To the ones with golden hearts
To the ones with silken tongues
Spill their blood
No more innocence
I remember what once was
My demoness, she stood upon their necks
You are coldest winters
You are hell upon young lovers
Spill their blood no more
I'll take my hate
I'll take my hurt
I'll take her name straight to the fucking grave

Another day
Another night
Another heartache in this long goodbye
You were the meaning and you were the reason
To weather these storms
To keep singing to a corpse
For hopes of calmer seas and kinder waves
That would bring you drifting back to me
Still holding on
Still keeping lifted the door of your tomb
Living every moment, dying in search of you
Living
Dying
Living
Dying every moment
No hope
No fucking hope

Mother, I held your hand
My warmth left with yours
Eyes half open, I stared at the void
A haunting vision of where you now wander
Do my screams pierce the earth of your grave?
I am weak
So fucking weak
I just wanted to make you proud of me
Mother, can you feel the loneliness of a young boy naked and cold?
You were my only reason to be good and now you're gone
Cursed to drag your coffin
To always remember what will never return

In my heart there is a funeral
Ever dark and perpetual
In my heart it is permanent winter
Leaves gently falling upon your name
And everyday I return to embrace the headstone
Overgrown and broken
As these tears are falling
I sing to you every night from here

I know that you're gone my love
Never to return
The grave it keeps you like the ash within the urn
But if I had a needle and thread made of golden twine
I'd sew our hearts together dear
I'd sew your hand to mine

These sheets are an endless black sea
An ancient raven's plume
Carrying me over hell and over memory
As I'm obsessing over what you're doing and if you're thinking of me
I touch your name on the backlit screen
A familiar mistake I can't help but repeat
You'll pick up the phone
You'll roll your eyes
I'm falling apart again tonight

She touches me like a vet handling feral dogs
Just put me down
She scratches at my body like a rat sifting through trash
Legs spread wide as the wound
Is this how you truly see me and you?
I want to die
Another fleeting kiss
Another anguished fuck
Speaking love stitched in lies
I can't help but like the taste
Another night
Dear parasite
Another scar
Heart shaped

I heard you crying
A horrifying shriek that woke me in the morning before school
Darkness still covered the sky as Jesus wept upon my head
I went outside and found you half buried under a pear tree
I picked you up
You were covered in ants
They stung my hands
I put you in a box with food and water
I skipped school to keep you safe
You wouldn't eat you wouldn't drink
Too many times you went silent
I held you under the rain to hear you cry again
Any sign of life...
But soon the screams became louder
The shrieks more anguished
I knew the end was coming
Crumpled over I cried
I prayed to God
Please save this poor creature
Don't let it die in front of me
I put my finger your mouth
Teeth pierced my flesh
Your body twisted something grotesque
And I knew in that moment you were dead
I'm so sorry
The parasites that covered your body said they no longer wished to drink dead blood
Pour upon my arm
Cover my skin
Feast on me
They became my void
And as the swarm sound came flooding in...
I knew then that God doesn't exist
God doesn't exist
God doesn't exist
God doesn't exist
God doesn't exist

I've given into nothingness
Embrace the noose around my neck
I blame no one else
I've given up

I fucking hate myself

No one truly loves you
No one ever will
No one truly fucking loves you and no one ever will

My love was true
As deep as the wounds
As long as the days spent and the nights suffered in fever dreams of you
Gold tarnished under the light of a black sun
Breathing life into what should stay dead
I'll ascend a tower of our broken bones and sit upon a throne of heartache
I hope these ropes will give me solace
I hope these knives will bring her back to life

I will wait by the grave
As those old ghosts drag you back to this place
And I stand still
In that worn out suit
Clutching flowers rotten and wilted
Smile faded in the summer heat
Eyes darkened in your heart's fatigue
How they lost their light
How I long to see them one last time
To hold your hand in mine
And it all reminds me of how our seasons changed to black and grey
How those brilliant yellows and blues did fade away
As our halo fell and our kingdom turned to dust
I still remember those words

"Sometimes love isn't enough"

Music is my god now
Grind, oh king of kings
Pound their fucking Christ to dust
Church of noise
Holy ground
Turn their fucking crosses upside down

I had a dream that I was the eulogist at my own funeral
with this to say:

"He is a liar, his soul is poisoned, his flesh is weak, he only hurts the ones he loves.
Upon the pews I see his mother, his father. Look at your son and see his broken dreams, his past in violent shades of red, his failures piled atop his chest, his future as it amounts to nothing."
All has left me
All has rotted
Farewell