time as tears
never seem to end

where were the eyes that followed
how could they've found?
these misery's merchants
struck the message deep
"we have come to stay"

dogs fled there in the dark of his path
feared him as once they all did

like a ghost in daylight
on an overcrowded street
he wishes
to be something he is not

lie a shadow at midnight
that originate in air
he wishes to release

deep in the back it had caught him
the anchor they threw at his life
oh these misery's merchants
dragged through life as a burden

rushed off to his cage of glass
to open the single window
a means of escape, out in the open
there are still holes in these walls
puking information into the unwanting
probing the last hope of defence
so he plugged up the holes
shut the outside window
in doing that, madness payed a visit

...and then suddenly in mid-thought
escape was a factor and as from inside
pushing out were words
through fingers came uncovering
revealing the truth of him there in the dark...

skin began to crawl as they neared him
is all pleasure release?
oh these misery's merchants
saw the message clear
"it is time to pay"

like a ghost in daylight
on an overcrowded street

neither here nor there in our unity of twine
solitary sanity, traded in for life

once we crawled into the artificial night
all was left and I arrived on your time

there in the collision
wish answers could arrive
was I kept up for this?
did the physical emotion
break the fall of sleep?

I'd never thought of things that you would say
could never tell if what you said were lies

it's in here eating
it's down there drinking
be with me, not against me
bear with it, love against me

I've never known if there was enough time
could never tell if it was done just right

an icicle thrust
to soothe the disorder
between the eyes
where the well is the deepest

and so unease carried words
that spoke of no matter
was I held here for this?
did the path of devotion stay from what you felt?

I've never seen things here in this light
could never tell it your touch was deeper than skin

once I thought that what no time can heal
is here in me - but time proved me wrong
deeper still toward an outward pride
no more lies - I'm here on your time