Instrumental

So bring me the reasons for the thoughts that weigh me down and
Subsequently expose me to the guilt of forbidden allure
Tell me the origins of the behavior that has set the tone
for the altercations with my conscious identity

For I am nothing short of human
Therefore I'm prone to indulge these tainted conceptions

Returning to portals of my psychotic inertia
How crippling was the time when the house of cards fell apart
This time it was I who burned the structures to the ground
Unveiling the travesties derivative of my flaws abound

For I am nothing short of human
Therefore I'm prone to indulge these tainted perceptions
Fighting the urge to comply

I feel like I'm drawn down to the depths of emotional weakness
And I feel I can't help myself by negating the thoughts that draw me down to the abyss
I feel like I'm run down by the chaos of redefinition
That'll sweep all the rules around to constitute a striking fear of myself

Against the absolute values I previously cherished
This mockery of justice just is nothing I can rationalize
I traded the purity of my soul at the hour of weakness
However humane, such decadence of the mind I cannot sustain

For I am nothing short of human
Therefore I'm prone to indulge these tainted conceptions

I feel like I'm drawn down to the depths of emotional weakness
And I feel I can't help myself by negating the thoughts that draw me down to the abyss
I feel like I'm run down by the chaos of redefinition
That'll sweep all the rules around to constitute a striking fear of myself

Not to mention the questionable extents to which
I'm capable of veering the choices I make
But at the end of that road lies the only thing
That cannot be redeemed by any voice of reason

When you are bare naked before the surrounding world
The insecurities translate to turbulent and paralyzing fears
Dictating everything including your thoughts that foreshadow
Each and every single one of your deeds indefinitely

The path is wide open for the terrors that come in great numbers
Clad in psychotic misconceptions of perpetual abandonment
Deteriorating the defensive mechanisms
Until the self has no other way but commencing destruction

What are you able to do when you're going against yourself?
To betray your righteous self or fortify your inhibitions?
And then you know the doors are shut as you've closed them all by yourself
Whilst the depression peaks at yearning for full redemption

This vivid imagery of deception dominates all levels of thought
Blurring your perception of reality to delusional distraught
Feel the locks build upon one another, layer after layer
Until you feel safe enough while submitting to manic, reckless behavior

What are you able to do when you're going against yourself?
To betray your righteous self or fortify your inhibitions?
And then you know the doors are shut as you've closed them all by yourself
Whilst the depression peaks at yearning for full redemption

I remember the time everything was meaningful
All challenges to overcome with a dash of hand
This pact of divine alliance was to never decease
And we imagined nothing could destroy such peace

While temptations became the flesh of our enemies
The fear of loss overthrew all the reason
That was to uphold the grounds of our laws;
I foolishly gave in to the terrors of my flaws

This world breaks the best of us
And we find it out when it's too late
To all the love, we grow oblivious

This world takes the rest of us
And rewards them with the balance of mind
The depths of our suffering remain equal

True, I will ne'er be able to overthrow this disdain
Emerging from the righteous path of succumbing to endless pain
However yours must overpower the depths of my contrition
So would the downfall of my sanity constitute a valid perdition?

This world breaks the best of us
And we find it out when it's too late
To all the love, we grow oblivious (like it was never meant to be)

This world takes the rest of us
And rewards them with the balance of mind
The depths of our suffering remain equal (and we still fail)

So now enough time has passed
For me to understand the gravity of this treachery
I must submit myself to admit defeat
Transpire my travesties and take the fall

Revoke no reason and plead guilty
Instantiate humility by claiming the loss
At loss for words to console myself
From here on out it will only get worse

To seek solace among throes of this harrowing woe
Poses a fallacy upon the throne of moral code

The guilt trip of this kind although justified
Mutilates the mind without the help of psychic aid
Awaken symbols of defeat

While acknowledging the obvious flaws
In the patterns of my thought process
One must account the paradigms
That are my sanctuary from the helplessness

Even though I've truly earned this hell I'm in,
The self-preserving qualities take the best of me:
Waving flags of retreat inscribed with symbols of accepting defeat,
Loss and bereavement

But as it now seems unraveling my intimacy
Evokes a feeling of being undeserving of release
Awaken symbols of defeat

While acknowledging the obvious flaws
In the patterns of my thought process
One must account the paradigms
That are my sanctuary from the helplessness

Even though I've truly earned this hell I'm in,
The self-preserving qualities take the best of me:
Waving flags of retreat inscribed with symbols of accepting defeat,
Loss and bereavement

Here I am
Where regret paves way only for the terrors
Emerging from within the very confinements of who I am

The following words are those
Of a man with a heart in its right place
So would you please comprehend
this duality of a heinous shape

Autophobia - the extent of this is as of yet unknown
Autophobia - for the redemption of our woes
Autophobia

This time I opt to forfeit the rights
To defend myself by pleading guilty
Embracing my penalty as means
To seek redemption somewhere inside of me

Autophobia - awaken the white rage within

So whisper me no comforting words
For I haven't earned any of them
Abandon me to acquire bliss
Amid your future tides encompassing Zen

Autophobia - the extent of this is as of yet unknown
Autophobia - for the redemption of our woes

Weltschmerz

To understand the concept of love
And all that it means to oneself
Takes a contrast to the outside world
And what the others have defined

I can never be the person you need
But I can try to make it worthwhile
And it will be as genuine as it gets

All in all there is no right or wrong
Nor a compass to dictate my direction
In this maze of impulses, volition prevails
While discarding paths to redemption

I can never be the person you need
But I can try to make it worthwhile
And it will be as genuine as it gets
Because I know of nothing else

I'll try my very best to adapt to your needs
Even though there is no reward to this toil
Please give me all the keys to rediscover such integrity
For the sake of overcoming this mortal coil

Declining Deliverance

I've come aware of the flaws I see in me
And I can't blame if overlooking them was a difficulty
But no matter what you might believe - I can't get through to you

Being beaten out of empathy
I can't reciprocate such intensity
But I cannot take the extent of your suffering
For me the only way is to let it go

I am now blinded by a stampede of these bleak emotions
That'll torture the core of my being indefinitely
But no matter what you might believe - I can't get it through to you

Being beaten out of empathy
I can't reciprocate such intensity
But I cannot take the extent of your suffering
For me the only way is to let it go

But I am so ashamed I reject all possibilities - to balance the universe
Decline my deliverance at the face of my failure - I have earned nothing

This time
We come full circle
Reverse all the guilt
With which I had to carry on

This time
I express my gratitude
To whom I never addressed
Of the joy you've given me

This time
I confront the horror
Of the guilt I gave myself
Something I will never live by

All this quiet ease
Made of nothing but me
And what you all have given

I now understand
This was never my home
There was nothing you could've done

As of now
Until the memories of what I was
Clarify what I truly meant to you

Awaken redemption
To ridicule and strike me back
Down to dissonance