EVERYTHINGS coming up roses
and it always snows on june
the ceiling is WRITHING and screaming
but there is nothing wrong with me
smile if it hurts, tears me apart
crushes my heart, smile if it purges me clean of you
there is no "us" to speak of, there never was
AND it strips me of my dashing manners
would you like me more if my lips were cold?
HOPE is a whore breeding monsters
in the undergrowth of my sleep
feeding me lies to hold on to
and there IS nothing wrong with me
always OUTNUMBERED
in the gentle grind of ever passing years

I'm not sure if I want to STOP but I know I should
sliding downwards is easier than I ever thought
and I'm tangled here in these wormwood roots
but it makes ME feel like all I see is through
shades of green and it's so beautiful
and you melted on my tongue
like an ice cube in the sun
but your feet got cold in the way
AND you rained on my parade
HOLDing on to my innocence until MY fingers bleed
letting go is much closer now than it's ever been before
you shone like a SUN in a faceless crowd
and I knew you at once to be one of those
who could touch me so that it makes me afraid

Ashtrays overflowing, pools of spilled wine
breakfasting on black coffee and five cigarettes
this is how I choose to while AWAY my time
I can feel it crawling slowly across my skin
with insect legs so thin
fearless now the sky has fallen so many times before
no need to ask me how i feel now just use your eyes
no need to ask me if you're welcome
do I look LIKE I would push you away?
who I am today is the price I've paid
for what I used to want more than anything
choices that I've made
sometimes made me hate everything in me
it's a cesspool inside, the sewer of lost hopes

This is the one I promised YOU
as I ran my fingers through
your hair while you were asleep
with your head on my lap
remember when i told you
no one can ever keep me
from coming over to you no one but you
you SAID now why would YOU
go and do something like that
I didn't want to explain I turned away
so afraid of losing you so afraid to leave
so afraid of letting go of all that i hold dear
our days were ALWAYS numbered
from the first time we met
that's why it was so intense
when every moment mattered
you know I meant what I said
I WOULD walk on water for you
all that I ever wanted I found in you
this is my way of telling you
that it was so perfect
and yet so bittersweet but heavenly
I miss you so
I miss you - so?
missing never helps
I miss you so
I miss you - so?
missing never got me anywhere

COME here bathe in my eloquence
lie still let it wash over you
some things best left unrevealed
does it always have TO be you?
I know I know what i want
I know I know what i have
I know I don't have what I want
do you ever think of me?
you are BURNing holes in me
you are where you've always been
you make my skin crawl
as you crawl under my skin
they were only small dreams
but they were MY DREAMS
swallow chemical will to live
inducing forcefed happiness
I know what I want

You fall asleep as i WHISPER my stories
I leave you there, five storeys rush me by
when i'm gone YOU won't remember me, anyway
feel the chill, who left the window open?
in your sleep, you stir and idly wonder
where i went, or was it just a dream
when i'm gone you WON'T remember me, anyway
in the street, the noise is dying down
when i wake up it is still dark or is it dark already?
in these arms of self deceit
I am never over you
I know it by now
by the morning, everything's been cleaned up
and covered by the gently falling snow
when i'm gone you won't REMEMBER me, anyway
all that's lost remains forever so

I'm still here DESPITE myself and all I've done
just haven't found anywhere else to go
in my room the walls are closing in on me
or so it seems if i stare long enough
I wanna walk away i don't know what to believe anymore
HOW does it feel now to know i know now?
to find out that you're only human after all?
i'd fight the world single handed if i had to
but when i'm with YOU i'm so very fragile
and sometimes my SUFFERing makes me want to laugh
it's the way that i threw away the key
then again where's the beauty in breaking up?
where's the sense in drinking wine in smoking ruins?

I close MY eyes and the DREAMS' already forming
like a faithful friend on my side
always there and just beyond my reach
ENDLESS conversations that I've had with no one BUT myself
lighting candles in the pouring rain
ALL I ask for is some peace of mind
on reflection a thousand things all gone wrong
cling to every word we ever said just to find a place for everything
she's the fuel to these flames that char me every day
I cannot let my life be ruled by fears and LIES
when all I have now is myself
innocence depends on yourself
it's the way that you choose it to be
INNOCENCE depends on yourself
you can keep it from fading
you can keep it from fading away

Oh how the rose BLOOMS with its roots firmly in manure
was it really me throwing stones in a house made of glass, couldn't be
so you're leaving? go ahead THEN
all you take is everything
i'm not the one that FALLS or so i honestly thought now
we'll see how strong i am now we'll see how long i last
how good to know that i'm not on the edge anymore
i'm way over it by now, waiting to hit the floor
it's not the fall that hurts, no, it's what comes after that